An email conversation with a property developer.... Funny shit. (1034 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dirty HumorRating: -0.44 on 62 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Kylos (View user info) at 2007-09-05 06:01:39 EDT
Hi Guys,
During the last inspection it came to the owners attention that there is more than 4 people living in the property. Please advise / confirm as the owner has requested this information urgently.
As there is only 4 people on the lease and the applications were approved on this basis we must ask that the tenants (not currently listed on the lease) to fill out and submit application forms immediately.
Once this has been done we will be in contact to advise if the applications have been approved.
Yours Sincerely,
Jade Atkins - Property manager
------------------
Jade,
There is definitely not more than 4 people living in the house and never has been. I will declare that formally if required. There may have been a guest staying at the time (but I don't think so) but this is unusual - unusual it would occur during the week that is.
As you know Jade, we are 4 single young men making every day count. We feel we are at the peak of our powers right now and sometimes this involves us flexing it a little on the Sydney social circuit. I don't proclaim to be a rock star but I am not a homebody either - my fellow housemates will attest to this and I will attest to them in the same vein. Some things transcend from heightened social stamina and one of those Jade is over night guests. I think we both know what we're talking about.
So it seems we may simply be caught up on a definitional point. We only have 4 people living at Trelawney but we do have guests quite regularly. Babsy has more guests than Jonny for example but Jonny's standards are higher - that's neither here nor there.
We work hard and we play hard Jade and unfortunately the play spills over a little but this does not constitute a breach of lease. All in all I think we are excellent tenants and hold the premises in high regard.
Please put this on the file.
Tim
p.s. about that dinner we have been trying to organize, how about next week?
-------------------------
Hi Tim,
I've cleared it with the owners so everything should be fine now.
I hate it when old people act like that. They probably haven't seen any action for years. Old bastards causing me trouble!
About dinner, I've fairly busy next week but Wednesday or Thursday night are both free if that's okay with you. Let me know.
Yours Sincerely,
Jade Atkins.
-------------------------
Jade,
I'm otherwise disposed on Wednesday, so Thursday it will be. How about we meet at Hugo's at around 7 and go from there.
Enjoy your weekend.
Tim
--------------------
Hi Tim,
That sounds perfect!
See you then. Looking forward to it.
Jade Atkins.
-----------------
I should hope that you are looking forward to it.
Now no more talk until Thursday night. I want you to save up all of that energy and excitement for then.
Tim
--------------------
Dear Tim aka Arsehole,
Why the f*** are people calling me and emailing me about your email?
I can't believe that you or your pathetic friends would be low enough to forward it around the internet like that.
People in my office think I'm a f***ing idiot because of it. I could lose my job over this!
Maybe I should send an email around telling everyone how f***ing tiny your cock is and how you were so useless in bed.
I hope you f*** off and die.
Jade.
------------------------
Jade,
I might save you the trouble and forward this around on your behalf.
While many people will certainly take offence to what I have said (and already have), the majority of people will get a good laugh at how low your self esteem must be to not only scramble around to save us from any trouble with the owners, but to also sleep with someone who clearly has no respect for you.
As for the size of my appendage and my performance in bed, I find this quite hard to understand. Not only do I have quite a few repeat customers, but you yourself seemed enthused the other night. Unless you were faking that. But if you do have the ability to fake coming multiple times then you may wish to consider a career in a different industry. I think we both know what I am taking about.
I am sorry if you do lose your job over the email. However, as I was not the one who forwarded the emails I am not THAT sorry. But if you do need a job, then I may be able to make some use of you over at our place. However you will not be able to live there: only 4 people on the lease you understand.
Tim
EXCELLENT!!!!
User Reviews
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-09-24 20:42:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Huh, I thought I rated this already.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-09-20 18:30:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why didn't this get a better rating?
Submitted by steph (user info) at 2007-09-07 04:00:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cute. Deserves a better rating than what it's got...
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-09-06 19:05:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Jesus, not ANOTHER fucking worthless Australian
Submitted by livEvil (user info) at 2007-09-06 11:10:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sure I've seen this somewhere else on the World Wide Web. I'm just glad it wasn't in my inbox.
