Stale (433 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: -0.67 on 28 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Adaman <ff_emiko.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2007-09-10 11:46:50 EDT
I've been visiting here for a while now. i've never posted anything though. sure, i've reviewed a few things here and there but mostly just the basics, without even leaving much of a comment.
so firstly, i'd like to introduce myself. i am a 22 year-old male from the Philippines (a country in Southeast Asia AND YES, it does exist, look it up in the map!). i am at my senior year in the country's state university taking up industrial engineering. i'm hoping to graduate soon.
i know that there is a huge difference between our cultures and as much as i try to understand western culture through films and literature, there may be a few things where i might be off.
anyway, here's a short story i made a little over a year ago. enjoy!
Stale
Nothing stood before him; nothing but his own empty eyes staring back at him amidst the fog that so terribly filled the room. He reached almost blindly for his razor as he rolled it down his sleek face. There was only emptiness outside but even more so inside his little heart of hearts. The cream that covered his face slowly revealed an aged man lost perhaps more so than Odysseus in his journeys.
Red. Drops of red trickled, at first into the sink filled with clear water but then it began to drip almost endlessly. Joss looked down in horror as he realized that he had cut himself with the blade. He tried to call out to his wife, whom he assumed to still be asleep in the bedroom next door but as he tried to call out, the still air around him locked his voice down—emptiness that consumed him. He tried to call out—he did.
She laid there much like any other morning half awake, half asleep. It seemed a bit awkward to her that strange sounds came from the comfort room but she took no notice of it. In fact, neither she nor her husband ever notices each other anymore. It's been ten years since they were married and it's as if their love for each other had withered away with their youth or it was never really there in the first place. Andrea could not help but think that all he had with Joss was infatuation and the fear, the thought of her never experiencing love—true love was far beyond anything she could take right now.
Her eyes took her to a place where she could have been, a time when she was a lot younger, a time when she was filled with spirit and passion for life. She was there, mid-year exactly fifteen years ago. She saw herself, a younger Andrea, whose brown hair sprung into the hearts of boys everywhere. Andrea was beautiful to say the least for her eyes glimmered like the most beautifully worked diamonds in the planet. Her cheery heart won her friends from all around.
"Andrea," a voice from behind her marched forward, "it's a fine day is it not?" There he was. He was the one guy who truly loved her, Renault. And there she was the very fine day he had turned him down. It was only fair that not a day went by that she had not thought about the possible future she could have had with him. Each day she woke up, she would lie in bed realizing that she loved him too and perhaps she still does love him but they lost touch since that very day. Each day, she lay in bed, her thoughts racing through every moment-- every single second that went by that day and through the eternity that she could have spent with him.
Life was no longer part of her dreams but her dreams were her life. Death. The bathroom door slipped ajar as Andrea reluctantly opened her eyes as though she was being dragged away from the T.V. screen while she was watching her favorite show. Then, she realized that Joss had fallen to the ground. She walked to him and found him cold and dead but somehow, there was nothing inside of her—in more ways than one, she was—had been more dead than Joss was right then.
Days had passed, the funeral morning was glorious, seemingly unfair to Joss that the day of his burial was bright and sunny. It seemed unjust that there was no rain, no gloominess on the day he died. His visitors were numbered and the service was nothing short of dead. Everything seemed dead—emotions ran dry. Andrea stood there almost alone thinking not of Joss but of a life she could have had. "Andrea," a voice from behind her called out. She did not move as though she was waiting for the words, "it's a fine day is it not?" but the words never came. Instead, the man continued, "I'm sorry—we're sorry for your loss..."
The voice was of course from Renault. She had almost forgotten that Joss and Renault were friends—not close ones but friends nonetheless. "I'm sure he meant a lot more to you than what he meant to us," he continued but she tried to say that he couldn't have been more wrong. "We're sorry to just drop by without giving you a call, my wife read in the papers a few days ago and we decided to come over and give you our blessings." Of course he had a wife. Andrea was so caught up with the site of Renault that she had not noticed the woman standing beside him carrying a baby and the little girl holding his hands.
