UGR - Last Man Standing (2058 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.5 on 124 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Fey (View user info) at 2007-09-25 14:33:01 EDT
Michael stared at the numbers, confusion shaded with irritation. He punched the code again, stubbornly holding the buttons in for a second before releasing them. Why was this not working? There was no click, green light, door open. He tried again, frustration inherent in the stiff knuckle of his index finger.
The warm, shapeless mass of his thoughts shifted, allowing a critical piece of information to be glimpsed briefly. Sensing its import, he followed it through to the memory it resided within. They'd changed the system. As of a few days ago, you needed a key to get in after a certain hour.
Following the memory further; there'd been a newsletter taped to the inside of the door. He focused his attention and saw that it was still taped to the inside of the door. A distracted couple of minutes were spent attempting to read it, back to front and from the wrong side of the paper. The light from the elevator gave it enough of a backlight that words could almost be distinguished.
A car on the road behind him, its headlights illuminating the night in passing, woke him up out of it. Suddenly incredibly tired of being on the wrong side of the door, Michael rummaged through his jacket pockets for his keys.
Once inside, the familiar scent of the stairwell hit him. The polite young Indian man on the first floor, who always wore lots of manperfume. A faint hint, possibly imagined, of the older couple on the second floor and their alcoholic fumes. He glanced, as he always did, at his name on the list of residents. And at hers, beside it.
He raced up the stairs, scorning the small, slow elevator. He had to, just had to, do it on one breath of air. Holding it, feeling it start to pinch just slightly before he relented and sucked in a giant silent whoop of air when he reached the door to their apartment. The exertion, slight though it was, had cleared his head of the cobwebs. It'd been a long drive, first there and then home, the drive that forced itself upon him and stole time away from her. She'd been sad when he left, she'd been sad for a long time now, and he ached to place a kiss on the soft skin of her cheek and watch a glimmer of her smile shine through.
He tried the doorhandle, even though he knew she'd locked it.She was the most independent woman he knew, but she always locked the door. In their locked apartment building, in their quiet neighbourhood, she locked the door. He'd asked her about it once, she'd smiled her halfsmile at him and shrugged.
The crotchety lock fought him, but he conquered it and burst into their home, riding the kickback of his second wind. The apartment was dark, the only light the natural shine of moon and stars in through the windows out toward the balcony. He paused, surprised, forward momentum balked. An unreasonable panic surged through him, and a sharp note underlay his words as he called, "Maia? Are you here?" Something caught his attention, it sounded like it was coming from behind their closed bedroom door. The two steps it took to get there passed in a blur and he flung the door open so hard it bounced into the wall, leaving a mark.
He flicked the lightswitch and frantically tried to adjust his eyes to the change. Maia rolled over, bleary, sleepy eyes blinking in the harsh light. "Michael? Wass wrong, love?" she murmured, her voice husky with sleep and confusion. Michael tried to still his frantically beating heart, and placed a smile over the top of the emotions still roiling within. "Nothing's wrong, sweetheart, sorry. I thought you'd be up, that's all."
He managed, with an effort, to force the images out of his mind. The mental pictures of the possibilities that had raged through him during the seconds of ignorance. Maia, in the bedroom, so involved with another, faceless, man that she didn't notice him coming in... Maia, lying in the lounge, beaten, their belongings missing... His Maia, hurt. He released another shaky breath, and chided himself for overreacting.
Michael walked to their bed and gazed down at her dark hair curling around her ears, spreading across her pillow. She met his eyes, barely awake, and blew him a sleepy kiss. The fake smile covering his upset slowly turned into a real one, as he basked in the warmth of his emotions for this woman. The thought of losing her was unbearable, and occasionally it would catch him unawares as it had tonight. Dig its claws into him and shake him, scare him.
Michael curled around Maia's warmth, and felt a familiar, affectionate arousal as she pressed her hips back, fitting exactly into the curve of his body. The day and the aftermath of the emotional havoc caught up suddenly, and he fell asleep. As he slept, he breathed the scent of her hair, her skin, and was at peace.
