Heroes are born at karaoke bars (1155 hits)
Category: HumorLabels: drunk
Rating: 1.64 on 42 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by SunnyG (View user info) at 2007-08-23 22:09:09 EDT
A karaoke bar. A place designed for groups of giggling freshmen sorority girls to go and drink themselves silly and sing Shania Twain or Destiny's Child. If I had to choose between a KKK rally or a karaoke bar, I'd be getting my ass lynched right now.
This particular night however my friends insisted that we all go. Particularly this young bird named 'Kathy'. Kathy had nice breastises. I like breastises. So I went.
Thankfully I made drinking a priority when I got in. When the shrieking known as 'singing' began, and the girls were already in their fifth rendition of "Independent Woman", I didn't care. They could have serenaded me with that shit all night.
I lay my best game on Kathy in my inebriated state.
"Heyyyyy Kathy....do you like sideburnsss? Because there are some gentlemen here tonight with some fantastic sideburnsssss"
I can't believe I'm still single.
She giggled, and gave me a little punch on the shoulder. I'm guessing she liked sideburns.
The karaoke dude who was taking the requests and names for people singing stood up after the 'singers' stepped down from the stage.
"OK! Thank you ladies for that lovely performance", he began.
"YEAH LADIES! TAKE OFF YOUR BOOBS!", I yelled out.
Take off your boobs? Whatever, it works
The dude didn't look too impressed, neither did the other 30 somethings in the bar.
"Anyways, our next performance is by....Sunny. Sunny step forward to the stage please".
I laughed. Sunny, sounds like a douche. I informed my friend of this, who kindly reminded me my name is Sunny.
A look of terror swept my drunken face. No. This can't be. My table was smiling at me, and I thought I would clear something up.
"Well come on, I didn't even submit my name. There must be some misunderstanding!"
I looked around for approval and nods; negative.
How could this be?
I approached the stage apprehensively. My table was trying their best not to laugh.
Matt did this. That bastard. When I get out of here I am going to break my foot off in his ass
"Um, sir, what song am I singing?"
"Mr. Bombastic, by Shaggy"
"OH FUCKING WONDERFUL, ISN'T IT? SHAGGY I TELL YOU!", I looked back at my table, and visualized their violent deaths.
Before I could even remember what a shit festival of a song Mr. Bombastic was, the music began and the lyrics began appearing on the screen in front of me.
For those of you who haven't had the privilege of listening to Shaggy, let me tell you something about singing Mr. Bombastic while drunk:
1. It is fast
2. It is shit
3. Don't do it while drunk, or you might just fuck up some lyrics and end up improvising shit with dance moves
" Mr. Lover lover, Mr. Lover lover, girl, Mr. Lover lover. She call me Mr. Boombastic say me fantastic, touch me in me back she say I'm Mr. Ro...mantic"
The crowd seemed to approve. So I did what all rap stars do during shows.
"YO, Y'ALL KNOW DA WORDS SING A LONG! GIVE IT UP!"
The crowd began clapping. I began to perfect my Jamaican rapping accent and started flashing gang signs that might or might not have been real to the crowd.
"Well you ah the bun and me ah the cheese. And if me ah the rice well you ah the peas. YE BABY SHOW ME LOVE!"
I began to wind like they do on BET. My friend later told me it was like, "Watching a Bollywood nightmare come to life. You looked like a snake charmer having a seizure."
When I finished the song, the crowd erupted in applause and cheers.
I grabbed my crotch, and hid a smile behind a sneer.
What it do baby. At this point I wished I had a collar to pop to finish the entire "tool" effect I had just put on for everyone.
Kathy was giving me doe eyes as I made my way back to the table. I was getting hi-fives everywhere. People were buying me drinks. I was the man for the entire night. It was a hip-hop performance never to be forgotten.
To top it off; I had an entire night of passionate lovemaking*
*Actually, I offered to sign her breasts. When she refused, I called her a lesbian, and hit on her friend. Line up ladies, I'm one in a million.
To finish this off SPT style, the following is a camwhore of me during the last "Mustache March Madness". Yes bitches, Rugby boys grow mustaches every March. ZULU WARRIOR!
