My Latest Attempt To Butcher The English Language (784 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.49 on 60 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ShapeShifter (View user info) at 2007-09-11 10:48:29 EDT
Q: ENGLISH MOTHER FUCKER, DO YOU SPEAK IT?
A: Apparently not too well :(
Now that I have addressed my blatant sucking on all fronts of using, writing, speaking the Engrish vernacular, it's nuances, the subtleties, innuendos and the such I can get on with my post. You know, if that is okay with everyone. It's not? Well, then I'm going to dedicate this post to El Chupacabra. No seriously, I am.
Let's see, where to begin...where to begin?
It's no hidden fact that my cock remarkably close in size to Pentium 4 processor, or a Vienna Sausage (boner), or a thimble, or a Sharpie MINI, etc. etc., but what is remarkable is that with my micro-cock I still manage to stick my dick in a fair share of holes. Let's face it. I'm a trashy piece of societal fecal matter that should be eradicated from this planet, especially to preserve mankind from producing some of my offspring.
I'll never score a broad classier than, let's say...Monica Lewinsky. Actually, she's a bit out of my league, so let's say that I'll never score a broad classier than Dora the Explorer. HellooooOOO underage girls. I've been known to hold a 3 pubic hair minimum, but I've also been know to carry a magic marker.
Point being is that a while back, let's say a few years I shoved my shot glass in some girl's hole. Under the auspice that I'm actually capable of a repeat customer we'll say that I nailed her multiple times, and can continue to do so as I've already gotten the invite last month. The thing is that my two best friends...the other two amigos as it were, have also nailed this wench.
Now, this is more of a high five story that this slut is quite aware of but for interest sake we'll say that she has a modicum of saving grace in that she has a remarkably elastic drip catcher. I've commented time and time again while putting my pen cap in her that she had such a nice cock holster. Somewhere along the line she got dubbed El Chupacabra...she attacked one of us (not me) and left a mark that hicky doesn't even comprehend. This animal, this goat sucker, this Chupacabra made a mark close to what you'd get if you were 421 paintball games, all getting shot in the exact same spot.
Oh, and dare you ask what El Chupacabra looks like...read this!
By Jill Robinson
Thu, September 06, 2007, 5:53 pm PDT
Something has been killing Phylis Canion's chickens in Cuero, Texas—and she thinks it's a chupacabra. She's suspected the mysterious "goat sucker" over the past two years. But now, after three ugly animals were found dead near Canion's ranch, she believes there's finally proof.
News of the discovery inspired searchers to dial up "chupacabra pictures," kicking its buzz up 12,015%. Curious folks in Oklahoma, Mississippi, New Mexico, and (of course) Texas are most interested in getting a gander at the strange creatures. It's not just the photos that are popular. Related queries cover the "real chupacabra" (+6,799%) and the geographically specific "chupacabra texas" (+5,216%), as well as "bloodsucking chupacabra," "chupacabra caught in south texas," and "chupacabra dna."
Canion is already selling T-shirts to mark the discovery of the freakish animals, and intends to test their DNA to figure out what they are. Maybe she should wait until after the shirts sell out before spoiling the story with some real science.
Filed under: Animals, Cryptozoology
Rest assured that I am ordering 3 T-Shirts as soon as they open this morning.
User Reviews
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2007-09-12 22:39:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-09-11 15:07:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah right, as if Mexos ever said "Lets us leave our land of sun and flavour. Let us go to where it pisses down rain all the time and chips are served with every meal"
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I watched a movie on Sunday about an illegal Mexican immigrant kid who moved to England to play soccer for Newcastle United, and overcame his personal demons, healed his relationship with his emotionally withholding dad (who of course died from an untimely heart attack), and so on and so forth. I totally cried like a douche too.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-09-12 20:58:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"What the hell was that!?"
"Chupacabra...stop screwing around."
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-09-12 08:38:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yee Haw.
Fey Hate!
WOOOOOOT!
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-09-12 08:28:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-11 15:57:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What's even more creepy is that I'm such a loathed user around here. Why would you pretend to be me?
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With this kind of insight, isn't it about time you moved on? Give up any literary aspirations you may have and get the hell out?
Because sure, I know, it's supposed to be the internet, and you're supposed to skate it off and not care, but you are told personally and relentlessly that you are a waste of space. How can your pride not take a beating from that?
You do feel like one great inferiority complex on wheels, with all your posturing and constant hoisting yourself up and attempting to sit on others. Unfortunately, you fall on your ass as often as not, but maybe it genuinely doesn't bother you.
If that's the case, you really ARE as thick as you come off.
Oh, and normally I don't have much against you, but this shtick was old before you started it. And you got under my skin with your last comment on my post. Fuck you, you hack.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2007-09-11 18:26:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-11 16:05:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You really think I did that to impress you, icarus? Glorify in that. I did it specifically to impress you and YOU only, cherry tart.
