Click here to return to the list of messages.

GRUEBERFEST '07 - 1st Round Matches (3430 hits)

Category: Computers & Internet
Labels: GFest07

Rating: 0.83 on 280 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by kaos-king (antius777) (View user info) at 2007-10-01 10:01:44 EDT

---

"I have harnessed the shadows that stride from world to world to sow death and madness..." - H.P. Lovecraft

And so begins the 1ST ROUND of GRUEBERFEST '07!!! Here are your matches to start things off. Opponents have until 11:59pm EST tonight to provide a title to their terrible foe. Try to keep things out of the ridiculous, and somewhat in the topic of the competition. Any obvious bullshit titles CAN be contested, as well as massive drive-by alter attacks. (but I probably won't care) Anyone who hasn't received a title by then can either create their own, or have one provided by me.

Your tales are DUE by THURSDAY at 11:59pm EST

Voting ends SUNDAY night, and new matches will be posted MONDAY morning.


1 - Beeltea VS Whiskey_Jack
2 - Inion De Trua VS TechnoRatty
3 - Axolotl VS Captian Thorns
4 - Yellow-Man VS Big Mike
5 - Jamowilly VS Hourman
6 - Amontillado VS Mockidol
7 - Beer-Turtle VS ELG
8 - Lungfish VS ilikesteak
9 - BaronMunchausen VS Write-Of-Way
10 - Jack McCallum VS Monkeyswithguns
11 - Domenad VS HurtByTheSun
12 - BRDN NKD VS Forensic Girl
13 - Ballare VS Sir Cowman
14 - TTOM VS Skrapmetal
15 - Fungah VS ShapeShifter
16 - Zampano VS NintendoCzar

17 - Ghola VS Shlongy = SUPER SCARY BONUS EXTRA EVIL MATCH of MAYHEM

18 - Orgasmatron - Has a "buy" into the 2nd round as previous organizer of this competition if he so chooses.

---

User Reviews

---

Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-10-06 15:53:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Wait, I just noticed kaos-king is not IN in this.

BOOOOOO (disappointed boo, not scary boo)

---

Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-05 12:05:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0


1st ROUND ORGANIZED into MATCH-UPS w/ LINKS

http://www.ubersite.com/m/112264

---

Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-05 01:08:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0


UNITER - - personally, I find your ratings to be fair & honest, if not all together that useful since you rarely leave any comments. I'm just saying, a little actual feedback on WHY you rate the way you do sometimes would be helpful. For instance, you just left a pretty good critique of Forensic's post below... no reason why you couldn't have told her that to begin with. I dunno...

---

Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-10-05 01:02:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Lately started, lately finished and lately posted.
At least I'm consistent.

http://www.ubersite.com/m/112263

---

Submitted by NintendoCzar (user info) at 2007-10-05 00:12:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-04 11:17:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Zampano - - Do whatever you feel comfortable with, man. I would tell you to go ahead and post. Even if you have to forfeit in later rounds or you get beat out in this one, and least you made the beginning attempt.

I like how it automatically assumed that if he posted his story, he'd beat me. I sorta wish he had, because now I gotta write something for the next round, and this story was shitty enough :P

---

Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-10-04 22:32:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-10-04 10:10:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Kaos-

I know this will be a pain in the ass and will make me appear to be a whiney bitch but could you discount ALL of that twat-extraordinaire 'The Uniter's' ratings...

=============================

Forensic makes me laugh.

I rated her an average +1, on several reviews. I see other people reviewing dozens of times. Who fucking cares?

This is an internet forum, you know. People can argue and/or discuss things back and forth.

Or is this activity only available to people on some secret list or something?

If you want to know my reasons for the re-rate, it was because I read a couple of really fantastic stories, which were both +2s, and decided Forensic's story didn't quite measure up.

So I went back and adjusted to a +1 from the original +2.

I suffer from premature evaluation.

It's embarrassing, and I really don't like to talk about it, but there it is.

Then TigerLilly asked if I was bi-polar, and I responded.

Then Icarus chimed in and I responded to him.

And so it goes.

It was hardly anything, really. Especially for ubersite.

I didn't go out of my way to flame anyone. I think a -2 is the way to do that.

And while I'm sure I give out fewer +2s than most, I'm pretty sure I give out fewer -2s. also.

Forensic started whining about me ever since I gave her a -1 on a story a while back. Since then she cries about it regularly.

Once a month, I think.

It's been very inconvenient for me, because I really try to follow her instructions. I can't tell you how many times I've run out the door to buy a bullet, only to find the gun rental store has a waiting period.

I wish I could take back that goddamn -1 I gave her MONTHS AGO, but I can't.

Apparently, there are no take-backs on uber. There is, however, much crying.

So I weep for the anguish my ratings have caused ForensicGirl3.

Seriously though, her story was a little cliched and derivative, and the ending was telegraphed too soon.

On the positive, however, she took the time to develop the story and the characters, and let the tension build fairly well.

That's a +1 to me.

However, having said all this, if she is soooooooooooooo upset about my +1, I have no objection to my rating being discounted to keep her happy.

You can even discount all my ratings for every entry. It's your contest. I really don't mind at all.

But until the local gunshop changes its policy, that's as far as I go.

---

Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-10-04 21:30:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

So... I've got a test to study for. I'll still write a story over the weekend sometime but it's just not going to happen in the next couple hours.

---

Submitted by mockidol (user info) at 2007-10-04 19:57:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

My Story - Lab Creation:


http://www.ubersite.com/m/112257

---

Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-10-04 19:08:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0


http://www.ubersite.com/m/112254

LONG!!!

The perfect read if you are constipated and plan on sitting a while. Enjoy!

---

Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-10-04 16:01:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Fuck the Uniter.

---

Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-10-04 15:54:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

PLUSSSS I forfeit.

My forfeit wins though.

---

Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-10-04 15:36:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0


I'm gonna hunt down Bill Gates and cut his fucking balls off. My wonderful PC here at work froze up and I lost somewheer btwn 1 and 2 pages of story.

That shit happens with this PC all the time.

That shit never happens with my MAC at home.

God damn it.

---

Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2007-10-04 15:21:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Yeah I forfeit, i've got too much shit to do lately. I got a nother damn research paper last minute by my english professor. On top of a damn speech to prepare for in just a few days. I have some stuff written but i'll probably have to post it on a later date, i'm sorry for the inconvenience.

---

Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-10-04 14:24:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0


SOMEBODY HELP ME KILL THIS MONSTER!!!

---

Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-10-04 11:48:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

http://www.ubersite.com/m/112225

Mah entry.

---

Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-10-04 11:33:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

yessir i got both.
will email you back about the one later on today. u are teh roxxors.

i just thought it was curious that she requested all the uniters ratings on her post be discounted.
no matter.

---

Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-04 11:32:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-10-04 11:29:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-10-04 11:27:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

why on earth would you want to discount all of uniter's ratings?

_________________________

I think she just meant on her post - Icarus & he got into a verbal battle there.

Hey Ghola... did you get that THING I sent ya???

---

Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-10-04 11:29:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-10-04 11:27:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

why on earth would you want to discount all of uniter's ratings?

---

Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-04 11:21:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

Here's mine:

http://www.ubersite.com/m/111998

---

Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-04 11:17:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0


Forensic - - Titles for R1 are due by tonight (Thur 4th) at 11:59pm EST. Voting ends Sunday night (7th) at 11:59pm. ROUND 2 matches & R1 results will be posted Monday morning (8th) at some point. ROUND 2 posts will be due by Thursday (11th) at 11:59pm EST. Voting on them will end THAT Sunday (14th) at 11:59pm EST... and so on... every Friday will have a SUM UP post containing all the match ups with the apprpriate links.

Zampano - - Do whatever you feel comfortable with, man. I would tell you to go ahead and post. Even if you have to forfeit in later rounds or you get beat out in this one, and least you made the beginning attempt.

---

Submitted by Zampano (user info) at 2007-10-04 10:51:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

I'm really hesitant to decide whether to post my story or forfeit now, as my schedule is helplessly busy for the next few weeks and I can only give so little time to writing in a genre that I am no good with. Actually, my story is simply terrible. Are there are any benefits for trying to continue, or should I just fail now and get it out of the way?

---

Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-10-04 10:45:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Ok then one more thing K

I'm going out of town on Friday and will be back Sunday. When will it be decided who advances and when does round 2 start (meaning when are the titles due)?

