Someone noticed me today... (1001 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.79 on 59 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by DangerPants (View user info) at 2007-09-27 15:16:04 EDT
http://www.ubersite.com/m/112039
You can never tell with people. And I see alot of them in the course of a day, being a register jockey. I hate it. I hate the crying babies, the snotty kids, the entitled trophy wives, the clueless husbands tagging along with their bitchy, screeching other halves. I hate the sights, the sounds, the smells, all of it.
But working the cash register isn't as bad as it could be. I like to play little games with the customers that they never seem to notice. Like, pressing my thumb just a little too hard into their carton of eggs. It won't break the egg, but it'll make a crack in it that will leak the whites out into the carton. And the person will just put it in their fridge. And by the time they open it to use an egg, the whites from that one egg will have glued every egg in the entire carton into its little styrofoam cup. And you can't get them out without breaking them all.
Or, sometimes I'll tear a hole in the end of a bread bag, so that there's no way to keep the loaf fresh. I also like to say words that don't make any sense... just slip them into a sentence and see if they'll call me on it. But usually, they don't. They don't notice anything. I'm just here to serve them. I have no personality.
Today, I was playing my favorite game Use No Words where I use as few words as possible while checking the customer out, when the most extraordinary thing happened. A man came through my till, older, beard, smiling quietly to himself as he watched people. I refused to acknowledge his presence and just started scanning his groceries. Slowly. One at a time. Staring not at the conveyor belt or what I was doing, but at him. Loathing him. I waited for him to make an inane comment about the weather, or a sports team or movie... the same ridiculous chatter that I hear all day. But he didn't say anything. Not a word.
It felt almost like he was challenging me to speak first. But I wouldn't comply. For the first time, I was going to win a game of Use No Words with the ultimate in low scores. It almost was enough to make me smile. But I didn't. I never smile if I can help it.
I elbowed past him to scan his dog food and pallet of water thinking that surely, he'd open his mouth now. But no. Not a peep. It was almost like he understood the rules and was even playing a game of his own. The true test: the total. I looked him in his face with the most impatient gaze I could muster and pointed at the numbers on the screen. $142.11. Not a word.
He opened his checkbook, but didn't start to write. He didn't have a pen. I was a little frantic inside for a split second, thinking our game was over, and we both lost. But no. He pointed to his checkbook and made a little scrawling motion with his hand, asking for a pen. I obliged, and again it was almost enough to make me smile. Almost.
I processed his check, tore off the receipt, handed it to him, and he walked away. I stood there and stared out into the vastness of the store and it took everything I had not to smile.
Someone noticed me today.
User Reviews
Submitted by DangerPants (user info) at 2007-09-29 19:31:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't think you fall into the second category either. You've never really struck me as the type of person to behave a certain way just to get people to like them. Second Category girls behave that way because they want everyone to think of them in a certain light. An I'll say for certain, there are more category 2 girls than category 1 around here.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2007-09-28 18:33:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-09-28 18:26:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2007-09-28 18:18:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think I like you.
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Average_Dan sighting!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>\\
Whoa! Hello Anansie.
And you are sooooo a #2 category. This guy is good at categorization. Is that a word? It rolls off the tongue like sweet honey. It should be a word if it's not.
In any case, good to see* you too.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-09-28 18:26:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2007-09-28 18:18:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think I like you.
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Average_Dan sighting!
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-09-28 18:25:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's ok, I'm under the radar for most everybody. I think I belong in category 2, but only because I'm a quasi-dyke tomboy who jokes about vibrators, masturbation, and pretty much anything else I can make a joke out of.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2007-09-28 18:18:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think I like you.
Submitted by DangerPants (user info) at 2007-09-28 18:17:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Um.... Mr. Shlongy, sir... this was a spinoff of a post BigMike did yesterday. He had a cashier that refused to speak to him, so I wrote a couple of paragraphs from the cashier's point of view. See the link at the top of the page? It's to his post. There were like 4 of these yesterday. You were probably just too busy spending mad cash and drunkenly banging whores to notice. It's alright.
Anansie, I'll be honest. I know you've been around here for probably longer than me... I don't know, I can't be bothered to check your stats... I know that you're incredibly cute, and that as far as I know, you don't fall into one of the aforementioned categories. At least, as far as I've seen. You tend to fly under the radar for me.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-09-28 18:17:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You're a slut.
Which we like.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-09-28 17:36:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DangerPants (user info) at 2007-09-27 16:18:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fair enough.