User Reviews
Submitted by BJ-theGreat (user info) at 2008-07-03 10:54:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is hysterical.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-08-29 12:31:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
my friends did that to me once too.
only not mr. bombastic.
yeah - they made me sing Shania. *weeeps* in a hip-hop crowd... *sob*
everyone was linedancing after the first stanza - so it couldn't have been that bad, right?
Also - I now understand more about several of the photoshops I've seen this week.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2007-08-25 00:16:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nice. i did neil diamond one time and nobody clapped.
i do a kickass neil.
Submitted by SunnyG (user info) at 2007-08-24 23:36:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by azurefroz (user info) at 2007-08-24 17:04:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by SunnyG (user info) at 2007-08-24 16:15:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
wait a minute...if azurefroz is sico...did we just spam some poor chap's livejournal telling him to kill himself?
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Yes, yes you did. I stole his account :(
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YOU MONSTER!! I AM DRUNK!!!
Submitted by azurefroz (user info) at 2007-08-24 17:04:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by SunnyG (user info) at 2007-08-24 16:15:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
wait a minute...if azurefroz is sico...did we just spam some poor chap's livejournal telling him to kill himself?
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Yes, yes you did. I stole his account :(
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-08-24 15:30:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Consider it done!
Submitted by SunnyG (user info) at 2007-08-24 15:11:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-08-24 15:06:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by SunnyG (user info) at 2007-08-24 12:29:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-08-24 09:05:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Heh.
Are you the new tenor for the Be Sharps?
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Bob, the night we all dressed like that was one to remember. We were stopping cars in downtown traffic singing 'Baby on Board' to anyone who would listen. We're a jolly bunch.
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AND YOU DIDN'T CALL ME TO JOIN IN ON THIS REVELRY?!?
FOR SHAME
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Well captain grow your mustache for next march, and get your game face on.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-08-24 15:06:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by SunnyG (user info) at 2007-08-24 12:29:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-08-24 09:05:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Heh.
Are you the new tenor for the Be Sharps?
------------
Bob, the night we all dressed like that was one to remember. We were stopping cars in downtown traffic singing 'Baby on Board' to anyone who would listen. We're a jolly bunch.
----------------------
AND YOU DIDN'T CALL ME TO JOIN IN ON THIS REVELRY?!?
FOR SHAME
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-08-24 15:01:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by SunnyG (user info) at 2007-08-24 12:29:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-08-24 09:05:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Heh.
Are you the new tenor for the Be Sharps?
------------
Bob, the night we all dressed like that was one to remember. We were stopping cars in downtown traffic singing 'Baby on Board' to anyone who would listen. We're a jolly bunch.
Submitted by SunnyG (user info) at 2007-08-24 11:58:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you guessed it! That is, when the frat boys aren't getting their asses kicked for being idiots.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-08-24 11:51:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by SunnyG (user info) at 2007-08-24 11:26:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-08-24 10:29:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Some dipshit said I look like you (read: I look like an Indian man), which is really the only reason why I started reading your posts. Luckily, your posts are amusing, so it all worked out.
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You think that's bad? Try going to parties where all people say is "DUDE, YOU LOOK LIKE THE GUY FROM HAROLD AND KUMAR HAHAHA!"
Or, "LOOK! IT'S TAJ FROM VAN WILDER!"
I do admit when clean shaven I look somewhat like him, but it's still a piss off because he's a shit actor.
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Let me guess... white college boys in Sperrys. Wait, do the frat boys wear Sperrys in Canada too?
That guy was the shit in that one Law and Order episode. I guess you've got that going for you.
Submitted by SunnyG (user info) at 2007-08-24 11:26:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-08-24 10:29:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Some dipshit said I look like you (read: I look like an Indian man), which is really the only reason why I started reading your posts. Luckily, your posts are amusing, so it all worked out.
-----
You think that's bad? Try going to parties where all people say is "DUDE, YOU LOOK LIKE THE GUY FROM HAROLD AND KUMAR HAHAHA!"
