UGR - Wednesday Went Wicked (688 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.57 on 30 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Susie Derkins (View user info) at 2007-09-04 21:44:25 EDT
I went to "Family Orientation Day" without any family. For Pete's sake, I'm almost thirty. I don't need Mommy or Daddy to hold my hand whilst I buy textbooks and watch lame improv in the gym about first year survival.
Walking amongst the youthful and slender makes me feel old and fat, even though I'm not really either. I keep telling myself that life experience is more important, that at least I have an academic advantage over the little prostitots.
Being fitted for a bridesmaid dress ordered from measurements taken before one quit smoking is another surefire way to feel fat. I seriously considered starting again until at least the wedding.
I've been surrounded by children for the past several days at the cottage. It looks like going back to college won't be much different.
My body is not the playground it used to be. Death would have been a welcome alternative to the hangover I woke up with Friday morning.
Partying with cops is more fun than it sounds.
Gardening gloves are an acceptable alternative to barbecue tongs.
Trying to get to sleep when it's five degrees celsius and trying to stay asleep when it's 39 degrees celsius are just some of the problems of sleeping in a tent.
Couches go up in flames at an incredible speed. Especially those that have spent their last twenty years accommodating drunk cottagers who spill their drinks occasionally.
Riding a bike to school is a bad idea. I arrived at school sweaty and beet-red. I arrived home sweaty, beet red, exhausted and bloodthirsty. I think I'll take the bus.
Yellowjackets are cold to the touch and are apparently attracted to the smell of Coppertone.
When the word "orientation" is involved, comfortable shoes are a must. My dogs are screaming.
When one's opponent has forfieted, one can post unrelated, complete bullshit with impunity. Well, not complete impunity, but....meh.
That's been the last week's lessons in a nutshell. Tomorrow is Wednesday, and like the rest of the past week, it should go wicked.
User Reviews
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-09-09 16:08:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ATTN: SUSIE DERKINS:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/111550
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-09-06 13:10:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-09-05 17:32:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Apollo below
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-09-05 14:49:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-09-05 10:54:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i wanted a more linear story. sorry :(
the bridesmaid dress bit made me laugh though.
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-05 09:58:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I dread the thought of moving on another decade.
Turning 20 made me sweat more than a peadophile in a Barney suit.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-09-05 09:49:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-09-05 09:15:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was 30 in January, maybe we could all nmove somewhere and live together in perfect harmony.
Except for that pesky Drogo, we could keep him in a cave.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-09-05 09:12:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm nearly 30 and looking forward to it. Fingers crossed I get my slippers and pipe for my birthday, and my poking stick for the youngsters.
Partying with Ex-Cops is fun too Susie, trust me on this one.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-09-05 08:58:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-09-04 22:31:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It would be sad if it wasn't so funny. I'm speaking of the age-o-phobics here.
Oooooooo! 30! Leik OMG!!11! UR leik sooooo leik OLD!
-----------------------------
Ahahahahaha. I turn 30 tomorrow as a matter of fact, and although Mrs. Thorns is giving me quite the grief for it, I've realised that I really don't give a flying fart...30 feels damn good.
The way I see it, I'll know I'm officially old when high school and college girls start calling me "mister", or at least start pointing at me and giggling when I walk by...
...oh, wait, they do that now anyways. Damn my boyish good looks.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-09-05 08:56:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm 30, not sure how that happened.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-09-05 04:24:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh Susie , susie , susie
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-09-05 00:18:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHA, whatever...
Perhaps the photos tell a different story, but you look like you're 17 years old.
You're a VERY youthful 30.
Submitted by Zampano (user info) at 2007-09-04 22:50:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This made me feel bad for being youthful.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-09-04 22:43:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And they'll drink with you.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-09-04 22:41:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked graduate school because the professors didn't mind when you showed up smelling like a distillery. I think they expected it, actually, at least with me.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-09-04 22:38:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cocky lil bastards also are very surprised when I out run them.
Sometimes I flip the bird when I pass them.
Of course America is full of plumpers. Maybe it isn't such an acomplishment.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-09-04 22:33:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Also why I like graduate school. You don't have to be around the undergrads in class. You get to torture them when they come to fulfill their lab credits.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-09-04 22:31:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It would be sad if it wasn't so funny. I'm speaking of the age-o-phobics here.
Oooooooo! 30! Leik OMG!!11! UR leik sooooo leik OLD!
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2007-09-04 22:27:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Partying with cops is more fun than it sounds.
***
well duh
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2007-09-04 22:27:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Good for you Lungfish! Best of luck.
Sacrilicious - No cheating on the smoking, I promise. As for the college guy? Mr. Derkins wouldn't be happy about it. But I'll very likely be doing my "studying" at the soccer field during shirts and skins pickup games. Just because I'm looking at the menu, doesn't mean I have to order anything. Right?
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-09-04 22:18:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I might be going back for my PhD.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-09-04 22:15:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Keep up the quitting, Susie- it only gets easier.
Maybe ask Mr Derkins if you can keep a college boy..you know, just for a semester. It does wonders for the feeling old thing, in a good way. I promise.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-09-04 21:59:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/111469
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-09-04 21:59:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll be 40 in ten days. There'd be no problem.
But I'm a slut.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-09-04 21:58:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
When one's opponent has forfieted, one can post unrelated, complete bullshit with impunity. Well, not complete impunity, but....meh.
--
Bastardo.
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2007-09-04 21:57:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
TTOM, you sure know how to make a girl feel good. Derka derka.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-09-04 21:52:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Im pushing thirty as well. But I have my boyish good looks to fall back on. Dont worry, when youre thirty Ill still derka derka you.
Submitted by Jester_and_Traxx (user info) at 2007-09-04 21:49:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
JESTER: Some of this made me chuckle slightly.
TRAXX: 'My body is not the playground it used to be. - Susie Derkins' meh i unno, if ur pix r anything 2 judge by im sure i could still have some fun playing on or in u.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2007-09-04 21:48:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You are kinda old. I know I'm older than you, but I'm a man, so it's okay. And I guess fat is kinda relative. Compared to the prisoners at Auschwitz, you're kinda overweight. Compared to the Olson Twins or, say, a really diseased skeleton, you're morbidly obese.