SPT - A sighting, some news, and a picture. DODGING WORK FTW!!!1eleventyone (778 hits)
Category: NewsRating: 1.8 on 36 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (View user info) at 2007-09-20 08:47:49 EDT
RANDOM SIGHTING:
While I was driving home yesterday, I saw a minivan with a cardboard sign taped to the back saying, "I <3 ol'saggy tits. Honk if you do too :)". I tried to take a cell phone picture, but it turned out shittier than this post.
COPY & PASTE NEWS (the best kind):
SNELLVILLE, Ga. (AP) — Police are investigating the death of a man who collapsed after being head-butted by an armless man in a fight over a woman.
Snellville Police Chief Roy Whitehead said the two men, Charles Keith Teer and William Russell Redfren, scuffled Monday afternoon in the driveway of a suburban Atlanta home.
Witnesses told authorities that Redfren, who has no arms, kicked Teer, and Teer struck Redfren, Whitehead said.
After bystanders separated them, Redfren "came back and head-butted [Teer] one time," Whitehead said.
Teer complained of feeling dizzy, collapsed, and died, Whitehead said.
Police are awaiting autopsy results before deciding whether Redfren should be charged.
PORTLAND, Ore. (AP) — A Portland man has been sentenced to 10 years for hiring a hit man to kill his wife, who foiled the plot by strangling the assailant with her bare hands.
Michael Kuhnhausen, 58, was in a Multnomah County courtroom Friday to hear his sentence for solicitation to commit aggravated murder, the charge he agreed to a plea bargain.
Kuhnhausen was accused of hiring Edward Haffey to kill his wife, from whom he was getting a divorce.
Susan Kuhnhausen, 51, came home from her job as an emergency room nurse at Providence Hospital last Sept. 6 to find Haffey wielding a claw hammer.
She outweighed the 59-year-old Haffey by some 80 pounds.
He struck her several times on the head with the hammer before she got it away from him, dropped it, fell to the floor with him and killed him, court records show.
Haffey, who had worked for Michael Kuhnhausen as a janitor in an adult book store, had a felony record that included robbery, burglary and conspiracy to commit aggravated murder.
"I blame him in some measure for what he did, but I blame you more," Susan Kuhnhausen told her former husband in court Friday.
She spent more than an hour on the stand.
"As long as you live, I will never have a measure of peace," she said. "But I will not be destroyed."
Kuhnhausen, for 30 years an emergency room nurse, was surrounded by her family and friends, four of whom spoke in court. At times, she cried. She held up photographs from the crime scene of her bruised and bloodied face.
"You told police that you found out I was OK," she said. "Do I look OK?"
Have a great Thursday. Here's an unrelated picture:
User Reviews
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-09-21 19:10:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-09-20 07:48:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Last year, I handed out Jello shots and candy while sitting on my porch couch getting rip roaring hammered. I watched a couple of teenagers have sex while leaning up against a street-light, I yelled suggestions at them, then my dog ate an entire bowl of Bubble Yum. It was fun.
===
+2 for this review. GOOD TIMES.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-09-20 18:19:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-09-20 15:50:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
no mo peaches for me
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2007-09-20 13:07:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-09-20 13:02:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-09-20 13:02:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2007-09-20 12:40:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The people in my office could not stop talking about the armless killer yesterday.
In my opinion, if you start getting all froggy on a guy with no arms, then you deserve whatever you get. It's called karma, and it never, ever fails.
Submitted by FATMANTPK (user info) at 2007-09-20 12:15:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Haffey, who had worked for Michael Kuhnhausen as a janitor in an adult book store,
----
He probably prefers death to his career
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-09-20 12:01:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ooooooofff
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-09-20 10:33:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-09-20 09:33:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ripping away the genitals....
massive blood loss.....
Death...
**faints**
that aint right.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-09-20 10:01:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i read that one about the armless wonder.
he's not disabled he's differently abled.
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-09-20 09:55:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Awww, drogo....
Don't feel bad. To tell you the truth, I don't even remember what the ideas I sent you were :P
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-09-20 09:53:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"The impact will lift the enemy off the ground." Ouch!
