Fear: Thy name is Ubersite (956 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.45 on 51 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by StereoTypist (View user info) at 2007-09-27 16:59:04 EDT
Dear Uber Users,
I came across your site quite by accident, searching (I think) for information on how birds mate (you know, cause they have such long tail feathers) and ended up reading a hilarious post that was nothing but a bunch of eyeballs (Bravo to that author/artist!).
As the weeks went on I continued reading, admittedly I should have been working but since I am a supervisor and have my own office I made a managerial decision and delegated the work I should have been doing on to my secretary - who I then yelled at for her continual personal use of the internet and how that is not tolerated in this company (thinking back, I think I did that just to alleviate my own guilt for being so personal with said computer systems).
Anywho, I love what I am reading here - more often than not I find myself giggling out loud, sniffling into a tissue or reading through the spaces between my fingers as I hide myself from some of the horrific - yet brilliant! - things I have read here (That super-hero one really creeped me out by the way...)
My favorite posts, though, have to be the ones written by 13 year olds (at least I am assuming they are 13 since their writing skills seem to reflect as such). Not because of the content they themselves have posted but because I have never read anything funnier than the comments posted in response to their equivalent of word-vomit. (My favorite thus far has been "Stop sucking my e-cock")
However my dear Uberers and Uberettes, I decided this morning that I have stayed on the sidelines way to long. I'm a witty and interesting person (my mom told me so) and I was almost positive that I could start scooping up the +2's quicker than Bulldog guy picks up the negatives. So, keyboard at hand, I opened a fresh Word page and watched as the cursor blinked excitedly at me, awaiting it's first command.
It blinked.
And blinked.
And blinked.
It was then I realized that I was more terrified of posting on this website than I was of anything else. Images of Uber Elitists posting -2DIE's and evil "You're post smelled worse than new AND old shit" comments flashed before my eyes. Never in my life have I seen a website that was so unforgiving and so judgmental as this one. Not that I am complaining - as I said your constant evil-cyber-insults have been a source of entertainment for a while now... but that was when I was just an innocent reader. Now I'm a soon-to-be-poster - someone who will be throwing my writings at you and praying to the Uber-Gods that some mercy will be shown.
This "I hope they will like me and not kick my ass" mentality reminded me of my first day of elementary school when, for the cost of 2 of my favorite Barbie Dolls and my "Candy Land" board game I was able to purchase "protection" from my older cousin who was in the first grade. Thinking back now I realize that she really didn't do anything to earn her fee other than serve as a sort of mental "bodyguard". Just knowing that she was there if I got into any trouble with other kids was enough to let me enter the world of education with my head held high.
Ubersite is a lot like school I notice - there are the "cool" kids who seem to get +2's on their posts just because they are them, there are the "dirtbags" who the "wannabe" kids hope will post so they can side with the "cool" kids in verbal bashings and hope that they will someday be accepted, and then there are the "geeks" who are basically neutral in the Uber-World and spend their time +2ing or -2ing without leaving any real constructive comments.
I'm not looking to be one of the cool kids - I know it takes a LOT to be a member of the Uber-Elites - but is there maybe someone out there who wouldn't mind providing me a bit of "protection"? Maybe hold my hand when I post so the cool kids will think "Hey, that chick is lame but she's friends with <Insert Uber Elitist Name Here> so we'll go easy on her."
I'm all out of Barbie's and my board game collection is kind of lame but I have lots of shiny marbles and about 4 gallons of elementary-school grade Elmer's glue (don't ask) that I can overnight you. Or crack - you guys like crack, right?
Right....?
User Reviews
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-10-03 10:32:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Welcome to Uber ! Also : http://www.ubersite.com/m/96206
Hooter-poster below.
Hooter-owner above.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-10-01 19:42:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hello, I'm JonnyX, Lord High Enforcer of Unenforceable Rules here at Ubersite.
Read this post (it's safe, I assure you)
http://www.ubersite.com/m/55488
and you'll get a few tips.
Just be entertaining.
