Unemployed? Looking For A Meaningful Career? (393 hits)
Category: Politics -> RepublicansRating: -1 on 3 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Dean Walcott <ua_marine.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2007-08-25 03:05:18 EDT
WORK IN THE EXCITING FIELD OF KILLING STRANGERS FOR NO DAMNED REASON!!!!!
THAT'S RIGHT! Positions are NOW OPEN for the oldest branch of American terrorism; The United States Marine Corps!
Are you tired of never getting yelled at? Are you fed up with being treated decently by your peers? Would you like to join an oppressive branch of the DoD, be told you're worthless, AND not be able to quit? The USMC may be the right choice for YOU!
No matter WHO you are, there is a career in the Marines tailor made for you;
MOS 0151: Paper Bitch
MOS 0251: State-Sanctioned Torturer
MOS 0311: Child Murderer
MOS 0511: Ineptitude Specialist
MOS 0811: Long Distance Child Murderer
MOS 9999: Total Douche Bag
And there are PLENTY more where that comes from! The job you can have in the USMC is limited only by the imagination of a criminal branch of the American government!
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS:
'What about the pay?' So glad you asked! To answer your question...it sucks ass! In keeping with the tradition of 'being tough', your pay will be extremely low, so you, too, will get to have the experience and benefit of living well below the poverty level, and being forced to dine on chow hall 'food', which has all the texture and flavor of raw sewage!
'Will I be beaten in boot camp?' Not at all! And by, 'not at all!', I mean, 'On a daily basis!'. We employ drill instructors who all have either small winkies, or Short Angry Man Syndrome (Sometimes, both!). You will get to be beaten up with all of the ferocity of an inner city gang rape!
'Will this career improve my self-worth?' HELL, NO! You will be made to do slave labor by others who also had a hard time when they started off, and they see NO REASON to not pass the "Asshole Card" on to you! You'll be assigned to cleaning other peoples' offices (because they are lazy rat bastards), unclogging toilets with your bare hands, AND doing other evil biddings! You can't lose!
So, if you are looking to work in an awful job, with shitty pay, get screamed at every 13.2 minutes, with terrible hours, no benefits, PLUS we get to give your soul a beast raping, contact your nearest Marine Corps recruiter, and get started on your path to participating in a facist regime, and the destruction of humanity, TODAY!
User Reviews
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-08-25 03:11:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I know two former Marines (well...once a Marine always a Marine, they say), and they are both exceedingly decent people.
Submitted by kuroneko_sama (user info) at 2007-08-25 03:08:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
what is your malfunction?
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-08-25 03:06:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I think somebody needs a tissue for their pussy tears.