REPOST!!! -Yesterday- The brothers Antonio in a town of elegance. (396 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.66 on 25 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ? (View user info) at 2007-09-08 12:41:10 EDT
Cleared up some of the choppy words and paragraphs. Enjoy! and tell me what you like about this what intriuged you and also what sucked. Did you like the characters and do they fit in this time frame. Thanks guys!
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I'm going to write about my friends and family as characters in a play or story based in the 1800's. I'm going to describe them in that text and with the bluntness of words from back then. This is every characters background. Basically tried too write it using syntax, grammar, and words in the manner of the books Huck Finn or any book written in that genre. It's my take on it. I used some of my friends and family for inspiration. But this is completely fiction none of the characters is one person in my life. A character can encompass about 4 or 5 people in my life's attributes put into each character. Give it a shot
Yesterday- The brothers Antonio in a town of elegance."
The brothers- Antonio
The brothers Antonio were the ones born of good fortune of these times. They were the four children born to Antonio of Wales. Their background was a bit mixed seeing that on their mother's side she was 25% Cherokee of the tribe across the river and 1/8th of African blood of her mother's side. Their father Antonio was of pure British and Swiss background. He having found their mother as the daughter of a wealthy French Planter. They were wed. She looked of the purest French stalk. Her hair was dark and raven. Her skin was a very pale but olive hue. While her eyes were of the darkest colored brown that looked like the side of the darkest cave. She was sexy, strong, powerful, and yet devious. They had met in formal schooling in New James Town out in the out skirts of deep Louisiana.
Their father Antonio was a wealthy lad. His father had been the judge and magistrate for the new British courts of around the time. He was born into wealth, which he wanted nothing of. He craved his studies and his education as his gateway. A Pious person of good character and virtue. He had many brothers. His father was part of the old polygamist's in the area. It is also rumored he also had a mistress of African American stalk in his background. When he died all his land was divvied up to his first-born son of his 4 wives. The problem was that Antonio was the 3rd born son of his fathers 4th wife. The lowest if not low of the line for those who get the inheritance. When his Father George the II wrote his will before his death he bequeathed a large quarter of land to his most loved son Antonio.
This caused more than a stir within the family. This was the beginning of the infighting and hate that thrashed through the family. In the commotion that was made 2 half brothers of Antonio's were killed in a duel by their own family for land and property. In the Malay Antonio took his land and moved out and changed his last name to his first name; He kept his last name of "Döttingen" as his middle name. His father died while he was away in Britain for school. There he met his wife "Marie Laflue'". Her background was never spoken of because to those who gazed at her all you saw was her beauty. When she would walk across the gardens men would stop and just gaze at the mystery and awe of her presence. Her beauty kept their secret as they moved out of mother Europe to their own land in the "new world" as those in the times called it. They would make their family. And they would live a deceitful, wild, crazy and charmed life...
- The Brothers Antonio'
Dominic Antonio-
The first-born was Dominic. He was the pride and joy of Antonio. He was the first-born son. He was spoiled and crude while he was younger. He knew from early on that he would be the heir to what was his fathers the land, estate, horse and land properties down in town. He was charismatic and handsome. Boyish good looks, and a cruel demeanor. He was always somehow broke but he always had a way of making others love him. He was a con man. A selfish person with his families clout, supposed wealth, and class backing him. He had gotten a gambling problem and was piling up his bills with the taverns and saloons down town. He had never gotten his schooling at Oxford having dropped out to become a drunk whilst' dating the daughter of a very wealthy planter down in the rich part of town. They detested him. He knew her family would never let them be together.
So he had slowly started to try and destroy their love himself. He had to get his "Blond, pretty, and innocent girlfriend to destroy their love." It could never be. Regardless of how well standing he tried to be being of French, Swiss, British, Cherokee and African blood even though he was only 1/8th Cherokee and 1/16th African was a taint in his background. He could never marry her lest' her family dwell back into his families background and realize that they are not as wealthy or rich as they seem. Also the fact that he never quitie finished Oxford or was never kicked out. He never went.