Which is much, much harder that it sounds.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-09-28 11:09:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
no problem bro, i'll help you out
but you have to walk around with the front of your t-shirt tied in a little knot and your thumb in my beltloop
and a little rouge wouldn't hurt.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-09-28 10:46:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Since you seem to have not gotten all the standard reviews I will now give them to you:
y halo thar noob
you seem semi-literate. stick around and keep trying.
Uber may seem like a free-for all, but be warned: there ARE rules.
the first being +2 all the post of your uber elders so that they are nice to you.
you can start with mine, then move on to crystle, Method, and scourge.
Don't forget to prove you aren't an alter by posting a camwhore.
show us your tits!
Show us your hole!
-2 die!
i'm bored now.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2007-09-28 06:30:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This wasn't terribly written and it very much reminds me of how I was on my first post all those years ago.
I am terribly surprised the Uber masses havn't yet barraged you with requests for photos of your tits but they will, rest assured - esp when they realise you give great head, which I am assuming you do, seeing as you are now a supervisor and lord knows you couldn't have got there on merit.
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2007-09-28 01:05:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
"You're post smelled worse than new AND old shit"
You're? YOU-FUCKING-'RE?!?!
Jesus christ
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-09-27 23:28:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
As much as I want to read quality writings from you, I can't help but get the feeling that if I ever saw you, I'd peg you in the head with some form of fruit. I'm on the fence here, so I'll read and aim at the same time.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-09-27 23:08:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"you guys like crack, right?"
That got you a +1 from me...
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-09-27 21:19:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-09-27 19:35:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Make up your minds about me already! What faggotry, specifically?
And I know better than to think I can change Uber, Jack...besides, if it was nicey-nice all the time, it wouldn't be half as fun!
++++++++
Hey, don't look at me! I just wanted to know what had been causing all the faggotry here today. Jack was the one who decided to pin it on you.
Seriously though Crys, don't you smell that? Yeah, me too. 'Tis the smell of faggotry.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2007-09-27 21:15:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What the fucking hellfire IS this gibberish?
If anybody is stupid enough to leave you in charge of stuff (Including yourself)they deserve the incompetent ramblings of a "retard" like the one above.
You're really annoying. Fuck off somewhere else, preferably to a place where there are other deadshits who give a fuck about your parentheses and quotation marks as much as you do.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-09-27 20:43:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2007-09-27 20:21:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I stopped reading after; "you guys like crack".
Where is it? Why is it taking so long?
C'mon, you offered it.
Username reminds me of The Specials.
Good news: you're special.
----------------------------------------------------------------
you'd best deliver, he'll fuckin cut ya.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2007-09-27 20:36:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's not at all unusual for gangs to beat the living shit out of someone as a means of initiation.
I'm just sayin'
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2007-09-27 20:21:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I stopped reading after; "you guys like crack".
Where is it? Why is it taking so long?
C'mon, you offered it.
Username reminds me of The Specials.
Good news: you're special.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-09-27 20:15:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Well, you're wrong.
Fear tastes like aluminum.
Ubersite tastes like bologna (or maybe soft dog food).
Bologna (or maybe soft dog food) is not made of aluminum.
Therefore, fear is not Ubersite.
You cannot argue with logic like that. Don't even try. <Humungous> Just walk away. </Humungous>
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-09-27 20:12:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
auto anywho -2
cunt
Submitted by mystiamoon (user info) at 2007-09-27 19:57:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
if this post had an odor it would be worse than cat urine!
just kiddin, i've used that one before anyway.
welcome to the place that will eat your soul slowly.
+2
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-09-27 19:35:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Make up your minds about me already! What faggotry, specifically?
And I know better than to think I can change Uber, Jack...besides, if it was nicey-nice all the time, it wouldn't be half as fun!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-09-27 15:06:04 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-09-27 17:57:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And what's with all this smelly faggotry going on here today?!
--
I blame Crystle, the Nicey-Nice Environment Enforcer.
