Psychobabble: Let's Cut The Crap And Skip Straight to the Sexual Favours (726 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 0.72 on 28 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by MikeyB (View user info) at 2007-10-01 18:23:00 EDT
Ah, the pressures of modern society.
Work, bills, stress, rinse, repeat. We've all been there.
Yes, they're a pain in the ass. But they're also a conveniant excuse for a dip in performance at work, and 'I've got a lot on my mind' sounds so much better than 'because I'm a lazy fucker.'
So when my poor work was highlighted, I played on the fact that:
a) My poor doggie died
b) I can't pay the bills
c) My poor doggie died
d) I have no food in the cupboard
e) My poor doggie died
I might as well have broken out the harmonica, and sat in a rocking chair playing 'dem ball bustin blues.'
My employer took the bait, hook, line and sinker.........with one small setback.
"I appreciate you're going through a bad patch. You can keep your job, but only on the condition you have some sessions withone of our registered counsellors."
Fuck! Why couldn't I have just blamed it on alcohol, like everything else that goes wrong in my life?
I took it on the chin. After all, no other fucker will pay my mortgage.
Session 1
My counsellor appeared to be mid-forties, slightly attractive, no ring on the wedding finger.
Counsellor: Just be relaxed. This is all completely confidential. Nothing you say can ever be reported to your employer, so it's a chance to get everything off your chest.
Nothing? Nothing at all? Why, this could be fun....
Counsellor: So why not begin by telling me why you're here?
Me: Well, I've had a lot on my mind of late
C: Such as?
M: My Mum threatened to tell my colleagues about my childhood
C: And could that be a problem?
M: Depends
C: On what?
M: Whether she tells them about 'the incident'.
C: What might that be?
M: When I was 13, my mum caught me......... masturbating
C: That's not uncommon.
M: It is when you're masturbating over a picture of her breast feeding me
C: For real?!?! I mean.....uh, I see
M: Especially seeing as I was wearing her nightie
C: Mkay..........
M: And her black panties with the little flower on. They were her best
C: ........................
M: I said I'd wash them, but she was like 'just keep 'em'. Can you believe that?
C: Uh, yeah I can
M: I had the hardest boner........
C: Session adjourned. Same time next week?
M: Sure!
Session 2
C: So have you spoken to your Mother about the.....'situation?'
M: Yeah.... she said she thought about it a lot
C: And, she's seen the impact.... right?
M: Yeah, she sees she'd come out better off. She wants me to have something better in the pipeline.
C: Like what?
M: Like an affair with someone higher up the food chain. If I can fuck her, then I could surely shag someone with a higher status.
C: For example?
M: I dunno.......you?
C: Session adjourned. Same time next week?
Session 3
C: So, how do you feel?
M: All the better for seeing you......
She's wearing a real short skirt, a tight white blouse and a black bra underneath, real see-through
C: Have you told your partner that you're having counselling?
M: Yes. We made love last night, and when I licked her out, I said I wished it was your pussy I was eating out.
C: And what did she say?
M: 'Arrange it'
C: Seriously?
M: Seriously. She even said I should see if you were up for it first.......
I unbuckled my belt, and offered my hard member to the doctor
As she took me in her mouth, I felt a slight pang of guilt.
But the camera never lies.
M: Three pics at least say you've breached patient doc priviledge.
C: What?
M: You're a filthy slag, and I have proof.
C: ....................
M: Sign me off as compliant, and these pics get destroyed.
C: That's blackmail!
M: Yes, yes it is. Deal, or no deal?
C: Bastard!
M: I do try
"I, Nurse Hadleigh, do declare that the patient, Mike Beasant, is completely fit for re-entry into normal corporate practice."
C'est la vie.
Work with bastards........... get fooled like a bastard.
And I still got to keep her uniform
After all, who wants a cum-stained nurse's outfit?
E-bay, here I come
User Reviews
Submitted by Surgeon (user info) at 2007-10-02 14:06:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
levator..
Submitted by lostnphound (user info) at 2007-10-02 11:52:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-10-02 11:37:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
:)
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2007-10-02 10:12:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entertaining, but the format is a little rough.
Submitted by DancingOtter (user info) at 2007-10-02 09:23:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That, was clever. Nice one!
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-02 09:00:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2007-10-02 08:11:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Hardly believable but amusing nonetheless.
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (user info) at 2007-10-02 08:11:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Hardly believable but amusing nonetheless. This seems like more of an incident that I'd see on Californication (what a sweet show).
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-10-02 05:17:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Definitely worth reading, though it made my eyes bleed a little.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-10-02 03:45:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice one.
Submitted by DeMoNiC (user info) at 2007-10-02 01:43:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Completely un-believable though funny none the less.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-10-02 01:41:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
First word reminded me of the song Psychobabble by The Alan Parsons Project..
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2007-10-01 22:10:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
not totally horrible
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-10-01 20:49:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-10-01 19:30:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This wasn't horrible, but it was a far cry from entertainment.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-10-01 19:30:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This wasn't horrible, but it was a far cry from entertainment.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-10-01 19:18:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
jeesus, we're awash with Limeys lately...
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-10-01 19:08:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-10-01 19:07:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-01 19:01:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Your other post was better.
What's that tell you?
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-10-01 18:52:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't usually do .5's but this was a decent first post - however, large possibility of altering..
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-10-01 18:52:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
hmmm... I'm torn
Submitted by MikeyB (user info) at 2007-10-01 18:37:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-10-01 18:35:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Shenanigans and cock sucking all in one post, you're gonna fit right in
---------
why u think I decided to register?????
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-10-01 18:36:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I dunno.......you?
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-10-01 18:35:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nice little fantasy you have there
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-10-01 18:35:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Shenanigans and cock sucking all in one post, you're gonna fit right in
Submitted by MikeyB (user info) at 2007-10-01 18:33:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-10-01 18:29:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Its funny but I dont believe a word of it
----------
it's adapted but based on real events.
neither here nor there, but you're one of my favourite posters.
Submitted by MikeyB (user info) at 2007-10-01 18:32:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-10-01 18:28:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
*Yozz reluctantly +1s while wondering if MikeyB is an alter*
--------
I expected this, which is why I opted for the 'straight in' approach rather than 'hey this is me' approach.
But hey, to be expected.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-10-01 18:29:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Its funny but I dont believe a word of it
Submitted by Yozz (user info) at 2007-10-01 18:28:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
*Yozz reluctantly +1s while wondering if MikeyB is an alter*