Roland (413 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.02 on 23 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Zerachi (View user info) at 2007-09-10 15:45:48 EDT
Me friend Roland toppled backward, swallowed by tha deep ol' mine. I figure it too far long a drop for me ta hear when he hits bottom - thank tha hand for small favors. I might have reached out ta stop him, mebby catch him - ta save him. Didn't really see the sense in all that, though; not what with that arrow sticking clear out his eye.
I kin see you folk be confused, though. Mebby even a wee bit perturbed. Sure 'nuff I'd think the same being in yer shoes.
Those of you who's wearin' shoes, I means; hell - it's just an expression, don't take it all personal-like. Ya might be tad put out - gotten off on the wrong foot, aye? I do see ya all got feet, or leasting 'a' foot. I don't blame ya, put down in the middle of a story it's na going ta be making much sense. Well, sit down a spell and listen ta an old man's tale: I'll make it all clear as yer wash basin afore I took a leak in it.
Sorry 'bout that, by the by.
It starts off with me grand-daughter, aye? Her bearbit mother never raised her proper-like, she got all mixed up in tha least reputable kinda folks. Done all that castin' and devilry sort; me family always been goodly afore then. Surprise ta none, she gone and went too far; shattered her poor lil' mind with some curse. Wise men say is punishment from tha Hand, but she just a wee lil' girl. Now see here, she be all I got left now, I couldn' just let her be put away gibbering mad, aye? Her mother wouldn' ever do a damn piece o' mothering, an me son done and got his damn fool self kilt in tha last war. You kin see it was all up ta me, aye?
Sos I pay ta see tha seer, aye? I pays him and he say; this tribe in tha Black Iron hills, they be making an...uh...al-chem-i-caul potion I could use ta cure me poor lil' dear. Says it got great powers over hexes an mind bendin' spells, aye. Sos then I ask him, "The Black Iron hills? Tha same ones done used ta have those mines in, when tha miners done turned up mad or dead?" Aye he say, them be the ones - I no needing ta go in the mines themselves though, sos figure it be alright.
Then I get ta thinking, me not bein' the most good at dealing with strange folk, aye? Sos I get a hold o' me old buddy Roland. He says he come ta talk ta tha tribe folk. He always been well with dealin' outsiders I says. Always fine ta have old Roland along, aye. We travel for few days, mebby week - I never been one ta keep good track of tha time, Roland better at that.
We get ta the hills easy 'nough, we even found tha tribal camp. This be the right one?, Roland he ask me. Aye, right camp sure enough I says: tha seer done told me it be right by that old mine, there. I points out tha mine ta him, an' he nod.
Roland now, this where things went bad; he done disappear on me - then I not see him back till he run ta me, clutching some skin. Roland, he say we need ta go now, he done stole tha potion and rile up tha native folk something fierce, aye.
We don't have tha time for that, though - I kin see some them coming out way, hollering and carryin' on most like a bloody damn banshee. Sos, we run, aye? We get ta the mine shaft, but I see it be just fer air, no way down there. That when Roland done fell down it, arrow through his eye.
Sos now that ya hear me story, you done see why I need this potion, aye?
You not gon' shoot me like ya did ol' Roland, Aye?
Aye?
User Reviews
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-02-23 20:22:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Those of you who found the vernacular difficult: Don't EVER attempt any Stephen Crane. Ever.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2008-02-20 11:08:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good little story. I didn't find the vernacular hard to read at all, and I think it is the main reason the story is interesting as it is -- tells you a lot about the storyteller. And hey man, if that's the way your character talks, that's the way he talks.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-09-11 14:33:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-09-11 11:24:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+1.5
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-09-11 11:24:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-09-11 08:45:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Aside from the imposing vernacular, which everyone else has already commented on, nice work.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-09-11 08:45:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Aside from the imposing vernacular, which everyone else has already commented on, nice work.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-09-11 07:37:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The overdid the asscent common is slightly unfair as I would hope thats exactly what you wanted to do, brilliant idea and I dont think you have got enough credit from some unappreciative people.
poor you.
Submitted by Progr3ss (user info) at 2007-09-11 06:58:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-09-11 09:01:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
childe roland to the dark tower came
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damn you and your quote stealing prowess.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-09-10 19:01:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
childe roland to the dark tower came
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-09-10 17:59:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Man: 'Evening, squire!