Or, "LOOK! IT'S TAJ FROM VAN WILDER!"
I do admit when clean shaven I look somewhat like him, but it's still a piss off because he's a shit actor.
Submitted by SunnyG (user info) at 2007-08-24 11:24:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-08-24 09:26:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for posting a Camwhore that will probably open a Pandora's Box of racial fun. You did realize that, right? It'll be interesting which one will stick (as in Beaner, Goomba, Apu). Dude.
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I was one of 5 minorities at my high school. I'm used to it. It's all in good fun...if you can't laugh at racial slurs then what CAN you laugh at?
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-08-24 10:29:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Some dipshit said I look like you (read: I look like an Indian man), which is really the only reason why I started reading your posts. Luckily, your posts are amusing, so it all worked out.
Submitted by Newty (user info) at 2007-08-24 10:20:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by justagirl27 (user info) at 2007-08-24 09:54:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by azurefroz (user info) at 2007-08-24 09:52:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Do you live in Realadelphia?
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2007-08-24 09:28:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
rerun dance.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-08-24 09:26:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for posting a Camwhore that will probably open a Pandora's Box of racial fun. You did realize that, right? It'll be interesting which one will stick (as in Beaner, Goomba, Apu). Dude.
Why does the guy behind you look like he's getting ready to touch his man-nips?
Now how about a nice rendition of 'Sweet Adeline?'
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2007-08-24 09:06:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"my heroes have always been cowboys"
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-08-24 09:05:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Heh.
Are you the new tenor for the Be Sharps?
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-08-24 07:49:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
see if someone signed me up for karaoke i'd actually walk out or kill them right then and there if they insisted on dragging me up.
karaoke = japanese for empty bucket.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-08-24 06:57:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Good write.
And, BONUS! Since nobody asked, I'll tell you my opinion on Karaoke.
Karaoke is like front wheel drive or buttsex. Some people like it, but it ain't natural.
Submitted by gandhi (user info) at 2007-08-24 05:39:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm never gonna dance again. :(
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-08-24 05:38:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I did karoeke once and sung a wurzels song(Look it up kids) and threw up a jug of wine.
The crowd went wild.
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-08-24 05:29:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-08-24 04:43:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
DON'T TALK TO ME ABOUT KARAOKE.
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2007-08-24 01:06:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You're not white?!?! And to think I +2 you before
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-08-24 00:44:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
heyyyyyyyy
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2007-08-24 00:03:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by SunnyG (user info) at 2007-08-23 23:23:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2007-08-23 23:02:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-1 for being a mexican
-1 for using the word 'breastises', when you clearly love the cock.
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Re: Mexican - OMG U RACIST
Re: Breastises - I think u r just jealousy of me.
oh sico, gotta love your shenanigans. Who the hell won that 3 sentence 1 picture contest anyway??
_________________
You Know something SunnyG?
YOU ALRIGHT... For a MEXICAN
Submitted by SunnyG (user info) at 2007-08-23 23:41:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by seiryuu (user info) at 2007-08-23 23:34:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Was Kathy and her breastisies your friend?
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Only I may speak of her hooters.
Submitted by seiryuu (user info) at 2007-08-23 23:34:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Was Kathy and her breastisies your friend?
Submitted by Lambchop (user info) at 2007-08-23 23:24:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by SunnyG (user info) at 2007-08-23 23:23:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2007-08-23 23:02:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-1 for being a mexican
-1 for using the word 'breastises', when you clearly love the cock.
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Re: Mexican - OMG U RACIST
Re: Breastises - I think u r just jealousy of me.
oh sico, gotta love your shenanigans. Who the hell won that 3 sentence 1 picture contest anyway??
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-08-23 23:12:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2007-08-23 23:02:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-1 for being a mexican
-1 for using the word 'breastises', when you clearly love the cock.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-08-23 23:00:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2007-08-23 22:44:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nice outfit
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-08-23 22:21:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was going to tell one of my two karaoke stories, but I didn't want to let anybody know that I ever did karaoke. Let me just say: Second place.
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2007-08-23 22:19:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Filename
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-08-23 22:18:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment