Power Punch II: Perhaps the Worst Game In All of Video Game History? (618 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0.62 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by I Am The Wrinklebeast (View user info) at 2007-09-25 14:34:45 EDT
Sorry about all the plagiarism. As a slant-eyed dipshit, I think I'll stick to reviewing video games for a while. That retard NintendoCzar doesn't have a clue as to what he's talking about.
Anyway, boxing is dumb. What's the deal with a couple guys beating the crap out of each other while wearing mittens on TV? I figure as long as you're punching something, it doesn't matter what it is. I believe the makers of this game agree with me. Let's explore, shall we?
When I booted up the game, I expect it to be another "Mike Tyson's Punch Out!" clone, but I was startled to see a rushing field of stars and the message, "PREPARE TO ENTER THE FIGHT TRAINING SHIP." I thought there might be something wrong with the game, because what the hell kind of boxing game dabbles in spaceshippery? Power Punch 2000 does, apparently. Before you enter the "ship," you're introduced to your character: An angry black man with an impossibly impressive record, apparently winning a gold at the olympics and being undefeated in 33 fights with 30 of those being KOs. Now, I'm no person who knows anything about boxing, but I do have access to Wikipedia (I have the secret password to get by the midget guarding the door), and it tells me that Muhammad Ali had a record of 56 wins and 5 losses, with 37 of those being KOs. If anything, that puts "Mark Tyler" in the same league as Ali (maybe better) and then they go and give control of this unstoppable punching machine to me? Terrible career choice, Mark.
Before he goes and loses his amazing record (nobody but NOBODY is good enough to keep me from losing with them), there's a confusing "training" sequence where you punch the flashing gloves on some sort of stone trainer's hands as he moves them around. As I soon learned, this whole training thing was completely useless. In the game proper, there are no flashing bits to aim for, no real way to tell when you should punch the other guy to hit him, and it's not even in the same angle. Thanks for the training, Rock Mick. This invaluable experience of never quite having the reaction time to hit your flashing gloves has given me the courage I need to go and get creamed by whatever opponent the IGB Federation might put me up against.
Of course, the IGB Federation (which I'm guessing means Inter Galactic Boxing Federation) pits you up against 9763 Borg, a Human Cyborg from the Solar planet Anargulon 5. If I tried to point out all the things wrong with that sentence...well, I'd be spending quite a lot of unnecessary time explaining things to you brilliant Uberusers. It does show that whoever wrote this obviously didn't know anything about what space is or what words associated with it means, or maybe they just didn't care. I know if I didn't care about what I was writing and wanted to make something really stupid and science fictioney, this might be something like I'd come up with. A blue cyborg man from "the inner colonies" of Madeupulon 5 who "can't help performing for the crowd" at his boxing matches. Actually, there's no way I could come up with something like that.
The actual fight, and therefore gameplay, was...well, it was a "Mike Tyson's Punch Out!" clone, only instead of fighting an angry Italian man, you fought some blue cyborg guy who did little Rock 'Em Sock 'Em robot moves when you punched him in the face. Of course, every time I hit him, it took away MAYBE one of those little bars on his health-o-meter, while each of his enhanced ROBOPUNCHES took away a good third of my health. To nobody's surprise, he beat the crap out of me in no time flat. I guess it just goes to show that in a boxing match between some guy and a FUCKING ROBOT, the robot wins. Thanks for teaching me something new, Powerade Fruit Punch 29! I leave you now with a picture of a hideously deformed mutant newsboy yelling about my horrible defeat.
Don't play this game.
User Reviews
Submitted by crosschris (user info) at 2007-09-26 14:48:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
'Pitfighter' on the SNES anyone?!
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-09-26 10:47:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought 'ET the Extra Terrestrial" for atari 2600 was the worst game ever?
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2007-09-26 07:52:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2007-09-26 06:08:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Needed more screengrabs.
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Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-09-26 06:28:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Who cares?
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2007-09-26 06:08:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Needed more screengrabs.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-09-26 02:23:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't remember what I was going to say...
Seriously.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-09-25 22:41:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No. This is the worst video game ever:
http://www.gamespot.com/genesis/action/michaeljacksonsmoonwalker/index.html
Submitted by DeMoNiC (user info) at 2007-09-25 19:34:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Tuxinator (user info) at 2007-09-26 06:50:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 for trying to start a nerd fight with NintendoCzar.
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I give a +2 for that.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2007-09-25 19:33:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"President Ronnie has been kidnapped by the ninjas. Are you a bad enough dude to rescue the President?"
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-09-25 18:39:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by Tuxinator (user info) at 2007-09-25 16:50:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 for trying to start a nerd fight with NintendoCzar.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-09-25 15:14:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I've played worse.
Submitted by Wompom (user info) at 2007-09-25 15:11:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 for effort.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-09-25 15:04:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Well, I smiled.
Submitted by NintendoCzar (user info) at 2007-09-25 14:47:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
That retard NintendoCzar doesn't have a clue as to what he's talking about.
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If you'd clean the jizz from your emo glasses you'd understand.
So shut the fuck up.
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-25 14:41:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Sorry about all the plagiarism. As a slant-eyed dipshit, I think I'll stick to reviewing
If only you would have stopped there you would have gotten a +2...that's as far as I read anyway.