"Oh, how rude of me, let me introduce you... Andrea, this is my wife Jenny and my kids, Danielle and the little one is Carol." Renault forced a little smile off as Andrea's heart sank. "Daddy, daddy," Danielle was yanking her dads arm, "I'm tired could I sit by the tree?" Renault nodded "I'll take the kids to the shade over there... it seems like you two have a lot of catching up to do," Jenny smiled as she walked away with her children.
Renault and Andrea walked side by side in reminiscence of a typical day almost an eternity ago. "You've grown a lot," Andrea began.
"That bad, huh?"
"No, I think it's great... so you're married now?"
"Yeah, I'm sorry I didn't invite you to our wedding, I just thought..."
"Don't worry about it... how long have you known her?"
"Just about the time I met you. We were good friends for a long time and we realized that we fell in love... Oh, I'm sorry..."
"Why?"
"I don't think I should be talking about love right now, knowing that you had just loss Joss..."
"I love you..."
"What? But"—
"I look back to that moment every single day of my life..."
"I'm married now, I have kids... I'm sorry."
"Tell me..."
"I can't"
"Please... I have to know..."
"I love you... but I love Jenny... and I love my kids..."
"Thank you... that's all I needed to know..."
She stood there in her pale stale life watching the love of her life— true love which she had not realized that day because her understanding of love was tainted with soap opera love, drama shows. Her mind was too consumed in false incarnations of love that she failed to realize that day that love—true love was simple. As Renault entered his car with smiles and drove off, she realized that she had lost her chance of ever knowing what love really felt like because that fateful day, she did not take the chance to find out.
"Andrea, it's a fine day is it not?"
User Reviews
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-09-11 14:39:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2007-09-10 21:00:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
welcome to the family.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-09-10 20:53:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-09-10 19:03:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
WHAT KIND OF MADE UP BULLSHIT COUNTRY IS CALLED THE PHILLIPPINES??111!!!!
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That made me laugh right out loud.
Submitted by SunnyG (user info) at 2007-09-10 19:16:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"You slept with 2 Filipino women and a man"
"You mean 3 Filipino women................
......................
OH GOD!!"
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-09-10 19:03:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
WHAT KIND OF MADE UP BULLSHIT COUNTRY IS CALLED THE PHILLIPPINES??111!!!!
Submitted by RabiedRooster (user info) at 2007-09-10 18:01:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The cream that covered his face slowly revealed an aged man called HurtByTheSun. He licked the cream from his chops and declared, MMMMMMmmmmmmm BUKKAKE!
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-09-10 16:20:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-09-10 15:31:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
the Philippines (a country in Southeast Asia AND YES, it does exist, look it up in the map!).
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I stopped here.
Do you have any idea how many filipinos live in America?
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-09-10 15:31:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
the Philippines (a country in Southeast Asia AND YES, it does exist, look it up in the map!).
---------
I stopped here.
Do you have any idea how many filipinos live in America?
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-09-10 15:05:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I GAVE $500 TO THE CHILDREN'S FUND TO SUPPORT A LITTLE PHILLIPINO KID WHO LIVES IN A SHACK AND EATS ONLY CHICKEN HEADS. I WANT MY MONEY BACK IF THIS IS WHAT I ENABLED!
Submitted by Grownasskid (user info) at 2007-09-10 14:56:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-09-10 14:52:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Most people do, in fact, have some sense of geography.
As for the story, I'd try to cut down on the adverbs. It also read a bit formally considering it was meant to be a passionate love story.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-09-10 14:37:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Har Har @ Skrappy...
Trust me, the debauchery continues.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-09-10 14:31:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I spent some time in th' PI too. It was all in Subic City, Olongopo City, and near Clark Airforce Base, and all before the US military left. Good times, good times. Anyway, that being the case I sincerely hope I have no idea of what The Phillipines is really like, and I hope that the debauchery that was Olongopo City has been forgotten (or at least is embarassingly ignored) by your fine nation.
PS: I may be your dad, or maybe grand-dad.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-09-10 14:04:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Welcome to Uber.
Be more entertaining and you'll do just fine.
Oh, and securely strap on yer kupya.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-09-10 13:47:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Read the first line, and wish a) I hadn't, and b) this to go away again.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-09-10 13:38:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Having actually spent some time in the country you hail from, I feel the need to say the following...
FOR SHAME!
This sound EXACTLY like every single sordid television drama that your country mass produces like bunnies on viagra.
