Snakes and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails ..... The Joys of Parenting (1870 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.75 on 64 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Tiger Lilly (View user info) at 2007-09-26 16:49:10 EDT
My husband and his ex-wife share custody of their three children. She has physical custody of the boys which basically means during the school week the children reside with their mother and their stepfather, provided there hasn't been some other type of arrangement. There is no visitation drama between my husband and his ex so we usually have the boys; weekends, vacations and really anytime that their mother has plans or is in need of a break. Twin 9 year olds and a 14 year old going through puberty can be quite a handful. We live in different towns about 1 mile from each other which is very convenient. With all the games, after school activities, friends and fights these three boys have, it makes driving back and forth very quick and painless. The cost of gas to drive there doesn't break our piggybank either. All in all it is very convenient for all of us.
The twins are best friends and are always together. They look out for one another and even seem to have an ability to know what the other is doing when apart. They're fraternal twins so they look nothing alike. With completely different personalities and mannerisms, they're very unique little boys. Best friends and at this age don't even realize it. They share all the same friends but argue over who is the "better" friend.
The 14 year old is a normal teenage boy going through normal teenage changes. His hair is growing in different places. There is a change in his voice and he's getting taller. He might as well carry a full length mirror wherever he goes because he stares at himself constantly critiquing his clothes and image. Girl crazy he would rather be dead then be to seen anywhere with his parents. We'll drive as close to the high school as he'll allow, and then walk three blocks so no one witnesses him getting out of his parent's car.
"It's totally gay to be dropped off in front of the school by your parents" he'll say to us.
At 14 years old this kid knows EVERYTHING about life and has ALL the answers to life's little problems. Constantly mumbling, he'll walk around listening to his Ipod singing incomprehensible lyrics.
The major change, and from what I've heard the most important in a young boys life, is discovering all the wonders of porn and masturbation and there is nothing more awkward then witnessing this act.
A while ago we had the boys at our house for a week while their mother was on her honeymoon. It was during this time the event took place. The twins had been a sleep for a while, along with my husband. I'm fairly certain the boy thought I was asleep as well when in fact I was sitting outside talking to my sister on the telephone. As I was chatting with my sister out of the corner of my eye I caught a glimpse and the stomach turning act. My 14 year old stepson was watching an online video of a woman's mouth being penetrated followed by the infamous money shot.
I shook my head in disbelief but once I saw the arm and fist in full stroking motion, my worst nightmare and vision had come, (no pun) true. My desk, he's going to soil my new computer desk.
Well, that's really what I was thinking. The desk could be washed off. I was thinking OHMYGOD is this really happening in my living room? GROSS!!!
Now I realize this is completely normal for a 14 year old boy and I know the boy does it. Probably a lot. I just don't want to see it happening in my living room or anywhere else in my house for that matter. Keep it to the bathroom and the bedroom. I'm not naïve. I don't go through THAT much conditioner.
Anyway, at this point I was still on the phone with my sister. I began to explain what was just witnessed and expecting a different reaction, she laughs uncontrollably on the other end. I hung up on her.
The parental controls on my computer were obviously not doing a very good job and I was relieved when his allocated time was up and the computer shut down.
The rest is a bit fuzzy but I remember hearing the sink in the kitchen go on and off so I guess he probably washed the spunk off his hands. Then I heard the clanging of pots and pans. All that hard work must've built up quite an appetite.
Once he turned all the downstairs lights off and I was certain he went to bed, I tiptoed into the kitchen, opened the cabinet under the sink and grabbed the plastic container of Antibacterial wipes to begin the sterilization process. I didn't want to sit in anything funky while viewing recent websites and cookies. I couldn't believe some of the porn sites that had been viewed. Mr. Owl how many penises does it take to fill up a woman's asshole? Aaah 1, aaah twooo,, aaaah three, aaaah four. FOUR pennies were in this woman's asshole simultaneously. This was news to me.
"Naughty Nuns Being Fucked." What? Either my husband has a little fetish I'm unaware of in which case I'd dress like a nun for him or my stepson needs to see "The Sound of Music". AVA MARIA! We're not even catholic.