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-06 10:22:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-09-06 10:09:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I rather enjoyed this, although I think you did drag out the joke a little bit in the end.
==============
I take the constructive criticism. I'm trying to establish what people on here like/don't like. Guess there is not a definate answer. but thanks.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-09-06 10:20:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
that's just mean.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-09-06 10:09:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I rather enjoyed this, although I think you did drag out the joke a little bit in the end.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-09-05 11:28:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-05 09:48:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your support on the Dog post led me to research into your work...
Enjoyed it. And I am a n00b i'm afraid. Everyone is accuising me of being an alter.
-----------------------
Well...if you're really an old-timer with a new handle, then you know what you need to do in order to discredit the alter claims...
...and no, I don't mean "show us your hole." THAT tasks is exclusively reserved for Shlongy.
This wasn't the worst post ever, but certainly not the best. Needs to be spiced up a bit.
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-05 08:05:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Surgeon (user info) at 2007-09-05 08:04:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I think you meant two, as in the number 2 a bit below. Also, do you whinge an cry like a little bitch every time someone disagrees with you. You truly are a little bitch
=-------------------
Yes.. yes i do.
Yes.. yes i am.
Submitted by Surgeon (user info) at 2007-09-05 08:04:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I think you meant two, as in the number 2 a bit below. Also, do you whinge an cry like a little bitch every time someone disagrees with you. You truly are a little bitch.
Submitted by Progr3ss (user info) at 2007-09-05 08:02:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-05 08:00:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
God... it really does read a bit shittier than one first believed...
Skrapmetal i want your babies your hot.
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-05 07:56:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Krapmetal - My name is almost a description of me. I fuck everything up. I'm a pot head. I'm a prick. I am mocking myself, half in jest.
apologies for attempting to de-throne you from your Uber-Kingdom, but it works too ways. I don't give a chopstick about your opinions, i have already learnt that you know not what the word means.
I am here to annoy/entertain/learn, not converse with penile fungus like yourself, i am sure that even by commenting back to you i have caught cat aids or something....
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-09-05 07:50:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-05 07:23:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-09-05 07:14:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
If you mean "fuck", don't type "f***". That's just stupid.
In the title, you intimated that this 'shit' was 'funny'. It wasn't funny, not even a little.
Try harder next time, and by 'next time', I mean some other time than a bit later today.
---------------------
I found it funny.... so F*** off.
This coming from the twice failed 'robertwars contestant' "skrapmetal".
And if you mean Scrap metal, write it. it's stupid. Does that lil 'K' you squeezed in make you some kind of bad man?
--------
Calling myself "Skrapmetal" around here isn't supposed to make me 'a bad man'. It's not supposed to make me anything - it's a handle. I have no interest in impressing you - you're not that important. My username is just a word that I chose; one that I feel offers a bit of a description of myself.
Probably the same reasoning behind your choice of "Natures Biggest Mistake".
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-05 07:47:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
DeadPost - i like your reasoning. You are right. As i said i am shite at this and trying to find peoples tipple. I get very mixed messages from different people. Some found it funny, some didn't.
and remember, even a watch that is broken, is correct twice a day.
Submitted by DeadToast (user info) at 2007-09-05 07:41:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-05 07:38:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I understand why people are attacking this item.. really i do...
But i do find it funny still... just the whole situation, and the witty response at the end when the '4 man lease' is put forward, this time in "Tims" attack.
Me likey.
---------
That's why it isn't funny. It's an inside joke that only YOU get. It's along the lines of a comic telling jokes he loves, but they are "you had to be there" kind of jokes.
See, comedy is timing. You need a new watch.
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-05 07:38:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I understand why people are attacking this item.. really i do...
But i do find it funny still... just the whole situation, and the witty response at the end when the '4 man lease' is put forward, this time in "Tims" attack.
Me likey.
Submitted by Empathetic (user info) at 2007-09-05 07:37:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You lied about the funny.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2007-09-05 07:34:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Sad.
