Midget/Inches. (741 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0.26 on 29 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by baron von munchausen (View user info) at 2007-09-29 22:03:10 EDT
All he ever wanted was to be an actor. A real, serious, actor. Fuck show business, fuck Hollywood-real acting. And he had one problem. He was most definitely a midget.
He walked into the room. It was not a large room; it looked like the kind of room where slick businessmen in slick jackets with slick hair and slick cars, and probably slick pubic hair, negotiated the Big Deal. In fact, he was here today to try and make the Big Deal. Or the Little Deal. That's a little midget humour there. He would not have appreciated that humour. He would kick me in the ankle if he knew I'd said that. He gives wicked ankle kicks.
But yes, the Big Deal. He walked in with his agent. His agent was the same size as he was. That is, midget size. His agent was a midget. The people, the two people, on the other side of the table, were not midgets. One of them was sixty-eight inches tall. One of them was sixty-eight inches tall. The other one was seventy-three inches tall and had extremely slick pubic hair. He had a young son who was fifty-seven inches tall and was terrible at sports.
One of them was sixty-eight inches tall. This one said, "Please sit down." He shuffled some files. He pretended that they were cards and that he was playing cards and that the midgets and his pubicly slick colleague were other people playing cards with him. He liked to pretend. He was sixty-eight inches tall, and he liked to pretend. He pulled out one specific file and looked at it. He pretended that he was looking at the jack of spades. He liked to pretend.
One of them was seventy-three inches tall and had extremely slick pubic hair. He had a young son who was fifty-seven inches tall and was terrible at sports. He had no files, and he did not like to pretend. He let his eyes smoulder for a little while, and he was seventy-three inches tall. He pulled back the smouldering, but maintained a high degree of gaze intensity. He did not like to pretend. He said "We've been reviewing your file." Ha ha ha. He was lying. Who would review a midget's file?
Let's return to our midget. The one who wanted to be an actor. There was another midget, and that was his agent. But I want to return to the one who wanted to be an actor. He suspected that they had not reviewed his file. The truth was, there is no work for a midget who wants to be a serious actor. Marlon Brando was not a midget. Marlon Brando was a serious actor. Marlon Brando was sixty-nine and a half inches tall. Our midget wanted to act like Marlon Brando did. He could, too. That was the worst part. He was a fantastic actor. But he was a midget.
He had paid his dues. He had paid his dues. He had paid his dues many times over, being a midget stunt person, a stand-in for children, and doing many other midget-related show business jobs. No serious acting. There is no work for a midget who wants to be a serious actor. That's why he was here hoping to make the Big Deal. Then he would be able to be a serious actor. But they hadn't reviewed his file. Because there is no work for a midget who wants to be a serious actor.
One of the men who was not a midget was seventy-three inches tall and had extremely slick pubic hair. He had a young son who was fifty-seven inches tall and was terrible at sports. He said "We are unfortunately not able to offer you anything right now. We'll keep your information on file." Ha ha ha. He was lying. Who would keep a midget's information on file?
The two men who were not midgets stood to escort the two men who were midgets to the door. The two men who were midgets stood and allowed themselves to be escorted to the door by the two men who were not midgets. One of them was sixty-eight inches tall. One of them was seventy-three inches tall. One of them was seventy-three inches tall. Marlon Brando was sixty-nine and a half inches tall.
Let's return to our midget. The one who wanted to be an actor. There was another midget, and that was his agent. But I want to return to the one who wanted to be an actor. He kicked the man in the ankle. One of them was sixty-eight inches tall. He had kicked to other one in the ankle. He gives wicked ankle kicks.
User Reviews
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2007-10-03 11:02:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
worth reading
Submitted by baronMunchausen (user info) at 2007-10-01 17:25:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Try spelling it right. And making, like...a post.
Submitted by Lambchop (user info) at 2007-10-01 14:41:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-09-30 18:39:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I actually rather enjoyed this
Submitted by theBarron (user info) at 2007-10-01 08:54:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2007-09-30 09:14:37 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes, ze Baron is telling the truth. But he is also the following people...
http://www.ubersite.com/u/alex.lifeson
http://www.ubersite.com/u/mallett
BOTH gay, BOTH my friends in real life who people believed were my alter. BOTH also the Baron.
==========
FUCK YOU! I'M THE BARON!
