Ode to a Long Weekend... and Supergirlfriend (703 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1 on 35 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by DangerPants (View user info) at 2007-09-04 12:11:53 EDT
I have to say that I've had an incredibly life-altering weekend. I don't know yet if I should thank Labor Day or curse it. Allow me to tell you the incredibly boring and uneventful story that I'm sure you're all dying to hear.
I work nights, and SuperGirlfriend works days, so I'm usually getting home just as she's walking out the door. She does most of the housework, so usually my job is to come home, take her dog out for a quick walk, eat the breakfast she leaves in the microwave for me, and then go to sleep. Sometimes there is a list of little things she needs me to do on the refrigerator door. On Friday, there was a huge red piece of paper taped over the ENTIRE door that said "BE DRESSED AND READY TO WALK OUT THE DOOR THE MINUTE I GET HOME TODAY. 5:45. I WILL THROW A FIT IF YOU'RE LATE." No explanation. Just an order. She doesn't do that often, so I took it seriously.
She walked in the door at 5:45 sharp and looked slightly surprised to see me ready to go, as I am notoriously late for everything. Normally when she and I go somewhere, I drive. Normally, I don't even have to ask for the keys. But she didn't give them up and she was being so businesslike that I was kind of starting to worry. She's very cuddly and giggly most of the time. She is rarely cold unless she's pissed off at you. And even then, it isn't long until the cold pissed-offedness turns into yelling and throwing shit. Which has only happened once, and which I totally egged her into because I wanted to see what it was like having her mad at me. Never piss a redhead off. And certainly never call her psycho just to see what happens.
She was driving like she was pissed also. Whipping in and out of traffic and making me work the invisible passenger-side brake like it was going out of style. Also not normal. I had no clue where we were going, and whenever I asked, she just said, "Oh, you'll see," in a way that was very menacing to me. Then, we pulled up in front of the Humane Society, and she told me to wait in the car. I didn't think she could possibly baffle me more, but she succeeded. Through the huge windowed door, I saw her walk up to the counter, talk to the teenager behind it, gesture out to the car, and laugh. The first thing that went through my mind was "Surely you can't abandon your boyfriend at the pound?!" Yes, I thought it. Yes, I know you can't. But that laugh looked evil from across a parking lot, and this woman can honestly do pretty much anything. I wouldn't put it past her.
The green-shirted volunteer grabbed a big key ring and walked to the back behind a door and SuperGirlfriend came back out, waving for me to come in. Needless to say, I was nervous. I got out, went inside, and she led me to a little room with a cement bench and grated glass windows. Trying to lighten the mood, I said, "So, since when can you abandon your boyfriend at the pound?" and laughed nervously. She raised her eyebrows and opened her mouth to answer just as the volunteer came into the room holding a squiggly brown and white lump. She grinned, set it down, and backed out of the room. SuperGirlfriend just stood there and smiled as the fattest, most adorable puppy I have ever seen waddled up to me and peed on my shoe. He was a boxer. He was about 8 weeks old, a mocha colored flashy fawn, tail undocked, ears unclipped. Exactly what I have always wanted.
Backstory:
About a month and a half before she and I moved in together, I had just been forced into owning a short-haired Husky named Charlie. One of my buddies from the army was divorcing his wife, and she was leaving the state. She couldn't take the dog with her, and was going to send him to the pound, so after listening to her cry about it for way too long, I stepped in and took it. This thing was a monster. He was skinny and growled at everything. He refused to play, refused to eat, refused to crap outside... he destroyed everything he came into contact with. I took him to obedience classes and he was kicked out because he couldn't get along with the other dogs. I had home lessons to try and calm him down, and those were just money flushed down the toilet. This dog sucked. But the final straw came when SuperGirlfriend moved in, and Charlie kept attacking her. He actually broke a window trying to get at her when I was deployed for flood relief. I found a husky rescue group that could take him and gave him up. She has been searching for a boxer puppy for the last two weeks because she feels like it's her fault that I had to give Charlie up.