I figured I'd let his father handle this.
Once their mother returned from her vacation the kids went back to her house I had piles and piles of clothes to wash. After sorting through some articles I realized many were sticking together, especially the socks. I sorted the rest of the laundry wearing latex gloves.
The other day while reading and relaxing in the living room one of the twins sat next to me.
"Why is there a string hanging out of your coffee cup Katie?"
"Well, because I'm drinking tea and that is the teabag."
"Oh yeah? Well the only tea bag I know about is when a guy puts his balls in your mouth."
I was speechless. He is only 9!!!
I can only imagine who told him about teabagging?
Where is THE BOY?
User Reviews
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2007-10-04 15:06:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't mind so much if people want to have babies because they're cute and all. I just wish they'd have the sense to euthanize the little fuckers before they get old enough to irritate the REST of us.
Submitted by SGRPUSS (user info) at 2007-10-04 15:04:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm glad i don't have boys
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2007-10-04 14:39:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
tea bag! hahaha
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2007-10-02 16:21:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-10-01 15:02:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I tried to get my 'no one else in the house' double-click on yesterday, but as soon as I was finished I realized that my bedroom window was open, my neighbor was sittin on his back porch, and I had moaned some questionable things :(
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why would you wait until no one else is home?
silly girl clicks are for chicks
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-10-02 11:40:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
who the fuck is cheryl?
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-10-01 15:02:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I tried to get my 'no one else in the house' double-click on yesterday, but as soon as I was finished I realized that my bedroom window was open, my neighbor was sittin on his back porch, and I had moaned some questionable things :(
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-10-01 14:33:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i missed this somehow...
have his dad talk to him about not jerking off in communal areas not related to bodily functions. and also have his dad say he caught him or something.
dumb boys.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-09-28 12:39:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by icanbecool (user info) at 2007-09-28 12:21:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-09-28 12:05:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2007-09-27 15:22:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, give me a shout if the kid needs any good "mags"...
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You will not corrupt his young mind you dirty, dirty bird.
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Do you mean corrupt it further?
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Yes. Exactly!!!
Although I do know firsthand that Badlands is into some freaky ass porn shit.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-09-28 12:32:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by icanbecool (user info) at 2007-09-28 12:21:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-09-28 12:05:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2007-09-27 15:22:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, give me a shout if the kid needs any good "mags"...
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You will not corrupt his young mind you dirty, dirty bird.
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Do you mean corrupt it further?
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-09-28 12:05:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2007-09-27 15:22:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, give me a shout if the kid needs any good "mags"...
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You will not corrupt his young mind you dirty, dirty bird.
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2007-09-27 19:54:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
On second thought, I'd only be worried if you found a link like www.oedipus-amps.com in the browser history.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-09-27 18:32:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2007-09-27 15:22:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, give me a shout if the kid needs any good "mags"...
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-09-27 15:02:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sounds like someone needs a backhand to the face (not you, him)
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-09-27 13:51:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2007-09-27 09:03:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus! You should take a blacklight to that house. It'll probably look like CSI: Hartford with all the spunk that's probably been spilled in that place.
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Nasty!! Eww.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2007-09-27 10:31:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2007-09-27 09:03:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus! You should take a blacklight to that house. It'll probably look like CSI: Hartford with all the spunk that's probably been spilled in that place.
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TROOF!
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2007-09-27 09:50:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
He has probably masturbated all over that house. Everywhere.
Wearing gloves and sanitizing is pointless. You've already touched boy spunk, I assure you. And that my dear, is enough to get you spot on Dateline: To Catch a Predator. I'm calling Chris.
Sorry for being a realist and I'm not trying to gross you out. It's just the nature of the beast. When I was 14, I would play hookie from school just so that I could get that comfortable "nobody else in the house" jerk.
Congrats on your marriage. I'm getting hitched in 3 weeks! Hope that all is well for you, besides your house being a sperm depository and all...
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2007-09-27 09:28:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This post is so fucking hot.
