UGR: This New Moon Shines (760 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.5 on 37 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by katy (View user info) at 2007-08-23 22:47:07 EDT
Jim woke up on a sunny Monday early afternoon. The beach he woke up on was pristine, the sky blue, the breeze off the sea was crisp and salty. He sat up and absent-mindedly brushed some sand off his knee and looked around. His hair and clothes were dry and his skin was more than mildly sunburned on the side of his face that hadn't laid the last few hours in the dune.
Standing up, Jim stretched and tried to get a bearing on where and when he was. The last he remembered he was just polishing off a bottle of shiraz on Isaac's boat and contemplating passing out on the deck under the stars. He tried to figure out how long he'd been out. Judging by his thirst Jim guessed it couldn't have been more than a night. Where was Isaac? Where was Sam? Where was the goddamned boat?
"Where the hell am I?"
He looked up and down the beach. If there were footprints in the sand they were indistinguishable from the normal dips and peaks of the shore. He didn't see any sign of the boat either. No life jacket, no debris, no drifting bits of fiberglass letting him know if it had smashed itself against any rocks. No sign of the boat in the water either. No silhouette in the horizon of a two sails and a hull.
Turning in toward the island Jim looked up and down at his surroundings. There was a steep jagged cliff with a cave where he'd washed up. Maybe a quarter mile to his left a forest began. He couldn't tell how big the island was from here. The edge of the cliff ran into the ocean and ended in a mini atoll of rocks and waves and the forest and beach seemed to stretch until forever.
Jim thought the cave would be the best place to start. At least if he found nothing it could be a shelter. He walked up the sand to where it became rocky, then picked his way shoelessly and slowly through the rocks leading to the cave. The water didn't lap this far up the shore. That was a good thing. From what he could tell it was near high tide, that meant the cave didn't flood.
The mouth was low and wide. Not so low he had to duck but wide enough for the small stream running out through the middle while leaving room to walk on either side. Jim walked a little ways into the dimness and bent down and tested the water. Fresh.
"At least there's that," he said to no one in particular, not even himself. He drank his fill and continued exploring. His eyes began to adjust to the fading light and looking deeper into the abyss he decided this would be best completed after he had light. Making his way back to the shore he tried to note the outline to see if it rang a bell with his memory of the charts and maps he'd seen in the past few days on the boat. Nothing.
Getting back on the sand he made his way up towards the edge of the forest and walked up the line trying to discern any measure of a path cut in. Something that told him people went here. Jim trudged through the sand for nearly two hours before he gave up. He hadn't even made it to the other side of the cliff. He figured at his normal walking pace he'd just walked seven or eight miles and not seen anything telling him the place was inhabited by a single human being. On top of that, he still hadn't seen signs of a shattered boat or his possibly dead friends.
He looked at the sun and decided that he probably had a few hours until full darkness and should probably work on a fire if not food. The island was a standard deserted tropical island from what he could tell. What he couldn't understand is how an island seemingly so large could be empty or so silent. Not even a gull floated on the air currents above him. Only the wind in the trees and the lapping of the ocean as the tide moved back out.
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The sun set over Jim and his bonfire. It kept the mosquitos away and gave him some feeling of safety. He'd found wood and made the fire easily enough, but hadn't seen anything resembling edible vegetation. Even trees he knew to be fruit trees were barren. He let himself be hypnotized by the fire and lay back. Looking up into the stars he noted the moon was in the last quarter. Probably not more than a day or two from the new moon by his reckoning. Jim didn't expect cub scouts to come in handy like this.
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Gunshots woke him up suddenly. At first he thought it was the sound of a log in the fire but looking into the sand pit there was nothing but smoldering ash waiting to die. It was a rifle for sure. One solid cracking report echoing around the trees. It was close. The sky had barely turned from pitch black to beginning to lighten.
He quickly pushed sand over the fire and smothered it. He briefly attempted to make it look like he hadn't been there but another shot shattering the early morning peace sent him running for anything that looked like it would hide him. There was a rock partially in the water. He crouched low behind it leaving only his head and one arm out of the warm, dark water.
Someone came bursting through the tree line onto the beach. It was a man running full speed to the water. Jim heard another crack and the man went down and clutched the back of his thigh. Jim could almost smell the blood, sweat and fear pouring off the man.