---

Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2007-10-04 10:35:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

Yay! Another stupid "competition"

---

Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-04 10:34:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0


Forensic - -

Currently you have 63 reviews on your post and BRDN NKD has 40. Not too big a difference.

In any case, I'm going to do a follow up post on Friday morning that will reshow all the contestants, who they are up against and post the appropriate links to the tales. I'm doing this to help drum up MORE direct votes. I've already sought out advice from my selected pannel, and they've all agreed with me so far on this course of action.

---

Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-10-04 10:10:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Kaos-

I know this will be a pain in the ass and will make me appear to be a whiney bitch but could you discount ALL of that twat-extraordinaire 'The Uniter's' ratings and all expect ONE of Icarius'?

See, the twat and Icarius were arguing on my Gruberfest entry. The twat first gave me a +2 then went back much later and gave me a 0.

THAT isn't what's bugging me. Icarius, who liked the story, gave me +2 and then proceeded to remind the twat that he/she is, you know, a twat.

Being that The Uniter is sooooo superior to the rest of us, proceeded to argue with Icarius. Every time Icarius would respond, he'd give me a +2.

Now don't get me wrong, I dig that Icarius liked my story and +2'd me, but because The Uniter is such a, you know, twat, it knocked my story up to most heated.

I just want everything to be fair and having a Gruberfest entry on MH may not be fair to the rest of the contestants and the ratings might be skewed.

So, if you would please manually calculate my average after discounting ALL of The Uniter's ratings and all but ONE of Icarius', I think that might even things out a bit.


Thanks and sorry about the whine.

---

Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-04 09:41:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

R1: "Taking a Bit of Foreskin With You Up to Jesus" - http://www.ubersite.com/m/112221

---

Submitted by NintendoCzar (user info) at 2007-10-04 05:32:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

http://www.ubersite.com/m/112214
--------------------------------------

Some spelling errors, short, and probably shit. Not to mention a terrible camwhore at the end. The goal is to get the lowest score possible, like golf, right?

---

Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2007-10-04 04:55:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

http://www.ubersite.com/m/112211


Hey do I get bonus points for writing it in the dark really late at night?

---

Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2007-10-04 04:23:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

I think your timings on this competition is completely pants. Your expecting people to vote on a friday day could work, sure. But on a friday night and weekend? Not so smrt.

---

Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2007-10-04 01:25:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

"Killy Von McStabbandmurder III: Footloose in Havana"

I should have gone with that

---

Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2007-10-04 00:17:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

http://www.ubersite.com/m/112207

---

Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-10-03 23:02:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-10-03 15:05:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Oh and by the way Skrap. I shant be reviewing yours to prevent an escalation like that poetry thing with Shlongy.
While that was funny, it was also really dumb.
-----------
<extends lower lip, lowers gaze, mutters, finds a dirt road and shuffles down it>

---

Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2007-10-03 20:23:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

http://www.ubersite.com/m/112201

---

Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2007-10-03 18:47:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

My entry:

Fuck it - Grueberfest 07 - So I married a Fungah

---

Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2007-10-03 18:36:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Would posting my entry today, after the thing I already posted today effect my score in grueberfest?

---

Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-10-03 16:37:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0


I'm fucked.

I just thought all of you should know.

---

Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-03 16:16:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0


QuinnTheEskimo/Sir-Cowman

http://www.ubersite.com/m/112196

---

Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-03 16:16:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0


ShapeShifter

http://www.ubersite.com/m/112190

---

Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-10-03 15:05:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Oh and by the way Skrap. I shant be reviewing yours to prevent an escalation like that poetry thing with Shlongy.
While that was funny, it was also really dumb.

---

Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-10-03 14:54:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Yo: http://www.ubersite.com/m/112195

---

Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-10-03 14:48:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

http://www.ubersite.com/m/112194

I'm in.

---

Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-03 14:31:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

So far there's been some really good stories to come out of this. Can't wait to see what crops up tomorrow, on deadline day.

That being said, I'd better wrap up my story...

*scurries off to laboratory*

---

Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-10-03 13:56:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

How about, So I married a Fungus?

---

Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2007-10-03 13:33:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Do I get a title or what?

---

Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-03 12:28:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by jamowilly40 (user info) at 2007-10-02 18:10:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Hourman -

Let's go with 'Fractured'.

_________________

Ummm, you're a lil' late to the game, my friend...

---

Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-10-03 11:11:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

The Early Flesh Harvest- Grueberfest 2007

http://www.ubersite.com/m/112188


oops

---

Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-10-03 11:11:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

The Early Flesh Harvest- Grueberfest 2007

www.ubersite.com/m/112188

---

Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-10-03 11:09:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-02 07:55:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-10-02 03:39:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

KK gimme a title please.

___________________________


"12 Minutes To Midnight" or "The Early Flesh Harvest"
---------------------

Sorry Jamo I did the one KK provided for me!! I went with The Early Flesh Harvest.

Sorry mate.

---

Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-03 03:55:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0


Lungfish

http://www.ubersite.com/m/112179

---

Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2007-10-03 02:11:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Last Year's Skeleton: http://www.ubersite.com/m/112175

---

Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-02 21:36:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0


Forensic

http://www.ubersite.com/m/112166

---

Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-10-02 20:21:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2007-10-02 10:00:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1

Highvoltage sighting

---

Submitted by jamowilly40 (user info) at 2007-10-02 18:10:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Hourman -

Let's go with 'Fractured'.

---

Submitted by TechnoRatty (user info) at 2007-10-02 17:51:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Hey Inion De Trua, here is my "effort"
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=1191361642951719893

cheers!

---

Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-10-02 17:18:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

More like divine being.

---

Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-10-02 17:05:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-02 15:59:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0


Monkeyswithguns

http://www.ubersite.com/m/112159

---------------------------------------------------------

thanks!

---

Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-02 15:59:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0


Monkeyswithguns

http://www.ubersite.com/m/112159

---

Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2007-10-02 13:24:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Ok, here's mine.

http://www.ubersite.com/m/112156

---

Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-10-02 13:12:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Well Forensic..... here's your opportunity to defeat me: http://www.ubersite.com/m/112154


crap.

---

Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-02 12:27:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

I hope to hell all of you losers camp on my next post.

---

Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-10-02 11:50:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-10-02 10:10:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1

I'm not a man!

--

So, animal then?

---

Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-02 10:10:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0


GF07 - Baron MAuchausen

http://www.ubersite.com/m/112137

---

Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-10-02 10:10:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1

I'm not a man!

---

Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2007-10-02 10:00:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1

Highvoltage sighting

---

Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-02 09:03:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0


Yes, yes, my twisted lil' freaks... write for me!!!

---

Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-02 08:57:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-10-01 20:59:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-10-01 19:02:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:54:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Hang on, theres not many women in this competition, fingers crossed for a Lungfish victory!

------

GAH!!!!

ilikesteak -- I like it.

Amontillado -- You can have me anytime you want.

Fuck. I have to write something.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What the FUCK?

Since when was lungfish a chick?
======================================

He's not, Amontillado is of the female variety. I refer you to Uberdirectory section 2.A.1a.

---

Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2007-10-02 08:46:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

YELLOW MAN

Titles for you to choose:


"Butchers Ballet"

"The Stronghold"

"Seventeen Years"

"Biodegradable"

---

Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-02 07:55:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-10-02 03:39:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

KK gimme a title please.

___________________________


"12 Minutes To Midnight" or "The Early Flesh Harvest"

---

Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-10-02 04:18:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

How about "The Mysterious Shrinking Salmon"

---

Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-10-02 04:05:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

ok....Love, Lust and Libraries

---

Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-10-02 03:57:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

This is a horror comp... not a gay pride rally... I want a real title dag nabbit

---

Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-10-02 03:50:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Hour man your title is 'The Bride of EmissionImpossible'

---

Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-10-02 03:39:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

KK gimme a title please.

---

Submitted by beer-turtle (user info) at 2007-10-02 01:56:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

ELG sorry for delay been crushing out my homework so I will have time to write this.

Title(s) since you gave me three

I give you: The Devil is in the Details, Etched in Stone, or, Do you smell that?

---

Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-10-02 00:56:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WRITE DRUNK DURING THE WEEK???? I HAVE A JOB, YOU KNOW!!!!!!


I'm trying, man. I'm trying. Sober. This is like being in school again.