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-05 07:31:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-05 07:27:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No, no it is not funny shit. I found this quite bland and painting you in a light that isn't becoming.
---------------
"Hey everyone, it's shape shifter, i forgot only his opinion matters!"
Maybe it did paint me in a bland way, but i am all but bland, and that includes the bad words only your parents say.
There is a word.... hmmm... what is it.... 'opinion'?
We are all entitled to our own.
Progr3ss.... know any tough roberts? let's set this shit up.
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-05 07:27:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No, no it is not funny shit. I found this quite bland and painting you in a light that isn't becoming.
Submitted by Progr3ss (user info) at 2007-09-05 07:25:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah... let's do a Robert wars...
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-05 07:24:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
shit, clearly meant robot wars....
the idea of Robert wars does appeal though...
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-05 07:23:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-09-05 07:14:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
If you mean "fuck", don't type "f***". That's just stupid.
In the title, you intimated that this 'shit' was 'funny'. It wasn't funny, not even a little.
Try harder next time, and by 'next time', I mean some other time than a bit later today.
---------------------
I found it funny.... so F*** off.
This coming from the twice failed 'robertwars contestant' "skrapmetal".
And if you mean Scrap metal, write it. it's stupid. Does that lil 'K' you squeezed in make you some kind of bad man? Lol go eat a wheel of cheese you feeble being.
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-05 07:16:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I do think people are right to critisise the cretinnous chav types that dwell in the area...
I simply get annoyed when we all get branded pricks because of it.
I am a prick but my location of birth has not contributed to the fact.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-09-05 07:14:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
If you mean "fuck", don't type "f***". That's just stupid.
In the title, you intimated that this 'shit' was 'funny'. It wasn't funny, not even a little.
Try harder next time, and by 'next time', I mean some other time than a bit later today.
Submitted by Progr3ss (user info) at 2007-09-05 07:12:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well then what can i say...
I visited Essex once... wasn't that bad I guess....
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-09-05 07:08:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-05 12:07:38 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
I 'LIVED' in Aussie.
I was simply trying to stress that the spelling of "maayyyyte" was not me being offensive to the manner in which Aussies talk, and it was simply a little bit of 'grammer fun'
do apologise.
=======
You can never apologise enough for being an Essex Boy. Sadly I was born in Essex. I quickly left at the age of about a week.
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-05 07:07:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I 'LIVED' in Aussie.
I was simply trying to stress that the spelling of "maayyyyte" was not me being offensive to the manner in which Aussies talk, and it was simply a little bit of 'grammer fun'
do apologise.
Submitted by Progr3ss (user info) at 2007-09-05 07:04:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"involves us flexing it a little on the Sydney social circuit"
what the fuck is this then?
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-05 07:01:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Then you are just as bad as the people i mock on a daily basis emission.
Feel free to kiss my feet.
You are worse than Emo to me.
Mwaahaahaaa
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-09-05 06:57:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
oh i dont like you anymore
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-05 06:57:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Progr3ss (user info) at 2007-09-05 06:55:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-05 20:51:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Progr3ss, i'm alright in most books maaayte.
Especially the bible, i did some amazing things...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
you don't have to pronounce it maaaayte...
i'm an aussie too ya bogan...
-------------------
Erm... fella, i'm not an aussie... and had no idea you were... ready for it......
Essex boy in the house! MAAAAAYTE!!
Submitted by Progr3ss (user info) at 2007-09-05 06:55:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-05 20:51:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Progr3ss, i'm alright in most books maaayte.
Especially the bible, i did some amazing things...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
you don't have to pronounce it maaaayte...
i'm an aussie too ya bogan...
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-09-05 06:55:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hehe and all the while they remain oblivious to my cunning plan, muah hahahahahahahaha
CJ
Drogo
Bwahahahhahahaha
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-05 06:52:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hahaha ok ok, i'm gonna check out what some of these numpties have written....
I have already pre-empted a strike, but by reading there feeble material hopefully i will have justified reason to mock the little guys.
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-05 06:51:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Progr3ss, i'm alright in most books maaayte.