He needed to see. Jim moved around the rock and lowered himself into the water until only his eyes were out. He saw two men in dark clothes with guns come jogging out of the woods. The target just knelt on all fours in the sand, holding his leg, groaning in defeat. Jim stared trying to see if it was one of his friends but didn't dare make himself known to either party. The armed men took the wounded under his arms and dragged him back up the beach and back into the woods. When Jim heard the initial crash into the underbrush he came out from behind the rock and listened. Nothing.
Following the drag marks back up the beach he stood at the edge of the forest contemplating his safety. Should he stay by the shore and hope for rescue or should he hope that the men somehow gave him an avenue of escape from the island? He plunged into the green darkness. Dewey leaves and vines slapped him in the face. He tried to move as quietly as possible but like all forests the dead leaves and sticks threatened to send out the alarm of his presence. Every step of his bare feet on the forest floor had the potential to send him screaming in sudden pain. His eyes slowly adjusted to the nebulous darkness of the forest but as he left the rising sun behind it became harder and harder to tell if he was even following them any more.
Jim squatted down low against a tree to think. As he did, he noticed a bullet casing. A 9mm or a .45, no real difference. It was bent and the metal cylinder had started to tear at the folds. He picked it up and put it in his pocket. He heard noise. A shuffling sound in the slowly illuminating forest. A mist was forming along the ground. He heard two gunshots in rapid succession, close enough to make his ears hurt for a second. He crouched low and moved towards it on hands and knees.
The sky was now gray above him.
He didn't see the rifle butt come down to his brow. The world disappeared in a flash of white light and red.
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When he next woke he was in a cage of some sort. It was night again but the camp was brilliantly lit with electric torches and lanterns but Jim's cage was on the outskirts, half sheathed in darkness. He could see at least two dozen men in dark clothes carrying out various duties. There were some ATVs parked near some tents. There was a man in the cage adjoined to his. He was staring at Jim as if he'd waited all evening for the pleasure of his company.
"What's your name?" the man said.
"Jim."
"The dragged you in about 5am I think. How'd you get here?"
Jim thought for a moment. He tested his memory seeing if anything about the night after the wine came clear. "Haven't the slightest idea," he said, laughing a little. "Who're you?"
"Dan's a good a name as any I guess. You kinda stumbled onto a little secret here. I don't think they're going to let you go."
"Where are we?"
"A little ways off Mexico about halfway to Cuba."
"There's no uninhabited islands this big between them though," Jim pointed out.
"It doesn't really matter whether or not you believe me, that's where we are. I know how I got here, you might as well trust me that I know that much."
"How did you get here?"
Before the man could answer, one of the guardsmen came over and put a cattle prod into Dan's cage. His body writhed with the electric pain. The guard put the stick to him two more times and then walked away saying nothing. Dan passed out and Jim was left to wonder what the hell was going on.
He listened to the men around him. They spoke English, with American accents from what he could tell. There were several cages around the camp. He noticed a bottle of water in his cage and a dish like a dog bowl attached to the side. He picked up the water and drank it. Even if it was poisoned it'd probably kill him just as quick not drinking. The cage was a little under 5' in each direction. A barred cube that he couldn't even stretch his 6'2" frame let alone stand up in. The soldiers or whatever they were, the gunmen, moved about. Some were stacking things, some were going in and out of tents, faces mostly obscured by the lantern-cast shadows, some just observed the area holding their guns ready.
"Hey!" Jim shouted. He couldn't see how it would really get much worse. "Hey! What's going on? Where am I?" The guardsman with the cattle prod visited Jim's cage and he stopped shouting.
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Jim awoke again. Dan wasn't in the cage next to him. He didn't seem to be in any of the cages anywhere in sight either. Another bottle of water had replaced the one he'd emptied. He didn't think they'd let him out to take a leak so he rolled to the edge of the cage and pissed between the bars. No one seemed to notice. There was some cold oatmeal in the dog dish with a spoon jammed into it. Jim was starving. He rationalized against poisoning again telling himself that if he didn't eat at all it wouldn't matter either.
About three bites into his breakfast the door was opened and he was pulled out of the cage. Arms behind zip tied behind him he was marched to a tent with a rifle poking just where his rib cage ended. A man who looked about in his 60s was sitting at a plain folding table. Neat but not military orderly he sat with his hands folded. Dark brown wool sweater over black pants. In a tropical heat and he wasn't even breaking a sweat. Jim was sat roughly in the chair opposite him. Remembering the earlier encounter Jim chose not to speak.