---

Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-02 00:47:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0




IF YOUR OPPONENT HASN"T GOT YOU A TITLE BY NOW, EITHER USE YOUR OWN OR CONTACT ME FOR ONE.

---

Submitted by NintendoCzar (user info) at 2007-10-01 22:46:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Zamprano, enjoy:


Sin & Punishment
or
Water Closet
or
The Perfect Partner

PS I don't know if I say what one of yours I'm choosing, so that's why I didn't. Don't know if it matters......

---

Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-10-01 22:42:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

sorry for the late titles:

necrophilia: a how-to guide


smooth things over


right shoes


one last thing on the list


a story for sara jane davis


i apologize for the shitness, feel free to pick your own (and yes, that first one is a serious submission, it makes me giggle)

---

Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2007-10-01 21:49:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Mister Cowman I suggest to you the titles of
Devil's Eyes
In the Shadow
Full Moon's Blessing
OR
Feel free to make up your own as I'm notoriously bad at tittling - er, titling things.

---

Submitted by mockidol (user info) at 2007-10-01 21:39:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Attn: Amontillado
(Your Choice)

Pocket Thistle
The Meadow Grey
Anxiety Seperation
Noir Nephilim

---

Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-10-01 20:59:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-10-01 19:02:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:54:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Hang on, theres not many women in this competition, fingers crossed for a Lungfish victory!

------

GAH!!!!

ilikesteak -- I like it.

Amontillado -- You can have me anytime you want.

Fuck. I have to write something.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What the FUCK?

Since when was lungfish a chick? I thought you were the camping guy in the hat wearing the red thing. You know, the one with a shotgun and a can of beans in the picture? That's not you?

I've thought that was you for a good part of a year now.

Good luck in the next round anyway, as I'm bound to lose this one.

---

Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-10-01 20:56:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

I want to write about a demented monkey with a superhero power.

---

Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2007-10-01 20:21:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

wow, I don't like these odds, Big Mike of all people. (not being sarcastic) but here it goes.. potential titles, and if these don't entice you, by all means make up your own.


"Love Psalm"

"The Years Without Light."

"Speed of Pain"

"Moonlight City Drive"

"Silent Film"

"Murderers Muse"

---

Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2007-10-01 20:21:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-10-01 16:36:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

I've already decided that whiskey_jack is going to win.

pack your bags folks, move along, no reason to be here anymore....
****************
I will if we get points for look and charm!

---

Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2007-10-01 19:56:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:45:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

..you did it and I'm just pointing it out and I'll just keep doing so until I feel like moving on.

***

atta boy!

---

Submitted by Zampano (user info) at 2007-10-01 19:44:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

All right NintendoCzar, if you're up for it, here you go:

'Day Eight In The Heart Of The Earth'

'The Lonely Isle'

'Madness Blinks An Eye'

---

Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-10-01 19:02:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:54:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Hang on, theres not many women in this competition, fingers crossed for a Lungfish victory!

------

GAH!!!!

ilikesteak -- I like it.

Amontillado -- You can have me anytime you want.

Fuck. I have to write something.

---

Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-10-01 19:01:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Here's the title for my opponent:

'Farts Come In Many Colors'

---

Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2007-10-01 18:52:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Whiskey Jack... take your pick... erm...

The Digest of Knowledge

I've always been Partial to Roses (Feel free to substitute for the pronoun)

Don't Move, Don't Breathe

----

yeah if you hate these I'll come up with something else. Good Luck.

---

Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-10-01 18:33:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-10-01 16:19:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Jeannee, I don't know if I should run with this or FROM this... I must tell you that you should exercise extreme caution when opening this link especially if you are the queasy type and/or pro-life.

NSFW

WARNING, EXTREMELY GRAPHIC LINK: http://www.hyscience.com/photos/abortion_22_weeks01.jpg

NSFW

--------

eh. I've had ultra-conservative teachers in high school show videos of abortions and shredded fetuses time and time again, it was supposed to make me a pro-lifer but did nothing but desensitize me to abortion. Kinda the opposite effect.

look up Swap.avi. Much worse than anything else.

---

Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2007-10-01 18:31:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I'm supposed to SUGGEST Ballare's title?

Here is one.

Last Year's Skeleton

There were gonna be three, but, fuck that.

---

Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-01 18:27:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0




DON"T FORGET TO GIVE YOUR OPPONENT THEIR TITLE!!!

---

Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2007-10-01 18:06:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I'm up against Ballare?
She's gonna win, but I'm glad I get to compete against her.

---

Submitted by TechnoRatty (user info) at 2007-10-01 17:12:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Hi Inion De Trua,

my apologies in advance for my efforts

(Oh shit what have I done...I is ascared)

______________________________________

Dream I Have

OR


Single White Psychopath

OR

Nobody Is Listening

OR

Through My Eyes
________________________________________

Hope they are ok

XXX

---

Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2007-10-01 16:45:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

No thanks sico... although I'm trying to keep my weight down, so if I overeat at dinner tonight, I might use that link to help me purge.

---

Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-10-01 16:36:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

I've already decided that whiskey_jack is going to win.

pack your bags folks, move along, no reason to be here anymore....

---

Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-10-01 16:19:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Jeannee, I don't know if I should run with this or FROM this... I must tell you that you should exercise extreme caution when opening this link especially if you are the queasy type and/or pro-life.

NSFW

WARNING, EXTREMELY GRAPHIC LINK: http://www.hyscience.com/photos/abortion_22_weeks01.jpg

NSFW

---

Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2007-10-01 16:13:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

ShapeShifter - If you're looking for disgusting inspiration, may I suggest that you search somethingawful.com for SWAP.avi. Although a sick fuck like you is probably already intimately familiar with the horrifying saga of SWAP.avi.

---

Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-01 16:07:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Thanks Ax, I'm sure I can come up with something from one of those titles by Thursday night.

GAME ON

---

Submitted by ELG (user info) at 2007-10-01 16:06:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Hey Beer-Turtle,

Last Blue Moon
-Or-
Evening Half-light
-Or-
Tell me to fuck off, whatever.

---

Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-10-01 16:05:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

I just found some pictures while searching for inspiration and I was thoroughly disgusted.

---

Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-10-01 16:03:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-01 14:53:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Or not. I may actually continue with my writing trend. Pardon the outburst.

AXOLOTL: I'll expand your choice of titles from the one before to include a few more, since I'm in a chipper mood today and thought I'd be nice...you may pick and choose from the following. Or do something else entirely if you're not a rules-type person. Whatever floats your boat.

H'orror D'oeuvres Le Sphincter
Sick Sigma
Steezeburger Slaughterhouse
Ba-da Bing, Ba-da BANG!
The Crumpling


---------

hmmm...I have an idea, I'll see if I can use one of your titles.

The titles for you my good man...
"Chain Gang"
"These Black Eyes"
"Taking a Bit of Foreskin With You Up to Jesus"
"The Defleshening"
Or anything else you want if you have a good idea. Rules are meant to be broken into a thousand pieces wtih liquid nitrogen and ground into fine dust.

---

Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2007-10-01 15:56:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Here's a title for my glorious opponent: "The haunted abortion clinic"

---

Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-01 15:50:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0


sure Forensic

---

Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-10-01 15:45:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

For future reference, may we use song titles to give as our title suggestions?

---

Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2007-10-01 15:32:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

I WIN

---

Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-01 15:26:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

Just another stupid contest.

---

Submitted by Sideburns (user info) at 2007-10-01 15:21:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

What's grueberfest?

---

Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-10-01 15:12:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

I'm getting to the point where I'm just going to pick my own tit.

---

Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2007-10-01 15:01:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Yo Beeltea, here are your titles you whorefaced son of a whore's face:

"The Revenge of Cock Robbin"
"Behind Closed Doors"
"Going my way?"
"Killy Von McStabbandmurder III: Footloose in Havana"

---

Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-01 14:53:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Or not. I may actually continue with my writing trend. Pardon the outburst.

AXOLOTL: I'll expand your choice of titles from the one before to include a few more, since I'm in a chipper mood today and thought I'd be nice...you may pick and choose from the following. Or do something else entirely if you're not a rules-type person. Whatever floats your boat.

H'orror D'oeuvres Le Sphincter
Sick Sigma
Steezeburger Slaughterhouse
Ba-da Bing, Ba-da BANG!
The Crumpling

---

Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-10-01 14:48:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-01 14:14:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

"I think everyone would appreciate it if the comp was kept inside the genre."

--

I can live with that.

