Blow jobs and why they're good. NSFW (1877 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0.82 on 51 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Roo (View user info) at 2007-09-27 08:11:46 EDT
I stumbled across Ubersite just two weeks ago and thought the premise of the site was good: a regular guy with a sense of humor started a site where people can go and complain or just... do whatever. The first few articles I read seemed fairly interesting. And, now, in the spirit of complaining and venting, here goes my first post, which consequently has nothing to do with my actually introducing myself.
I'm aggravated. Here's why. After a fifteen hour workday, I came home and put my feet up and a female friend (we'll call her Alice) of mine calls and begins complaining about how her relationship is falling apart. Sadly, such is the case with most of my female friends and they all elect to call me and ask for my advice.
"Why won't he have sex with me anymore?" they ask. "He seems upset with me all the time."
Most of the time my answer to these questions vary from, "He's probably just stressed out about work." to "I'm sorry dear, you must have really pissed him off." But this time, Alice explained that he wasn't having sex with her often and when they did he seemed distant or uninterested.
"I've read all the Cosmopolitan issues I can find," she says.
I rubbed my forehead and told her I would call her back. Once I hung up with her, I called him, who I know well enough to talk to outside of a social setting.
"I don't want to draw this out," I said. "She says you don't want to have sex with her and it makes her feel unattractive."
"Well..." he began. "We've been together two years and she..."
I waited... I could hear that he felt uncomfortable.
"Penis."
"What?"
"Penis... Now can you talk about the problem? We can call it a 'wiener' if you're really afraid to talk about sex."
"No... it's just that she won't... we've been together two years and she's never given me a blow job."
"Hm. I see. I'll talk to you later." Stunned, he hangs up the phone and I really get to thinking about how I'm going to approach Alice.
My first reaction to this new tidbit was anger... not with Alice in particular... but with all women who won't get on their knees for the guy they're with. I mean ladies... is it so hard to put his dick in your mouth? I called Alice back and asked her if she had ever given a guy a blow job before. I could hear her scrunching her nose. "Ew, but they pee from there."
"They"... like men are some alien race.
"Are you fucking kidding me, Alice? You've had sex before, right?" I asked in disbelief.
"Yeah, of course."
"So you're not bothered by the fact that it's still going into your body."
"Not really."
"And, anyway doesn't he shower beforehand?"
"Most of the time."
"Either way, you'll just have to do it. I'm telling you it'll make things a lot better. He's afraid to tell you but he wants you to. You'll just have to grin and suck it."
"Ugh. Okay."
I'm guessing she finally did it cause I saw them at a Dunkin' Donuts a week later just as happy as ever. (Course they could just *really* like donuts.) She also hasn't called to complain since the last phone call.
Now I am not, by any means, a slut... at least not in the respect that I sleep with multiple partners all the time. But for him... I would try pretty much anything. Compared to guys who like to take a shit on your chest... a guy who wants you to suck him off is nothing. That's where I draw the line... scat and vomit. There are also a few other unnamed things that I won't do.
In any case, I digress. A blow job is good. It's my favorite sexual favor to perform. I think it's theraputic for a man. The result of release is typically a chemical reaction that will make him feel better. That's why if my husband has had an especially rough day managing his store, I sit him down on the couch, rub his shoulders, unbutton his pants and go to work on him. I like doing it and he ends up enjoying it not only because it's a sexual act... but because it calms him down and relaxes him.
I'm bi-sexual and, if I had the correct equipment, could not imagine having a girlfriend/wife/significant other who wouldn't suck me off.
Ninety-percent of the girls who have told me that their boyfriends are losing interest or that the sex is growing repetitive need to just suck it up... literally. ^_~ Guys like to change it up in the bedroom. It keeps things interesting and a blow job feels different than penetration.
Another problem with these same relationships it that the girl always wants to blame the guy for the problems in the relationship. The fact is ladies, you have to make allowances for guys... not for major responsibilities, but for the little things. Don't hold him in contempt for every stupid thing he does. Men aren't made to be empathic or psychic. Give guys a break. Most guys go to work at their boring jobs to make a living so that you can have a comfortable life. And even if you're not wealthy, sex is free between you and the person you love. Why not have as much as possible with the person you love?
I understand that most women work full time just like men. I'm not saying a woman should be constantly barefoot in the kitchen and pregnant, but you should still give him what he wants and needs... more often than not... he'll do the same thing for you without even knowing it. Take it from me, I used to have the same problems as all the other Alices out there. Once I started paying especial attention to our sex life and making it better... his attitude towards everything else in our relationship changed.
At the very least, you can do as Alice did and accept it as a challenge, a challenge to try something new and something that could change your relationship.
Oh. And stop calling me... unless blowing him doesn't work. ^_~
User Reviews
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-10-11 20:10:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You ruined it.