He had a letter made by one of his shady older friends at the saloon. Who forged him a signature letter with the seal of Oxford on it. He had gone off for about 1 year writing fake letters, and essays and things back home to his family. Surely it was better for him to write about being a failure or saying he was "too good" for the institution. But to have never even been admitted? What would the family think? Hers? His? It was better for him to be a drunk screw up who had some potential then be a person who never even got to the point to show his potential. Surely it was. So he would down drinks, wine and become the big party person he seemed to be. The Rich handsome, son of a planter with his head held high. The wasted potential was the role he would play. As long as he could until he could figure out a scheme to make his money then all would be right...
The second born- Charles de font'
Everyone called him "Charles de font'. It was a name his brothers while they were younger used to tease him with. He was smaller than the others were at their age. He found his solace in school and reading books. He liked to play sports and games with the other kids when they were younger but he was so small that he was looked over a lot of times. He didn't care though his life was in being smart and figuring how to calculate things.
He was seen as the weakest in his family at one point but is now seen as the strongest. He has just finished his medical school at the new university Harvard in Boston. He had left a boy and had come back a man. He was the pride and joy of the family this time. He wanted to lead the family estate and he eventually knew that he would. The problem was that he was not the first-born. Tradition had him in second place. Never quite ever to get the respect and pride he felt he deserved.
He had to be the rock for the family and he wanted the estate. He saw how to expand the lands they had and also how to prove to everyone that "Dominic" was a fraud. He had many friends who claimed that they had been to Oxford and had friends at Oxford at the same time who had never heard of "Dominic Antonio". He knew something was a miss and he would find out what.
The third brother
Defrancis Antonio-
He was the most athletic of all of them having mastered the arts of dueling, shooting, and fishing down at the lodge. He was the avid horse rider and breeder. He liked to race horses. When he was younger he had a bit of a speech problem from growing up in deep Cajun country of New Orleans a lot with his grandmother's maid when he would stay with her. This speech never went away until deep into his teenage years. People ridiculed him for his speech and his dialect. His rage was his answer. He had almost beaten a man to death by the age of 15 in a game "moonshine".
He went to Cambridge and was on all the teams and sports and horse riding he could attain. He was supposed to do more than end up back here where his family lived. He loved his father but felt always inadequate because of the speech problem that he still possesses a bit today. He is the one that is known and loved. But ridiculed by his colleagues for not being as educated, rich, or of the same pedigree as his friends. He wasn't ugly but he was a bit handsome. Rugged, Strong. But he couldn't make his own decision to change his life. He always wanted to please everyone even the family members who plotted his families' destruction. He wanted to be the golden child in his family extended and within his intermediate one as well. It has worked well for him until he didn't make it to the horse breeding or racing circuit. Also missing the "polo" match because he broke his arm. He was trying to find his way as well.
His rage had gotten him a name for having a temper and a tough guy persona that would leave its mark. He had gotten in bar brawls, with the Smith Twins, the Jasper brothers, and also the "Fle' Shea "family. Everyone knew messing with a "Fle'Shea" meant messing with ones own demise. They had killed 4 men in the past year in a duel. The problem with Defrancis was that he was great at a great many things. But he was naive to the world as a whole. He went into things bull headed at first then he would refrain and look for guidance from those that were against him. Their mother had sheltered them from much of the world. DeFrancis is starting to see that the world he was told about in the "churches, and the plays, the schools and the schooling the things his father taught him don't work in this society."
Nico Antonio- The last brother.
The little brother of the pair. The good-looking one, young, smart and handsome. The one with the boyish charm. He was charismatic like the oldest Dominic. Intelligent and athletic like Charles and Defrancis. But something was always wrong, a puzzle piece didn't fit. He grew up rough and also felt forgotten by his father and his brothers. He was three years younger than Defrancis. He would go out with the kids out in the rough part of town when he was 9 years old. Shooting dice and learning cuss words. Stealing booze and whisky from the back of taverns.