Most of the female son this site seem to fit into two categories: the "tee hee! Look at how cute I am! Puppies and fluffy bunnies and kittens and rainbows! Hee hee!" and the "I want you to think that I'm practically a boy, but just to remind you of how female I am, I will constantly mention my vibrator collection and just how often I play with myself in graphic detail. To fully sexualize myself, I will +2 all of your porn posts and discuss, at length, just how hot and sexy I think the women are. Even though I really don't because I'm not bi, but it isn't fashionable to say so"
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So... which am I?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-09-28 17:32:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
If this had even a smidgen of truth to it, you're a fucking asshole.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2007-09-28 17:18:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
pretty good, that was.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-09-28 08:51:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice.
Submitted by zwerg (user info) at 2007-09-28 08:28:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2007-09-28 01:42:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2007-09-28 01:30:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-09-27 16:39:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
so many good posts today..
whats going on?
I posted today Merlina. C'mon now. Get with the program. Ha ha. :)
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-09-28 01:11:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2007-09-27 21:14:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome.
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2007-09-27 19:52:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Never thought bandwagons could be this great!
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-09-27 19:02:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nicely done.
nearly docked a point for your stupid review
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-09-27 19:02:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DangerPants (user info) at 2007-09-27 17:59:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
explain to me what, exactly, that post has to do with my girlfriend or what she says or does to me?
You're a touch too wrapped up in your conspiracy theories, sir. Maybe you should have a nap?
Try what you want. I know you... you'll go digging in my past posts for "clues" to "support" your mistaken conclusion. SO how about I do it for you? You're going to reference the comments on this post: http://www.ubersite.com/m/109779 and then sit back and giggle, hoping to god that I am thereby crumpled and shamed, never to return to the site again?
Well I've got news for you, bud. That broad you linked me to is not my girlfriend. Although, I will say this much: when all of that stuff was happening, I felt kind of bad for that girl. She obviously had some issues, and you guys just fed off of it the way people do on Uber, and made them worse. Because that's what you do here. You take miserable people and make them even more miserable. Because it takes some of your focus off how miserable you are. I've watched you, specifically, do it pretty regularly. Do what you like to me, Drew. I'm a decent looking guy, with a pretty fantastic girl, an awesome dog, a good apartment complete with slightly crazy downstairs neighbor, and a comfortably dead-end job. I'm pretty happy with my lot in life, and that right there puts me in a better place than you will ever be. A website doesn't dictate my life.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2007-09-27 17:38:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Let's cut the shit, shall we? SuperGirlfriend has been telling you what to say and about whom. I know it. You know it. She knows it. But she won't come back and admit it because....she doesn't have anyone fooled anymore. We have all seen her jealous, petty, borderline psychotic side.
So let's cut the shit. Which of those categories would this young lady be put in? Answer wisely... http://www.ubersite.com/m/60102
Submitted by DangerPants (user info) at 2007-09-27 17:29:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2007-09-27 16:41:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
So which category of young lady would someone who posted a personal ad which detailed specifically that she is a nympho with an amazing ass be?
Now wait, before you answer...there's more. Take that and then imagine that she had a myspace that describes herself as smarter than everyone else?
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You don't seem like much of a lady to me, Hadley. I was under the distinct impressoin that you were in possession of the old XY.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-09-27 16:50:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Trying - and it's a newish thing.
Seldom works though. WEEEEP
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Submitted by DangerPants (user info) at 2007-09-27 13:18:59 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fair enough.
You also love to trick newbs into +2ing all of your posts.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-09-27 16:50:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/112049
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-09-27 16:44:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Phew. I'd rather be good and lonely than bad and not. I think.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2007-09-27 16:41:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
So which category of young lady would someone who posted a personal ad which detailed specifically that she is a nympho with an amazing ass be?
Now wait, before you answer...there's more. Take that and then imagine that she had a myspace that describes herself as smarter than everyone else?
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-09-27 16:39:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
so many good posts today..
whats going on?
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-09-27 16:32:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
no fey, you're on the very short list of scourge approved users.
that is a good place to be, if a lonely one.
Submitted by DangerPants (user info) at 2007-09-27 16:30:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
There are a couple of exceptions. You, Fey - Merlina, Pentameter, Jeanneee, Forensicgirl3... but that's all I can think of off the top of my head.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-09-27 16:23:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If I'm included, even if only in your head, in either of the two categories below I will be very upset. Am I?
Submitted by DangerPants (user info) at 2007-09-27 16:18:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fair enough.