Submitted by Zeglamancer (user info) at 2007-09-30 13:54:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Ordinarily the content of this post is automatic +600 in my book as I agree whole heartedly. Nothing like a good old fashion pole shining to fix anybody's day.
However because I get the feeling that you're not even a female let alone an attractive C cup one, I must subtract 602 points. Odds are you're a short dumpy greaser who listens to Jim Morrison tributes and fondles himself to tampon commercial actresses.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2007-09-30 13:41:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
fag
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2007-09-30 12:56:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-09-29 21:25:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-09-29 21:24:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't realize you were the same person, since I already -2ed one of your posts for an emoticon, I'll let this one go with the hopes that you will stop.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-09-29 21:20:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Post was ok.
Emoticon -2
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2007-09-29 21:01:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Are you Apu Nahasapeemapetilon's wife?
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-09-27 13:56:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
(sigh)
Finally got around to reading this.
Aside from sounding like you moonlight for Cosmo, this is a good post.
Provisional +2 for you.
...
Now keep it up, Cumdumpster.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-09-27 13:39:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by pshuu (user info) at 2007-09-27 11:02:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
__________________________________________________________________________
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-09-27 10:55:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Why again, did you feel the need to tell a website with an overwhelmingly male population that blowjobs are good?
__________________________________________________________________________
Again? I don't ever recall posting anything on this site ever before. And if I did mistakenly, sleep walk my way over to my computer, unknowingly create an account and type a whole post in my sleep?... I doubt it was about blowjobs.
The whole reason I posted this was the same reason anyone posts anything. It's cause they can... and they have some feelings towards the subject which can and should be expressed. It's not only men that access this website also. Afterall, i'm female. There are bound to be others. Lots of them have agreed with my point.
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I used "again" as if what you said was unclear. I used it meaning why would you post something so obvious and pointless?
Of course other women have agreed with you on "blowjobs are good." They agreed when this post came out a while ago. Your thoughts have been voiced by others before, and you didn't say anything in a new or interesting way.
Here's an idea. Try posting this on a feminist blog. It's where it belongs.
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2007-09-27 13:02:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by pshuu (user info) at 2007-09-27 11:02:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
______________________________________________________________________
Submitted by DangerPants (user info) at 2007-09-27 10:58:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Don't like you. You make my teeth hurt.
______________________________________________________________________
Don't chew so hard on my words next time.
__________________________________________________________________________
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-09-27 10:55:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Why again did you feel the need to tell a website with an overwhelmingly male population that blowjobs are good?
__________________________________________________________________________
Again? I don't ever recall posting anything on this site ever before. And if I did mistakenly, sleep walk my way over to my computer, unknowingly create an account and type a whole post in my sleep?... I doubt it was about blowjobs.
The whole reason I posted this was the same reason anyone posts anything. It's cause they can... and they have some feelings towards the subject which can and should be expressed. It's not only men that access this website also. Afterall, i'm female. There are bound to be others. Lots of them have agreed with my point.
Submitted by DangerPants (user info) at 2007-09-27 10:58:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Don't like you. You make my teeth hurt.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-09-27 10:55:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Why again did you feel the need to tell a website with an overwhelmingly male population that blowjobs are good?
Submitted by pshuu (user info) at 2007-09-27 10:45:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I figured since it had racy content, it was not safe for work. But I just found out a few comments down that you only do that with naked/racy pictures/gifs. So... i've already been notified. Thanks.
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-09-27 10:40:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
what's nsfw 'bout this?
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-09-27 10:28:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-09-27 10:02:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-09-27 08:21:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kind of true.
Men are simple like that - they don't need much. Regular blow jobs (good ones) and dinner cooked for them occasionally and they treat you like a QUEEN.
-----
my marriage proves otherwise.
~~~~~~
NO way? Really?
Works for me : )
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-09-27 10:27:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2007-09-27 09:30:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
..okay, I've always loved Merlina, but it's like she gives me more reasons every day.
~~~~~
aww hey.. *blush*
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-09-27 10:25:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
See how this works?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-09-27 10:23:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I remember i argued once about how much money I was spending on taking my girl at the time out for meals and that was why I had no money.
She gave me a blow job.
We went out for a meal :)
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-09-27 10:21:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's funny how a single blowjob can make all tension and anger between you disappear. My boyfriend and I spent the entire afternoon yesterday having arguments about petty things until I decided to end the matter altogether that way.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-09-27 10:02:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
CHOW BOX.......oh noonie your so sexy with your words
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-09-27 10:02:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-09-27 08:21:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kind of true.
Men are simple like that - they don't need much. Regular blow jobs (good ones) and dinner cooked for them occasionally and they treat you like a QUEEN.
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my marriage proves otherwise.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-09-27 09:57:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"Penis."