On Wednesday, when she was an hour late coming home and I thought she might be doing the nasty with Jimmy (Thanks, you guys, for making me paranoid) she was actually at the SPCA deciding between this puppy and his brother. On Thursday, when I thought she was out with Chris (the best friend) and Shadow (her dog)at the park down the street, she was actually at the shelter, letting Shadow and the new puppy meet. She had a trunk full of puppy needs: she bought him a collar, puppy shampoo, toys like crazy, chews, food... the works. Everything a dog could ever need. I have spent the last 3 days being drooled on, laughing until my face hurts, cuddling up to this little lump of warm fur in the bed every night, being peed on, teaching him how to play tug of war, and marveling at this spectacular, beautiful woman and her enormous heart.
I named the puppy Hooligan.
User Reviews
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-09-27 15:49:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"And certainly never call her psycho just to see what happens." Duh. This one's a no-brainer, and goes for all females not just redheads.
Great story. I like your style of writing, and your relationship sounds like a good thing for everyone involved. I especially like that you fell in love with something that pissed on you the first time you met it.
Now, who was she on Uber, and why did she give up?
Submitted by DangerPants (user info) at 2007-09-05 10:57:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-09-04 23:05:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by LustrousShe-Wolf (user info) at 2007-09-05 11:07:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm a sucker for a puppy.
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In combination with your username, I found this very amusing. You cradle-snatcher.
So, does "SuperGirlfriend" know that your alias is "Dangerpants"?
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She doesn't know I'm here... she'd be unhappy about that as she gave up on Uber several months ago... DangerPants is what she calls me from time to time. Her explanation is that she knew I was trouble when she saw how I look in a pair of jeans. Hence DangerPants.
Submitted by ramirez60 (user info) at 2007-09-05 01:57:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I left my puppy with my gf in ny when I moved and it's miserable. She just turned 2 and still flips out every 4 months when she gets to see me. Only a little bit longer...
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-09-04 23:05:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by LustrousShe-Wolf (user info) at 2007-09-05 11:07:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm a sucker for a puppy.
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In combination with your username, I found this very amusing. You cradle-snatcher.
So, does "SuperGirlfriend" know that your alias is "Dangerpants"?
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2007-09-04 23:01:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A dog named hooligan is the most bawlinest shit ever.
Submitted by Flack (user info) at 2007-09-04 22:49:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I would have named him 'Dog.'
Submitted by LustrousShe-Wolf (user info) at 2007-09-04 21:07:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm a sucker for a puppy.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-09-04 20:48:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 fat wiggly puppies
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2007-09-04 20:27:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Nice dog, nice name.
Submitted by Empathetic (user info) at 2007-09-04 20:02:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck Uniter.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-09-04 19:40:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-09-04 18:43:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
puppy!
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-09-04 18:39:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I used to know this huge samoan guy - huge, as in rugby player huge, he had a massive afro that he lovingly combed each day. He was an imposing guy and scared most people. But every afternoon he would walk his dog, which was a tiny poodle. it was the cutest thing i've ever seen.
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2007-09-04 18:23:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"On Wednesday, when she was an hour late coming home and I thought she might be doing the nasty with Jimmy (Thanks, you guys, for making me paranoid) she was actually at the SPCA deciding between this puppy and his brother."
Actually, she did that over the phone. It took about five minutes. As for the rest of the time...
We'll just say she was playing with a different dog, and by "dog" I mean my dog, and by "my dog" I mean my penis!
Also, if she's so super, why does her butt taste like cabbage?
