So... This is my penis..... (1643 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dirty HumorRating: 0.6 on 43 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Attack.Of.The.Chicken.Kiev (View user info) at 2007-09-14 04:29:05 EDT
Mildly humerous story for the Uber-public on a Friday morning... Gather round y'all, gather round.
Ok, so at the end of my quite large bedroom, I have a ladder. Now if you were to climb up the ladder in question, you would be in my step-brother's room, a loft conversion. So Basically in order for my brother to get into his place of slumber, it requires him intruding my private space, as it is his only point of access.
Never been a problem.... until last night that is....
Ok, so I was out at my local until late evening, on the lash. I got extremely drunk, and like usual my cheesey chat up lines entwined with my bizzarre mannorisms were earning me perculiar glances and the wrong kind of female attention. I am a wierdo, and for some strange reason try to publicate the fact at any given chance.
Fine I thought.... Let's go home and wank. As you do.
So fuelled on alchohol, and enough sperm in my tank to impregnate half of Asia, I stumbled home and let myself in my front door. Stonking errection of course, as I had already built up my 'wank material' in my head.
So I got into my room, and rummaged through my old crusty DVD selection for the appropriate footage for my mood. 'Anal Busters' was my decision, my solid penis my weapon of choice. This particular DVD was 8 hours long... It was about 1am. (I would like to point out that I have only ever seen the first 15 minutes, que up ladies....)
I did the usual checks, to see if my brother was in. Great, he wasn't, this allowed me the option of volume. So I stuck it on, and threw back my covers to present my naked self in all my glory.
So I was going at it right, really going at it, and something happened that has never happened to me before...
I fell asleep in the middle of my spank-a-thon. Well, passed out due to my current level of toxication. (Oh yes girls, I'm that damn good.)
Basically, I got up for work this morning, and the DVD was very much still in full swing. My hand, was very much still holding, my very much still errect penis. The covers still thrown back.
My step brother was in bed....... You work it out.
Oh how this is going to be an interesting encounter tonight. Joy.
User Reviews
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-16 16:07:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by oitsalex (user info) at 2007-09-16 14:56:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
ten bucks says your bro took multiple pictures, and will now proceed to blackmail you countless times
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Still nothing has been said.... strange.... it will be one of those things that comes out in a best man speech or something.
Submitted by oitsalex (user info) at 2007-09-16 14:56:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
ten bucks says your bro took multiple pictures, and will now proceed to blackmail you countless times
Submitted by Progr3ss (user info) at 2007-09-15 05:06:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
So your telling us that you managed to sustain an erection for about 6-7-8 hours WITHOUT Caul breaking in and raping you?
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-09-14 18:57:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I love this username
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-09-14 18:27:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
perv.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-09-14 16:58:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
hey man I laughed good work
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2007-09-14 15:47:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-09-14 14:22:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
...............
jonnyx! jonnyx! jonnyx!
Didn't seem that long ago (oh,no)
We were stealin 40's out the liquor store(oh,no)
momma started trippin so it's time to go
out to the park wit the locsters (huh)
everybody broke smokin roaches.
D.J. Quick was the shit had every nigga clamin
he was from the CPT
ya remember one time tried to clown
we had to burn this bitch on down.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-09-14 14:22:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-09-14 12:41:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This really wasn't all that funny...
Pity +1
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-09-14 12:22:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
BIRD SPANKING RULES!
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-09-14 12:19:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
right then.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-09-14 11:52:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-09-14 11:23:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by RabiedRooster (user info) at 2007-09-14 09:32:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Just so i can laugh at you
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-14 09:27:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Too many people have said that. Why would anyone want to see my shlongadong i'm a tool.
Submitted by lover101 (user info) at 2007-09-14 09:15:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
misleading....thought i was going to get to see your penis.
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-14 09:13:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-09-14 08:48:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
you fell asleep then woke up and maintained a hard-on the whole time?
you must have kung-foo grip, or teh viagara
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This amazed me too.... Why can't i maintain this uber-hard dickos during intercourse?
Perhaps my penis just enjoys the company of my hand.
And Rooster, come on fella, my penis? On Uber?? Seriously?