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Apparently reading comprehension is no longer required to work at the local carnival.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-09-11 17:37:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-09-11 11:14:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My medical history was once described by a free clinic docter as...epic.
Top that, bitches.
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gross, what kind of mud chicks are you banging.
+2 COS I'M PREGNANT AND DON'T KNOW WHO THE FATHER IS!!!!11!!
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-09-11 17:25:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by jamowilly40 (user info) at 2007-09-11 08:11:32 PDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is barely readable and you are a fucking dipshit.
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that's no way to talk to your girlfriend...
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-11 16:05:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You really think I did that to impress you, icarus? Glorify in that. I did it specifically to impress you and YOU only, cherry tart.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2007-09-11 16:01:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-11 12:22:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Aww, wittle Icarus only comes to ubersite when S.I. Co. Semen comes out to play. Admit, fag hopper...you have an infatuation with me that goes to the brink of stalking.
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Right. You posted pics of a bunch of your she-he "conquests" on a backwater web forum to impress a bunch of people you don't even know, and I'm the one with an issue 'cuz I pick the easy targets.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-09-11 15:58:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Our language, our rules. It's not our fault if you're scared of U's and S's.
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-11 15:57:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What's even more creepy is that I'm such a loathed user around here. Why would you pretend to be me?
Submitted by jamowilly40 (user info) at 2007-09-11 15:52:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why do you people refer to mothers as 'mum'? How...creepy.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-09-11 15:50:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-11 20:47:56 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
Kind of..but it has a bean and/or beef base with cheese, veggies, rice, etc. Instead of getting flattened, it gets rolled up.
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In that case I think I have eaten one
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Submitted by jamowilly40 (user info) at 2007-09-11 20:45:33 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
oathmeal = surgeon = sicosemen = TTOM = TheUniter = your fucking mom
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I really have to stop dressing like my mum
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-11 15:49:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Apollo, below!
Submitted by Surgeon (user info) at 2007-09-11 15:49:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
iodine..
Submitted by Surgeon (user info) at 2007-09-11 15:47:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
no taco bells here in my OR.
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-11 15:47:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Kind of..but it has a bean and/or beef base with cheese, veggies, rice, etc. Instead of getting flattened, it gets rolled up.
Submitted by jamowilly40 (user info) at 2007-09-11 15:45:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oathmeal = surgeon = sicosemen = TTOM = TheUniter = your fucking mom
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-09-11 15:44:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
So is a burrito just like a fajita or what?
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-11 15:43:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
On a side note, in a book I read involving the band members of GNR, in order to not get caught cheating they would often stick there dick in a burrito to cover up the smell of sex. Amazing!
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-11 15:41:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I get it...I understand why you'd blame me. Also see that there's been a bunch of framing go around. If I'm not mistaken, this same Surgeon framed Oathy not 3 days ago. Understand that there's people with a constant hard-on to try and fuck me (not literally) and the one steady person that has tried to do that is the person I mentioned in the e-mail. I told you that I'm done with the shennies.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-09-11 15:39:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The boy who cried alter...or something
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-09-11 15:39:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, I caught it and I was all set to trust you the three feet that I could (possibly) throw you.
Then this happens and it sounds like JUST the shite you pull on a CONSTANT fucking basis.
Blow me.
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-11 15:37:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
CJ, I know that I don't hold a bunch of credibility here but I swear that I'm being framed. I shot you an email yesterday, dude. Check it.
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-11 15:35:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hahaha, doesn't that joke ever get old? I've already outed myself, Surgeon...fucking numbskulls. That's the second time that he/she tried to claim being me.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-09-11 15:35:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ok, Fuck you Surgeon/SicoFuckFace...
Submitted by Surgeon (user info) at 2007-09-11 15:32:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow! The thought of an entire country never having a burrito is almost as captivating as this tasty post I created in a matter of 10 minutes. Almost, TTOM, almost.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-09-11 15:27:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
We dont have any Taco Bells that Ive ever seen.
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-11 15:16:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Okay, fair enough, but certainly there must be the frozen burrito deals there. They are about 99 cents and are good for when you have a keg/football party every Sunday. Or if not any of those, surely the fast food chain Taco Bell has made it over there, no?
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-09-11 15:07:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yeah right, as if Mexos ever said "Lets us leave our land of sun and flavour. Let us go to where it pisses down rain all the time and chips are served with every meal"
I stole that from Greg Proops but what the hell.
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-11 15:03:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
HOLY FUCKING. SHIT! Seriously, never eaten a burrito? That has got to be the most fascinating thing I've ever heard? Don't you have at least a few beaners over there?
