The Life of a Front Desk Clerk (969 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -0.73 on 47 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jared Melton <jared.melton.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2007-09-25 03:42:41 EDT
The following is not my original work. After some searching, I realized that it wasn't already on über, and decided to remedy that terrible tragedy. In my industry, different variations of this have been floating around for years but this is the version that I've been forwarding to co-workers/printing out and posting in the office for a while now.
Enjoy.
-----------------------
I have advanced degrees in accounting, public relations, marketing, business, computer science, civil engineering, and Swahili.
Of course, I have the reservation that you booked six years ago, even though you don't have the confirmation number and you think that it was made under a name that starts with "X".
Sure, it's no problem for me to give you seven connecting, nonsmoking, poolside suites with two king beds each, four rollaways and yes, I can install a wet bar. I know it is my fault that we do not have a helicopter pad.
I am a front desk clerk. I am expected to speak all languages, and yes, it is obvious to me that when you booked your reservation for Friday that you really meant Saturday. My company has entrusted me with all financial decisions, and no, I can't tell you why your bill from March of 1988 contained a 25 cent phone charge.
I understand that McGullicutty's Doughnut Manufacturing is a vast empire that will make or break our hotel. No, I am not kidding when I say that we have no rooms available, although it is not a problem for me to quickly construct several more guest rooms. This time I will not forget the helicopter pad.
I am a front desk clerk. I am quite capable of checking three people in, two people out, taking five reservations, answering ten incoming calls, AND plunging the toilet in room 221...all at the same time.
I always know where to fine the best vegetarian, Kosher, Mongolian, barbecue restaurants. I know exactly what to see and do in this city in fifteen minutes without spending any money.
I take personal blame for airline food, traffic jams, rental cars, and the national economy. I realize that you MEANT to book your reservation here. People often confuse us with the Holiday Inn Seattle, Washington. Of course, I can "fit you in" though, and yes, you may have the special one dollar rate because you are affiliated with the Hoboken Accounting and Bagel Club.
I am expected to smile, empathize, sympathize, console, cajole, upsell, downsell (know when to do which), perform, sing, dance, and fix the printer.
I am a front desk clerk. I do all things...and still try to look busy when management is around.
User Reviews
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2008-06-30 07:01:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Get a real fucking job.
Off you fuck faggot.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-09-25 18:47:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-09-25 17:21:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-09-25 16:46:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
JAYPEG TO THE WHITE COURTESY PHONE, MR. JAYPEG TO THE WHITE PHONE PLEASE
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-09-25 16:05:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
well that was a waste
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-09-25 14:38:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
meh.
so try again. But first, go +2 all my posts and Brdn_nkds and Scrilicious. Then we'll be nice to you
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-09-25 12:37:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Ghaa...
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-09-25 12:16:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I guess I should read the reviews before I TRY AND BE CLEVER.
PS. This fucking blows and so does your life.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-09-25 12:15:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
HEY! LOOK! JGREENING HAS RETURNED!
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2007-09-25 11:41:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-09-25 11:36:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
There are approximately 3,067 posts on uber written by actual former/current hotel employees.
Submitted by Darth_Famine (user info) at 2007-09-25 10:56:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
funny
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-09-25 10:19:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-09-25 07:37:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
IS THAT YOU JAYPEG???
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-09-25 10:11:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I spent many a year at the front desk. One day I will write a quality post of my adventures for you to bask in.
My favorite excuse was "I'm just a book keeper you need to see the front desk people on the A shift for that."
No more cut/past for you mister. Got it?
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-09-25 09:38:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
i am honestly astonished and confused by the reviews.... I mean, I'm all for welcoming new people and giving some guidance so that they post original stuff that doesn't suck but people actually enjoyed this?! here's the thing if you do work at a front desk of a hotel I'm sure you can post some entertaining stories of debauchery, stupidity, and the general human condition. do that instead of reposting shit.
hi and welcome.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-09-25 09:34:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
not only is this a fucking cut and paste.... it's a bad one!
this post is so bad that I would not clean my brown eye with it after violently spray painting the toilet because of the giant burrito i ate after an all day, 16 hour binge drinking session. what I am saying is i shit more entertaining things than what you have just unleashed on us and for that I despise you.
or not, whatever. stop it now and we can pretend this never happened.