________
Michael fumbled his keys out of his pocket one-handed, struggling to hang on to his briefcase and dutyfree shopping bag and a bouquet of flowers with the other. Damn useless system, why have a code if it wasn't going to work for 8 hours of every 24? He swore softly to himself, a habitual rather than genuine outburst, and holding the flowers in place with his chin, squeezed through the heavy door. He glanced at the stairs, and then at the elevator, and sighed internally before pressing the button "Up".
As usual, the elevator ride took longer than it would have to walk, but Michael didn't have the energy to battle his way up the stairs with all that needed to be carried. Nonetheless, he sighed again, aloud this time, as he impatiently awaited his arrival. Every second spent in transit was a second begrudged, because it kept him from his Maia.
He tried the doorhandle, even though he knew it would be locked, and almost fell inside as the door slid open under his hand. The apartment was dark, and disappointment hit him. He'd wanted to surprise her, and so had rescheduled his flight home a day early. The business deal had been easier to broker than originally expected, and he'd missed her too much to stay away unnecessarily. He hadn't want to call ahead, so she didn't know to be home.
Thoroughly put out, Michael dropped his briefcase in the hall and walked into the kitchen with the flowers and the dutyfree chocolates. He was finding a vase for the flowers when he suddenly wondered, why had the door been unlocked? Confused and slightly irritated, he walked back out into the hallway and called, "Maia?" He refused to overreact again... He switched the light on, and noticed for the first time that there was a note on the floor.
He picked it up, and at the first words the blood drained out of his face, leaving a ringing in his ears and a sick, light-headed feeling.
"Michael, love, I'm sorry. I don't know what to say, or how to say it, except to say that this is not your fault. You have to believe that. This is not your fault. Don't go into the bathroom, Michael. Call an ambulance, and go and wait out on the street for it to arrive. Do this for me, Michael, please. I can't bear the thought of you seeing me like this. I'm so sorry. I love you."
Michael's world shrank and expanded sickeningly. Breathing in short, sharp gasps he launched himself at the bathroom door. Locked. He threw his shoulder against it and felt it give slightly. He threw himself at it again, oblivious of the panicked sounds he was making or anything other than his need to get to her, to help her, his Maia. He broke the lock out of the door, a flimsy plywood construction, and pushed his way inside, jamming it open against its hinges.
The awful cold stillness of the room told him a story he didn't want to hear. He denied the certainty of it and dropped to his knees beside her, ignoring the blood, ignoring the tears streaming down his face obscuring his vision, just holding onto her, holding on.
________
He stood, numb, and accepted the heartfelt but meaningless condolences of their friends and family. They all murmured variations on the same theme, "It's not your fault... you can't blame yourself, you weren't to know... It runs in the family, depression, you didn't cause any of it." He despised them for it, for constantly speaking of it, but it was a dark and secret thing he kept to himself. If not him, then who? Of course he should have known. Michael stood, silent, as they trickled away from the grave. Her mother was the last to leave and she tried to catch his eye. He refused the contact, avoiding her eyes which were so like Maia's.
The sunset that day was heartbreakingly beautiful. A sheen of warm gold covered the world, rendering sharp edges softer and allowing the earth to breathe out into the coming night. Michael stood at her side long into the night, long after the cold had arrived, long after sanity required that he let go. He could never let go.
User Reviews
Submitted by woolfe (user info) at 2008-06-04 04:17:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ArnieGeddon (user info) at 2007-10-02 06:34:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I *can't* ring her. Once I rang her to ask about where the water went in the iron, but didn't want to look like a dickhead, so I pretended we (me and the guys) had been playing trivial pursuit and it was one of the questions and I was like all omg can you BELIEVE they didn't know the answer helen? Well can you?? omg don't tell me YOU don't know either...haha you don't. go on then martha stewart, tell me.
she saw right through me, laughed cruelly, and said this is why she left me, because i was a moron.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-10-02 06:28:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry to disappoint, Emission, but I have to go.