I know she's a mom and part of that is hardwired, but come on.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-09-27 14:57:46 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That's coz ur a bicthes Crystal
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2007-09-27 19:05:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Post a camwhore now before they get angry at you
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2007-09-27 18:48:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for liking my eyeballs. It's always nice to hear things about me, because I'm an attention-craving dicklick.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2007-09-27 18:38:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-09-27 18:37:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-09-27 17:04:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
UBERSITEZ IZ TEH BULLYZ.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-09-27 18:36:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-09-27 18:21:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
anyone that considers themselves 'uber elite' deserve to have their genitals shoved down their throats.
--
Are you kidding? Half the douchebags on this site would beg their parents for an advance on their allowance if they could pay for that service in the pricvacy of their own basement.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2007-09-27 18:32:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I loooooooooove crack
Submitted by TechnoRatty (user info) at 2007-09-27 18:27:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Recursive Sarcasm Rule
When applying multiple layers of sarcasm, sarcasm is considered an inverting function. Therefore a sarcastic statement containing another sarcastic statement inverts the contained sarcastic statement, thus rendering it non-sarcastic.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-09-27 18:21:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
anyone that considers themselves 'uber elite' deserve to have their genitals shoved down their throats.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-09-27 18:17:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-09-27 18:17:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Fatterrific (user info) at 2007-09-27 18:09:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
The fuck is this shit?
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-09-27 18:06:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-09-27 17:57:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And what's with all this smelly faggotry going on here today?!
--
I blame Crystle, the Nicey-Nice Environment Enforcer.
I know she's a mom and part of that is hardwired, but come on.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-09-27 17:57:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-09-27 17:21:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
and for the record, I think my rating may be frozen. It hasn't changed at ALL since ubermadness.
~~~~~~~
That's coz ur a bicthes Crystal
==============
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-09-27 17:20:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Anywho,"
--
If you ennyhoo in my presence I will punch you in the head.
~~~~~~~~~~
I'll second that.
And what's with all this smelly faggotry going on here today?!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-09-27 17:31:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Oathmeal- get offa my nuts, you fucking stalking Swanson faggot.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-09-27 17:23:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awwwww...
Don't be mad, C-dawg.
I was just funnin'.
You know your cons bring all the n00bs to the yard and they're like:
+2 +2 +2 +2 +2 +2 +2 +2.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-09-27 17:21:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
and for the record, I think my rating may be frozen. It hasn't changed at ALL since ubermadness.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-09-27 17:20:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
STFU, Chaos.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-09-27 17:20:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Anywho,"
--
If you ennyhoo in my presence I will punch you in the head.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-09-27 17:19:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Man, Crystle is *the* most shameless ratings whore. Evar.
Fall not for the ruse, n00b.
Her words are poison and will bring you only sorrow.
+2 mine, instead.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-09-27 17:17:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Now I'm a soon-to-be-poster - someone who will be throwing my writings at you and praying to the Uber-Gods that some mercy will be shown.
____
Yeah... good luck with that.
Welcome.
+2 First Post.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-09-27 17:16:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh, and go +2 all my posts so that I'll be nice to you
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-09-27 17:16:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-09-27 17:16:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-09-27 17:16:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't want barbies anyhow - but go ahead and ship the marbles out. I seem to have lost mine.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-09-27 17:12:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I kind of like the username as well.
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-09-27 17:09:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
welcome - your username almost amused me
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-09-27 17:09:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Not really.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-09-27 17:08:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I lost my eHands in the war.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-09-27 17:07:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jebus...
Anfry Jaeleuz Beyocthes all over this post.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-09-27 17:06:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm a wannabe and make no bones about it.
+2 for a first post that didn't suck.
Welcome to Uber.
-2DIE, horsebeast.
;P
Submitted by jamowilly40 (user info) at 2007-09-27 17:04:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Shlongy shut the fuck up you stupid dwarf.
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-09-27 17:04:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
UBERSITEZ IZ TEH BULLYZ.
Write something entertaining, and I will rate you accordingly, it's as simple as that.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-09-27 17:03:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Where's my name drop, you fucking cockgobbler?
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2007-09-27 17:01:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Burst out of your office and scream "IT'S RAPE YOUR SECRETARY DAY!" and I'll come back and give you 10 +2's