He didn't feel wanted or loved by his father so he looked elsewhere for that love. He found it with the orphans and streets kids over in the ninth ward. Immigrants kids with little or nothing at all. With the little servants, slaves and the like who had to work in the fields or steal for sustenance. He found his life there at his young age. He was in his first year of college. He had been sent home for starting a scam with students and stealing. He had everyone back home fooled. He had gotten it together they all thought. He was handsome with an angelic face and deep green eyes and light dirty blond hair. He was very tan of a bronzed hue. People would be taken a back by his features. He had left a criminal in his own eyes and had come back as the shining beacon of responsibility, and respect for his family. He had changed and tried to get it together for his family. But he had gotten into debt with the Jasper boys, and also had beaten " Alexander Fle'Shea" to within an inch of his life down at Cambridge.
He liked to go out back and box with the boys for money and loot. Not because he needed it but he loved the violence, fright, speed, and life of it all. He wanted to live the life of a nomad. But to those around he had all the skills and attributes to be a nobleman. He needed to behave himself as such. Everyone knew about his old drunken, tavern ways. He had gotten a rep as a tough, loud drunk. He was a drunk but if he was one at the young age of 19 he held it well. He functioned and conned like a pro. The only thing he couldn't con was his fathers' heart.
Antonio's best friend- Timmy James Alexandrio
He was Nico's best friend. He was the adopted son of the Alexandrio family. His "real" Father was a man of 25% Italian, 50% Irish and welsh decent. His mother was 1/8th Cherokee and British decent. His real father a man of shame and contempt left his mother in a divorce when he was 4 years old. He never quite knew the man. His step father was John Alexandrio. A wealthy man who owned many horse's stables and land had found and wed his mother. They had been schoolmate sweethearts and when the time was right she remarried to Alexandrio. He already had 3 sons that were all of purest background of British blood. Real bluebloods of purest stalk. His son's were all the same age as Timmy. Timmy had two older step-brothers who were twins that were named Ryan and Sam. His other brother was Jacob.
This wasn't the typical rivalry between brothers there should and could have been. They were a very happy family. Their father Alexandrio was a great big man with a big heart and a huge belly that had decided to adopt Timmy as his own son. He did it in every manner possible. When the boys needed belting for rough housing and being wild he would belt them all. Timmy included. He had many times scolded and whooped Timmy. For the many things he did. He was always in trouble some how. But he had a face that he could use to get out of everything.
Timmy was a cute kid. Too cute at times and would use it to his advantage. To call him "Fat" would be about right. But not fat in the way you see it. He was built from the ground to the floor exactly a well-proportioned person. From his stout legs and big frame to his fat jolly face. This kid was earnest, nice, naive, a bit spoiled but good hearted. It was his love and his heart that made his father Alexandrio love him more than he did his three other sons. He loved Timmy because they were the most a like. John Alexandrio had been the stout one in the group in his youth. Bumbling around being a nice and earnest person in his younger days. He saw himself in his stepson to such a great degree. His 3 real sons did not resemble or fit him at all. They had all been spoiled and ruined by their mother. She had let them know of their wealth, their clout, and their place among the others. They had been raised by their mother in all manner to be snobbish nobles. He saw himself in Timmy. Timmy was his heart.
To describe Timmy was simple but hard. He had a cute face of that of a baby, but a big framed, stout, porky,pudgy body and face, with very tan skin. He is very light bronzed deep color. Eyes aren't the boring blue that others had, but a deep hazel, with his light blond Carmel hair. He was born with rosy cheeks that would get flushed when he was excited or scared. A handsome lad to say the least, He was just "Fat, stout and over weight".
Timmy always felt out of place in his new family. Always pestered by the "maids" and others that he wasn't a Alexandrio. He felt that no matter how much he tried he couldn't ever be as perfect as they were. He would look at himself constantly in the mirror and critique his body and his frame. Cursing his real father for the big frame he was born with. He didn't mind his fat, belly, and gut but it seemed everyone did. They would give him ridicule and his father always had to hire special tailors for his clothes. He would stare at his light tan bronze skin and think why he wasn't paler. He was always getting scalded by his brothers that if he "got any tanner he would look like the poor maids" that took care of them. But he didn't care he loved going to the woods, and playing with his friends at the river.
