So... What's with the rubber gloves Doc? (454 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dirty HumorRating: -2 on 2 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Attack.Of.The.Chicken.Kiev (View user info) at 2007-09-17 05:03:16 EDT
Ok, I need to get something off my chest. I have to admit this post, like my last, does not help to show me at my greatest or proudest moments, but they were events that had an effect on me so here it goes...
So this story happened sometime in the summer, 5 years ago when I was 15 years old, (yes, well done I am only 20). I had become stricken with an inexplicable illness, which had me vomiting every time I ate, drank, and heck, sometimes i'd sit down to drop the kids off at the pool and spew monkey chunks.
Possibly due to the anal strain, who knows.
Now there was no real build up or warning, I had a dodgy stomach at school one day, and that night it started, projectile vomiting and anal erruptions. Followed by a very uncomfortable neck ache. Fine I thought, I could live with this hell for an evening.
No. The next day was even worse, the fact that I didn't get any sleep had me feeling rougher than a shaven camels arse, so my dear old dorris took me to the doctors. I was not eating or drinking, as even a sip of water urged mount mouth-suvious to produce it's fountain-esqe display.
So I got to the doctors, and this is where it actually got very scary for me, upon arriving at the doctors, he looked over me and there it was, a rash. A rash that did not disappear when greeted with a glass tumbler. My mothers face filled with worry, as Meningitis was mentioned, and it was ordered that I was admitted straight into hospital.
Now not many people woould freak if they just had a rash and neck ache as symptoms, but my family have history. My uncle was a sufferer who survived, but it claimed my Grandad at a relativly young age. So to say the least, we were worried.
Five nights in total I was in hospital admittamce. It was not nice, I was being fed glucose through a drip to keep my energy up, as verbally/orally I could not eat or drink anything, it was a scary time. Damn, I had to carry this thing to the toilet, very degrading.
So I was being injected with all kinds of medication, had umpteen amounts of tests that were being run on me as they tried to figure out what was wrong, obviously I was eagerly awaiting to hear about the meningitis result. It turned out that it wasn't, thank god, much to me and my families relief.
On the third morning of illness, I remember my Mother coming in cursing the hospital staff that had been tending to me, after she had a meeting with them. They had asked her if I was having problems at school, as they thought I was faking. Yes, yes you clever doctor types I thought. Vomiting and poo-splashing on cue was a regular party trick of mine. Fecking Egits.
There was this one nurse however, who was a diamond. She did not doubt me, she could see my pain and discomfort.
"It's not fair how they are treating you, now we have tried everything, tests, medication, we really have no idea what is wrong with you, it's bizzarre?!?!"
I didn't say much, just laid there and continued to let her speak.
"There is one more drug we have not tried... And we know you have had difficulty taking things orally and so this is the next logical step." She said assuringly.
Now this is when the look on my face went from ill, to "Get the fuck outta here" as she pulled out a blue, spherical pill, and proceeded to explain "This one, you don't have to swallow".
This thing was fucking huge, and if you have not guessed, it was an anal suppository, bum-pill, whatever you want to call it. About 3/4 the size of a ping pong ball, I kid ye not.
She calmly asked me to turn over, and holding my mother's hand (yuk yuk yuk yuk yuk) I prepared for the worse.
Which believe me, I got. She put on the glove, and plopped the sucker up there. Nice and snug.
It felt like taking a poo backwards, which is not as pleasurable as it sounds. However I stuck it out (or in, haha) and put up with the discomfort. Upon awaking the next morning, believe it or not, I felt on top of the world, fan-damn-tastic. Now this was either some wonder bum-pill, or psychologically I had come put of the closet, and on some level was pleased about it.
I like to think it wasn;t the latter of the two.
So anyway guys there it is, and I would never rule it out as a possiblity now... Headache? Sure, you can find me funnelling a tube of nurofen into my once-virginal, but not anymore, anus.
Yikes.
User Reviews
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-17 06:28:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by RabiedRooster (user info) at 2007-09-17 06:26:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Repost?
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Comp was being shite, didnt know the other was successful, this one actually got posted first.
Submitted by RabiedRooster (user info) at 2007-09-17 06:26:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Repost?