So... What's with the rubber gloves Doc? (998 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dirty HumorRating: 0.3 on 38 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Attack.Of.The.Chicken.Kiev (View user info) at 2007-09-17 05:03:28 EDT
Ok, I need to get something off my chest. I have to admit this post, like my last, does not help to show me at my greatest or proudest moments, but they were events that had an effect on me so here it goes...
So this story happened sometime in the summer, 5 years ago when I was 15 years old, (yes, well done I am only 20). I had become stricken with an inexplicable illness, which had me vomiting every time I ate, drank, and heck, sometimes i'd sit down to drop the kids off at the pool and spew monkey chunks.
Possibly due to the anal strain, who knows.
Now there was no real build up or warning, I had a dodgy stomach at school one day, and that night it started, projectile vomiting and anal erruptions. Followed by a very uncomfortable neck ache. Fine I thought, I could live with this hell for an evening.
No. The next day was even worse, the fact that I didn't get any sleep had me feeling rougher than a shaven camels arse, so my dear old dorris took me to the doctors. I was not eating or drinking, as even a sip of water urged mount mouth-suvious to produce it's fountain-esqe display.
So I got to the doctors, and this is where it actually got very scary for me, upon arriving at the doctors, he looked over me and there it was, a rash. A rash that did not disappear when greeted with a glass tumbler. My mothers face filled with worry, as Meningitis was mentioned, and it was ordered that I was admitted straight into hospital.
Now not many people woould freak if they just had a rash and neck ache as symptoms, but my family have history. My uncle was a sufferer who survived, but it claimed my Grandad at a relativly young age. So to say the least, we were worried.
Five nights in total I was in hospital admittamce. It was not nice, I was being fed glucose through a drip to keep my energy up, as verbally/orally I could not eat or drink anything, it was a scary time. Damn, I had to carry this thing to the toilet, very degrading.
So I was being injected with all kinds of medication, had umpteen amounts of tests that were being run on me as they tried to figure out what was wrong, obviously I was eagerly awaiting to hear about the meningitis result. It turned out that it wasn't, thank god, much to me and my families relief.
On the third morning of illness, I remember my Mother coming in cursing the hospital staff that had been tending to me, after she had a meeting with them. They had asked her if I was having problems at school, as they thought I was faking. Yes, yes you clever doctor types I thought. Vomiting and poo-splashing on cue was a regular party trick of mine. Fecking Egits.
There was this one nurse however, who was a diamond. She did not doubt me, she could see my pain and discomfort.
"It's not fair how they are treating you, now we have tried everything, tests, medication, we really have no idea what is wrong with you, it's bizzarre?!?!"
I didn't say much, just laid there and continued to let her speak.
"There is one more drug we have not tried... And we know you have had difficulty taking things orally and so this is the next logical step." She said assuringly.
Now this is when the look on my face went from ill, to "Get the fuck outta here" as she pulled out a blue, spherical pill, and proceeded to explain "This one, you don't have to swallow".
This thing was fucking huge, and if you have not guessed, it was an anal suppository, bum-pill, whatever you want to call it. About 3/4 the size of a ping pong ball, I kid ye not.
She calmly asked me to turn over, and holding my mother's hand (yuk yuk yuk yuk yuk) I prepared for the worse.
Which believe me, I got. She put on the glove, and plopped the sucker up there. Nice and snug.
It felt like taking a poo backwards, which is not as pleasurable as it sounds. However I stuck it out (or in, haha) and put up with the discomfort. Upon awaking the next morning, believe it or not, I felt on top of the world, fan-damn-tastic. Now this was either some wonder bum-pill, or psychologically I had come put of the closet, and on some level was pleased about it.
I like to think it wasn;t the latter of the two.
So anyway guys there it is, and I would never rule it out as a possiblity now... Headache? Sure, you can find me funnelling a tube of nurofen into my once-virginal, but not anymore, anus.
Yikes.
User Reviews
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-18 01:10:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Tom_Tom (user info) at 2007-09-17 15:05:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHA, but why not signal for your mother to leave, like come on, would you let her watch you have sex too?
-----
It was a scary time in ones life.... It was uncomfortable to have my mother there whilst another woman was intruding my anal passage, but she had been there for the whole 4-5 days, it would feel wrong to not have let her have a front row seat.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-09-17 16:00:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Tom_Tom (user info) at 2007-09-17 15:05:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHA, but why not signal for your mother to leave, like come on, would you let her watch you have sex too?
Submitted by Lambchop (user info) at 2007-09-17 14:17:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
WE GOT SOME INTERNET TOUGH GUYS GOING ON HERE
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-09-17 13:46:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
made me chuckle
Submitted by Surgeon (user info) at 2007-09-17 12:08:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
laryngoscopy..
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-09-17 11:37:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
'Ok, I need to get something off my chest.'
Nononono. Stay on target !
-1 for too obvious bogus distraction.
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-17 11:22:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by TechnoRatty (user info) at 2007-09-17 11:18:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
so whit was it like getting something shoved up yer arse by a woman.....
and would you do it again??
-------------
If i required medication I would request it.... and she was a bit cute.
Uncomfortable at the time, but after reading my own post I kinda miss the special attention.
Submitted by TechnoRatty (user info) at 2007-09-17 11:18:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
so whit was it like getting something shoved up yer arse by a woman.....
and would you do it again??