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2007-09-27 09:03:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jesus! You should take a blacklight to that house. It'll probably look like CSI: Hartford with all the spunk that's probably been spilled in that place.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-09-27 09:02:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-09-26 19:14:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There was a definite advantage to growing up on the edge of the woods. The big woods. Christ knows how many loads I blew off out there. Who's gonna stumble across the evidence in the woods? A bear, maybe, but bears can fuck off.
PS - This post had a spectacualr climax.
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There was an old cabin in the woods that I used to store my porn.
It later became the place I went to fool around with girls in.
Even later, it became my dark place, where the hookers were buried and I made Jesus cry.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-09-27 09:01:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA for this:
_________________________________________________________
Submitted by DangerPants (user info) at 2007-09-26 18:08:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://boobsinjuriesanddrpepper.blogspot.com/2007/03/filed-under-parents-1-smart-ass-teenage.html
Just read it.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-09-27 09:00:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Geez...even when I was his age, I knew enough when I wasn't doing it in the shower to use a Ziploc baggie, or at least find a tall mug that I could rinse out in the sink later. Kids today, no courtesy, I tells ya.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-09-27 08:51:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hold on.....
you got married?
you could have fucking mentioned it!
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2007-09-27 04:58:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Teenage boy in masturbation shocker!
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-09-27 04:42:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nothing says awkward like the first/ only time anyone catches you at the most awful act.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-09-27 02:04:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ha ha ha.
Kids can be hilarious.
And annoying of course, but often hilarious.
Not that I want one. *runs for the hills at the thought*
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-09-27 01:37:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2007-09-27 01:13:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by NintendoCzar (user info) at 2007-09-27 00:24:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*sigh*
This is what I have to look forward to in 14 years? Oh well, at least as a dad I can learn to stay out of his room at night. :-/
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BAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Boy, this guy is hysterical! Everything he says cracks me up!!
YOU, sir, are a funny funny man.
FUNNY FUNNY FUNNY!!!
Submitted by NintendoCzar (user info) at 2007-09-27 00:24:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*sigh*
This is what I have to look forward to in 14 years? Oh well, at least as a dad I can learn to stay out of his room at night. :-/
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-09-27 00:13:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BEST IDEA EVER IN THE LAST FIVE SECONDS.
Walk in on him, and giggle. "It's so little!"
For the rest of the year, call him tiny.
Damaging to a young child's psyche? Perhaps. Entertaining? Most assuredly.
Just make sure you don't get conned into paying for "therapy."
If he does bring up therapy, tell him "No, it won't grow any bigger."
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2007-09-26 23:59:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I don't go through THAT much conditioner."
Conditioner feels goooooooooooooooood when you're bitch-slapping your stomper.
Submitted by Flack (user info) at 2007-09-26 23:55:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That 9 year old is cool as shit!
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2007-09-26 20:46:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
A story well told. I can't possibly give it full marks because of your really dimwitted view of teenage masturbation.
Your "husband", your father, the guy who sells you milk, the maintenance man. They all spanked off like there was no tomorrow when they were 14. All the boys probably spanked off at the thought of fucking your ugly skull when you were at school too. Even your father would have rubbed one or two out thinking about you.
That is WAY more fucked up than a 14yo kid beating off to Whoopi Golderg in "Nuns on the run" or whatever it was he was looking at.
Contemporise, bitch. This isn't the fucking 1930s.
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2007-09-26 20:33:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-09-26 19:14:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
PS - This post had a spectacualr climax.
****************
PUNS!
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2007-09-26 20:00:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2007-09-26 17:18:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
PS - I am pretty sure that 95% of the male population would not turn away a little nun role play.
_______________
Hmmm. Guess I'm in that 5%.
Besides, you'll want to steer well clear of all that nun stuff. Nun's are the bride of Christ, after all. Jesus seems like the jealous type too. He'd probably fuck yo' shit up if he caught you playin' round in his pastures.
On a similar, but completely unrelated note, the next generation should be fun to watch. When I was 14, the most a fella could hope for was coming (ha ha) across the occasional Playboy. Nowadays, kids need 4 cocks up a nun's ass while 3 midgets gangbang a sheep in order to get off.