Get rid of Scourge, though. He yelled at me.



And Shlongy is bald. Bald I tell you! Ahahahahaha!

---

Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-01 14:37:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-01 14:14:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0


Reading upon the last, oh ONE HUNDRED FUCKING REVIEWS or so...

I think everyone would appreciate it if the comp was kept inside the genre.

I don't care if you post images, or songs... but make them SPOOKY images and songs.
=============================

YES!!!! AHAHAHAHAHADROOLDROOOLOHGODYES!@!!!!

*rushes off to record spooky song*

---

Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-10-01 14:37:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Attn: Mockidol


Lab creation

---

Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-10-01 14:31:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

:( I wanted Lungfish.

---

Submitted by DeadToast (user info) at 2007-10-01 14:21:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Unofficial Non-enrty Linkwhore of Relevancy +3 (+4 vs. Undead)

http://www.ubersite.com/m/112124

---

Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-01 14:14:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0


Reading upon the last, oh ONE HUNDRED FUCKING REVIEWS or so...

I think everyone would appreciate it if the comp was kept inside the genre.

I don't care if you post images, or songs... but make them SPOOKY images and songs.

Are you "Drunk With Flowers Stuck Out Of Your Asshole?" - fine: but photoshop yourself all dead like and make the flowers DEMONIC!!!

('cause that would actually be kinda funny)

---

Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-10-01 14:07:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0


Your point being what?

v
v
v
v

---

Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-10-01 14:02:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

---

Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-10-01 13:59:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Paging fungah to the gruberfest shitbox. FUNGAH!

---

Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-10-01 13:55:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-01 13:33:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-10-01 13:20:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

You ass obessesed fucks should just create your own contest.

ASSFEST 2007!

IT'S ALL ABOUT ASS!

ASS FICTION, ASS PICTURES, AND POEMS ABOUT ASS!

Ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass. You goddamn assholes.


Speaking of ass, why don't you kiss my ass, Jack.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/111636

--

I thought I already did, but it turned out to be your bald head.

---

Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-10-01 13:44:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1

here*

---

Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-10-01 13:44:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1

13 - Ballare VS Sir Cowman
---------

Interesting, Ballare is one of the only people on her cowman knows by name. In fact, it's the only writer he ever suggested that I read.

Huh.

---

Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-01 13:41:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

good point young ghola....

can i assume that maybe Oathmeal and his likes were on the ones making the threat to you?

so if its cool for a dipshit like oathmeal its cool for a 'published author' such as kaos?

you arguement amounts to sqaudoosh because you're comparing proven internet numbskulls to kaos king who, until know, i thought was maybe a good person but even he's saying he went to far.

and yes i'm just pushing buttons....leave me alone.

---

Submitted by zwerg (user info) at 2007-10-01 13:41:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:09:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

This is usually the only contest I bother reading.

---

Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-10-01 13:35:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-01 13:31:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

don't question the almighty KK forensic....he'll curse you'r whole family and wish harm upon them. I've seen it happen
---
Jesus christ, I've had no less than 3 users make similar remarks to me and you don't see me getting my panties in a wad. Fucking Christ. You're just trying to pick on him until he cries, aren't you? AREN'T you? Not that I really care, because it's just the goddamn internet.

---

Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-10-01 13:35:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

ASSFEST 2007 sounds a great competition.

Battle of the asses. KK get onto it.

---

Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-01 13:33:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-10-01 13:20:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0


You ass obessesed fucks should just create your own contest.

ASSFEST 2007!

IT'S ALL ABOUT ASS!

ASS FICTION, ASS PICTURES, AND POEMS ABOUT ASS!

Ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass. You goddamn assholes.


Speaking of ass, why don't you kiss my ass, Jack.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/111636

---

Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-01 13:31:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

don't question the almighty KK forensic....he'll curse you'r whole family and wish harm upon them. I've seen it happen.

---

Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-10-01 13:30:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I bet on four forfeits.

---

Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-10-01 13:22:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

ye gawds!

Is this contest turning ghey? Again?

---

Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-10-01 13:21:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-10-01 13:17:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Probably about the same number as you for being covered in cat hair and smelling of drambuie

--

Shows how much you know. I don't drink, and I own one of those sticky roller things.

---

Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-10-01 13:20:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0


You ass obessesed fucks should just create your own contest.

ASSFEST 2007!

IT'S ALL ABOUT ASS!

ASS FICTION, ASS PICTURES, AND POEMS ABOUT ASS!

Ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass. You goddamn assholes.

---

Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-10-01 13:18:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Alrighty then! I'll save it for my next opponet (providing I pass round 1)

---

Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-10-01 13:17:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-10-01 13:14:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Tarnished Silver is fine.

Good luck to ye!


BTW KK (and Jack)--

If Jack wants (and no one has given him a title yet), I'll give him a doosey (sp?).

Only one condition, PLEASE don't match him up against me!

--

I have a title, thanks. And it has nothing to do with Scourge's strange ass obsession.

---

Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-10-01 13:17:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Probably about the same number as you for being covered in cat hair and smelling of drambuie

---

Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-10-01 13:15:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-01 12:50:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

No, there aren't, you fucking idiot. This is Ubersite...Not the Nobel Prize nominations, jagoff.

--

I wonder how many beatdowns you avoid by being so tiny and bald and non-threatening?

---

Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-10-01 13:14:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Tarnished Silver is fine.

Good luck to ye!


BTW KK (and Jack)--

If Jack wants (and no one has given him a title yet), I'll give him a doosey (sp?).

Only one condition, PLEASE don't match him up against me!

---

Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-10-01 13:14:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

I had to have my taint removed because I diddled it too much. Now I just have a ball-asshole interface plate.

---

Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-10-01 13:13:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

taint nerd, below.

---

Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-10-01 13:10:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

I've finished mine but I really dont want to be the first person to post

---

Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-10-01 13:05:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

No Comment

---

Submitted by baronMunchausen (user info) at 2007-10-01 13:03:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Titles for write of way:

Closed Drawer

A Cleaver and a Half

Spiked

or New York in June

---

Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-10-01 13:02:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Necrocode? I guess I'll give it a go. would you like to write from the same title?

if not then use "Tarnished Silver" or tell me they both suck and you wants something else.

---

Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-10-01 13:01:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-10-01 17:47:35 BST (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-10-01 12:39:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

OK so does KK want to provide a rules clarification or will I go ahead and post that picture of me drunk and with flowers stuck in my asshole that Ive already went through all the trouble of taking?

--

Why didn't you save yourself the trouble and borrow one of the thousands of similar pictures taken by your friends on any given Saturday night in the last ten years?
---------
Because those were all fuschias and lupins whereas I wanted an appropriate white lily pic, duh

---

Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2007-10-01 13:00:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Title: Wheelhouse

---

Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-01 12:59:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2007-10-01 12:50:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

http://www.ubersite.com/m/112069#2540130

Seriously, what the hell is wrong with you? Get your dosage checked.

---

Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-10-01 12:58:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I will probably write a lovely poem.

I hope that doesn't cause problems or give anyone a nosebleed.

---

Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-10-01 12:56:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-01 00:40:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0


Hadley, I honestly hope your loved ones die in a horrible manner and you're helpless to save them.

If I knew that happened to you, if I knew you suffered like that... I would smile.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

THAT'S IT? THIS is what people are bitching about? I put an end to this my way.



Hadley, I honestly hope you cause your loved ones die in a horrible manner and you're helpless to stop it.

I want you to be on your way to a family reunion, and have your break cable snap, causing you to collide with your grandmother, then as you crash into the side of your uncle's house, you take out your pregnant cousin and her new husband. I want you to end up a quadraplegic. I want you to know you've been able to kill everyone except yourself.

If I knew that happened to you, if I knew you suffered like that... I would smile.

---

Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-10-01 12:51:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-10-01 12:44:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-10-01 12:35:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-10-01 12:30:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2


A reminder...

In the post that began our annual horror fiction contest (before I came up with the ultra-cool title Grueberfest and simply, lamely reffered to it as Frightfest http://www.ubersite.com/m/77243) it is clearly stated that this is a fiction contest. So please, no retarded bullshit. If you aren't going to submit a story with a horror/Halloween/creepy theme, then just drop out now. This is not Ubermadness, where ANY post goes. The whole point of the contest is to read some scary and or horrifically disgusting stories, so don't submit pictures of assholes or flowers and a fucking poem or some demented rant about the last time you got shitfaced.

