Musings from an Italian Restaurant (955 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.67 on 34 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Maddog (View user info) at 2007-09-09 11:59:30 EDT
(This is a true story)
I'm getting married in two weeks, and my fast approaching nuptuials brought my fiancee' Emily and I to our favorite italian restaurant, Zios, to reserve space for our rehearsal dinner and to feast on some tasty cuisine.
Our waitress, Erin, of whom this tale centers around, is in her early tewnties, very attractive and also very, very pregnant. She's one of those women who look good pregnant and isn't trying to hide it.
In the course of small talk with her, which I firmly believe establishes a relationship and gets you better service, I thought to ask about her impending bundle of joy. The conversation went as follows:
MD: "So, when are you due?" I asked, pointing at the belly almost hitting me in the melon.
Erin: "November." She smiled.
MD: "Very cool. So do you know if it's a boy or a girl?"
Erin: "A boy." She smiles some more. I know that good service is definitely on the horizon.
MD: "Do you have a name picked out yet?" I asked in my debonair, suave manner.
Erin: "Well, my boyfriend wants to name him TRON."
(I have no response to this. My mouth is agape and my eyes are quickly glassing over.)
Erin: "It's from a movie that came out in the 80's about a,,,"
MD: "Yeah, I know", I said, cutting her off, "I was around in the 80's." My brain has now kicked back into gear.
Erin: "I hope that kids won't joke him too much because of it."
(I resist the urge to dive in with both feet at this point, and take a higher road.)
MD: "Well, the movie did come out a long time ago. I doubt that when he's old enough that any kid his age would have seen it."
Erin: "They are making a remake." She says, and at that point goes off to get our drinks.
It took a few minutes to really process this. To realize that this "normal" seeming female was going to saddle her unborn with the title of a B movie from the 80's. A shitty "B" movie from the 80's, at that.
My thought at this point is to find this "boyfriend" and smack him on the nose with a newspaper repeatedly while saying "No, No, No! Bad idea!, Bad idea!" Shit, it worked for my puppy, and this guy is obviously still peeing on a carpet somehwere.
If you are gonna name a kid after a 80's movie, for christ sakes pick one that actually made some money and had SOME redeeming value. How about Luke Skywalker, or Han Solo? Shit, even Darth Vader or Yoda are better choices than fucking TRON.
Hell, go a little further afield. How about a nice Clint Eastwood character? My personal favs would be Outlaw Josey Wales or Harry Callahan.
I'm guessing if this kid ever has a sibling, they'll name it C.H.U.D. or Gizmo.
Well, at least he'll grow up normal. Hallowe'en should be an easy call too. Just look at this guy:
User Reviews
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-09-10 19:18:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/75374
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-09-10 19:04:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
YOU'RE MARRYING JEANNEEE????????????????????????????
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2007-09-10 18:47:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I would have impregnated her right then and there. Again.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-09-10 14:19:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
My son got saddled ith Alfie after his dad saw that shit Jude Law remake. "Whats it all about Alfie?"
I have been in the South of France most of the summer. How come The Uniter is speaking?
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2007-09-10 12:34:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-09-10 10:13:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-09-10 09:16:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2007-09-10 07:32:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
thats a waste of a good hockey helmet.
Submitted by Surgeon (user info) at 2007-09-10 06:12:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
colposcopy..
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-09-10 05:57:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Waukeen Selassie would be a superior name.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2007-09-10 02:38:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
with a name like that he'll do his first bullet before 2020
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2007-09-10 02:28:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
At least you know he'll be good in Gym...
After all, Tron was "... very persistent..."
SHIT PUN MONDAY!
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2007-09-09 22:31:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 alone for the Tron guy.
I'm secretly in love with him and want to incubate his glow in the dark babies.
guess it's no secret now since i just outed myself
Submitted by Juan_el_Loco (user info) at 2007-09-09 20:13:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ahhh yes, the Cannabilistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers, truly a worthy name for any child!
nice
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-09-09 19:13:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TechnoRatty (user info) at 2007-09-09 18:17:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry I was being stupid... Mike Hunt... =
(My C**t)
======
Ha, sorry about the confusion. I lost my sense of humor in the war.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-09-09 19:08:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have no idea who tron is.
I realize this is because I'm too young, etc. etc.
Submitted by TechnoRatty (user info) at 2007-09-09 18:17:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-09-09 17:04:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-09-09 15:57:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TechnoRatty (user info) at 2007-09-09 12:21:34 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Gonna call my boy Mike, (but my surname is Hunt)
========
Don't do it, growing up with such a common name suuucks.
At a certain point in my life, I stopped responding to my own first name...don't let it happen to your boy! He still has a chance!
---
but having a common name can lead to random nicknames, like 'big mike' 'mikey the maori' 'smells like feet mike' etc....
___
Sorry I was being stupid... Mike Hunt... =
(My C**t)
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-09-09 18:08:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"She's one of those women who look good pregnant..."
I hope your implication is not that most women do not 'look good' pregnant.
If you find a woman attractive in the first place, I don't know why you wouldn't recognize her beauty while she's with child.
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2007-09-09 17:50:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
'Master Control? I believe you have my stapler'
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-09-09 17:40:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Forgot to rate, sorry for ruining your streak with my inability to move a mouse and click twice.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-09-09 17:39:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You forgot Haiku Mikoo
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-09-09 17:04:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-09-09 15:57:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TechnoRatty (user info) at 2007-09-09 12:21:34 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Gonna call my boy Mike, (but my surname is Hunt)
========
Don't do it, growing up with such a common name suuucks.
At a certain point in my life, I stopped responding to my own first name...don't let it happen to your boy! He still has a chance!
---
but having a common name can lead to random nicknames, like 'big mike' 'mikey the maori' 'smells like feet mike' etc....
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-09-09 15:57:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TechnoRatty (user info) at 2007-09-09 12:21:34 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Gonna call my boy Mike, (but my surname is Hunt)
========
Don't do it, growing up with such a common name suuucks.
At a certain point in my life, I stopped responding to my own first name...don't let it happen to your boy! He still has a chance!
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2007-09-09 15:54:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This made me laugh out loud.
Tron, huh?
Hey, sounds great to me. My prediction, within 200 years, most children will be named after commercial products (Gordita, Pepsi, Powerade, Funyun, etc.)
Submitted by TechnoRatty (user info) at 2007-09-09 15:21:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Gonna call my boy Mike, (but my surname is Hunt)
Submitted by Constitution (user info) at 2007-09-09 14:35:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My kid's name will be Seven. It's great for a boy or a girl.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-09-09 14:23:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If I ever have a boy, he will be called Lawnmower Man.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-09-09 14:20:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2007-09-09 13:55:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey man, I liked tron.
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Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2007-09-09 13:55:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey man, I liked tron.
Submitted by Lambchop (user info) at 2007-09-09 12:44:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-09-09 12:12:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MuN_VWZt35g
close enough
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-09-09 12:12:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That poor poor child to be.
Hopefully either his parent(s) or her parent(s) will talk them out of it.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-09-09 12:09:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 Bruce Boxleitner
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-09-09 12:05:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahaha
Tron!