Imagine all the lovely crimes we'll hear about in the future. John Wayne Gacy had nothing on these kids.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-09-26 19:14:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There was a definite advantage to growing up on the edge of the woods. The big woods. Christ knows how many loads I blew off out there. Who's gonna stumble across the evidence in the woods? A bear, maybe, but bears can fuck off.
PS - This post had a spectacualr climax.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-09-26 19:09:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*breaks off reading*
"At 14 years old this kid knows EVERYTHING about life and has ALL the answers to life's little problems."
--
As opposed to all the twentysomethings on Uber.
*returns to post*
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-09-26 19:07:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Don't moms and dads wank too??
Everbody wanks
lets wank together
wank it in cotton
wank it in leather
wankin to the oldies
shootin out the swank
hear the belt buckles
clank clank clank
poundin on the pole
slickin up the groove
their doin'it in congress
they do it in the Louvre
OOOPS there's a customer at the window
Submitted by cocaine (user info) at 2007-09-26 18:13:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
my mom caught me once. or at least i think she did........
i must have been 14 or so. i was on my bedroom floor underneath a blanket wailing away on myself to some good old fashioned asian hump-hump when i heard the erection-deflating sound of the door handle jiggling. you must understand that the home in which i grew up was an original colonial; very well-preserved with its wood flooring, fireplaces, ceilings and such...and no locks on the doors.
thankfully my teenager reflexes were quick enough to turn off my vcr before my mother caught a glimpse of my whack-off material. nonetheless, in the process of building up to climax, and seeing as how i was 90% under a blanket, i was a tad sweaty and red in the face. i was short of breath and my heart was fluttering as if i was a fat man after climbing up a flight of stairs.
so my mom walks in. doesn't knock beforehand, just waltzes right on in babbling about god-knows-what. she then stopped dead in her tracks when she saw the precariousness of her little boys situation. for an instant i thought i was safe. i thought she would just come in and see me watching the wonder years....under my blanket...a little sweaty....breathing heavily.
nothing in her face gave me comfort to believe this was true, though. she told me dinner was ready and that i should come down now. then she left, closing the door behind her. i'm not sure if she figured me out and we've never spoken of it since, but i'm pretty sure she had a different outlook on her youngest child after that day.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-09-26 18:11:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Do me a favor...ask him what's the web site address where I can go spank to the "four dicks in the broads' ass"...
I don't think I have that one bookmarked.
Submitted by DangerPants (user info) at 2007-09-26 18:08:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://boobsinjuriesanddrpepper.blogspot.com/2007/03/filed-under-parents-1-smart-ass-teenage.html
Just read it.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-09-26 17:52:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2007-09-26 17:24:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Having once been a teenage boy...
The best bet is to screw with him...but only a little bit. Get your husband in on it too. Tell him about the "video surveillance system" ya'll had installed to protect your stuff. He will go nuts trying to find the hidden cameras when they dont ven exist.
Second plot: Purchase him the making of a "kit", handi-wipes, some jergens, and maybe a "fifi" along with instruction for proper technique and what not. You don't want him to get carpal tunnel syndrome from improperly spankering his monkey.
This will more than likely freak him out to no end and you will never have to worry bout him spanking in the main rooms of the house.
Peace.
Uncle B.
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HAHAHAHA...this was great.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-09-26 17:52:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I warned you.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/111998
Thanks for stopping by.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-09-26 17:51:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2007-09-26 17:18:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
PS - I am pretty sure that 95% of the male population would not turn away a little nun role play.
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Sweet Jesus!!
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-09-26 17:46:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
heh, my stepbrother is nearly 14 also - I remember my mum innocently saying to me one day that he goes through a lot of tissues and she was wondering why he needed so many.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2007-09-26 17:33:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wow.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-09-26 17:26:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have several stories where adult relatives of mine happened upon me during, uh, me-time.
They're still some of the most awkward and embarrasing moments of my life.
erf...
Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2007-09-26 17:24:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Having once been a teenage boy...
The best bet is to screw with him...but only a little bit. Get your husband in on it too. Tell him about the "video surveillance system" ya'll had installed to protect your stuff. He will go nuts trying to find the hidden cameras when they dont ven exist.