Thanks.

---

Listen you fucking control freak, this isn't your show, now is it? Get back in the bathroom with Larry Craig.

Now, just to spite you, I'm going to post a retarded bullshit picture of assholes and flowers with a lovely poem about getting shitfaced to accompany it.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it, Charlton.

--

It was in anticipation of your usual retarded bullshit picture of assholes and flowers with a lovely poem about getting shitfaced that I posted my comment in the first place. I mean, I enjoy some retarded bullshit pictures of assholes and flowers with lovely poems about getting shitfaced as much as the next guy, but thre are limits, man.

-----

WELL, JACK, I WRITE FOR MY AUDIENCE, WHAT CAN I SAY?

NOW QUIT TELLING ME WHAT TO DO.

YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME.

---

Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-01 12:50:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-10-01 12:44:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-10-01 12:35:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-10-01 12:30:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2


A reminder...

In the post that began our annual horror fiction contest (before I came up with the ultra-cool title Grueberfest and simply, lamely reffered to it as Frightfest http://www.ubersite.com/m/77243) it is clearly stated that this is a fiction contest. So please, no retarded bullshit. If you aren't going to submit a story with a horror/Halloween/creepy theme, then just drop out now. This is not Ubermadness, where ANY post goes. The whole point of the contest is to read some scary and or horrifically disgusting stories, so don't submit pictures of assholes or flowers and a fucking poem or some demented rant about the last time you got shitfaced.

Thanks.

---

Listen you fucking control freak, this isn't your show, now is it? Get back in the bathroom with Larry Craig.

Now, just to spite you, I'm going to post a retarded bullshit picture of assholes and flowers with a lovely poem about getting shitfaced to accompany it.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it, Charlton.

--

It was in anticipation of your usual retarded bullshit picture of assholes and flowers with a lovely poem about getting shitfaced that I posted my comment in the first place. I mean, I enjoy some retarded bullshit pictures of assholes and flowers with lovely poems about getting shitfaced as much as the next guy, but thre are limits, man.


No, there aren't, you fucking idiot. This is Ubersite...Not the Nobel Prize nominations, jagoff.

---

Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2007-10-01 12:50:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

http://www.ubersite.com/m/112069#2540130

Seriously, what the hell is wrong with you? Get your dosage checked.

---

Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-10-01 12:49:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

:(

I wanted to participate, even though I'd get slaughtered.

Har, har, punny.

---

Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-10-01 12:47:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-10-01 12:39:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

OK so does KK want to provide a rules clarification or will I go ahead and post that picture of me drunk and with flowers stuck in my asshole that Ive already went through all the trouble of taking?

--

Why didn't you save yourself the trouble and borrow one of the thousands of similar pictures taken by your friends on any given Saturday night in the last ten years?

---

Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-01 12:46:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-10-01 12:36:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-10-01 12:30:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2


A reminder...

In the post that began our annual horror fiction contest (before I came up with the ultra-cool title Grueberfest and simply, lamely reffered to it as Frightfest http://www.ubersite.com/m/77243) it is clearly stated that this is a fiction contest. So please, no retarded bullshit. If you aren't going to submit a story with a horror/Halloween/creepy theme, then just drop out now. This is not Ubermadness, where ANY post goes. The whole point of the contest is to read some scary and or horrifically disgusting stories, so don't submit pictures of assholes or flowers and a fucking poem or some demented rant about the last time you got shitfaced.

Thanks.

---
WTF, I'm not reading all that.



Who is?

---

Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-01 12:45:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

My opponents' title:


Ghola's Magic Box

KNOCK YOURSELF OUT.

---

Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-10-01 12:44:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-10-01 12:39:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-10-01 17:35:50 BST (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-10-01 12:30:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2


A reminder...

In the post that began our annual horror fiction contest (before I came up with the ultra-cool title Grueberfest and simply, lamely reffered to it as Frightfest http://www.ubersite.com/m/77243) it is clearly stated that this is a fiction contest. So please, no retarded bullshit. If you aren't going to submit a story with a horror/Halloween/creepy theme, then just drop out now. This is not Ubermadness, where ANY post goes. The whole point of the contest is to read some scary and or horrifically disgusting stories, so don't submit pictures of assholes or flowers and a fucking poem or some demented rant about the last time you got shitfaced.

Thanks.

---

Listen you fucking control freak, this isn't your show, now is it? Get back in the bathroom with Larry Craig.

Now, just to spite you, I'm going to post a retarded bullshit picture of assholes and flowers with a lovely poem about getting shitfaced to accompany it.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it, Charlton.
------------
hahahahahaha!

OK so does KK want to provide a rules clarification or will I go ahead and post that picture of me drunk and with flowers stuck in my asshole that Ive already went through all the trouble of taking?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You said you were only sending that picture to me! You WHORE!

---

Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-10-01 12:44:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-10-01 12:35:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-10-01 12:30:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2


A reminder...

In the post that began our annual horror fiction contest (before I came up with the ultra-cool title Grueberfest and simply, lamely reffered to it as Frightfest http://www.ubersite.com/m/77243) it is clearly stated that this is a fiction contest. So please, no retarded bullshit. If you aren't going to submit a story with a horror/Halloween/creepy theme, then just drop out now. This is not Ubermadness, where ANY post goes. The whole point of the contest is to read some scary and or horrifically disgusting stories, so don't submit pictures of assholes or flowers and a fucking poem or some demented rant about the last time you got shitfaced.

Thanks.

---

Listen you fucking control freak, this isn't your show, now is it? Get back in the bathroom with Larry Craig.

Now, just to spite you, I'm going to post a retarded bullshit picture of assholes and flowers with a lovely poem about getting shitfaced to accompany it.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it, Charlton.

--

It was in anticipation of your usual retarded bullshit picture of assholes and flowers with a lovely poem about getting shitfaced that I posted my comment in the first place. I mean, I enjoy some retarded bullshit pictures of assholes and flowers with lovely poems about getting shitfaced as much as the next guy, but thre are limits, man.

---

Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-10-01 12:41:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Orgasmatron, here are three for you to choose from. I like the last one best, but do what you will:

'Worn Down Heels'

'Picture Postcard'

'A Busy Day at Jack's Garage'

---

Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-10-01 12:39:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-10-01 17:35:50 BST (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-10-01 12:30:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2


A reminder...

In the post that began our annual horror fiction contest (before I came up with the ultra-cool title Grueberfest and simply, lamely reffered to it as Frightfest http://www.ubersite.com/m/77243) it is clearly stated that this is a fiction contest. So please, no retarded bullshit. If you aren't going to submit a story with a horror/Halloween/creepy theme, then just drop out now. This is not Ubermadness, where ANY post goes. The whole point of the contest is to read some scary and or horrifically disgusting stories, so don't submit pictures of assholes or flowers and a fucking poem or some demented rant about the last time you got shitfaced.

Thanks.

---

Listen you fucking control freak, this isn't your show, now is it? Get back in the bathroom with Larry Craig.

Now, just to spite you, I'm going to post a retarded bullshit picture of assholes and flowers with a lovely poem about getting shitfaced to accompany it.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it, Charlton.
------------
hahahahahaha!

OK so does KK want to provide a rules clarification or will I go ahead and post that picture of me drunk and with flowers stuck in my asshole that Ive already went through all the trouble of taking?

---

Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-10-01 12:36:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-10-01 12:30:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2


A reminder...

In the post that began our annual horror fiction contest (before I came up with the ultra-cool title Grueberfest and simply, lamely reffered to it as Frightfest http://www.ubersite.com/m/77243) it is clearly stated that this is a fiction contest. So please, no retarded bullshit. If you aren't going to submit a story with a horror/Halloween/creepy theme, then just drop out now. This is not Ubermadness, where ANY post goes. The whole point of the contest is to read some scary and or horrifically disgusting stories, so don't submit pictures of assholes or flowers and a fucking poem or some demented rant about the last time you got shitfaced.

Thanks.

---
WTF, I'm not reading all that.

---

Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-10-01 12:35:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-10-01 12:30:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2


A reminder...

In the post that began our annual horror fiction contest (before I came up with the ultra-cool title Grueberfest and simply, lamely reffered to it as Frightfest http://www.ubersite.com/m/77243) it is clearly stated that this is a fiction contest. So please, no retarded bullshit. If you aren't going to submit a story with a horror/Halloween/creepy theme, then just drop out now. This is not Ubermadness, where ANY post goes. The whole point of the contest is to read some scary and or horrifically disgusting stories, so don't submit pictures of assholes or flowers and a fucking poem or some demented rant about the last time you got shitfaced.