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Night fell again. The stars weren't visible over the cast of the electric torches. The conversation this morning ran through Jim's head. He had told them he didn't know where he was. That was a half-truth maybe. He wasn't sure he could believe Dan or not. He doubted they believed him. he doubt they'd let him live for too much longer. He took the bullet casing out of his pocket. The run to the trees around camp was only about 20 feet. Bending and twisting the metal he broke off two pieces lengthwise and then unfolded the rest of the expired cartridge into one long straight piece with a circle in the middle.
The dog bowl was stupidly placed near the lock on the cage. He used this as a distraction as he picked the lock. He slowly spooned the slightly fresher oatmeal into his mouth while his other hand worked the makeshift pick. A click and he was free. The door opened outward into the campground so he didn't swing it wide and make a dash. Jim had watched the camp all day trying to discern which way the beach was. He knew if he could make it to the water he had a chance at swimming to some of the outlying rocks and slowly making his way back towards the cave. After that he had no clue but it was a start. He waited for the guard to turn his head just a little.
Jim swung the door just wide enough to clear it and bolted for the trees. As he got a few feet past the camp into the forest he heard the first shots ring out. Loud swearing followed by shouting and then the crashing of men through trees as they followed him. Jim ran. His bare feet bleeding his steps into the forest floor. Limbs and vines clutched and swatted at his face and body as he bolted into the forest, hoping the heavy clothes and gear would give them just enough drag that he could out run them. He couldn't out run the bullets though. Those he just prayed found their way into the trees.
Up ahead he saw the break in trunks signaling the beach. The sky beyond was just barely lighter than the black outline of the trees he saw it through. He exploded out of the forest and hit the uneven sand at his fastest sprint. He nearly immediately twisted his ankle. A loud pop and a painful wrench sent him sprawling face first into the sand, catching a mouthful as he went. Jim got up and tried to run. He pulled himself forward on his arms and one good leg as if he were a three-legged dog. The men came through to the sand.
One of them shouted at him to stop, "We can see you're hurt, you might as well stop." Jim kept going. They shot him in his good leg, in the thigh. He felt the bullet move through his femur and fell screaming to his side. His two keepers walked slowly to him telling Jim how stupid he was. Explaining what would happen now.
One of them reached down to grab an arm and Jim twisted away, pulling free a knife sheathed on the man's side. Before the guard knew what happened Jim had jammed the knife into the the man's thigh, nicking the femoral artery. His accomplice pushed Jim over and stomped his hand with a heavy boot, shattering the fingers. Putting the rifle to Jim's throat he pulled the trigger just once.
As Jim's blood drowned him and bubbled up into his mouth he looked up. The black yet luminescent outline of the new moon sat heavy in the sky.
User Reviews
Submitted by bruzwuld (user info) at 2007-11-08 11:14:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Having read just the first paragraph, I quickly realised that was indeed more than enough.
Submitted by DIS (user info) at 2007-09-20 11:44:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Here is your sympathy zero in return. And no, like you, I didnt read past the first paragraph.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-08-28 14:04:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This will be the first and last -2 you'll see in this contest - whereas Shlongy is subjected to approximately 47 -2's per submission - so ENJOY THIS ONE.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-08-27 05:35:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good stuff, but it could use some work.
Y'know, it's a lot harder to 'pick a lock' than most people think, especially with an improvised pick. It sounds like you were trying to give your protagonist an interesting background, but nothing ever really came of it. To me, if you're going to make your main character have neat-o skillz (like picking locks and knowing how to slice someone up but good), you should maybe explain how he/she came to learn them? Also, the ending seemed a bit rushed (I have this problem too). I was sort of hoping for a 'Deux Ex Machina'-type of ending. Bullet-in-the-head bit just left me feeling a little cheated.
Still, I enjoyed it, so +2 for you.
Submitted by beat_raven (user info) at 2007-08-27 04:02:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-08-24 17:09:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-08-24 11:41:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you know i was wondering if someone was gonna mention the lost thing.
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Any time there's beach, forest, guns, cages you'll likely get that. I don't mean to imply I think it's derivative, just reminds me is all.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-08-24 15:10:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-08-24 15:03:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought this was really good, ancillary details or not.
Submitted by lover101 (user info) at 2007-08-24 13:48:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-08-24 13:17:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't read this, only because you said you were writing a story about werewolves (I personally don't like them), but apparently this was good.
