My Foreskin takes on a Venus Fly Trap (794 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.4 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jon (View user info) at 2007-08-29 22:09:07 EDT
Last month, I decided my life is becoming a mundane blur of work and sleep.
I decided enough is enough. I'd had it with being a slave to a corporate culture of greed and politics. It was time to free myself and truly let go of all those things that bound me to my desk for so many hours. I decided to break-out... to get free! I decided... it was time to get circumcized.
Now, circumcision is much more painful than it looks. When I watched videos of it online I though it would be like getting a haircut. Instead, it hurt so badly that I tasted almonds for three hours afterwards. Why almonds... I don't know.
The funny thing was, they put the foreskin in a test tube and let me take it home. I took it out of the test tube and put it on my windowsill to get some air, right next to Fuckstick, my Venus Flytrap. I decided to name my foreskin "Beldar", after the father in the movie Coneheads.
Fuckstick, my Venus Fly Trap, eyed Beldar from the start. I could tell Fuckstick did not like Beldar one bit. Beldar with his cocky presence had no place on Fuckstick's windowsill. Day by day I watched Fuckstick grow more and more into Beldar's direction. The ballsy cock Beldar is, didn't flinch...
Eventually, I quit paying attention to Fuckstick's slow attack on Beldar for windowsill supremecy. About a week after the two had become neighbors, Beldar disappeared. One of Fuckstick's mouths... drooped down toward the floor like the women from Africa's tits on the Discovery channel.
I decided to pay more attention to the war at this point. I also considered starting to take pictures of this to possibly have published in a scientific periodical. I had no idea what was going to happen next, but what did happen... astounded me...
The next day I awoke to see fuckstick's stem and mouth that had eaten my foreskin standing at full attention. Not only had it extended to a full 7 inches, but it had grown in girth, and had pulsating veins sticking out of it. It had turned from green into a more... purplish color.
At first I just thought... "how interesting", and patiently waited day by day for Fuckstick to die. But, erect in defiance, Fuckstick refused. How the hell was I going to get this damn plant to calm the fuck down?? It looked like it was about to pop, and the rest of the plant looked malnurished from expending all of it's glucose into its mission of getting one of its stems laid.
Then it hit me... porn.
I looked up "pornography" on the "internet" and sat Fuckstick at my desk. Fuckstick sat facing my monitor... quiverring.
I started the video, turned off the light and left the room. I came back after 30 minutes and opened the door.
It looked like there was a strobe light turned on. I quickly saw why...
My monitor had a hole in the center of the screen. The glass had spider-webbed out from it. Fuckstick lied on his side, withered. Dirt was all over my keyboard. I looked closely at Fuckstick's mouth and saw a satisfied grin.
Then... I saw Beldar. Embedded in the center of my computer monitor... without a scratch.
Foreskin - 1
Plant - 0
User Reviews
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-10-12 00:26:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
foreskin - always up to no good
Submitted by NintendoCzar (user info) at 2007-08-31 05:28:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I saw this last night and forgot to rate it. Thank coin heaven my work blocks EVERYTHING but Uber or else you would never have gotten this +2...
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2007-08-30 15:54:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this was awesome
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-08-30 12:58:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 coneheads
"I am Dr. Remulak"
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-08-30 11:07:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-08-30 10:54:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-08-30 10:12:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You're from France, right?
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-08-30 10:04:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-08-30 08:57:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahahahahaha
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2007-08-30 06:01:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
"Fuckstick lied on his side"
That's inexcusable.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-08-30 02:59:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this conversation shall be continued at a later date. sleep is a priority right now.
Submitted by steph (user info) at 2007-08-30 02:56:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-08-30 02:55:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
its the gross part of my cock that's gone. what's left is a beautiful and triumphant remnant. it's the stuff they build monuments for.
Submitted by HateMudkips (user info) at 2007-08-30 02:41:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Actually, having part of your dick chopped off is gross.
OMG infant cosmetic surgery! LOL
"i didnt want to fuck you either, then.
foreskins ruin porn for me. theyre gross. "
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-08-30 02:35:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HateMudkips (user info) at 2007-08-30 01:27:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hope you didn't really get 'cut'.
I may be American, and female, but after a lovely experience at the age of 20 with a Natural Male, I find myself rather disgusted with mutilated members.
Foreskin=FUCK ME!
--------
i didnt want to fuck you either, then.
foreskins ruin porn for me. theyre gross.
Submitted by HateMudkips (user info) at 2007-08-30 01:27:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hope you didn't really get 'cut'.
I may be American, and female, but after a lovely experience at the age of 20 with a Natural Male, I find myself rather disgusted with mutilated members.
Foreskin=FUCK ME!
I hope Shlongy is au naturel. It would ruin the whole thing for me if I found out otherwise :(
Submitted by Lambchop (user info) at 2007-08-29 23:39:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-08-29 23:17:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't believe you. What made you decide now that you're an adult that you need to remove part of your penis for a fulfilled life?
---
Maybe he was too lazy to scrub? I don't know I'm not one to judge.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-08-29 23:39:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sometimes i feel i've got to uh uh run away
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-08-29 23:17:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't believe you. What made you decide now that you're an adult that you need to remove part of your penis for a fulfilled life?