I failed to notice someone today. (854 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.75 on 25 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by CaptainThorns (View user info) at 2007-09-27 16:48:17 EDT
http://www.ubersite.com/m/112039
http://www.ubersite.com/m/112042
http://www.ubersite.com/m/112044
It's incredible what you miss out on if you don't take time to stop and observe the things that are happening around you.
For instance:
I went shopping at BJ's Wholesale this morning. Really needed to go last night, but damn if the kids don't suck up all of my attention in the evening. So I have to resign myself to buying groceries and running errands during the day, while they're in school.
God, this is such a lonely life. No job. No spouse. Thank Christ for state welfare programs, and food stamps.
Walking into the store, I grabbed a cart and headed for the produce aisle...wait a minute! Check out this ad! Butter on sale! For only $1.00 a pound! Hell if i'm going to pass up on a deal like THAT! I raced toward dairy, narrowly edging out an elderly man meandering his way into my aisle space, and snatched up five pounds of butter before the senile old goat could beat me to it.
"Yup, this is just what I need for Joseph and Eli's class treats tomorrow," I thought. "I'll be the best classroom helper parent EVER!" Jesus, I still couldn't believe the bargain that I'd found. Thumbing through the ads for more deals, nothing caught my eye, and so I sauntered back towards my original destination near the store entrance. Of course, no one really WANTS to buy vegetables and fruit, but hell if I hadn't made my New Year's resolution to shave off those extra few pounds.
"Focus, Martha! Focus!" I muttered to myself, shook my head, and started to pick up a head of lettuce, when the PA system broke off of the oldies music blaring in the background and a clerk announced, "Welcome to BJs! Be sure to check out our special on Edy's Ice Cream in aisle 12! Two gallons for $5.00! And, Fat Tony's Frozen Pizzas, five for ten dollars! Stock up now!"
SWEET HOLY MOSES!
You could hear the thunder of footsteps stampeding toward frozen goods before the announcement had even finished. Mine included. Goddamn was I hungry for a pizza.
Anyways, I managed to snag four gallons of chocolate ice cream, and then made my way to the pizzas. I secured a spot in line, and was carefully examining the contents of the freezer, trying to make my decision, when I felt something brush my ass ever so gently.
Perturbed, I snapped my head around to identify the offender, and saw naught but the front of a shopping cart. Meh. Someone merely trying to get through the aisle, and apparently I was blocking their way. I turned my head back around to make sure that my pizza selection was still available, and inched forward toward the display as I heard a deep, masculine voice say "excuse me."
The breeze of the shopper and his cart swiftly passed behind me as I grabbed a handful of pizzas and tossed them into my cart. Out of curiosity, I turned my head to the right, and cursed silently under my breath as my retinas processed the image moving away from me.
Damnit. I'd let another one pass me by. And this one was tall, built, maybe about five years older than me. He'd be a perfect stepdad candidate for the boys. His grizzled face turned slightly toward me as he guided his cart around the corner toward the steak aisle, perhaps never to be seen again. A slight tear rolled down my cheek as the store manager continued with her announcement, "...Playtex on sale for $4.99." I wanted to chase after him, but I couldn't bring myself to stoop to that level of demeaning behavior.
Why do I get in such a hurry that I miss out on all of the possibilities around me? Always letting them slip through my fingers.
Hey, fat women need lovin' too, ya know.
I think I'll come back here tomorrow to do some more shopping.
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-10-01 16:42:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-09-29 08:34:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
uberboard : Do I hear TWO dollars?
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-09-28 17:39:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2007-09-28 17:22:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
funny.
Submitted by zwerg (user info) at 2007-09-28 08:39:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-09-28 01:49:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2007-09-28 01:40:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by crosschris (user info) at 2007-09-27 21:20:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Absolute GOLD. Anymore for anymore...???
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2007-09-27 21:17:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sweet.
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2007-09-27 19:54:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sing, please sing.
Ain't over till the fat lady sings....
Grade A bandwagon.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-09-27 19:06:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DangerPants (user info) at 2007-09-27 17:25:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love where all this is going, man.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-09-27 17:18:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Someone do something entertaining in the remaining amount of time I have until my teeth are brushed...
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-09-27 17:01:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-09-27 16:59:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Can't make up my mind. Have a Uniterlike 1.66 and another emoticon =)
Now I'm off to bed, g'night people.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-09-27 16:58:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm not complaining (much). But I doubt she'd be as analytical as you made her seem, there'd also be more physical discomfort, her aching legs, maybe she's sweating, etc. =) (in honour of Shlongy and his hate of emoticons) I liked it anyway and I'm glad it got written.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-09-27 16:57:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
see how easy that was.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-09-27 16:55:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I know. That's what you get when you ask me to bang something out in a half hour, though.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-09-27 16:54:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You weren't a particularly convincing fat woman, Thorns.
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-09-27 16:53:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2007-09-27 16:53:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"He'd be a perfect stepdad candidate for the boys."
Hahahahahahaha
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-09-27 16:52:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Greatest. Bandwagon. Ever.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-09-27 16:52:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-09-27 16:51:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-09-27 16:49:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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