My actual life (with no mention of detergents or other cleaning products) needs my attention, and however much I'd like to just ignore it, I have not the luxury of such an option.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-10-02 06:26:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There's an evolutionary imperative why we give a crap about our family and friends. And there's an evolutionary imperative why we don't give a crap about anybody else. If we loved all people indiscriminately, we couldn't function
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-10-02 06:23:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh you, jesus,popeye anyone. Im doing a spreadsheet detailing the amount of advert appeals we recieved in September.
I win the no life competition.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-10-02 06:22:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Actually, ridiculously, laughed out loud at that. Silly man, Arnie, silly man. On the other hand though, I think you should ring your ex and just slip it into conversation, so you can wow her with how independent and self-sufficient you have become.
Submitted by ArnieGeddon (user info) at 2007-10-02 06:20:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
excuse me, I have an actual life. I am washing my whites. I'm a little confused by the washing powder instuctions...'an extra half scoop for hard water areas'.
I've been holding my hand under the tap in the basin now for 5 minutes - frowning, and so far it just feels pretty wet, which I assume is soft.
if i wasn't so proud i'd ring my ex and ask her how unwet water needed to be before it was hard
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-10-02 06:18:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Found who?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-10-02 06:16:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
found you!
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-10-02 06:14:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Stop being so slow, Arnie. It makes chatting a chore... <drums fingers>
Submitted by ArnieGeddon (user info) at 2007-10-02 06:08:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
okay that wasn't nice. i'm sorry for saying bart dressed like a cheerleader.
Submitted by ArnieGeddon (user info) at 2007-10-02 06:04:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-10-01 11:04:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've wondered, perhaps an oldtimer like yourself could explain, why do we call them ratings while Bart calls them rankings? And also, you've been around long enough to know that the rating doesn't always reflect the quality. And besides, you don't get to have an opinion on the quality of my posts, because you don't read them anyway. So there.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:53:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/100335#2540433
No, you have thousands of posts. I'm still trying for quality, not quantity.
I don't know, where you left it maybe? Sweet dreams.
-------------------
Everything you really wanted to know about Danger_Ranger
User id: 16064
Registered on or around: 2005-02-01 23:50:52 EST
# Messages posted: thousands
# Reviews written: fantastic
# Times these posts have been reviewed: year 'round, 24/7
# Hits: infinity
Average rating of all messages: a million.oo
--------------
Everything you ever wanted to know about Fey
"............."
----------------
1. he calls them ratings. he also dresses like a cheerleader, i don't pretend to understand bart.
2. see above. no, not point one, just above. higher helen keller. that's it. don't be a hater. I'm the best writer on the internet - big deal. I didn't ask to be - I'm like John Connor in Terminator. Or Jesus in the garden of gethsemane. *you* try being me for a day.
3. everytime a new zealand girl puts her foot in her mouth, a kitten thinks enjoy the furball you gibbon.
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-09-28 16:14:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That hat looks good on you.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-09-28 09:27:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Has Fey won this yet???
Submitted by ArnieGeddon (user info) at 2007-09-28 09:17:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
unbalenced? U-N-B-A-L-A-N-C-E-D!?? WELL,
I,
never. how dare you. how, fucking, DARE you. i mean how fucking dare you. How, fucking, dare you. you. how do you dare. go put a stud in your belt goth boy. and one in your pooper.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-09-28 09:12:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oops.
Read it wrong earlier.
Still, Arnie seems a bit...unbalenced.
Never said I was Herman the German, dude.
Submitted by ArnieGeddon (user info) at 2007-09-28 08:44:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
(sp)
Submitted by ArnieGeddon (user info) at 2007-09-28 08:43:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-09-28 08:02:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
(rubs bridge of nose)
Fey, Fey...
You gave him your ACTUAL NAME?!?
I weep for the consequences.
-----------------
wise up chrome dome. Simone was alluding to the fact that feymenz, even though she's a kiwi, would still be like totally foolish to include her real name in her email address. you know for a resident of the fatherland you can be a bit disappointing. Are you a new zealand beck-pecker in disguise, like more than meets the eye?
