Bring her Down in a Blaze of Glory (1136 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.88 on 25 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by icarus (View user info) at 2007-09-14 17:22:04 EDT
I have to hand it to you Bart, you've really got something here. There are commercial websites with fulltime staff out there that aren't nearly as pragmatically designed and coded, as viciously pruned, or as elegantly simple and true to its purpose as ubersite. And that's probably why things are so fucked up right now.
See, whether you're talking about the Tower of Babel, King Arthur's Court, or Molly Ringwald's acting career, God just doesn't want us to have nice things, and just as He smote the Titanic with a mountain of ice, so is He smiting your labor of love with people that make the Special Olympics kids look like Mensa material.
No, it's not the end of the world, and there are certainly some crazy talented people left out there. The problem is that they're the bright kids absorbing Geometry from that battered copy of Euclid's Elements they found propping up a table in the cafeteria, while the rest of the class eats glue and fingerpaints with battery acid. This place hasn't lost all of its good users yet, but it has lost a lot of the synergy that's generated when creative people feed off each other. It's something we used to have a lot of, but really, why bother wasting the time it takes to put your thoughts down on writing when it's just going to be drowned out by the latest "rape dick poop" bandwagon or some moron posting pictures of his penis?
Now this is your house, your rules, so I'm not going to even pretend to tell you what to do, or delude myself into thinking that you're not going to take the noble route and go down with your ship. You could try to battle the kinds of people who are going to spend their waking hours and real-world money trying to breach your security and annoy what's left of your user base. But there is an alternative. You could take this site down in a blaze of glory. You could shut her down in such a way that would leave the attention whores and uber-addicts gasping for air through their inhaler.
How? Simple, really.
Step 1. Just stop caring. You've done a lot to keep this site organized and the coding elegant, making it a breeze to browse and navigate. In doing so, you've doubtlessly hit upon countless ways you could inflict bad coding upon it, making everything from posting to browsing the front page a major pain in the ass. The first step here is to go nuts, and just stop checking your email.
Step 2. Open to the Public If the morons out there are (allegedly) willing to pay third-worlders to create alternate accounts, why not give them what they want and really open this place up to the public? Make it so that any kiddy capable of launching a bot will be able to wallpaper this place with ads for viagra and LOW LOW rates on an adjustable mortgage.
Step 3. Your Ad Here (and here, and also here) Those people still intent on slogging through the lake of spam to find Jonnyx's latest endeavors in digital transexualism need to be kept entertained; preferably by a slew of annoying Flash pop-ups; preferably ones that will crash the browser and result in digital STD's. Still keep the uber-board open, but fuck the coding so it randomly scrambles the words.
Step 4. I Hope You Ghosted Because just as the last, pathetic stragglers are about to leave, you need to bring everything back up in pristine shape, just exactly the way it was. Either make up some excuse about being on an extended holiday, or promise (quite fervently) THAT YOU WILL NEVER BE SO NAUGHTY AGAIN. Then proceed to shut the site down a week later. Or sell the name to URL who will (badly) misuse it. I'll give you $2 and a really old 5MB Hub.
User Reviews
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-09-17 10:03:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
meh?
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-09-17 01:05:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2007-09-16 21:11:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Rejection (user info) at 2007-09-15 16:17:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What happened to those crazy neighbors of yours, Icarus?
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-09-15 13:06:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
JEEZUS, I POST _ONE_ TRANNY PICTURE TWO YEARS AGO AND I NEVER HEAR THE END OF IT...
Submitted by Progr3ss (user info) at 2007-09-15 10:06:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this. But I'm drunk so I shuld'nt be trusted in my judgement..
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-15 09:18:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I didn't read this. I'm just being an ignorant cunt.
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-09-15 06:34:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
As much as I'm tired of seeing "boo hoo uber" posts, this one was actually pretty good.
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2007-09-15 04:19:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I also completely disagree with the sentiment of this post. Ubersite wasn't meant to be a 'serious writer forum, goddamnit'. It also wasn't meant to be filled to the brim with morons and idiots. I think it's supposed to be like it is now.
And by now I mean people posting whatever they damn well please, and other people free to bitch and not care about it. It's an all-purpose forum, the internet is filled up with retards, add the two together and you get ubersite.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-09-15 03:39:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-09-14 17:39:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's Bart's to do with it what he wishes, I guess..but if he ever does, I just hope he gives people the chance to save anything they actually care about. I have no doubt there is some art on this site that people have taken for granted they'll always have access to.
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I make a point to destroy any of the garbage I've created.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-09-15 00:44:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-09-14 23:35:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Imagine if Uber was still running in 10 years? 25? 50?
Would Bart have an index of 'Dead Users' on the left side of the page?
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Better to have two lists: "Burned Out" and "Faded Away". ITM and ETS on the one list, everyone else on the other. Someone will credit Def Leppard for the labels, and someone else will credit the movie 'Highlander'. We know better, don't we, Jack? Whiskey makes me reflective. That's one of the reasons I like it.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-09-15 00:32:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/97940
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-09-14 23:35:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Imagine if Uber was still running in 10 years? 25? 50?
Would Bart have an index of 'Dead Users' on the left side of the page?
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-09-14 23:30:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Is that a Teephuses sighting?
Submitted by Teephphah (user info) at 2007-09-14 23:16:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto Bon Geovi +2
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-09-14 20:17:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I save everything I've labeled. And lots of pictures.
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2007-09-14 20:05:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your ability to make me shoot drinks out my nose unwillingly is precisely the reason I keep you around.
If this place finally gets flushed down the shitter, I don't think I'll mind much because:
a) Like scourge, I've saved anything I ever gave a shit about.
b) I'm not bored at work anymore, I'm busy at school.
c) I met some cool people on here and don't need this place to keep in contact with them.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-09-14 18:04:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-09-14 17:39:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's Bart's to do with it what he wishes, I guess..but if he ever does, I just hope he gives people the chance to save anything they actually care about. I have no doubt there is some art on this site that people have taken for granted they'll always have access to.
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i have saved a copy of anything that i did that i actually like. which is about seven things. might be up to ten now...i dunno.
not that any of them were worth a shit, i just liked them.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-09-14 17:49:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-09-14 17:47:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WARNING! This is really really freaky.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-09-14 17:47:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
funny below
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-09-14 17:47:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
GODDAMNIT! "V14gr4 pr0n king" was going to be my next alter. Thanks you son of a bitch!
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-09-14 17:41:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I fully disagree with the sentiment of this post, yet I found it enjoyable.
How enigmatic.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-09-14 17:39:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's Bart's to do with it what he wishes, I guess..but if he ever does, I just hope he gives people the chance to save anything they actually care about. I have no doubt there is some art on this site that people have taken for granted they'll always have access to.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2007-09-14 17:24:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That should be "sell the URL to someone who will (badly) misuse it."
I AM SUCH A BAD DOG!