------
good idea.
i don't get the no blowjob thing either. i know a few girls that will bitch and moan if he doesn't chow box but absolutely will not suck dick. selfish bitches.
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2007-09-27 09:43:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was in a relationship for over 3 years and never got a blowjob, despite me giving oral. She just couldn't get over herself. She always said she really wanted to do it for me but she couldn't, it "triggered her panic." We showered together once and I suggested we try it out. She inched her head down and burst into tears. I knew it wasn't going to work. So I stuck around for a while to torture myself.
What a waste of time that was. What an idiot I was.
</self-loathing>
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-09-27 09:35:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by pshuu (user info) at 2007-09-27 08:20:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
...from experience, bosses don't appreciate semi-racy articles being read at work. Course, most people don't actually read these at work... so never mind.
==========================
You'd be surprised how many of us actually DO, me thinks.
Welcome aboard. Keep up the quality writing and you'll do just fine here.
Submitted by SgtHartman (user info) at 2007-09-27 09:34:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-09-27 08:25:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yay to oral sex!
=======================
you are slowly but surely becoming my favorite uber girl, besides experima of course...
and by the way nice post, blowjobs rule harder than anything that has ever ruled.
Submitted by pshuu (user info) at 2007-09-27 09:32:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Posted pic
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2007-09-27 09:30:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"You'll just have to grin and suck it."
That sealed it.
You and Merlina are my new two favorite people.
..okay, I've always loved Merlina, but it's like she gives me more reasons every day.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-09-27 09:25:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I hope its drogo :)
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-09-27 09:17:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Talk is cheap- I need physical proof.
Get the fuck over here and start bobbing away.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2007-09-27 09:11:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-09-27 08:23:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-09-27 08:21:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
set it up so your history isn't saved.
__________________
A lot of places have shit like that blocked.
My buddy does stuff like that for a living...
-----
His job is to find out who looks at what? How unfulfilling. In other news, there's a million ways to empty history. Only 2 of them are traceable.
In other news....which of you guys decided to spring the horny, self-proclaimed bisexual female alter on us?
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-09-27 09:11:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by ArnieGeddon (user info) at 2007-09-27 08:38:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I only read the title. My job blows and I'm poorly remunerated. I feel your pain.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-09-27 08:37:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I remember the first time a girl stuck her finger up my bum I nearly shat on her arm.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-09-27 08:36:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hell that confused me.
Submitted by pshuu (user info) at 2007-09-27 08:34:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
O>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-09-27 08:28:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Surely you can just delete your history regularly and cookies etc
P>S Show me your hole.
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R> The computers at work suck... I'd rather use my laptop anyway. But in case of emergency, I decided to do that anyway... even though it'd be a pain in the ass.
O>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-09-27 08:27:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Why don't you blow me and I'll let you know with my expert analysis if you're any good at it.
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R> A guy literally passed out after I blew him once... I thought he had a heart attack and was dead or something. Funny thing... we were parked in the woods. I was freaking... :-p
My blow jobs get +2. ^_~
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-09-27 08:29:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shlongy was magnetically attracted to this post...
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-09-27 08:28:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Surely you can just delete your history regularly and cookies etc
P>S Show me your hole.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-09-27 08:28:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
**decides he likes both Orphelia and Pshuu**
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-09-27 08:27:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Why don't you blow me and I'll let you know with my expert analysis if you're any good at it.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-09-27 08:25:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yay to oral sex!
Submitted by pshuu (user info) at 2007-09-27 08:25:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I ended up doing that (changing my history settings)... but I got in trouble for that too. I ended up just getting a laptop and taking it to work with me so I can pron it up all night. :p
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-09-27 08:23:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-09-27 08:21:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
set it up so your history isn't saved.
__________________
A lot of places have shit like that blocked.
My buddy does stuff like that for a living...
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-09-27 08:21:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
set it up so your history isn't saved.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-09-27 08:21:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Kind of true.
Men are simple like that - they don't need much. Regular blow jobs (good ones) and dinner cooked for them occasionally and they treat you like a QUEEN.
Submitted by pshuu (user info) at 2007-09-27 08:20:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Funny thing. I actually read a semi-racy article... a boss found it in my history files... got my ass kicked.
From now on I won't put NSFW unless there's an image... but from experience, bosses don't appreciate semi-racy articles being read at work. Course, most people don't actually read these at work... so never mind.
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2007-09-27 08:18:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Amen.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-09-27 08:17:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-09-27 08:16:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey... this DIDN'T suck!
wait, um - nevermind.
Oh, straight text doesn't have to be labeled (NSFW) - only images.
Submitted by pshuu (user info) at 2007-09-27 08:13:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Forgot to add this - http://www.ubersite.com/m/17672
Consider that! ^_^