[disclaimer] this review in no way condones simple simons' dipshit post referencing your emo. deutchlanddddddddddd, deutchland - uberrrrr allessssssssss..UBER ALLES IN DER WELTTTTTTTTTT.......
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-09-28 08:02:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
(rubs bridge of nose)
Fey, Fey...
You gave him your ACTUAL NAME?!?
I weep for the consequences.
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-28 07:53:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, why you have your real name attached to email is beyond me, but fair enough and I don't really want to know any of your credentials. I'm not worried about any alters/users getting banned but when I'm trying so hard to get my account reinstated, I see that bart would be less apt to do so when I have a blemish like that on my "record." Whether it's true or not (he can check via IP's) and I assure you that it's not me, you didn't help my case at all.
Perhaps I shouldn't have made that comment, but your reaction was completely overboard.
Good luck to you and congrats on winning nothing.
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-28 07:07:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fey, I'd merely like to discuss why you felt it necessary to single me out and blame me for all that was happening. Surely you don't think (actually, you do) that I have that many alters, or that I care enough about you or anything on this site to do what you suggested I did. Also, I'm curious as to why you put me up on the uberboard.
Please, if you'd like to induldge: sicosemen.at.gmail.com
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-09-27 11:58:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks, Sacrilicious. I often feel my own awkwardness when reading through something a couple of days later, but at the time I'm just trying to get everything said. A concrete example, so I know if what I'm seeing is the same as what you're seeing?
I tried to hint at Maia, (independent, quiet, warm) but she was seriously neglected in this piece. Once school and work get off my back, I may try writing this from her point of view.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-09-27 11:50:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I would have liked to read more. I think I get that you were focusing on the devastation the man would feel regardless of the details, but it ended a bit too soon for me. I want to know more about Maia.
I really like your stories. Sometimes I find some of your lines written awkwardly, but your talent for writing is obvious.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-09-27 11:37:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-09-27 00:05:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Zampano (user info) at 2007-09-27 00:00:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm giving this a preemptive +2, as I won't be able to read it for a couple of days. I've been extraordinarily busy as of late, but had to stop when I saw that UGR was in its last round.
I bet it was good, but I'll know soon enough.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-09-26 23:51:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Two for you and...
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-09-26 16:36:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You go girl. You have nothing to be embarrassed about.
Emotionally investing yourself in ANYthing is dangerous - especially around this dump.
This little uber lesson will only serve as a valuable lesson: the ratings around here mean shit.
(Don't tell JonnyX though, he's still under the impression that people give a shit about him.)
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-09-26 15:54:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You really think she's dumb enough to post it here after all THIS?
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-26 15:10:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fey, do you have an email address?
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-09-26 14:37:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/111642
God bless all the children on this site.
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-09-26 13:54:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-09-26 13:53:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/112009#2535649
I wear it now and then
http://www.ubersite.com/m/87979
http://www.ubersite.com/m/87750
http://www.ubersite.com/m/87131
http://www.ubersite.com/m/73630
and of course the Holy Grail of Uber
http://www.ubersite.com/m/72910
that's part 5, follow the link and start with #1
you know, if you're looking for some things to read.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-09-26 13:51:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this is an apologetic +2 - I don't have the attention span to read this now.
But it's a contest, and I rated shlongy +2 - so here you go :-) Good luck.
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-26 13:43:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
CJ, this twat is absolutely wrong in this case though. I don't mind getting accused of shit when I'm guilty but if you are going to whine, cry, and complain about this shit to "wheewwwwww bart" then you better sure as fuck know that it was me.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-09-26 13:39:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Relax, Fey.
Sico managed to get me all worked up, too.
You'll find that it gets a lot easier to ignore him once he's napalmed/-2ed all your best rated posts a couple times.
There's not much more he can do, after that.
Just remember that the majority of the folks who don't love alters enjoyed reading your compositions.
I know I do.
And that's got to count for something, right?
