Summer before fall. (527 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.44 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by earth_collapse (View user info) at 2007-09-08 17:02:38 EDT
He's fucking me from behind before I even realize what is happening; grabbing at my tits, pinching my nipples and trying to bite my neck and my back. He talks really softly, guiding me, or rather, forcing me into different positions, telling me not to worry as I almost scream when he slides it in as far as he can. I let him do what he wants, whatever he wants, let him lick me for a while, even though it doesn't feel very good, and then he's inside me again, still roughly fondling my breasts.
I start to bleed, and he goes harder, and it hurts even more. I can see blood smeared on his thighs and his stomach as he begins to thrust in and out with no apparent rhythm, more animalistic than I'd like. He puts his hand around my throat, and then in my mouth, and it's vulgar, and I almost gag but he pulls it out, and my mouth is a little red and then he slides it back in, and it hits the back of my throat and I gag even harder. He tells me how well I am doing, about how beautiful I am, and that it's okay. It's really okay.
He goes on for a couple more minutes until he comes, and by the time he's done he's laying on his back next to me, and he still has his hand on my pussy and it feels kind of good, strange, because it still hurts, it's still aching and bleeding a little. He says "You're wonderful," and that makes me feel a lot better, and then I realize my comforter is covered in that thick, red coagulate and that it's probably going to stain, and that it's funny, because my mother gave it to me when I was ten, for my birthday, and it doesn't really matter because I'm not a child anymore. I should have gotten rid of it a long time ago, but now I have a reason and he says again, "You're wonderful, baby," and I know I am, but I don't say anything. I just lay there, the stars on my ceiling glowing neon yellow and I smile, and I know this is exactly what I wanted, and I am glad.
I remember my father saying something about college this morning, something about how he will support me in my art, but that I should minor in accounting, or finance, so if it doesn't work out I'll be able to make money, and that I should always have a fall-back plan. Maybe my mother agreed with him, but she was too busy packing my little brother's lunch for summer school, and worrying about that stupid graduation party that was supposed to be a surprise but I found out about anyway. I still have to talk to my counselor at school, but that can wait.
I have a couple more things to do, update my fafsa and find an apartment in the city. I want to say goodbye to all of my friends but whether or not I'll have time to do that over the summer it doesn't matter, because I have the rest of my life to worry about those things, and when he puts his hands across me I feel a little sick, but I still let him move closer.
His flaccid penis rubs against my thigh, and then before I can even think about anything else he turns me on my side and starts rubbing my clit and my asshole, not feeling good but kind of strange and then he slides it in again, not hurting as much as it did, and when he comes this last time - it's more watery, more transparent. He rubs his penis on my clit for a moment, smearing the come and blood around before he stops, and then it's all over and I say, "What are your plans for the summer?"
User Reviews
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-09-10 09:03:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
um.... ok?
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2007-09-10 07:54:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Surgeon (user info) at 2007-09-10 06:16:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
uterus..
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-09-09 18:34:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-09-09 18:34:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-09-09 06:13:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sausage jockey.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-09-09 04:55:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The style wasn't completely lost on me, that's why it reminded me of certain Bukowski short stories. Mostly because he's really good at keeping things very simple, thus making them feel more real (to me at least).
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Also, the graphic sexual descriptions.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-09-09 04:35:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It was just two sentences where I really felt annoyed by it, regardless of style.
"He puts his hand around my throat, and then in my mouth, and it's vulgar, and I almost gag but he pulls it out, and my mouth is a little red and then he slides it back in, and it hits the back of my throat and I gag even harder."
"He says "You're wonderful," and that makes me feel a lot better, and then I realize my comforter is covered in that thick, red coagulate and that it's probably going to stain, and that it's funny, because my mother gave it to me when I was ten, for my birthday, and it doesn't really matter because I'm not a child anymore."
The style wasn't completely lost on me, that's why it reminded me of certain Bukowski short stories. Mostly because he's really good at keeping things very simple, thus making them feel more real (to me at least).
However, the two parts I pointed out just had a poor rhythm that turned me off to the story.
You probably shouldn't pay attention to me though, I'm just some dude on the internet that can't sleep. Not to mention the fact that I can't write worth a shit.
Submitted by earth_collapse (user info) at 2007-09-09 04:12:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, the style is written in first person present tense, and I was really writing it as if this young girl were speaking. While the "ands" and the "comma's" might be a little over-done, it's there for a reason - for both style and narrative.
But, I agree steaky that there really is not much of a story here. I had written a piece some time ago about this girl popping her cherry and the experience being a traumatic one, so I thought I'd write one with a certain nihilistic tone. I'm really just experimenting... well, most of the time. I'm trying to see what people like, and what people dislike. So I'm glad you voiced your opinion in a somewhat constructive fashion.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-09-09 02:57:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This is the second thing I've read on über today that reminded me of Bukowski.
It felt like there sure were a lot of commas and "and" over usage. Kind of made it feel like you spent about five minutes writing this.
I'm such a hypocrite.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-09-09 01:57:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Wasn't impressed in the least. There's a distinct lack of tardism, but it just didn't entertain me. Well written does not mean good. Keep the well written thing. Subjectivity at it's finest here.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-09-09 01:34:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nice piece
Submitted by Respek (user info) at 2007-09-09 01:19:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nicely done, very captivatingly grotesque, and the fact that she's an artist is an interesting touch. You could really expand on this if you wanted to.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-09-08 18:40:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i like how you write.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-09-08 18:35:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
um.....okay.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-09-08 18:02:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
erm
erm?
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-09-08 17:32:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
>blink<
>blink<
>weeps<