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-09-11 15:02:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I dont think Ive ever eaten a burrito
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2007-09-11 14:35:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No, thanks.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-09-11 13:59:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-11 13:36:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Serious question...you ever scratch your taint or balloon knot after a raunch workout session, then mistakenly smell your finger and get reminded of burritos? I hate when I have the burrito smell...fucking gross that is.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-09-11 13:33:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ah the oft forgotten barren wonder zone o' pleasure
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-11 13:31:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
At least you made me giggle a little while I was diddling my taint.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-09-11 13:27:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'll have the last word thank you.
Word.
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-11 13:25:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
TTOM, nerding it up since....birth. Seriously, was that even in English? As I've stated, dick bag, I have no use to "mess" with you guys any more and since empathetic and you are the only people to put "mess" in "quotations" I'm assuming it is you. I use this place to pass time. Your ratings, reviews, etc. are here to entertain me only...not make or break me. Please do, however, continue to review and show me exactly how much you don't care. K, thanks.
Submitted by Surgeon (user info) at 2007-09-11 13:17:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
abraders..
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-09-11 13:16:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-11 18:03:53 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
Dumb dumb head, below. I'm a troll, yet you fags wait for me to post so you can comment with a pitiful attempt at humor. You can't even properly make fun of me. Go make a jpeg post, you one trick pony.
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Yeah I've been waiting all day for you to post weeeeeeeeeep. You saw right through me you sly dog you, I don't know how you manage to keep your millionaire playboy lifestyle going all the while being an international master spy, full time hand model, filler for no less than 3 Greek demi-gods AND make us all look like fools on a daily basis on this domain of the sad, lost and lonely that is called Ubersite.
Why you even managed to figure out that Empathetic was me! Astounding since even I didn't know it and had in fact never heard of him/her/it/them. I must have been brainwashed by my masters in the illuminati and not realised it.
Well, now that I've been found out I have no doubt that my end is at hand since my mission is a failure and I must make my time, so I will bid you adieu sir and doff my cap to your intelligence, wit and overall mature attitude that you have displayed.
Good day.
GARCK! THE POISON, IT TASTES OF DEATH!
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-11 13:03:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dumb dumb head, below. I'm a troll, yet you fags wait for me to post so you can comment with a pitiful attempt at humor. You can't even properly make fun of me. Go make a jpeg post, you one trick pony.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-09-11 12:48:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-09-11 17:28:46 BST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-10 16:09:17 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, Empathetic...it's kind of hard to accept anything you might have to say because you are hiding behind the facade of an alter. I tell you what, Pete...get cancer again.
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You think I'd stoop to your level? Get fucked. It's not me you subhuman troll, anyone with half a brain could have worked that one ou...oh, oh yeah, sorry.
Submitted by TechnoRatty (user info) at 2007-09-11 12:42:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hiya
Tit Rash
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-11 12:22:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Aww, wittle Icarus only comes to ubersite when S.I. Co. Semen comes out to play. Admit, fag hopper...you have an infatuation with me that goes to the brink of stalking.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2007-09-11 12:11:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
but what is remarkable is that with my micro-cock I still manage to stick my dick in a fair share of holes.
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You paid the prostitutes, crackwhores, and sundry shemen cash in advance. At $5 a trick, that's not even financially remarkable.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-09-11 11:51:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
There's a song by that title on the first or second Chixdiggit disc.
Submitted by bigdicrick (user info) at 2007-09-11 11:47:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I thought I saw the El Chupe at McDonalds once, but then it ordered a Royale with cheese and covered it with mayonnaise.
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-11 11:16:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I love how my Legionnaire's now hide behind alters to -2 me. hahahaha, I love you all. Why not -2 me with your real accounts? Seeing how this isn't mine, you're not really affecting me even if I were to care about your paisley covered ratings.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-09-11 11:14:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My medical history was once described by a free clinic docter as...epic.
Top that, bitches.
Submitted by jamowilly40 (user info) at 2007-09-11 11:11:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is barely readable and you are a fucking dipshit.
Submitted by stone8946 (user info) at 2007-09-11 11:10:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-11 11:10:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
CJ, exactly how many STD's have you had?
Submitted by RabiedRooster (user info) at 2007-09-11 10:58:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-09-11 15:50:43 BST (#)
Ranking: -2
I bet when everyone sees El Chupacabra they think of me :)
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I think of your Mum :)
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-09-11 10:57:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
There isn't a current effective test for HPV, bud.
Believe me, I fucking-well know.
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-11 10:56:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
CJ, I get tested regular....I'll also leave it up to you to determine how much of this is fact/fiction.
Submitted by Empathetic (user info) at 2007-09-11 10:54:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-09-11 10:54:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You know, HPV is transmitted through skin-to-skin contact...and often takes six months to appear.
Good luck with the whole 'I'm bangin a chick my bro hit last month and my other bro hit the week before that' bit.
...
Don't ask how I know that fun fact.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-09-11 10:51:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
English is, in fact, my native tongue. Apparently, it is not yours.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-09-11 10:50:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I bet when everyone sees El Chupacabra they think of me :)