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-26 13:33:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/111365#2535442
Did you hyperventilate into a Budd Dwyer sack while doing this? I can't even begin to fathom how you came to the conclusion that all of those are sicosemen or that he has the time and wherewithal to make them.
Way to take the bait set forth here, dumb cunt: http://www.ubersite.com/m/111896#2532492 For shame on you, and since ratings mean so much I'll give you +2. Perhaps that'll soothe your cry dried eyes.
On second thought, no I won't.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-09-26 12:59:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fine, i'll go look.
how can i deprive someone in their golden years? this could be your last wish after all, and what kind of heartless bastard would i be if was to deny you?
ps, hows about a shot of mrs. shlongy's mams to help me get there faster?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-09-26 12:54:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Needless to say, knowing you, you'll be absolutely THRILLED.
Then, upon further examination, horrified.
Actually, I don't really give a rat's fuck if you hit the post or not.
I'm sure you already have...and then sat on your hands and not give Shlongy the "thrill" of a reaction and a response.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-09-26 12:47:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
no diapers today.
here...the thing is, i need INCENTIVE to go visit that post. will there be boobs? hole? poop jokes? i am a busy guy and i can't go clicking around all over the place. i need to make my time here COUNT. every click is money wasted, so i need to waste it well.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-09-26 12:45:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Now I'm just embarassed. I need to sleep more and care less.
To those of you who feel you deserve it;
Thanks and goodnight.
(scourge; you're also a screw.)
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-09-26 12:42:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
It depends if you're wearing a diaper today or not.
What's your definition of "mean"?
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-09-26 12:37:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
did you say mean things about me, shlongy?
because if you didn't i'm going to -2 it and make a nasty comment about your wife.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-09-26 12:34:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Before you leave, scourge, you should drop in on my LAST UGR submission, not the most current one.
I think you'll enjoy it.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-09-26 12:30:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/111987#2535553
JESUS FUCKING DICK AND BALLS CHRIST
how pathetic is THAT.
i can think of only two (amazingly sad) people at this god forsaken hole who would actually have a thought process like this. plotting out how to LEAVE REVIEWS AND RATINGS ON A WEBSITE WITH ALTERNATE ACCOUNTS AND BE UBDETECTED AS THE OWNER OF THAT ACCOUNT.
this isn't some political maneuvering with global consequences.
it's an internet forum.
that does it.
i'm leaving again.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-09-26 12:29:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Jesus Christ...I didn't realize that Fey was having a hysterical hissy fit over the ratings and the contest.
What a fucking mess...and to think I was thinking about volunteering to chow her beave.
She went to a bart post and complained?
Oh boy...
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-26 12:25:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by theBarron (user info) at 2007-09-26 12:20:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 FEY RAPE!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-09-26 12:23:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-26 12:12:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm willing to bet that Mr. +2, opponent, Shlongy has something to do with the shit smear of alters. How else could you explain him +2ing you if not to cover his tracks?
OH NO...BUSTED AGAIN!
Submitted by theBarron (user info) at 2007-09-26 12:20:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 FEY RAPE!
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-09-26 12:16:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Extra +2 POWER UP
It's SUPER FEY time!
Submitted by theBarron (user info) at 2007-09-26 12:14:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
SHAPESHIFTER YOU PENIS, DOES THAT MEAN I'M SHLONGY?
EH? EGADS OLD BEAN!
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-26 12:12:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm willing to bet that Mr. +2, opponent, Shlongy has something to do with the shit smear of alters. How else could you explain him +2ing you if not to cover his tracks?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-09-26 12:09:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So, do I get "fucked" or "screwed"?
I'm trying to get a read on where Shlongy stands.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-09-26 12:08:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fine Post here.
In reference to our other conversation...I too am an alter, I'm about 5 levels deep right now but back in the beginning I was a pretty decent poster on this site.
be careful of the behaviours you feed for they will grow big and strong and desire more nourishment.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-09-26 12:05:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
so...i've been gone for a little while.
i need to know, am i a 'fuck you' or a 'screw you'?
ps, haha @ uberboard no matter who put it up there.
pps, nice post.