Submitted by RabiedRooster (user info) at 2007-09-17 11:14:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hahahaha well that little escapade was funny. Anyhow Peace Dude ;-)
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-17 11:08:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by RabiedRooster (user info) at 2007-09-17 10:58:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Natures_BiggestBowel_Movement,
I think you and I are heading down a path which I cannot be bothered to follow. Until you are posting better material than you are presently, please leave your comments lodged firmly in your anus as that is where they belong. Granted I have been posting rubbish of late, but that is by choice. You, on the otherhand, are trying to post quality which turns out to be regarded as horse shit by other uber Users. In your own words, GAME OVER.
RR
------------------
RetardedReprobate, I honestly cannot take you seriously after that astonishing attack the image of your brows made on my mentality....
I have nout against you really... You just bite the line every time. You are right, maybe I am so insecure that i strive to produce decent material, yet cannot, but i enjoyed writing this. I found it funny even if the Uberstock crowd did not. If my posts are horse shit, then do as you should, and step around them, not on them. UBER!
NBS
Submitted by RabiedRooster (user info) at 2007-09-17 10:58:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Natures_BiggestBowel_Movement,
I think you and I are heading down a path which I cannot be bothered to follow. Until you are posting better material than you are presently, please leave your comments lodged firmly in your anus as that is where they belong. Granted I have been posting rubbish of late, but that is by choice. You, on the otherhand, are trying to post quality which turns out to be regarded as horse shit by other uber Users. In your own words, GAME OVER.
RR
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-17 08:21:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, see what you are saying HBTS, but I have always done that. If i am less than a month away i round it up, as you do in simple maths. you are right, may be retarded, but nothing i am going to lose sleep over I am sure.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-09-17 08:13:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-17 13:12:50 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-09-17 08:09:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Aren't you 21? Not that I really care.
---------
Well, near enough.
=========
You live in a country where being 21 is an irrelevance and still claim to be that age? You can see how retarded that is right?
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-17 08:12:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-09-17 08:09:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Aren't you 21? Not that I really care.
---------
Well, near enough.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-09-17 08:09:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Aren't you 21? Not that I really care.
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-09-17 06:51:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
zzz
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-17 06:41:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by RabiedRooster (user info) at 2007-09-17 06:31:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This is for you http://www.ubersite.com/m/110307
--------
hahaha excellent, i like you a wee bit more.
Just a wee bit.
Submitted by RabiedRooster (user info) at 2007-09-17 06:31:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This is for you http://www.ubersite.com/m/110307
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-17 06:27:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by RabiedRooster (user info) at 2007-09-17 06:25:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I see your power of argument is falling in line with your I.Q
----------
No, it's just arguing with E-Geeks is not my favourite past time. I have a life.
Bye Rooster. Bye....
oooh, sushi for lunch!!!
Submitted by RabiedRooster (user info) at 2007-09-17 06:25:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I see your power of argument is falling in line with your I.Q
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-17 06:23:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Boooo hooooo little diseased chicken is shite! Little dirty hen boy can't write!
Submitted by RabiedRooster (user info) at 2007-09-17 06:20:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
So this is your idea of imroving posting ability. This didn't even have a decent or conclusive ending. All you talked about was filling your anus. I guess that's a daily event for you
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-17 06:18:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by RabiedRooster (user info) at 2007-09-17 05:53:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey i just released your camwhore on my new post http://www.ubersite.com/m/111771
=======
Oh yes, and there you are, falling out of my anus.
Submitted by RabiedRooster (user info) at 2007-09-17 05:53:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey i just released your camwhore on my new post http://www.ubersite.com/m/111771
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-17 05:52:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hairy slugs of doom? Or badly trimmed vaginal landing strips?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-09-17 05:49:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
psssst make fun of his eyebrows
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-17 05:48:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by RabiedRooster (user info) at 2007-09-17 05:42:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Shame you got better
--------------
Shame you were born. You are a living campaign for birth control.
I hope your family burn in thier sleep.
Submitted by RabiedRooster (user info) at 2007-09-17 05:42:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Shame you got better
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-09-17 05:40:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-09-17 10:30:35 BST (#)
Ranking: 1
I dont have a dildo Em, Who need plastic when you can have...........
--------------------
cake and pie?
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-17 05:33:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2007-09-17 05:19:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
did you gave that glove back too?
--------
No, I kept it in a glass jar and named it 'Percy'
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-09-17 05:30:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I dont have a dildo Em, Who need plastic when you can have...........
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-17 05:25:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Never found out what was wrong.... I was just fine one day when i woke up... Tests were inconclusive.
Ever get ill, strap on the gloves, and poke.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-09-17 05:20:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Drogo is your dildo made of pain killers then? Just wondering.
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2007-09-17 05:19:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
did you gave that glove back too?
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-09-17 05:19:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I have had a few ass pills after knee operations. They work well. Actually aparently they are the best way to put in pain killers as they absorb so quickly. Nothing gay about it.
So what was wrong with you?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-09-17 05:08:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
'It felt like taking a poo backwards'
ahaha
Tho seriously where did this story go! Was anything wrong with you? Or did you just realise you were gay?
Submitted by TheLightOfSpeed (user info) at 2007-09-17 05:05:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Never elaborate on your illnesses again. They make everybody else ill too.