Niente. No. Non.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-09-14 08:48:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
you fell asleep then woke up and maintained a hard-on the whole time?
you must have kung-foo grip, or teh viagara
Submitted by RabiedRooster (user info) at 2007-09-14 08:21:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
From the title of this post i was expecting a peener camwhore as is the custom
Submitted by Surgeon (user info) at 2007-09-14 07:34:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
fundectomy..
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-14 07:24:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by RabiedRooster (user info) at 2007-09-14 05:53:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think i would. It could be a fun game. Although if you did that, would it make it less of a taboo to do it to another man?
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Rooster, i don't know if it is because i am a bit tipszy, but you totally make sense to me right now
Submitted by RabiedRooster (user info) at 2007-09-14 05:53:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think i would. It could be a fun game. Although if you did that, would it make it less of a taboo to do it to another man?
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-14 05:49:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by RabiedRooster (user info) at 2007-09-14 05:48:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Have you ever tried to suck your own wang?
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No, but if you could, would you? Alot of people think this is a disgusting concept, but i think that if we had extremely short arms since the beginning of time, we would find the idea of wanking disgusting.
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-14 05:48:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-09-14 05:45:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Actually I lie. I wank a lot, something to do with the fear of getting backed up or some such crap. Or maybe I just think I should be highly Sexed.
I never fell asleep wanking though, This I think, will be really useful when I finally convince a female to mate with me.
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LOL-ing all over the shop. Before this incident I thought to fall asleep mid-beat was nigh-impossible. Hey, I was wrong.
Submitted by RabiedRooster (user info) at 2007-09-14 05:48:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Have you ever tried to suck your own wang?
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-09-14 05:45:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Actually I lie. I wank a lot, something to do with the fear of getting backed up or some such crap. Or maybe I just think I should be highly Sexed.
I never fell asleep wanking though, This I think, will be really useful when I finally convince a female to mate with me.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-09-14 05:43:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Once every second Drogo?
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-09-14 05:39:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I had a wank once.
Submitted by RabiedRooster (user info) at 2007-09-14 05:38:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Nah man your bro saw your penis. What you fail to realise though, is while you were passed out your brother sat next to you and spanked off to the porno THEN went to sleep. At least thats what i'd do
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-14 05:37:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by RabiedRooster (user info) at 2007-09-14 05:27:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah thats cool man well done for being able to masturbate
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Yes... ok..... People seem to miss the point here. But cool.
Submitted by RabiedRooster (user info) at 2007-09-14 05:27:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah thats cool man well done for being able to masturbate
Submitted by AllyJeans (user info) at 2007-09-14 04:51:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
False advertising.
:(
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-14 04:43:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Touché EI....
Touché.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-09-14 04:42:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Translated as Koran.
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-14 04:39:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-09-14 04:36:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Its a cock not the Koran.
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Quran?
Submitted by candyfloss01 (user info) at 2007-09-14 04:36:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
love ya
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-09-14 04:36:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Its a cock not the Koran.
Submitted by candyfloss01 (user info) at 2007-09-14 04:36:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
[img]http://www.circuscontraption.com/photos/dime/10_hoochie_coochie_girls.jpg[/img]
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-09-14 04:35:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
any story that starts off by sounding like 'check my Kerrrr-razyy shennanigans!' usually turns out in a sexualualy inapropriate lawsuit... and no, that doesn't mean the judge feels you up.
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-14 04:34:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry he was in 'his' room. HE SAW ME HOLDING MY ERRECT COCK MAN THATS NOT GOOD!!
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-09-14 04:34:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I once read a story of a policeman, who told that quite a lot of males died of heart-attacks while... You can imagine, i guess. Since then i make sure, whenever i do it to me, myself, i can't be found in tricky positions...Just to be on the safe side. I'm quite sure it will not work.
+2 for upcoming conversations.
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-14 04:33:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-09-14 04:32:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
So let me get this straight, you got drunk,went home, wanked, fell asleep.
Oh goody.
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My step brother was in my room when i woke up? So he obviously walked in my room, saw the porn on, saw me sprawled out holding my penis.... He has to go through my room to get to his? You not get that bit?!?!
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-09-14 04:32:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
So let me get this straight, you got drunk,went home, wanked, fell asleep.
Oh goody.