Submitted by Nyrea (user info) at 2007-09-04 16:28:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Very sweet. Sappy even :)
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-09-04 15:41:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I LIKE the details.
this story made me smile and go "Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww"
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Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-04 09:26:08 PDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Okay, so I'm an asshole. Still, we could've dealt with the abridge, shortened, "I got a puppy" version than hearing those craptastic details.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-09-04 15:40:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-09-04 15:39:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-09-04 14:47:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by beat_raven (user info) at 2007-09-01 01:26:18 PDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
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Submitted by Progr3ss (user info) at 2007-08-31 17:47:31 PDT (#)
Ranking: -2
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Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-08-31 15:24:11 PDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-09-04 14:47:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by beat_raven (user info) at 2007-09-01 01:26:18 PDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
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Submitted by Progr3ss (user info) at 2007-08-31 17:47:31 PDT (#)
Ranking: -2
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Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-08-31 15:24:11 PDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by DangerPants (user info) at 2007-09-04 13:11:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, if her Heeler pulled some of the crap that Hooligan has been pulling, she'd kick his ass. But when the puppy does it, she croons and melts into a puddle of goo on the floor.
If she doesn't quit calling him "Fatty Fatty FatFatFat" though, I may have to end her.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-09-04 13:08:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You kidding? Broads LOVE puppies...they can piss and puke on them - like Shlongy does -and they still love them.
Submitted by DangerPants (user info) at 2007-09-04 13:04:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes, Shlongy, I feel very ghey walking him right now. But it won't be long before he's huge and formidable.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-09-04 12:54:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Good looking cat right there.
Submitted by DangerPants (user info) at 2007-09-04 12:54:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dude.... if you were late the way that I'm constantly late, you'd understand. She's the type that is perpetually 5-10 minutes early. Since she's started seeing me, we show up everywhere at least half an hour late. If you made a list of all the shit I've done that would make a lesser woman run for the door, and put it next to a list of the times she has actually thrown a fit, you'd cut her some slack.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2007-09-04 12:50:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by RabiedRooster (user info) at 2007-09-04 12:31:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What a great girlfriend although she probably has and is this minute doing the dirty with Jimmy
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It is true.
I have seen pics.
Congrats on the dog.
Submitted by RabiedRooster (user info) at 2007-09-04 12:49:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DangerPants (user info) at 2007-09-04 17:41:16 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
No, this minute, she's on the phone with me, teaching me how to re-wire the surround sound, because Hooligan got stuck behind the TV cabinet and pulled everything loose.
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Ooooh that so CUTE!!!
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-09-04 12:45:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I WILL THROW A FIT IF YOU'RE LATE
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she sounds like a great girl
Submitted by DangerPants (user info) at 2007-09-04 12:41:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No, this minute, she's on the phone with me, teaching me how to re-wire the surround sound, because Hooligan got stuck behind the TV cabinet and pulled everything loose.
She actually had a very entertaining argument with Jimmy this weekend that I'm not supposed to know about. Getting her best friend a job was the smartest thing I ever did.
Submitted by RabiedRooster (user info) at 2007-09-04 12:31:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What a great girlfriend although she probably has and is this minute doing the dirty with Jimmy
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-09-04 12:26:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yay for puppies.
Until they start to chew everything up and shit everywhere.
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-04 12:26:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Okay, so I'm an asshole. Still, we could've dealt with the abridge, shortened, "I got a puppy" version than hearing those craptastic details.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-09-04 12:25:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome.
hooray for dogs.
and hooray for having the thought that she may actually be leaving you at the pound.
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-04 12:25:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Doesn't make sense, below. 1 *constantly 2 referring to your girlfriend as "supergirlfriend"...
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-04 12:24:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
You're right, at least I don't care. Also, contantly referring to your girlfriend, no matter how super she is, is quite annoying and childish. Good luck with your dog. Also, it's a known fact that people who let their pets sleep in the same bed with them are closet pedos.
Submitted by DangerPants (user info) at 2007-09-04 12:13:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That picture isn't Hooligan. I haven't loaded up any of the pics I took this weekend. But I'm sure I will be forced to picture-post here in the next few days.