Submitted by For_Pony (user info) at 2007-08-24 12:26:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I agree with kaos_king in that I had no idea what was going on and it was never resolved. I was just as clueless in the beginning as I was in the end.
+1 for an excellent (if under-fleshed) premise. I would definitely love to see this story filled out and continued.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-08-24 12:07:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Crap, Kaos, sorry. Yes, I read it right the way through, and yeah, a lot of shit went down in your story.
Bosh. Ehm. Yes, I've read your entry. Well done.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-08-24 12:00:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i liked this quite a lot. there were a few minor problems like this:
It was night again but the camp was brilliantly lit with electric torches and lanterns but Jim's cage was on the outskirts, half sheathed in darkness.
really minor.the story itself drew me in and i thought concluded fine. this is jim's storywho cares about all the ancilary stuff? ok i could be curious too but this was good.
oh and i felt that i fulfilled the action requirement.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-08-24 11:41:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you know i was wondering if someone was gonna mention the lost thing. i've only seen about half of one episode and i didn't get it. after i finished writing it i kind of realized what i wrote and was expecting comments of lost, survivor and whatever that tom hanks movie was where he was stranded. my memory's been really really shit lately. castaway? cast off? whatever.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-08-24 11:26:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I agree with Kaos in that it's obviously undone, but you are writing for a title and nothing says you can't write the next chapter.
It reminded ME of Lost. Beach, forest, guns and cages will do that though.
Well written, as always.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-08-24 11:10:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I just realized that this was a contest entry for one of those contests where you have to write around a title. They're a bitch to do.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-08-24 09:25:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-08-24 09:14:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
For somereason this reminded me of Gilligan's Island.
Gilligan and The Skipper were secret gay lovers.
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sweeeeeet.
no problem kaos. i started it and had no idea where to go with it. just rambling.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-08-24 09:20:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Katy, you know I love you and I hate to ruin the streak, but...
This just doesn't feel finished at all. It's one thing to leave the reader with some questions, but I have absolutely no idea what the fuck was going on here. You managed to capture a great mood, a great vibe... but gave no substance along with the flavor. And that file name helps me out not a bit. What about Gitmo? That just made me more confused.
And Fey...
Didn't you read the last 7 pages of MY entry? ACTION!!! ADVENTURE!!!
What? It was a 20 page story and few people could be arsed to finished it?
Oohhh...
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-08-24 09:14:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
For somereason this reminded me of Gilligan's Island.
Gilligan and The Skipper were secret gay lovers.
Submitted by azurefroz (user info) at 2007-08-24 09:11:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-08-24 08:56:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by supadupapupa (user info) at 2007-08-24 04:44:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What was going on????
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filename. sorta.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-08-24 08:39:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-08-24 04:20:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The story is only a +1.
The other +1 is for being the only person so far to follow the genre set.
--
have you even SEEN my entry?!?!
ps this was real good
Submitted by jamowilly40 (user info) at 2007-08-24 08:16:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I enjoyed the twist.
Submitted by supadupapupa (user info) at 2007-08-24 04:44:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What was going on????
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-08-24 04:20:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The story is only a +1.
The other +1 is for being the only person so far to follow the genre set.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-08-24 04:11:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-08-24 16:47:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Occasional clunkiness, but rather good.
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The post, or her skillz?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-08-24 02:47:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Occasional clunkiness, but rather good.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-08-24 02:45:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by cyberpenguin (user info) at 2007-08-24 02:18:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I really enjoyed this, didn't see the ending coming. Good work.
Submitted by Rejection (user info) at 2007-08-24 01:15:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You win.
Submitted by kimberly (user info) at 2007-08-24 01:01:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2007-08-24 00:18:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't, in good conscience, cheat for hikoomaiku, even though he is my friend. This one is better.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-08-23 23:12:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2007-08-23 23:09:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sometimes the Simpsons quotes are freakishly appropriate:
That's weird. It's like something out of that twilighty show about
that zone.
-- Homer Simpson
Treehouse of Horror VI
Submitted by SunnyG (user info) at 2007-08-23 23:00:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WTF IM NOT READING ALL THAT!
But i did. Good show.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-08-23 23:00:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fantastic
Submitted by AllyJeans (user info) at 2007-08-23 22:55:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jim Nightshade was a badass. All Jim's remind me of the scamp.