IF you wish to keep contributing, please try to rise above the lowest common denominator that your culture seem to worship. Seriously, the Phillippines has always seemed like a country run by petulant children.
Yeash. I'm not -2ing this simply 'cause it's your first post and it seemed like you actually tried (but, I gotta say that I really, really want to).
Submitted by Zampano (user info) at 2007-09-10 12:24:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I've now gone back and read the rest, and...meh.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-09-10 12:22:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Zampano (user info) at 2007-09-10 12:22:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I read up until the point where you assumed I not only had never heard of the Phillipines and had a clue to its geographical orientation, but that I, in fact, thought it was some kind of mystical fairy-land and anyone claiming to be from there is an elusive sprite lost from its magical otherworld.
See, in Michigan, we get away with "Yeah, there really is a Kalamazoo" or "Yeah, there really is a Hell."
I've never heard anyone say, "YES, [the Phillipines do] exist! Look it up on a map!"
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-09-10 12:15:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Tiesto is good but can be extremely self indulgent. If he sticks to spinning he's pretty good. Agree with Ballare about being on something. Otherwise his ego wanking can get a little tedious at times.
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2007-09-10 12:11:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-10 12:05:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Is Tiesto worth seeing?
----
Only if you've got some sort of substance in you
Saw him in Amsterdam, and he was fucking great
I hope we're talking about the same thing.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-09-10 12:09:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
HOLE PLS?
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-10 12:05:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Is Tiesto worth seeing?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-09-10 12:02:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Where to begin? Hmmm
Okay, first of the bat you should never use the name Renault. Makes the guy sound like a car, a crappy car that breaks down and is generally unsexy.
Secondly, you are a man, a member toting member of Blokus Maleus, and Uber is already a bit of a sausage fest.
Thirdly, the theme of "Oh love, oh to be young, oh death, oh unrequited love" is both ghey and hackneyed, it also creates an impression of you as an odious, young, oik with little to offer anyone or anything.
Fourthly, you are a phillipino boy and as such belong under David Gower's desk.
Finally, you should seek to do something interesting. Perhaps tell us about the culture and community you grew up in as it is bound to be full of poverty stricken adventure. If it really isn't all that different from what we've all experienced then I advise accessing your post-pubescent temprement as much as possible and writing some truly worrying fan-fiction.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-09-10 12:02:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You into child pornography like everyone else in your country, Pedro?
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2007-09-10 11:54:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Congratulations on being Asian and stuff.
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-09-10 11:51:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
IVA B3N VISITNG HERA FOR A WHIEL NOW!1!!!1! IV3 NEVER POSTAD ANYTHNG THOUGH!11!!!1!1 LOL SUR3 IVE REVEIWED A FEW THNGS H3RE AND THEYRE BUT MOSTLEY JUST TEH BASIS WITHOUT 3VAN L3AVNG MUCH OF A COM3NT!!!11! LOL
SO FIRSTLEY ID LIEK 2 INTRODUC3 MYSELF!!!!!!11 OMG LOL IM A 2 YAAR-OLD MAEL FROM TEH PHILIPIENS (A COUNTRY IN SOUTH3AST ASIA AND YES IT DOES EXIST LOK IT UP IN DA MAP)!1!!1!! OMG WTF IM AT MAH SENIOR Y3AR IN DA COUNTRYS STAET UNIEVRSITY TAKNG UP INDUSTRIAL ANGIENERNG!1!1!!!! OMG WTF LOL IMM HOPNG 2 GRADUAET SON!1!1!1
I KNOW TAHT THEYRE SI A HUG3 DIFER3NCE BTWEN OUR CULTUR3S AND AS MUCH AS I TRY 2 UND3RSTAND W3ST3RN CULTURE THROUGH FILMS AND LIETRATURA THEYRE MAY B A FEW THNGS WHARE I MIGHT B OF!1!1!1!
ANYWAY HER3S A SHORT S2RY I MAED A LITL3 OVAR A YEAR AGO!111!11! OMG LOL ENJOY!!111one
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didn't get any farther than that.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-09-10 11:49:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i am a 22 year-old male from the Philippines (a country in Southeast Asia AND YES, it does exist, look it up in the map!).
***
what's a map?