Submitted by theBarron (user info) at 2007-09-26 11:53:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
REIGN IN EEEEEVIL BITCHWHORE!
-2 FEY RAPE!
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-26 11:52:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Seriously, answer any of those questions for me. If you sunk to a new low and are not responsible for the uberboard then who is?
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2007-09-26 11:51:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Quite hot in here. Great post, fey.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2007-09-26 11:51:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Buck up buckaroo.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-09-26 11:46:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-09-26 16:45:28 BST (#)
Ranking: -2
No, sorry, let me change that.
Fuck most of you, screw some of you.
============
Yo. The internet is not as srs a biz as you make it out to be. This was pretty good, but you know what it's like here by now surely?
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-09-26 11:45:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No, sorry, let me change that.
Fuck most of you, screw some of you.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-09-26 11:44:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I may have sunk to a new personal low with my reaction to this shit, but the uberboard isn't me.
Screw the lot of you.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-09-26 11:41:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-26 16:39:39 BST (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/108529#2535462
Holy fuck you are more stupid than I initially thought. A) I don't have any alters besides this one, bart has seen to that via my IP. B) Since when do you believe anything(let alone everything) that I say? C) Quit being an ignorant cunt. D) What will winning this competition do for you?
Nice touch with the uberboard if you really believe that...
=========
D) Is a pretty valid point... Chill out man! (Rating is more of an education than a criticism).
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-26 11:39:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/108529#2535462
Holy fuck you are more stupid than I initially thought. A) I don't have any alters besides this one, bart has seen to that via my IP. B) Since when do you believe anything(let alone everything) that I say? C) Quit being an ignorant cunt. D) What will winning this competition do for you?
Nice touch with the uberboard if you really believe that...
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-26 11:23:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
It's a stupid fucking contest that means jack shit...I don't know why you take it so seriously. Apparently the only other dipshit that realizes this is shlongy which is why I voted for him.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-09-26 11:18:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's a fucking alter-a-thon around here. Good lord...
Submitted by theBarron (user info) at 2007-09-26 11:18:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-09-26 11:12:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking alters.
(growl)
======
Is that a threat? I AM THE MASTER OF ALL EEEEEVIL!
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-09-26 11:18:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ok, sorry. I hate malevolent alters.
It's like cancer. If it's not malignant, it's ok, but it has a bad rep anyway.
Submitted by Brian_Blessed (user info) at 2007-09-26 11:16:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Brian_Blessed (user info) at 2007-09-26 16:14:46 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Mr_T (user info) at 2007-09-26 11:14:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Marina (user info) at 2007-09-26 11:13:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-09-26 09:20:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I hate alters.
:(
Submitted by Brian_Blessed (user info) at 2007-09-26 11:14:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Mr_T (user info) at 2007-09-26 11:14:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Marina (user info) at 2007-09-26 11:13:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-09-26 09:20:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I hate alters.
:(
Submitted by Mr_T (user info) at 2007-09-26 11:14:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Marina (user info) at 2007-09-26 11:13:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-09-26 09:20:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I hate alters.
:(
Submitted by Marina (user info) at 2007-09-26 11:13:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-09-26 09:20:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I hate alters.
:(
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-09-26 11:12:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking alters.
(growl)
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-09-26 11:09:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by The_Hitcher (user info) at 2007-09-26 10:09:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by theBarron (user info) at 2007-09-26 10:09:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Gtfo, alters!
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-09-26 10:59:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
But of course.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-09-26 10:45:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by nicballs (user info) at 2007-09-26 10:41:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent writing.
Submitted by The_Hitcher (user info) at 2007-09-26 10:09:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by theBarron (user info) at 2007-09-26 10:09:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I am the Baron and I am EEEEVIL!
==========
Not as evil as me boy!
Submitted by theBarron (user info) at 2007-09-26 10:09:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I am the Baron and I am EEEEVIL!
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-09-26 10:00:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
another +2 in the fight against dick-baggery
loved this post.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-09-26 09:49:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
still lovin it.