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2007-09-20 09:49:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
angry women always go for the boys. i guess that's the trade off.
guys can level crushing blows, leaving women bloody, bruised, and missing teeth.
women can eat your balls...with whatever teeth remain.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-09-20 09:48:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Armless head butter cool!
Hilarity I am sorry but have not done anything with story email. i will at some point but kind of gone off in other ways. Sorry! Pls forgive me :-(
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-09-20 09:43:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dammit.
Forgot to rate.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-09-20 09:42:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Woman, thy name is 'Nut-Muncher'.
*shudder*
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-09-20 09:39:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Monkey Fondles the Peach" is so much better for the peach. And it usually works out pretty well in the end for the monkey. Too.
SWIDT?
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-09-20 09:39:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What about that English girl a few months back who got mad at her boyfriend for flirting with a girl? She ripped his nut off, popped it in her mouth, and chewed on the sonofabitch.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2007-09-20 09:37:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you can't rip a guys nuts off unless he is wearing a kilt or something. you'd never get a proper grip.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-09-20 09:33:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ripping away the genitals....
massive blood loss.....
Death...
**faints**
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2007-09-20 09:30:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck. Yeah.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2007-09-20 09:25:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i laugh every time i see that picture. don't know why kung fu man needs to get the hand involved. you'd think a kick would do just as well.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-09-20 09:20:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Natures_Biggest_Mistake (user info) at 2007-09-20 09:19:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
monkey shakes banana
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-09-20 09:05:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I saw a truck at the gas station yesterday with the license plate "1 CHOAD". No shit.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-09-20 09:03:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I steal peaches all the time.
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2007-09-20 09:03:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Monkey... peach... OW!
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-09-20 08:58:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-09-20 08:54:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And the boyfriend didn't appreciate my successful execution of Monkey Steals the Peach.
**********************************
Y HALO THAR, PEACH-THIEF!
...ouch.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-09-20 08:57:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-09-20 13:54:08 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
Fuck yeah I honked.
And the boyfriend didn't appreciate my successful execution of Monkey Steals the Peach.
------------------
Some people have no taste.
im wearing superman Y fronts today :)
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-09-20 08:55:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh it seems to me
This whole world's gone crazy
And there's too much hate and killing going on
But when I see the bare chest of a woman
My worries and my problems are all gone
No one thinks of fightin'
When they see a topless girl
Any maybe if you would show yours too
We could save the world
Show them to me
Show them to me
Unclasp your bra and set those puppies free
They'd look a whole lot better without that sweater
baby, I'm sure you'll agree
If you got two fun bags
Show them to me
I don't care if they don't match
Or one's bigger than the other
You can show me one
And I'll imagine the other
Even if you're really old
There's nothing wrong
Don't be sad your boobs ain't bad
They're just alittle long
Show them to me
Show them to me
Lift up your shirt and let the whole world see
Just disrobe show your globes
And a happy man I'll be
If you got dos chi chi's
Show them to me
I've met a lot of them
But never one I've hated
Even if you've had thirteen kids
And you think they look deflated
There's no such thing as a bad breast
I believe this much is true
If your a big fat man I'm a titty fan
And I'd love to see yours too
Show them to me
Show them to me
Just like the Girls Gone Wild on TV
Just lean back and show your rack
And I'll be in ecstasy
If you got two Kasaba's
Show them to me
All the world will live in harmony
It'll do ya good and it'll give me wood
And we'll make history
If you love your country
I'm going to say it one more time...
I said If you love your country Yeah...
Then stand up your ass up and show those big ole tittes to meee
(Show them to me)
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-09-20 08:54:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fuck yeah I honked.
And the boyfriend didn't appreciate my successful execution of Monkey Steals the Peach.
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-09-20 08:53:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-09-20 08:52:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Did you honk?
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-09-20 08:51:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is truly SPT, but +2 for "Monkey steals the peach"
The mental image called up by that phrase is simply...eeeeep.
Submitted by jamowilly40 (user info) at 2007-09-20 08:50:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like turtles.