Squire: (stiffly) Good evening.
Man: Is, uh,...Is your wife a goer, eh? Know whatahmean, know whatahmean, nudge nudge, know whatahmean, say no more?
Squire: I, uh, I beg your pardon?
Man: Your, uh, your wife, does she go, eh, does she go, eh?
Squire: (flustered) Well, she sometimes "goes", yes.
Man: Aaaaaaaah bet she does, I bet she does, say no more, say no more, knowwhatahmean, nudge nudge?
Squire: (confused) I'm afraid I don't quite follow you.
Man: Follow me. Follow me. That's good, that's good! A nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat!
Squire: Are you, uh,...are you selling something?
Man: SELLING! Very good, very good! Ay? Ay? Ay? (pause) Oooh! Ya wicked Ay! Wicked Ay! Oooh hooh! Say No MORE!
Squire: Well, I, uh....
Man: Is, your uh, is your wife a sport, ay?
Squire: Um, she likes sport, yes!
Man: I bet she does, I bet she does!
Squire: As a matter of fact she's very fond of cricket.
Man: 'Oo isn't? Likes games, eh? Knew she would. Likes games, eh? She's been around a bit, been around?
Squire: She has traveled, yes. She's from Scarsdale. (pause)
Man: SAY NO MORE!!
Man: Scarsdale, saynomore, saynomore, saynomore, squire!
Squire: I wasn't going to!
Man: Oh! Well, never mind. Dib dib? Is your uh, is your wife interested in....photography, ay? "Photographs, ay", he asked him knowlingly?
Squire: Photography?
Man: Snap snap, grin grin, wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more?
Squire: Holiday snaps, eh?
Man: They could be, they could be taken on holiday. Candid, you know, CANDID photography?
Squire: No, no I'm afraid we don't have a camera.
Man: Oh. (leeringly) Still, mooooooh, ay? Mwoohohohohoo, ay? Hohohohohoho, ay?
Squire: Look... are you insinuating something?
Man: Oh, no, no, no...yes.
Squire: Well?
Man: Well, you're a man of the world, squire.
Squire: Yes...
Man: I mean, you've been around a bit, you know, like, you've, uh.... You've "done it"....
Squire: What do you mean?
Man: Well, I mean like,....you've SLEPT, with a lady....
Squire: Yes....
Man: What's it like?
Submitted by RabiedRooster (user info) at 2007-09-10 17:51:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I couldn't read it but it looks really hard to write and is probably pretty good
Submitted by Lambchop (user info) at 2007-09-10 17:40:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Rooooooooland the headless Thompson gunner
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-09-10 17:21:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
wow, thats a typing nightmare +1 for effort.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-09-10 16:48:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2007-09-10 16:42:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I actually liked the vernacular. It was refreshing. The story wasn't bad either, however, this REALLY needed to be longer. I think you could have easily done a short series on this, even having it end the same way.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-09-10 16:34:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Do scottish people actually write like that?
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-09-10 16:32:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hard to read.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-09-10 16:29:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Scmeizel, schmauzel...hops and feffer corporated.
WHATEVER.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-09-10 16:26:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-09-10 15:58:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Um...
I liked the story, but you overdid the accent.
I thought ol' boy was either retarded or nuts until the very end.
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Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-09-10 15:57:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's way too hard to read in vernacular.
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If the writer wants to give a very precise image of a character's voice, there is usually a lengthy description of the character's physical and psychological presence and perhaps a short history of their upbringing. Doesn't work in this type of read, though, where you want the reader to dive right in. I have wondered if one might post a story such as this, albeit written in more proper English, and also include a short soundfile with the first few sentences of the story spoken, to give the reader a sense of the storyteller's intent for the voice. What would Slingblade be without the "MmmmHm."
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-09-10 16:14:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Keep RolandRolandRoland,
What?
Keep RolandRolandRoland!
LimpBis..
huh?
it isn't?
oh...
Is it about the Steven King book then?
No?
Then I don't know what the fuck's going on here then.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-09-10 16:00:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
certainly worth reading
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-09-10 15:58:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Um...
I liked the story, but you overdid the accent.
I thought ol' boy was either retarded or nuts until the very end.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-09-10 15:57:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's way too hard to read in vernacular.