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2007-09-25 08:40:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-09-25 07:42:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
the manatee has returned?
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-09-25 07:37:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
IS THAT YOU JAYPEG???
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-09-25 07:18:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-09-25 03:50:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
zzz
Submitted by jared.melton (user info) at 2007-09-25 06:43:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well actually, I love what I do...
It's just something that's tossed around in the business. Usually is good for a chuckle.
All due respect to construction...that shit's hard.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-09-25 06:21:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
*some
Fack.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-09-25 06:21:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Stop with the email forwards. If you don't like being in a service industry, go get soem wood, a hammer, and some nails and build something.
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-25 06:15:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I didn't read this.
Submitted by pshuu (user info) at 2007-09-25 06:04:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am also a front desk clerk and an overnight auditor to boot. I completely understand what the original author is talking about. They are the thoughts of probably every single hotel front desk clerk ever.
Submitted by WookieSuave (user info) at 2007-09-25 04:56:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2228342700
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-09-25 04:49:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Great.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-09-25 04:34:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Your mum thinks im quite nice so that says nothing.
I have a million hour training course now. Ho hum.
I want to stroke your kittens oh and your momma.
I like sentances.
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-09-25 04:30:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-09-25 04:27:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-09-25 04:23:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You should probably go and masturbate over my camwhore really
--
I feel Hell Freezing over
I'm not a cunt. I'm quite nice I think, and my mum thinks so too. And my Kittens even though I get the feeling they would probably feed off my putrifying body if I died in the house.
Submitted by jared.melton (user info) at 2007-09-25 04:26:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Odin knows I'd love to...but they're watching.
Always.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-09-25 04:23:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You should probably go and masturbate over my camwhore really
Submitted by jared.melton (user info) at 2007-09-25 04:21:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You're right...that was rob.
I think I'll go gargle some bourbon...if I can only find those damn bar keys.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-09-25 04:20:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Huh i never mentioned a typo
Submitted by jared.melton (user info) at 2007-09-25 04:15:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
iddqd, it's not that I've nothing original. This particular little blurb has always entertained me and I thought it should get a bit more exposure. I look forward to wowing you into orgasm tomorrow.
...and Emission, no excuse on the typo...but you might find the following amusing: http://www.latech.edu/tech/liberal-arts/geography/courses/spellchecker.htm
Carry on, über-ites.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-09-25 04:12:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ignore drogo he's a cunt
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-09-25 04:11:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Working in any kinda customer service job sucks. Get out before you become bitter with the entire general public. Good first post.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-09-25 04:11:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"I always know where to fine the best vegetarian, Kosher, Mongolian, barbecue restaurants. I know exactly what to see and do in this city in fifteen minutes without spending any money. "
--
Personally Front desks of hotels should at least have an idea about these things.
Copy and paste sucks, even the worst of us here know that.
Welcome.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-09-25 04:07:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
bammm feel my pimp hand
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-09-25 04:06:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"I always know where to fine the best vegetarian"
If this is passed around so much - how come that typo hasn't been fixed?
Meh.
Kinda funny, might make a good scene in a movie.
Nothing cerebrally orgasmic.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-09-25 04:06:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't worry, bud. There are only about 8 of us dorks lurking...and I'm going to bed now. I'd be asleep already, but I had to let my fucking turkey pot pie cool down. Burnt my tongue and shit.
+2 first post
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-09-25 03:55:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
so, in lieu of having anything interesting of your own to say, youve been boring (and i guarantee its been boring those of the few that have been reading your tepid, stale emails) them with this cut-and-pasted mediocrity.
ironically, this actually says a lot more about you than any heartfelt, original, tell-all post you could possibly write.
get back to work peon, and stop wasting your bosses time.
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-09-25 03:50:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
zzz
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-09-25 03:49:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
delegate
Submitted by HateMudkips (user info) at 2007-09-25 03:48:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Coyote: Fear not, Homer. I am your spirit guide.
Homer: Hiya.
Coyote: There is a lesson you must learn.
Homer: If it's about laying off the insanity peppers, I'm way ahead
of ya.
El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Homer
needs more original content.
Submitted by jared.melton (user info) at 2007-09-25 03:46:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I've broken a rule, haven't I?
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-09-25 03:45:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You'd better duck