Most of the female son this site seem to fit into two categories: the "tee hee! Look at how cute I am! Puppies and fluffy bunnies and kittens and rainbows! Hee hee!" and the "I want you to think that I'm practically a boy, but just to remind you of how female I am, I will constantly mention my vibrator collection and just how often I play with myself in graphic detail. To fully sexualize myself, I will +2 all of your porn posts and discuss, at length, just how hot and sexy I think the women are. Even though I really don't because I'm not bi, but it isn't fashionable to say so"
You fall into neither of these categories. You are graciously self-depreciating, funny, intelligent, and you seem to genuinely care about people in general.
You also love to trick newbs into +2ing all of your posts.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-09-27 16:17:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
that's awsome
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-09-27 16:09:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
and by "facts" I mean stuff you could have found all on one post of mine.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-09-27 16:07:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
whoa.. that was pretty good... but mostly facts
She's 9
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-09-27 16:07:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you are lashing out a bit more than usual... what's up?
Submitted by DangerPants (user info) at 2007-09-27 16:07:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Your name is Deb, and you participated in the ill-fated Ubercon involving Queen Ashlee. You live in California, and you have a little girl. I think she's probably 11 or 12 by now.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2007-09-27 16:05:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It seems I'm making a perfect ass of myself today. :(
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-09-27 16:01:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll bite - who'm I? (without using the words "lists" or "list")
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Submitted by DangerPants (user info) at 2007-09-27 12:50:01 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
c) Just because I only just now bothered with registering and posting doesn't mean I haven't been following this site. I've been around since 2003 or 2004.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-09-27 15:57:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/112044
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2007-09-27 15:56:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
But...but....but....
I like fun too.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2007-09-27 15:56:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-09-27 15:55:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DangerPants (user info) at 2007-09-27 15:50:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2007-09-27 15:36:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I did. Went out of my way to do so.
I meant that starting it with a previous customer who tried to engage the cashier instead of just describing "usually" would have made it more complete.
No need to be defensive. You're kinda new so you don't know me. I'm the idiot that spent the better part of a year photoshopping emus.
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a) wasn't defensive.
b) writing a part about engaging another customer would have been superfluous, as I was only interested in responding to that single paragraph in BigMike's post. To add more on would have been forced, which would have made the writing forced, which would be noticed. You would then be critiquing me by telling me that the first half seemed forced, and I should just cut it back to the one encounter because it flowed more naturally.
c) Just because I only just now bothered with registering and posting doesn't mean I haven't been following this site. I've been around since 2003 or 2004.
d) I know enough of you to know that you're the resident black raincloud that comes to spoil whatever fun anyone is having. Unless of course, they're female and have bothered to notice you without rejecting you. You, like Caul, get off on being an ass. The difference between the two of you, though, is that when Caul does it, he's funny. That bastard makes me laugh so hard on a regular basis... you, on the other hand, are just being an ass to be an ass. It's rarely funny or witty. It just comes off as bitter.
Like I said, to each his own. You have your opinions, I have mine. They don't line up and I don't really have a problem with that. I seriously doubt you do either.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-09-27 15:43:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well now i went and read Mike's post.
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-09-27 15:41:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Empathetic (user info) at 2007-09-27 15:41:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice play.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2007-09-27 15:36:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I did. Went out of my way to do so.
I meant that starting it with a previous customer who tried to engage the cashier instead of just describing "usually" would have made it more complete.
No need to be defensive. You're kinda new so you don't know me. I'm the idiot that spent the better part of a year photoshopping emus.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-09-27 15:36:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i play games like that with people.
do you name people too?
Submitted by DangerPants (user info) at 2007-09-27 15:33:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2007-09-27 15:27:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Could have used a lil more build-up.
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Not if you read the lead-in post that I got the idea from. You know, the one linked at the top.
But what can I say? To each his own, I guess.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-09-27 15:30:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I really liked this.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-09-27 15:29:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-09-27 15:28:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HA!
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2007-09-27 15:27:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Could have used a lil more build-up.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-09-27 15:25:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DangerPants (user info) at 2007-09-27 15:23:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
seemed appropriate:
Unlike most of you, I am not a nut.
-- Homer Simpson
Homer's Odyssey
Submitted by Darth_Famine (user info) at 2007-09-27 15:23:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
:)
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-09-27 15:20:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well done.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-09-27 15:18:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
AWESOME build!
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-09-27 15:18:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, okey-dokey...