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-10-01 08:54:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I did not enjoy this, being a man, 77 inches in height, I did not enjoy this at all.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-09-30 22:04:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-09-30 19:43:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
the little boys arguing on this post are gay for each other in a big way.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-09-30 19:06:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
all the double-talk all the double-talk all the double-talk is making me ill.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-09-30 18:39:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I actually rather enjoyed this
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-09-30 16:52:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
GO PHILS WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-09-30 09:51:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2007-09-30 04:27:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
tell us ur email and i'll fuck off. just a real email we can contact you at via msn to show that youre not really me.
Submitted by baronMunchausen (user info) at 2007-09-30 04:24:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Dude. I'm just trying to do some writing. Fuck off.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2007-09-30 04:14:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes, ze Baron is telling the truth. But he is also the following people...
http://www.ubersite.com/u/alex.lifeson
http://www.ubersite.com/u/mallett
BOTH gay, BOTH my friends in real life who people believed were my alter. BOTH also the Baron.
Just stop making accounts Scott, it's making me look bad.
Submitted by baronMunchausen (user info) at 2007-09-30 04:08:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Please ignore these stupid comments and rate the post based on merit. I am acquainted with D-Prime outside of uber and he's being a huge ass trying to mess up my stuff. Please take nothing he says seriously. I think you all know how deranged he is.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2007-09-30 04:01:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Baron, if that is your real name, if you're so real? What's your real e-mail? IF you have one? Not your gay University one, your hotmail one? Hm?
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2007-09-30 03:56:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I always have to ruin everything for me, isn't that how life is? Your own worst enemy.
Submitted by baronMunchausen (user info) at 2007-09-30 03:53:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Stop fucking around...I'm just trying to post some writing. You have to ruin everything.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2007-09-30 03:47:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i need to stop making new accounts
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2007-09-30 03:43:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
midget/inches = -2 baron...
OR SHoulD I SAY MALLETT/ALEx.LIFESON, FORMER UBERSITE USERS, AKA scOTT FROM MY RL FRIEND WHO NO ONE THINKS IS REAL, SO YouRE ME AS WELL! YOU ARE A FUCKING ALTER! GET OFF MY FUCKING SITE YOU ALTER! SAM SAM SCAM SCAM!!!!!!11!!!!1!!one!!1!!!twenty-seven!!!!1!
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2007-09-30 03:35:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't read this. But I grade on a scale, and seeing as this apparently is serious writing and Ubersite-esque retarded tribalism, it gets an auto +1. And another +1 because we're discussing midgets and pubic hair while refering to someone as "Baron." LAWL. You really enjoy having people clal you Baron, aren't you, Baron?
I'M D-PRIME, FUCK YEAH. COMING AROUND TO BE THE MOTHER FUCKING DPRIME YEAH.
Submitted by baronMunchausen (user info) at 2007-09-30 02:12:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I didn't say it was based on his average rating. I said it was based on the general level of intelligence shown in his writing. Which is not high. As I previously expressed.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-09-30 02:10:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
What are you saying baronM, that if someones average rating is low their opinion/ reviews are not valid??
Submitted by baronMunchausen (user info) at 2007-09-30 00:53:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by darkwulffe (user info) at 2007-09-30 00:34:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fucking horrible
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For reasons that now baffle me, I decided to check out your writing on this site and discovered that your opinion is approximately as valuable as...well, it's so insanely devoid of value that I can't even find a potent simile. Maybe it's as valuable as a log of shit. Maybe on a good day it'd be worth a chunky log of shit, but that might be wishful thinking.
Submitted by darkwulffe (user info) at 2007-09-30 00:34:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fucking horrible
Submitted by STIXS (user info) at 2007-09-29 23:18:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I understood the reason, I just didn't feel that the way you did it was optimal
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-09-29 23:14:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 inches.
Submitted by baronMunchausen (user info) at 2007-09-29 22:23:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You may have noticed that I made repeated references to the height of the normal men, but none to the heights of the midgets, who actually have heights that are not ordinary. I don't know what to call that exactly. But that was the reason for the emphasis on height.
Submitted by STIXS (user info) at 2007-09-29 22:20:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This was interesting, but nothing amazing. Even though I assume you intended to use the lines about height and being terrible at sports repeatedly for emphasis, I felt that it was a bit much, especially the pubic hair part - that just didn't seem to fit in very well.