Moneyz (489 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -0.84 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Dirk Slax <lostnphound.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2007-09-24 09:46:30 EDT
You don't know me, but I really want to borrow your money.
Now, I use the term "borrow" loosely. When I say "borrow", I mean "keep". My intention is not to return this "borrowed" money. That's a tough sell, I know. But, wouldn't you just feel better about yourself if you gave a large sum of money to a complete stranger? That stranger being me.
I know what you're thinking: "Why would I give a someone on Uber a lot of money when I don't know who he is or what he is going to spend it on?" Well, sir or madam, as the case may be, the answer is clear. I think you'll find yourself waking up the next morning rejuvenated. You'll have a bounce to your step. You'll dance in the shower. You'll start to notice the finer things in life such as the shapes of peoples skulls. All your friends will be jealous because you've done something charitable. If they are feeling the need to be charitable as well, please refer them to me as I would be happy to accommodate them in their bountiful endeavors. It gets interesting when two people try to out do each other in their generosity. It also gets me more money, so please feel free to compete at will!
I guess if I had to say I was selling something that my product would be aptly named, " Self Rejuvenation Through Giving Strangers Money". I wouldn't recommend trying to write this off on your taxes. You may be audited and dealings with the IRS never turn out good for anyone.
I am accepting cash or check. I will not be taking rainbow sunshine dollars or Monopoly money. They don't translate very well at the local grocery store. Plus, the local hookers grew brains and no longer accept money from the game of Life.
It's sad to admit, but I just really want your money. And believe it or not, your money wants me. "Why?", you ask. Because your funds are aware that they would rather be spent on some meaningless trinket from a stranger than your bills and other needs. Your Benjamin's have a deep yearning to be spent on things fun.
Do I have money? Yes. Do I want more money? Yes. Do I want your money? Absolutley, I do. With that, I request your funds. I wish everyone a pleasant day and an empty bank account due to your charitable needs as a human being.
Please note that I am not a homeless person. Where would I find a computer if I was? I have a job, a nice car, a girlfriend, my own home, even a black and white cat I sometimes refer to as "little cow". What I don't have is your money.
Make checks payable to Curbside Inc.
I am neither curbside, nor incorporated. However, your financial backing will further my distance from the "curb".
Cordially,
Lostnphound
User Reviews
Submitted by greeneyedgrl (user info) at 2008-03-24 23:31:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-09-25 02:57:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-09-25 02:46:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hmmm, I thought this was quite clever.
Kick assy, even.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-09-24 11:34:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
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Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2007-09-24 11:33:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wow...this went over about as well as a dick in a deli. Guess I'll try harder next time.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-09-24 11:19:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
'I know what you're thinking'. Yeah, that you shouldn't have bothered.
A bit of a liberty using the sub heading 'humor'.
No worries. Welcome!
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-09-24 10:48:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not a minus two. Not a positive anything. Have a Zero First Post.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-09-24 10:32:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
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Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2007-09-24 10:32:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by DeadToast (user info) at 2007-09-24 10:32:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Here's a quick joke for you:
Knock knock.
Who's there?
You fucking suck and deserve a painful death.
The end.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-09-24 10:02:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2ool.
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-24 10:00:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
A, -2
I sunk your battleship!
--courtesy of Electro--
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-09-24 09:56:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-09-24 09:55:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What's that thing where you lose two points and die?
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yeah what is that?
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-09-24 09:55:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What's that thing where you lose two points and die?
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2007-09-24 09:49:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
not funny. not interesting. not worth bothering.
-2