The E-Whang Guide: How to tell the Size and Needs Of Your E-Penis (817 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.77 on 25 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ilikesteak (View user info) at 2007-09-25 22:16:57 EDT
Everybody has one, but it isn't as easy as glancing over to judge.
Now, for most normal users of the internet, we have noticed that a large number of people take things seriously, often with little to no actual provocation, and wonder why. This phenomenon is caused by an imbalance in the needs of the E-Penis, against the level that those needs are being met, in relation to the size of the E-Penis.
Needs
The best way to determine how much and how often you need your E-Penis stroked is with how often you find yourself thinking about it. I've included a numbering system for reference.
0. What the hell is the internet?
1. The thought of somebody else talking about you is scary.
2. You don't need any recognition.
3. It'd be nice.
4. I never make any lists :(
5. <Insert story about personal life here> <Bonus points for tragedy>
6. *weep* These guys on my blog won't stop harassing me *weep* *cuts self*
7. You guys suck. This whole website sucks. I hate this place so much. This place is so awful, I'm going to stay here and tell you about it for the next few months. I just hate you all so much. You all disgust me with your ways. I'm not bitter at all. You all just enjoy making me feel bad, but guess what? Fuck you.
8. These are my boobs. Tell me they're great. Please...
9. Here is my personal information. I will meet you and fight you.
10. Don't let this be "To catch a predator"...
11. Caused the death of you or someone else.
The deciding factor is the ends you are willing to go to in order to meet these needs.
Size
Now, everyone seems to have their own methodology for judging cock sizes, but it's mostly speculation.
Bias. If you tend to dislike an online personality, you're prone to underestimation. While it indeed may be small, have you ever considered the possibility that it's deformed, grotesque, or has some form of erectile dysfunction? Those would all be valid explanations for the person's apparent frustration.
Amount of coverage. If a person is recognized more often, it inflates the size of the E-Penis.
If a person needs to be recognized, but doesn't get enough recognition, E-BlueBalls occurs. A person with E-BlueBalls will often go to much farther measures to garner attention to their E-Penis.
If a group of people point and laugh at someone else's E-Penis, they will often get defensive, or lash out in frustration. This WILL cause shrinkage.
Often a large E-Penis is to be regarded as having elephantiasis.
Those new to a community will often latch on to a larger E-Penis in order to attempt to inflate theirs, and those with a large E-Penis will usually let them stay near them to make themselves look bigger by comparison.
User Reviews
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-09-26 13:47:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
4. I never make any lists :(
sigh
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2007-09-26 12:01:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
ilikefish
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-09-26 10:59:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
<possessed by the ghost of Kurt Vonnegut>
Mine's a mile long, but most of it is in the fourth dimension.
</possessed by the ghost of Kurt Vennegut>
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-09-26 10:42:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The pic is downright hilarious.
My e-penis is tiny. Only a 3.5.
Don't tell anyone.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-09-26 09:59:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-09-26 09:44:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-09-26 08:35:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I'm shaking the dust of this crummy little town off of my feet and I'm gonna see the world!"
Best film ever made.
Period.
Submitted by Surgeon (user info) at 2007-09-26 08:01:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
dialysis..
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-26 07:18:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
wakka wakka wakka
Submitted by Progr3ss (user info) at 2007-09-26 05:58:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm a 4.
Shlongy's an 11.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-09-26 03:19:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My penis needs two socks.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-09-26 02:24:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's almost like #5 was custom made for me.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-09-26 02:20:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
e-steak.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-09-26 01:54:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Wakka, wakka, wakka.
Submitted by DeMoNiC (user info) at 2007-09-26 01:25:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Didn't catch the meaning of some of that but for the larger part it was pretty damn funny and true.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-09-26 00:06:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Tear 'em up, steak!
Ruin that pussy!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-09-25 23:47:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't ever say that Shlongy isn't a nice guy...when he wants something in return.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/111998
Submitted by SunnyG (user info) at 2007-09-25 23:36:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
9. Here is my personal information. I will meet you and fight you.
hahahaha yes!
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-09-25 22:54:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't at least a 3.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2007-09-25 22:48:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I waver back and forth between a 5 and an 8 on your scale - an unrepentant attention whore on the internet and in real life.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-09-25 22:36:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Shit. Forgot to give labeling to the sizes.
Knew I left something out. I'll throw it in later.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-09-25 22:33:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm a 2 on your scale,.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-09-25 22:26:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
sockpenis guy
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-09-25 22:24:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I havn't had the time to keep up with all that's going on around here, so I must ask, whose alter are you?
Submitted by jamowilly40 (user info) at 2007-09-25 22:22:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
*yawn*