I Was Anally Raped By a Fish At 13 Years Old (312 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -1.11 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ShapeShifter (View user info) at 2007-09-17 07:56:05 EDT
At the tender age of 13 I was an untainted, unaffected, clean, anti drug, anti alcohol, hard working young man who's summer job was as a crabber. In the rural town of Cambridge, Maryland on the eastern shore summer jobs were limited to cutting grass, working in the supermarket, washing cars at the dealership, working the movie rental store, a waiter/waitress/busboy/dish bitch, or as a crabber. The town has actually grown some since the 11 or 12 years since I've been there and a lot more has became of it.
I opted for crabbing because I enjoyed being outdoors, on the water getting a Mexican brown tan, except I'm anglo and young girls would love it, except I was and still in to boys. That footnote aside, crabbing is a pretty tough job. From getting up at 2:30 AM to get on the water by 3-3:30, to lifting bushels of crabs anywhere from 45-75 pounds, and baiting and salting mile long lines it is without a doubt a physically demanding job.
My boss, Tony, and I would carry on about anything and everything, nothing in particular and would generally have a good time. The smell of diesel fuel at 2:30 was enough to fully wake me and after the lines were ready to be dropped I would go in the cabin and sleep until 5-6AM, get up and work until noon or up until 4 some nights, depending on the catch.
All in all it wasn't so bad. If you got hot, jump off the fucking boat; no problems. You have to pee? Hang your dick off the side, stare at your boss's while licking your lips...sorry, I like guys, what can I say? You get the point I'm assuming.
I was baiting lines at the end of the shift which entailed ripping the turkey necks out of the nooses and tossing them into the water off the boat. Side note: My brother worked on a boat and once, when a seagull got too close he beat it with the boat hook. Turkey necks were fucking gross enough, rotting in the water, crabs pulling at them, etc. but the other bait that we used was a fucking terrible thing in comparison.
You'd take the bull lip and chop it using a paper cutter, the machine that had the guillotine/machete-like lever that you remember from elementary school. Yeah, one of those. You'd chop the bull lips up, salt them and coil your trot line in a 55 gallon bucket. After the first week, the novelty wears off and you handle them like you'd handle anything else. Today, however, I must have had a bad lunch because I was in dire need of porcelain chipping shit. On the boat, and without the time required to take the skiff ashore I needed to act fast.
The five gallon bucket wasn't going to cut it--the splash back alone for the behemoth solid plug holding back a mud river would have been terrifying--and my only other option was jump in the water. There's rock bass, stripers, and other things in this water but what happened next fucking disturbed the shit literally out of me. In my boxers I jumped overboard which I've done many of times into the water where I leaned back and pulled my britches down. I was almost complete with my shit when I felt a curious nibbling on my buttocks.
After I got done giggling, I had felt the nibbling train on my manhymen and the fish inserted a snout into my rectum. In a flash of ecstasy I did the only thing I could think of and pushed hard enough to shit the fish out of my ass. It was quite explosive but I managed to get back aboard of the ship feeling just slightly less dignified. Come to find out a young garr fish tried to swim up my ass. Good thing it didn't either because these fish have quite the teeth. Do a google search if you thing I'm fucking with you. The species I was dealing with is bad enough but if you want to really fucking scare yourself see the alligator garr on google. Also, below is what the boat I work on looked like, almost to the "t."
User Reviews
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-09-17 08:50:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Putting a fish in your ass won't fool anyone into thinking it's a pussy, queerbait.
<disclaimer>The preceeding comment may have been offensive to some more sensitive people, and if anyone reading it was disturbed or put off their coffee-n-biscuit, I sincerely apologize and wholeheartedly agree that it reads terribly homophobic, terribly anti-female, and just plain terribly.</disclaimer>
Queerbait. See what I did there?
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-09-17 08:44:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-09-17 08:09:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
More awful.
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Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-09-17 08:08:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
hilarious
Submitted by RabiedRooster (user info) at 2007-09-17 08:43:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice story
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-17 08:34:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
eh....you win some you lose some...
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-09-17 08:25:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Dreadful for a change
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2007-09-17 08:21:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
When you gotta go, you gotta go!
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2007-09-17 08:21:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Cool story, Hansel.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2007-09-17 08:21:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
no
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-09-17 08:09:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
More awful.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-09-17 08:08:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
hilarious