Especially the bible, i did some amazing things...
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-09-05 06:51:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh Chaos Jester, he looks like a pigeon.
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-05 06:49:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hmmm, big gay bears to surely deserve ridicule, but are there no obscenely dressed pigeon men?
Man they really grind my gears....
Submitted by Progr3ss (user info) at 2007-09-05 06:49:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No, no... you went from just before the dinner date... to well after the dinner date without so much as a please or thank-you...
And this -2 is to let you know that...
ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE, ONE POST PER DAY DOUCHE,
clear?
Good, cause your alright in my books.....
Not that it means much coming from me....
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-09-05 06:48:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ummm Only RR and HBTS, they are dicks. Oh and Drogoroch, he's a big gay bear.
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-05 06:47:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hahaha, excellent.
(All the while Kylos was exchanging playful banter with HBTS, he was unable to work out if people really did hate him)
Haha yeeaaah.... i checked your tribute site out HBTS, very... good.
Emmission, are there any people on here that simply deserve to be abused? The one post rule has my fingers itching....
Submitted by RabiedRooster (user info) at 2007-09-05 06:45:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
A big ghey monkey
Submitted by RabiedRooster (user info) at 2007-09-05 06:45:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You do look like a monkey
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-09-05 06:43:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
www.allthethingsintheworldthatnobodygivesaflyingtossabout.com/penis
=======
You have no idea how much I wish that was a real website.
Somebody did a 'tribute' to how much they hated me on xanga once. That was awesome.
http://www.xanga.com/hurtbythesunlookslikeamonkey
Submitted by RabiedRooster (user info) at 2007-09-05 06:40:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Need's Ritalin Below
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-09-05 06:39:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
HurtByTheSun also has a limited vocabulary, when he was a child the milkman fwapped him over the head with stick of rubarb he was meant to be delievring to Mrs Entwhistle. Needless to say Mrs Entwhistle wasn't impressed and smashed HBTS's teeth out with her licourice walking stick.
He lived in troubled times.
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-05 06:36:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ooooh, HurtByTheSun....
I read about his antics.... For those concerned you can find an article on him at:
www.allthethingsintheworldthatnobodygivesaflyingtossabout.com/penis
Mwahahaha, jokes HBTS, i hold a special place in thy heart for thee....
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-09-05 06:34:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
THINK AGAIN CUNTS, DOWN YOU GO!
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-05 06:33:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Progr3ss (user info) at 2007-09-05 06:27:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Started out well enough... but then you just fucking died.
---------------
i thought it got funnier towards the end....
but i'm a prick.
And Emission, i will prtect thee with my E-Justice Squad. This cross dresser you talk of, he can not take us down.
Submitted by RabiedRooster (user info) at 2007-09-05 06:30:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this
Submitted by Progr3ss (user info) at 2007-09-05 06:27:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Started out well enough... but then you just fucking died.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-09-05 06:25:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
and will now insult me.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-09-05 06:24:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Just watch out for HBTS he's the sites resident patchy eyebrowed cross dresser. By cross dresser I mean he gets in a right temper when putting his ear muffs on.
He's simple.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-09-05 06:22:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-05 11:21:48 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
Indeed i am mate, however i was an unknown. reading peoples views, posting any rare gems that popped into my head. Going back about 2 years i can't even remember what my alias was.
But i like what people do on here, apologies if i'm shite at it.
=========
At least you're not another motherfucking alter.
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-05 06:21:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Indeed i am mate, however i was an unknown. reading peoples views, posting any rare gems that popped into my head. Going back about 2 years i can't even remember what my alias was.
But i like what people do on here, apologies if i'm shite at it.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-09-05 06:19:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
So who are you?? are you an old uberite ?
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-05 06:17:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
One per day! the age old rule that still exists...
Apologies guys. I'm just uber-bored here.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-09-05 06:12:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Hugo sounds fun though
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-09-05 06:11:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
1 per day.
-1 simply because I found this really boring. Sorry mate.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-09-05 06:09:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This was pretty funny, but one per day.