Second plot: Purchase him the making of a "kit", handi-wipes, some jergens, and maybe a "fifi" along with instruction for proper technique and what not. You don't want him to get carpal tunnel syndrome from improperly spankering his monkey.
This will more than likely freak him out to no end and you will never have to worry bout him spanking in the main rooms of the house.
Peace.
Uncle B.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-09-26 17:24:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-09-26 17:14:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-09-26 17:11:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I can only imagine who told him about teabagging? "
FROM YOU, AL'RIGHT!
HE LEARNED IT FROM WATCHING YOU!!!
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No!!!! Never.
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Never? Please. No one's above teabagging. NO ONE.
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2007-09-26 17:19:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
rookie, even I knew back then to shoot into something I could throw away or into water and a drain. Check if there are splotches of slightly off colour waist high on your shower wall! And check all you panties and bras are where they should be!
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-09-26 17:19:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Now imagine this...
You are taking care of your elderly father...
welcome to WRONGSVILLE
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2007-09-26 17:18:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha, you're damn right it works up an appetite.
The scary thing is that it is only a matter of time until your 14 year old will stumble across Uber.
PS - I am pretty sure that 95% of the male population would not turn away a little nun role play.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-09-26 17:17:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My god, Tig- I'm sure it had to be traumatic and you don't ever want to see it and you're a mother figure, but you sounded like GRANDMOM for a while there;)
One thing I'm both jealous of (haha) and concerned about from a future-hopeful-parent perspective is the easy access to porn. The closest I ever came to it was finding magazines as a kid..I never even saw video until much later..I never knew about most of the more graphic stuff. That said, I can't imagine access to porn would have given me any more opportunities to indulge, because I did it all the time.
I think there are 2 related but very different subjects here- the masturbation and the porn (not to mention your concern over the style of the video).
I was a pretty sheltered little kid, and when I see a little girl the same age as I was when I started and think 'my god, she could be..' it freaks me out a little, but I know it's normal. I think the content of what he's viewing is something as parents you should talk about..not necessarily because it's graphic, but because of the suggestions about gender roles or violence or degradation in general that he might witness.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-09-26 17:14:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-09-26 17:11:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I can only imagine who told him about teabagging? "
FROM YOU, AL'RIGHT!
HE LEARNED IT FROM WATCHING YOU!!!
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No!!!! Never.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-09-26 17:13:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sure you were embarrassed catching him having a wank. Not as half as embarrassed as he would be if he ever read this post!
Being a step parent can be really challenging. You must have alot of patience.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-09-26 17:11:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I can only imagine who told him about teabagging? "
FROM YOU, AL'RIGHT!
HE LEARNED IT FROM WATCHING YOU!!!
Submitted by Surgeon (user info) at 2007-09-26 17:06:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
tracheotomy..
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-09-26 17:04:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I know Void. Boys at that age are so embarrassed to admit it.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-09-26 17:04:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What you need to do is sneak up on him while he's doing it, and club him to death.
Submitted by Void_Where_Prohibited (user info) at 2007-09-26 17:01:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very funny.
My 14 yo swears he doesn't and never will masturbate. "It's just not right." (It only comes up (no pun intended) because we watch Family Guy together ~ its not like I ask him or even want to know for that matter.) But I sit there smirking, thinking, riiiiiiiiiiiiiight.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-09-26 16:57:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Here's what I want to do.
I want to adopt a child from another country. Preferably Southeast Asia, the Mysterious Orient, or Africa. Then I want to raise it as I would my very own and give it a great life. But in order to help it cope (step 1 would probably be "stop referring to the child as it" huh? - but fuck you I don't want to assume gender) and feel normal, and to avoid all of the "Daddy why don't we look the same?" questions I would do the following - all of the pictures we'd take together, family portrait deals, I'd have photoshopped before printing and in place of the adopted child I'd put a ginger, freckle-faced all american white kid. Every picture. I'm talking wallet shots, framed deals, ID cards, the works. Then when it asks who's with me in all the pictures I'll say "That's you, Orgasmalittle. That's you."
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-09-26 16:52:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
whoops
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-09-26 16:52:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
So you're married??