Thanks.

---

Listen you fucking control freak, this isn't your show, now is it? Get back in the bathroom with Larry Craig.

Now, just to spite you, I'm going to post a retarded bullshit picture of assholes and flowers with a lovely poem about getting shitfaced to accompany it.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it, Charlton.

---

Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-01 12:33:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

Adolf McCallum

---

Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-10-01 12:31:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-10-01 11:28:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Being paired against someone Ive actually heard of is a bad sign.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Least you have a chance. I've got no idea how to write, especially not writing within a subject genera. You've seen how I fuck up every competition I'm in. Poetry, action-adventure, epistolary, and now "horror."

If I can't think of anything, I'm posting clown porn. Horrible childhood memories being associated with sex might scar enough people to get me through the next round, but after that, I'm hopeless.

---

Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-10-01 12:30:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2


A reminder...

In the post that began our annual horror fiction contest (before I came up with the ultra-cool title Grueberfest and simply, lamely reffered to it as Frightfest http://www.ubersite.com/m/77243) it is clearly stated that this is a fiction contest. So please, no retarded bullshit. If you aren't going to submit a story with a horror/Halloween/creepy theme, then just drop out now. This is not Ubermadness, where ANY post goes. The whole point of the contest is to read some scary and or horrifically disgusting stories, so don't submit pictures of assholes or flowers and a fucking poem or some demented rant about the last time you got shitfaced.

Thanks.

---

Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-10-01 12:22:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

how about:

How Gruberfest Killed Crystle

---

Submitted by write-of-way (user info) at 2007-10-01 12:21:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

ATTN: BaronMunchausen

Titles:

The Long Fall
Down the Shitter
After The Wedding

Or you can make them into one long title.

Or you can write whatever you'd like and title it appropriately.

No worries.

---

Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-10-01 12:21:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I hate gruberfest.

---

Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-10-01 12:19:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Lungfish, that's a badass title, and as per my usual, I'll fuck it up somehow, but damned if I won't try to get it right.

Your title will be "What Lies Beneath" because everybody's afraid of being pulled under by something. It's all inclusive, and a similarly awesome title.

---

Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-10-01 12:19:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I'll tell you what, scourge, you give me your take on white trash neighbors, homosexual and immigrants and I'll see what I can tell you about politics, rights and manipulating a cat's gland through its asshole for health reasons.

---

Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-10-01 12:16:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

i agree orgasmo...but jack says we can only talk about what he wants or else he'll take his ball and go home.





so... how do you feel about cats and republicans and civil liberties?

---

Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-10-01 12:15:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

go sox and all that.


but the PATRIOTS ARE ON TONIGHT!!!!!!!

---

Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-10-01 12:09:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Manny Ramirez looks like a dumpy garbage man, especially in the gray away uniforms.

He'd look like one anyway given how the clothes hang on him, but the long hair only adds to the look.

---

Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-10-01 12:08:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Heres a title for someone

'Bride of EmissionImpossible'

---

Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-10-01 12:06:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:15:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Brdn Nkd-how's about

Necrocode

for your title?

--

*grimaces, fills with rage and jealousy*

---

Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-10-01 12:06:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Blistered is acceptable.

---

Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-10-01 12:03:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2


Guys, lets have some workable titles or this contest will just go down the shitter.

monkeyswithguns, your title is 'Blistered.' If you think it really blows, I'll suggest another.

---

Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-10-01 12:00:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

oh, okay.

let me think of a few and i'll put them up later.

---

Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-10-01 11:59:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

answer my fucking question.

if the answer is yes, orgasmatron's title is:

"the spooky adventures of a sexually ambiguous poet who spends his free time cheering for men called 'Big Daddy' (or some bullshit like that... who can be bothered to remember) who doesn't even actually play the game he's paid millions of dollars to play, but instead just comes out every ninth batter or so and TRIES to hit a homerun, but man he just didn't seem to deliver like he should have when all he is even expected to do is put them out of the park and fucking alex rodriguez, a yankee and the future home run king AND an actual position player, and even PRINCE FIELDER, the worlds fattest man and a regular position player just both really blew him out of the water stats-wise and what the fuck is up with that facial hair? i mean really, what kind of sculpting is necessary on a goddamned beard? what the hell is up with boston and hair anyway? seeing those swaying locks under mammy or manny or whatever the hell THAT freak's name is really bothers me a lot...whatever, the moral of the story is 'the designated hitter deal is for fucking fairies', and everyone died and it was bloody and spooky and freaky and eerie and odd and weird and goosebumps and bones (just to tie it all into the spooky halloween theme, yeah?)"




if he doesn't use that title, it means he forfeited and i win this round.



so, who am i up against in round two?

---

Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-10-01 11:56:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Yes scourge, give me a title.

Yours are below somewhere.

---

Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-10-01 11:51:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

here's shlongy's title:

I have harnessed the shadows of Shlongy's Nutsack

or

Show me your hole

---

Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-10-01 11:46:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-10-01 16:38:32 BST (#)
Ranking: 0

I wish I could play but Mummy says that i spend far too much time with the nasty rough boys and so has gated me

-----------------------------

It's that ChaosJesters fault.

---

Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-10-01 11:42:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

orph, you can write my entries and when we win I'll give you full credit. sicosemen.at.gmail.com , but ssshhh, don't tell anyone.

---

Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-10-01 11:41:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

How come the sign-up is over already?

---

Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-10-01 11:39:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

rank.

---

Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-10-01 11:38:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-10-01 11:03:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

That's why I gave him dirty quitter titles.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:58:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0


O-Tron, you're only against Scourge now.

Drogo is a dirty quitter.
--

I aint no quitter. i'm just busy as I said in my original review. If I had seen this over the weekend I probably would have signed up then ended up forfeiting out of not being bloddy well here.

*sulks*

I wish I could play but Mummy says that i spend far too much time with the nasty rough boys and so has gated me.

---

Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-10-01 11:37:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:38:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

ilikesteak : Here's your title: "The Naked Clown."

Ain't nothing scarier than a naked clown.
----------------------------------------------
Truth.

Jack McCallum, your title shall be: "Under My Skin"

or: "This Bright Shiny Day"

I leave it up to you.

---

Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-10-01 11:35:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-10-01 11:25:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:38:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

finger finger finger

i have to use the broken one to type three of the letters in finger. CAN YOU GUESS WHICH ONE IT IS?

_______


You type with your index fingers? Like a granny?
----

Well...yeah I use my index fingers. But it's in combination with all the other fingers. I'm no hunter and pecker.




Well, sometimes I'm a pecker.

---

Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-10-01 11:34:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1

Kaos, not only did you close sign-up on a Monday morning, there by depriving me of the chance to get destroyed by better writers..
But you shut down the site because everyone is camping here.

Damn it someone entertain me!!!

---

Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2007-10-01 11:31:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

you did a sign-up post on SATURDAY 9/29? that's cheap man. REAL cheap.

---

Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-10-01 11:28:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Shlongy, dear man, your dedication has just been revealed to me in full. That I ever doubted your truehearted devotion to this site... shame on me.

---

Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-10-01 11:28:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-10-01 15:17:08 BST (#)
Ranking: 1

Yippee! I'm paired against arguably one of the 5 most imaginative Uberers posting lately. Nevertheless, I shall not forfeit but fight until the end.

TTOM, your title is: Beneath This Stone
------------
Being paired against someone Ive actually heard of is a bad sign. Dont worry Skrap, I have never made it past the first round of any Uber comp Ive ever been in. This is true.

Anyway, your title be: "I am Dead"

Since I wanted to give you a halfway decent title since you gave me one and not one of these ones where the person gives the other a title like "A Giant Gaping Horses Vagina o' Doom" although that amy have been a much funnier tale.

Anyway, now expect my story to have some kind of giant vampiric demon horse who ingests people through its gaping betentacled vag.

---

Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-01 11:26:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

I do...what's your point?

---

Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-10-01 11:25:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:38:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

finger finger finger

i have to use the broken one to type three of the letters in finger. CAN YOU GUESS WHICH ONE IT IS?

_______


You type with your index fingers? Like a granny?