Submitted by ameelius (user info) at 2007-09-26 09:44:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Sorry, but my heart belongs to Shlongy.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-09-26 09:43:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-09-26 09:20:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I hate alters.
Submitted by zwerg (user info) at 2007-09-26 08:43:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Surgeon (user info) at 2007-09-26 08:02:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
rare-2otomy..
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-09-26 07:05:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Down syndrome is a condition in which extra genetic material causes delays in the way a child develops.....
How does this post and the above realte to each other.
Shut the fuck up skunk boy.
Submitted by Jacque (user info) at 2007-09-26 07:02:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This reminded me of down syndrome.
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-09-26 06:41:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good stuff
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2007-09-26 04:42:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kicker of all ass for a kicker of the bucket.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-09-26 03:21:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think I may be a Fey fan.
Uh oh, no , no its cool.
I shall print this off and read on the bus home.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-09-26 02:20:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Take another +2
This is in support of actual writing/substance on this site.
For every person who bitches about the "State of Uber," just look for the children/fucking idiots who -2'ed this post.
Hell, even Shlongy gave it a positive rating...
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2007-09-26 01:40:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Diggin it...
Felt the fear in my own past, that one moment of uncertainty, that chills you to the bone with stark cold fear that the absolute worst has happened, only to be relieved of it a heartbeat later.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-09-26 01:28:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-09-26 00:00:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
GO SHLONGY WOO!
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-09-25 20:56:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
and
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-09-25 20:55:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-09-25 20:28:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-09-25 18:39:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-09-25 18:18:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-09-25 18:13:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Clarification:
The year I was born, Michael was the most popular name for boys. That means that I went through school hearing my name constantly called, only to turn around to find that some other Michael was the intended receiver of said calling.
So, I don't like my name.
I do however enjoy these nicknames:
Haiku Mikoo, courtesy of drunken friends.
Malkoo, courtesy of my nephew (he didn't start calling me Michael until he was like...four, which is funny because I've lived with him on and off since he was born. Kind of made everyone sad that the glory days of "Malkoo" were over, though).
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-09-25 17:46:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I totally lied, I couldn't read this because it has my name in it way too much. I really hate my name, but I think you're a good writer, so...whatever.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-09-25 17:45:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BUBUhaha?
What the fuck?
Good post.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-09-25 17:42:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-25 16:30:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I like shlongy's better.
BUBUahahahahahahahaahahahahahBooBoo
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2007-09-25 17:17:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Tuxinator (user info) at 2007-09-25 16:56:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
!
Submitted by CandieJo (user info) at 2007-09-25 16:55:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ArnieGeddon (user info) at 2007-09-25 16:42:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yaaawwwwwnnn, this post is boring. Hey, annika sorenstam, I've just got to the F's - jesus there's a lot of Fags in new zealand - you might have to wait for a bit.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/100708#2532958
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-09-25 16:31:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
K-O-K below...
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-25 16:30:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I like shlongy's better.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-09-25 16:20:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll be the streakbreaker later, when I commence with the drinking and the forfeiting.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2007-09-25 16:16:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-09-25 16:12:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
:D
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-09-25 16:03:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Even better the second time through. I feel sorry for whoever breaks your streak.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-09-25 15:45:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wow, amazing.
I need a hug.
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-09-25 15:31:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
my heart has been rent
Submitted by jamowilly40 (user info) at 2007-09-25 15:08:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Marina (user info) at 2007-09-25 15:07:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-09-25 15:00:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jeg Elska Deg.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-09-25 14:58:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And now I'm REALLY glad that I lost to Shlongy, because you would have slaughtered me anyway. Might as well let him get his jollies from the spanking.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-09-25 14:57:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fey for the win.
This was excellent.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-09-25 14:57:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus.
This was fucking fantastic.
The begining was a bit abrupt and confusing, but the rest more than made up for it.
You just keep getting better and better.
Please keep writing.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-09-25 14:51:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I loves ewe.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-09-25 14:45:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment