A Scottish Teenage Love Story (1063 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.97 on 26 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by TechnoRatty (View user info) at 2007-09-24 15:39:12 EDT
Big Fat Rab reached over to little tubby, ugly Janette and his podgy hand zoomed up her skirt like a rat whizzing up a sewer pipe, so she smacked him one in his common ugly working-class kisser. But he kept on groping clumsily, a teenage Lothario ned of frightful dimensions
"Cut it out ya perverted fucker," she said delicately in between her cigarette and her chewing gum
But he was oh so very persistent and he kept on mauling her, leaning over and trying perpetually to get his hand into her smelly knickers. Just as he had done for the past week since they had been what is laughably called dating.
And she was having none of it, even though he had treated her to a nice greasy take-away burger and chips yet again. And he had bought a bottle of Buckfast and 8 Bacardi Breezers for them to share.
"Come on" he said through gritted yellow, smoke stained teeth, "You let Micky and John-Paul have a feel up of yer fanny, so what's wrong with some of it for me?" Which was one hundred per cent true, but Micky was a cripple, and she'd felt sorry for him and..... John-Paul had paid her twenty quid cash and had let her use his Blackberry to access the latest news on Big Brother. She had been so keen to find out that she had hardly noticed John Paul wanking wildly in front of her
And so the young couple struggled away in the front seat of Rab's Dad's Ford Focus and accidentally - guess what, dear reader - Rab's simian arm knocked against the gear lever and (seeing the dumbo hadn't put the handbrake on fully) the car slowly began to roll down the hill. Down and down it went, down and down it went and there was no way of fucking stopping it
Rab and Janette noticed the untoward motion after a few moments naturally, but it was too late then. In any case, Rab had inadvertently omitted to take his driving test and was about as hot behind the wheel as he had been at school, or indeed was in the role of Don Giovanni he had apparently assumed. So the car smashed into an inconveniently sited tree, near the bottom of the hill next to the sewage works. There was a very loud thump which disturbed a nearby courting couple in the undergrowth
The steering wheel and Rab's chest had an serious argument and Rab's ribcage came out the loser. So Rab coughed and screamed and threw up his part-digested burger and chips, followed by what was probably half a bucket of blood, which rather smudged the upholstery of his Dad's Ford Focus. And Janette said hello to the windscreen with a resounding thud and, I sadly have to say, she will not be sitting her exams next week. Or
indeed any other week, since her cranium took a tasty blow and she subsequently ended up in the vegetable ward of her local hospital.
When the cops arrived they were not well-pleased. After all, Sgt McCampbell (male, married with two kids aged 12) and PC Senga Dean (single, but with a 75 year old bed-ridden Mum on Social Security) had been nine-tenths through a perfectly good blow-job when the emergency call disturbed their tryst.
"Fucking youngsters," lamented the bold brave sergeant as he surveyed the carnage contemptuously, moving his fat genitals to a more comfortable position
"Nae fucking class at all these days," commented WPC Nellie just as she noticed there was quite a large gobbet of still-warm sperm defiling her nice smart constabulary uniform. She carefully removed it and transferred it to her gob before getting out her notebook.
User Reviews
Submitted by gazaroo82 (user info) at 2008-06-03 05:09:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sure you're talking about my home town. brilliant
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-09-25 10:52:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-09-25 08:46:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2007-09-25 07:06:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You must have been to Forres.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-09-25 06:16:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's grim up north.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-09-25 04:59:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-09-24 23:15:57 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
too bad scotlands rugby team sucks.
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At least we can catch a ball. In all honesty, your lot should have fucking annihilated what is effectively a second string team. The fact that we limited you to 20 points in each half, and the number of blunders the All Blacks made means that (once again) you don't look like winning the World Cup.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-09-25 04:36:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Disgusting. Brilliant.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-09-25 03:33:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I want to go to Scotland!!!
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-09-25 03:14:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"his podgy hand zoomed up her skirt like a rat whizzing up a sewer pipe"
Poetry...
Submitted by jared.melton (user info) at 2007-09-25 01:07:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I proclaim this story's theme song to be "She's got the Jack"...
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2007-09-25 00:28:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How wonderfully ridiculous.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-09-24 20:41:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ach. Gey feechie!
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-09-24 18:26:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2007-09-24 18:21:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I saw this when you first wrote it, but I didn't feel like reading it at the time. I came back about 2 hours later and saw the good rating, so I decided to read it. I'm glad I did.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-09-24 18:15:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
too bad scotlands rugby team sucks.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-09-24 17:13:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i can't wait to go to scotland.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-09-24 17:11:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-09-24 16:47:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ew
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-09-24 16:37:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2007-09-24 16:30:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sounds about accurate.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-09-24 16:19:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
as sweet a story as a warm McEwan's
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-09-24 16:12:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-09-24 15:46:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Truer words were never spoken. Though realistically, they'd never have been in a car, more likely a bus stop.
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IF they had been in a car it would have been a Ford Granada (stolen)
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-09-24 16:07:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-09-24 16:07:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-09-24 15:57:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lol @ scotland
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-09-24 15:46:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Truer words were never spoken. Though realistically, they'd never have been in a car, more likely a bus stop.