---

Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-10-01 11:24:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

wait, i need some clarification here...

do i get to assign orgasmo his title?

i'm not going to read any past reviews or the post itself for an answer, so be sure to get me something in writing up above this review, thanks.

---

Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-10-01 11:20:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Ha, you know I actually looked at my left hand when I was typing that but for some reason the "right" came out.

GO PHILLIES WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

---

Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-10-01 11:17:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:41:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

scourge broke his right pointer finger...probably from diddling his ass.

--

nope, LEFT pointer finger. or as those of us with a vocabulary greater than that of a kindergartner might say, left index finger.









on the ass diddling, i shall remain silent.



and 'grats on your Phillies, bumfucker.

---

Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-10-01 11:08:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

AH GIMME SOMETHIN TO BELIEVE IN
YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU TAKE THE HIGH ROAD AND IIIIIIIII'LL TAKE THE LOW ROAD
GIMME SOMETHIN TO BELIEVE IN
YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU TAKE THE HIGH ROAD AND IIIIIIIII'LL TAKE THE LOW ROAD
GIMME SOMETHIN TO BELIEVE IN
YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU TAKE THE HIGH ROAD AND IIIIIIIII'LL TAKE THE LOW ROAD
GIMME SOMETHIN TO BELIEVE IN
YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU TAKE THE HIGH ROAD AND IIIIIIIII'LL TAKE THE LOW ROAD
SOMETIMES I WISH TO GOD I DIDN'T KNOW NOW
THINGS I DIDN'T KNOW THEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN
YEAH-HEE YEAH-HAAAY

---

Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-10-01 11:08:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-01 11:07:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

that's cool man, your perogative.

as it is mine to take issue with it because frankly i always so you as more than that and I suppose i just find the whole thing a little disappointing...kinda like when you uncle tries to stick his dick in your mouth.
------------

even more so when he succeeds... what?

---

Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-01 11:07:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

*saw you

---

Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-01 11:07:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

that's cool man, your perogative.

as it is mine to take issue with it because frankly i always so you as more than that and I suppose i just find the whole thing a little disappointing...kinda like when you uncle tries to stick his dick in your mouth.

---

Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-01 11:05:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0


well, I guess I'm taking the low road then...

---

Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-01 11:03:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:42:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0


What do you want me to say, BAMF? HUH???

Did I go too far? Probably.

Am I going to apologize for it? Never.
==========================================

now truthfully read what you wrote and tell me that had read that from someone else you would have second thoughts as to that person's intelligence or well being?

to know that you did something wrong but to refuse to change it....that's not really the high road bro, not at all.

---

Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-10-01 11:03:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

That's why I gave him dirty quitter titles.

---

Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:58:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0


O-Tron, you're only against Scourge now.

Drogo is a dirty quitter.

---

Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:57:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

have a dear old Grandpa
For whom I nightly pray
He has a set of whiskers
They're always in the way

Chorus:
Oh, they're always in the way
The cows eat them for hay
They hide the dirt on Grandpa's shirt
They're always in the way

My Grandpa was a soldier
He fooled the enemy
He wrapped his whiskers round him
They thought he was a tree

Repeat Chorus

My Grandpa was a swimmer
No bathing suit for him
He tied his whiskers round his waist
And then he dove right in

Repeat Chorus

Grandpa had a strong back
Now it's all caved in
He stepped upon his whiskers
And walked up to his chin

Repeat Chorus

I have a dear old Grandma
She likes his whiskers too
She uses them for dusting
And cleaning out the flue

Repeat Chorus

Grandpa's beard is long and grey
It gets longer every day
Grandma eats it in her sleep
Says it tastes like shredded wheat

---

Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:57:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-10-01 15:55:33 BST (#)
Ranking: 2

Oh and HBTS if you win, im gonna do you with a baseball bat covered in barbed wire.

============

I've just been looking through some of my opponents' stuff. I doubt I'll be winning.

Don't pretend like you can lift relatively heavy objects.

---

Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:56:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:38:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Your Will, Is The Word, Is The Law, oh might Orgasmatron!!!

SCOURGE VS DROGOROCH VS ORGASMATRON = 3 way DUEL o' DEATH!!!

---

So titles, then.

I am a kind and fair god, and so I will give you options.

Drogo: "Witch Tits," "The Rank Undercarriage of Mrs. Conch Winnebago," or "You Could Have Totally Just Forfeited After the Round Began and Saved Me The Trouble of Giving You Titles, Going Back and Deleting the For Reals Titles I Made and Then Creating New, Stupid Ones To Take Their Place"

scourge: "After Midnight," "Breaking on the Wheel," or "I Can't Believe The Cardinals Didn't Make the Playoffs This Season (Ok Actually I Can)"

---

Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:56:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0


Oh Emission, you just can't wait for those grey whiskers to tickle your bum, can you?

---

Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:55:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Oh and HBTS if you win, im gonna do you with a baseball bat covered in barbed wire.

---

Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:54:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Hang on, theres not many women in this competition, fingers crossed for a Lungfish victory!

---

Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:53:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0


You're right Drogo... I love your mum.

---

Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:52:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:51:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0


*sigh*

I hate you Drogo... and your mum.


SCOURGE VS ORGASMATRON

--

That isn't very nice Kaos. I never did nothin wrong.

At least it keeps the compo all neat and tidy though.

---

Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:52:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:50:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2


Oh, by the way, here's your title: "H'orror D'oeuvres Le Sphincter"

________________________


**vomit**

---

Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:51:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0


*sigh*

I hate you Drogo... and your mum.


SCOURGE VS ORGASMATRON

---

Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:51:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-01 15:49:45 BST (#)
Ranking: 0



FUCK!!!

I forgot to mention that the WINNAR gets to ravage EmissionImpossible however he/she feels fit!

==========

Could we not have a prize that doesn't look like a strong breeze would snap it.

---

Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:50:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

3 - Axolotl VS Captian Thorns
---------------------------------

"Captian"?

CAPTIAN?!?!?

FOR FUCK'S SAKE SPELL IT RIGHT



In other news...deary me. I'm up against Boy Wonder? If I wasn't so stubborn on competing, I'd forfeit now and save myself the effort. But I'm JUST THAT STUBBORN.

Give it your best shot, Ax...I know I will.

Oh, by the way, here's your title: "H'orror D'oeuvres Le Sphincter"

---

Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:49:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Hmmm I wonder what a 'hloiday' is?? Oh well whatever it is I'm on it next week.

---

Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:49:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0



FUCK!!!

I forgot to mention that the WINNAR gets to ravage EmissionImpossible however he/she feels fit!

---

Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:49:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:38:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:33:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Oh what to do, what to do.

Do I enjoy the bye and rest comfortably until Round 2, and let Drogo and scourge beat each other up in the meantime?

Or do I challenge them both to a three way, winner take all Round 1 extravaganza?


Which works better for you, Curly-King? I don't know what adding another set of competitors will do for your future round pairings. I'm fine with either. I will suggest that if the latter is chosen that I'll provide titles for both of them, and get to choose between their suggestions.

_____________________________

Your Will, Is The Word, Is The Law, oh might Orgasmatron!!!

SCOURGE VS DROGOROCH VS ORGASMATRON = 3 way DUEL o' DEATH!!!

--

Ummm???????????

I am happy with missing this little contest as I just got reminded that I'm on hloiday next week anyway. Work is manic so would probably foul up and miss deadlines anyway.

Sorry!!!

---

Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:48:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:46:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

I wish you'd all die and shut the fuck up.

____________________

So... is that the title you're giving Ghola???

---

Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:48:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

come and get me sweeties!!

---

Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:46:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

I wish you'd all die and shut the fuck up.

---

Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:45:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

i'm not asking you to say anything bro, you did it and I'm just pointing it out and I'll just keep doing so until I feel like moving on.

---

Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:45:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

who the fuck is techno ratty?

meh i'll get you a title by the end of teh day, someone remind me.

---

Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:43:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

TAKE SOME FUCKING MIDOL, LADIES!

---

Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:42:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Thank fuck this isn't all rule ridden like the last contest I was unfairly ejected from! Looking forward to some horrible writing.

Domenad: Your title is 'Breaker'.

---

Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:42:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0


What do you want me to say, BAMF? HUH???

Did I go too far? Probably.

Am I going to apologize for it? Never.

---

Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:41:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

scourge broke his right pointer finger...probably from diddling his ass.

---

Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:40:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0



"i broke my finger with a sledge hammer this weekend."