He loved talking to his friends and hanging out with Nico and the boys down in the sun and out in the taverns. He would look at his deep hazel bright eyes and wish that they were a dry stale blue. He would look at his Carmel blond hair and dream of it being a deep white blond. He just wanted people to love him. At all times. But he was a bumbling buffoon at times. He just wanted his father Alexandrio's love. He didn't know he already had it. But he would try as hard as he could to get it.
Him and Nico had a habit of getting drunk down in the bars and he had a rep for overtly flirting with the girls at the saloon. He loved 'Five Star" whisky and going out for a "row"( Bar fight) with the boys. He was trusting and reliable and loved his best friend Nico. He couldn't remember how many close calls them two have had together. He can't recall the many fights he had gotten in because Nico had insulted someone of noble status or how many fox hunts they had gone in. It was his best friend and they would die and live together.
User Reviews
Submitted by Surgeon (user info) at 2007-09-10 06:17:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
prostatectomy..
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-09-09 18:40:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Creative writing is not your thing, but I'll give you a point for persistence.
Submitted by jojo747 (user info) at 2007-09-09 16:30:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-09-09 16:23:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
fuck me, you really do suck
Submitted by Tom (user info) at 2007-09-09 05:25:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'll help.
Submitted by PerkMan (user info) at 2007-09-08 22:26:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Someone needs to get the balls to read the entire thing. I think you guys will really like it. Then I can start the story because I gave you all the background of each character.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-09-08 16:29:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I dig your persistence.
Not enought to actually read all that - I mean what the fuck?
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-09-08 16:18:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
shopping list
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-08 14:12:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Everything.
Submitted by PerkMan (user info) at 2007-09-08 13:57:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ahhaa jonny x. It was supposed to be Timothy. But I was lazy as fuck for typeing and used Timmy instead.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-09-08 13:50:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I didn't know timmy was a popular name in the 1800s
Submitted by PerkMan (user info) at 2007-09-08 13:26:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Just assume it's in the 1800's. Huck Finn's time. And thanks alot voice below.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-09-08 13:25:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Constructively, I'd say; longer sentences. More punctuation when using longer sentences. Shorter paragraphs, because it's still looking "block of texty". I didn't get a feel for the genre, I'm afraid. Read more of what you're trying to write.
It's still too rough to be interesting, because I keep getting hung up on all the flaws. Good luck.
Submitted by PerkMan (user info) at 2007-09-08 12:59:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks likesteak.
I like the characters. Because I have friends going through these situations. I have also always wanted to write something based in the 1800's around the time that Huck Finn and books of that nature were written. Back then a fathers love was everything I guess.
I will continue it if uber feels it needs to be continued.
Submitted by PerkMan (user info) at 2007-09-08 12:58:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks lungfish hope you like it.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-09-08 12:47:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
A little betterish than last time.
Those paragraphs are still pretty drawn out, and most of them could actually be smaller paragraphs by themselves.
Ten to one says this is one of those stories that's better in your head than it is on paper. You like it as much, because it's so close to you. To me, this seemed distant, and forced.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-09-08 12:46:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus, Perkman. I'll give you this for persistence.
I'll read it later. The kid wants to play whiffle ball.
Submitted by PerkMan (user info) at 2007-09-08 12:43:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks shapeshifter yah fucking dick. If your gonna give a -2 read the shit and say what sucked yah fucking cunt desk.
Submitted by PerkMan (user info) at 2007-09-08 12:42:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yep
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-08 12:42:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by PerkMan (user info) at 2007-09-08 12:42:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I based some of these characters a little to close to home with my friends and such. But I used about 3 of my friends personalities to make up one character. It's pretty neat huh?
Submitted by PerkMan (user info) at 2007-09-08 12:42:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Awesome!
Submitted by PerkMan (user info) at 2007-09-08 12:41:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Blah
Submitted by PerkMan (user info) at 2007-09-08 12:41:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
blue
Submitted by PerkMan (user info) at 2007-09-08 12:41:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I had to repost it because of that one post a day rule. Plus it was choppy as fuck.