FUCK!!!

---

Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:40:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:35:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0


BAMF, you DO realize you're just making YOURSELF look stupid here, right???

Let it go, dude...

============

does me looking stupid make you uncomfortable because i'm cool with it.

and really....who are you to judge what is stupid and what is not, you can't even admit that you went to far...you can't take responsibility for your own actions.

no, thanks man but I'll be the judge of whetehr I'm acting stupid or not or if i even care about it.

---

Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:38:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:33:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Oh what to do, what to do.

Do I enjoy the bye and rest comfortably until Round 2, and let Drogo and scourge beat each other up in the meantime?

Or do I challenge them both to a three way, winner take all Round 1 extravaganza?


Which works better for you, Curly-King? I don't know what adding another set of competitors will do for your future round pairings. I'm fine with either. I will suggest that if the latter is chosen that I'll provide titles for both of them, and get to choose between their suggestions.

_____________________________

Your Will, Is The Word, Is The Law, oh might Orgasmatron!!!

SCOURGE VS DROGOROCH VS ORGASMATRON = 3 way DUEL o' DEATH!!!

---

Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:38:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

should i just forfeit now instead?

maybe i'll just write the greatest horror piece this site has ever seen instead of competing. like an exhibition. then all the uber lads and ladies will read all these comp posts and say to themselves, 'man, that shit scourge wrote is way doper than this. -2 all the way, mouth-breather.'

it's fuckiong hard to type today. i broke my finger with a sledge hammer this weekend. i wonder how that's gonna mess with my swing in my game tonight.

i like wine.

i hate yappy dogs.

pasta is tasty.

finger finger finger

i have to use the broken one to type three of the letters in finger. CAN YOU GUESS WHICH ONE IT IS?

---

Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:38:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

ilikesteak : Here's your title: "The Naked Clown."

Ain't nothing scarier than a naked clown.

---

Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:35:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

:) no skin off my nose mate :)

---

Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:35:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0


BAMF, you DO realize you're just making YOURSELF look stupid here, right???

Let it go, dude...

---

Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:33:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Oh what to do, what to do.

Do I enjoy the bye and rest comfortably until Round 2, and let Drogo and scourge beat each other up in the meantime?

Or do I challenge them both to a three way, winner take all Round 1 extravaganza?


Which works better for you, Curly-King? I don't know what adding another set of competitors will do for your future round pairings. I'm fine with either. I will suggest that if the latter is chosen that I'll provide titles for both of them, and get to choose between their suggestions.

---

Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:32:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

oh the paradox...i didn't want to respond but in saying so i did...crap whatever will i do....


I FUCKING HATE YOU HOURMAN I honestly hope your loved ones die in a horrible manner and you're helpless to save them.

If I knew that happened to you, if I knew you suffered like that... I would smile.

---

Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:32:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

dark picture...check
pale skinny chick...check
writings in blood...check


it's what...the 1000th picture like this you post? amazing that one can be that emo in his late twenties

---

Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:31:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

i wouldn't waste your time

---

Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:30:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

well I'd respond Hourman...but you're a window licker.

---

Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:29:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

woah... I'm a retard,

Window licker below

---

Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:28:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:24:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

"I honestly hope your loved ones die in a horrible manner and you're helpless to save them.

If I knew that happened to you, if I knew you suffered like that... I would smile."


===========

That's my title for whoever wants to use it.

---------

Do you still give a fuck about that? Jesus man it's the interwebz. I'm sure every single person has said something about someone they really shouldn;t at some point. Okay yeah KK did a seriously fucking venomous post... but fuck it... nothing will change that so just skate it off. /end opinion
------

Anyway, Jamochoose one of these, don;t mind which:

"Goodnight Sweetheart"
"Fractured"
"Death is not the End" (as in Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds :) )

Good luck too mate

---

Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:26:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

The D'backs won the West, btw.

---

Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:26:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Mudwhistle is making me laugh to the point of almost sharting.

---

Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:25:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Okay, I don't apologize, but I am sorry.

---

Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:24:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0


SCOURGE

DROGOROCH

ORGASMATRON


you guys discuss it among yourselves.

I would pair Scourge & Drogo up, would it be a necessity...

---

Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:24:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

"I honestly hope your loved ones die in a horrible manner and you're helpless to save them.

If I knew that happened to you, if I knew you suffered like that... I would smile."


===========

That's my title for whoever wants to use it.

---

Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:22:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

nope.

me versus orgasmatron, please.

i missed the sign up, yo.

---

Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:21:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:19:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I'll just take a title. Unless Jamo has one?

____________________

Give it a bit, Hourman. What's your title for him???

---

Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:19:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:19:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Thanks lish, but it's not necessary. I think I'm being spared the trouble of forfeiting in the third round like last time. I have midterms and papers coming up. I'm only grumbling for the poor huddled masses that didn't get to sign up. You know, the little people.

_____________________

HEY! I have nothin' against midgets!!!

---

Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:19:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I'll just take a title. Unless Jamo has one?

---

Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:19:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Thanks lish, but it's not necessary. I think I'm being spared the trouble of forfeiting in the third round like last time. I have midterms and papers coming up. I'm only grumbling for the poor huddled masses that didn't get to sign up. You know, the little people.

---

Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:18:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

I'm withholding shlongy's title, as it will be to horrifying for words.

OR

I don't give a shit.

---

Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:17:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:16:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

pair drogo against orgasmo

______________________

That's up to O-Tron...

---

Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:17:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Apologies are in order all around, methinks.

I'll start: I apologize for entering this contest.

Steak, I'll get you a title this evening.

---

Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:17:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

ANANSIE MUST WRITE FOR THIS.

---

Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:17:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1

Yippee! I'm paired against arguably one of the 5 most imaginative Uberers posting lately. Nevertheless, I shall not forfeit but fight until the end.

TTOM, your title is: Beneath This Stone

---

Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:17:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:14:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Is "Jerk-Off-Lantern" a good enough title? If so, that's what I want my opponent's to be.

________________________

That's up to your opponent, my good man.

---

Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:16:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

pair drogo against orgasmo

---

Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:15:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

window licker below

---

Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:15:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1

Damn I missed sign up and everything. Probably a good thing at the moment as my employer may actually get some work out of me but....... * Sniff*

Oh well. Something to read I guess.

---

Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:15:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Brdn Nkd-how's about

Necrocode

for your title?

---

Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:14:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

Is "Jerk-Off-Lantern" a good enough title? If so, that's what I want my opponent's to be.

---

Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:13:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

well there is the fact that you're running a contest so yo might have to make unbiased and logical decisions and I'm not sure that that hefty burden should rest on your shoulders buddy...I know its hard but is it fair to everyone who is going to try and participate knowing that you may just swing one day and out someone from the contest because you don't like them? you may say you won't but really, if you can wish harm on another man's family and mean it...there is not telling what you're capable of.

---

Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:13:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0


SHUT UP SHAPESHIFTER!!!

I knew I did that wrong.

**weeps and cuts**

---

Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:12:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0


Oh, I'll be the first to admit that I'm a grade A bastard...

Fair enough.

---

Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:11:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0

I think you mean "bye".

---

Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:10:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:09:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

This is usually the only contest I bother reading.

---

Agreed. The idea of it is one of the only things that kept me around through the late summer.

---

Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:10:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

no sweat man, we can be chums but you're a cunt for wishing harm on someone's family

that's plain and simple

---

Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:09:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

This is usually the only contest I bother reading.

---

Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:08:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0


You know, I've always gotten along with you.

I don't see why you have to make this such an issue.

---

Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:07:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

i feel great bro, pulled my back a little this weekend but no biggie

thanks for asking

---

Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:06:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

plus if they don't like it you can wish bodily harm on them and their families.

---

Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:06:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0


Do what you need to do to feel better, BAMF.

---

Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:06:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

I mean...thanks!

---

Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:06:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Goddamn right.

---

Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:05:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0


For anyone who felt that this should have been left open into the week, I DID already consider that, but the numbers had already swelled to a decent amount. I had already planned on giving O-Tron a buy into round 2 on account of his running the previous comps.

---

Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:04:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2

you're a cunt.

cheers.

---

Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-10-01 10:03:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Looking forward to reading.

---

All right, let's not panic. I'll make the money back by selling one
of my livers. I can get by with one.

-- Homer Simpson
Homer vs. Patty and Selma

Site and layout © 2009 Ubersite ® -- All material copyrighted by its respective copyright holder, dumbass