27 Things I No Longer Allowed To Do Now That I Am 27 (1426 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.19 on 51 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Scott James is loving his new beard trimmer (View user info) at 2007-10-01 18:44:04 EDT
Well, I have been the grand old age of 27 for just under a month and a half and already people are telling me what I can and cannot do now that I am in my late twenties.
After conferring with several younger twentysomethings, my friends, coworkers and my mother here is a list of 27 things I used to do which apparently I cannot do anymore:
1. Answer the phone to my mother and pretend to be a Cantonese takeaway. "Flied lice" does NOT comes with everything.
2. Drink copious amounts of alcohol and write obscene and bitter emails to my ex-girlfriends.
3. Drink copious amounts of alcohol and steal bollards, road signs and small children.
4. Drink copious amounts of alcohol at all.
5. Especially not when I am three hours away from attending a staff conference.
6. Quote passages from the Koran and say "Peace be upon him" when standing in line to be searched at Her Majesty's Customs at Heathrow Airport.
7. Feed alcohol to trainee guide-dogs under the pretence that "It's the hair of the dog that bit him".
8. Lighter fluid, aftershave and peroxide are not meant to be taken internally... regardless of what my mates think or how much money is at stake.
9. Refer to myself in the third person when making a purchase at a retail outlet. (e.g. Shop Flunkey: "How do you like the jacket, sir?" Me: "Scott James thinks this jacket looks the bomb")
10. No longer allowed to use the words "bomb", "shit", or "bollocks" as constructive nouns. (e.g. "This beer is the bollocks!")
11. No longer allowed to use the words "party" or "rock" as a verbs.
12. Go to one end of a police blockade at a protest rally and ask "Excuse me, officer - is this the line to ride the horse?"
13. Clear road signs in a single bound and loudly exclaim "In your face, Karl Lewis!".
14. Try to be cool in front of adolescent schoolgirls.
15. Try to be cool at all, in fact.
16. Admit to liking any popular music.
17. Admit to liking anything popular at all.
18. Use profanity in front of adolescents (See Number 14)
19. No longer allowed to use the word "gay" as a pejorative noun, even if it is not in the homophobic sense. Especially if it is not in the homophobic sense.
20. Use the word "cunt" in civilized company.
21. Dance where there are people under the age of 25.
22. Drink or cavort where there are people under the age of 25 lest I want to be labeled a "drunk" or a "pervert" or a "drunken pervert."
23. Know the words to any song written after 2003.
24. Admit to owning any films starring Jean Claude Van-Damme, Steven Segal or Michael Dudikoff.
25. Wear a trilby hat... no matter how well Justin Timberlake pulls it off.
26. Never refer to Justin Timberlake as "Trousersnake" or worse "JT".
27. Endlessly quote Anchorman, Withnail & I and The Godfather. Especially not on a first date.
User Reviews
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2007-10-04 14:45:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you can still do all of this.
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2007-10-03 06:59:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Zeglamancer (user info) at 2007-10-03 03:45:17 BST (#)
Ranking: -2
28.) Post on ubersite ever again.
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29) Fuck off and die, noob.
Submitted by pshuu (user info) at 2007-10-03 03:43:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny stuff.
Submitted by jojo747 (user info) at 2007-10-02 22:48:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
1. Answer the phone to my mother and pretend to be a Cantonese takeaway. "Flied lice" does NOT comes with everything.
OMG did you like really do this?!?! That is so out there and cool. I bet you have the coolest myspace page evers.
Submitted by Zeglamancer (user info) at 2007-10-02 22:45:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
28.) Post on ubersite ever again.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2007-10-02 22:34:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
carousel carousel
Submitted by Surgeon (user info) at 2007-10-02 14:06:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
laparectomy..
Submitted by RyuFu (user info) at 2007-10-02 12:52:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Reminds me of Skippy's list of things he can't do in the army.
Also very depressing, as I'm rapidly approaching 26 at the end of the year. emo tears.
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2007-10-02 10:19:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It only gets worse from here on in. 30 is coming like a freight train.
Submitted by BubbaEarl (user info) at 2007-10-02 09:32:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
thanks hippypotomus.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-10-02 09:27:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BubbaEarl (user info) at 2007-10-02 09:17:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
no, really, i'm an asshole.
~~~~~
Okay I believe you.
You're an asshole.
Good luck with that.
Submitted by BubbaEarl (user info) at 2007-10-02 09:17:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
no, really, i'm an asshole.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-10-02 09:14:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-02 09:03:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-10-01 19:26:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm 27 also, and I could still do all these things.
It's my wife threatening to cut my balls off whilst I sleep that keeps me from doing them.
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I'm 30, and I can STILL do most of these things, assuming I don't get caught. :p
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I'm 30 and I find myself doing some of these things even more than when I was in my early twenties. life is short.... hang out with your wang out, let it roll and have a good time of it.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-10-02 09:08:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh and... not everyone in the world is going to like everyone.
So thats okay.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-10-02 09:07:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BubbaEarl (user info) at 2007-10-02 09:01:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
to be honest with you merlina, you'd hate meeting me.
i don't kiss ass and i'm a straight talking kinda guy. i just don't like the persona you project here. you irritate me.
~~~~~
I talk straight. Always have, always will. I hate bullshitters. And I prefer it when other people talk straight, too.
I bet you're probably really nice.
What the devil is this 'persona' I project? Being normal? Being a 'bitofa' hippy?
Being nice?
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-02 09:03:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-10-01 19:26:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm 27 also, and I could still do all these things.
It's my wife threatening to cut my balls off whilst I sleep that keeps me from doing them.
---------------------
I'm 30, and I can STILL do most of these things, assuming I don't get caught. :p
Submitted by BubbaEarl (user info) at 2007-10-02 09:01:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
to be honest with you merlina, you'd hate meeting me.
i don't kiss ass and i'm a straight talking kinda guy. i just don't like the persona you project here. you irritate me.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-10-02 08:54:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd SO love you meet you BubbaEarl.
Even if just to prove to you I am, who I am.
silly boy.
Submitted by BubbaEarl (user info) at 2007-10-02 08:51:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
there's no such thing as obsessing over you merlina.
drop the fuckin act already.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-10-02 08:43:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BubbaEarl (user info) at 2007-10-02 07:39:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-10-02 07:08:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Twenty seven is nothing.
I'm thirty seven and its great.
stfu already.
~~~~~~~~~~
Stop obsessing over me.
I'm not worth it.
Submitted by BubbaEarl (user info) at 2007-10-02 07:39:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-10-02 07:08:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Twenty seven is nothing.
I'm thirty seven and its great.
stfu already.
Submitted by ArnieGeddon (user info) at 2007-10-02 07:36:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
it gets better, at forty-seven, you can actually get away with absentmindedly shoving your dentures in your pooper and nobody blinks twice, there's a bit of awkward feet shuffling sure, but that's it - tops. added bonus - no coffee stains. totally awesome.
Submitted by BubbaEarl (user info) at 2007-10-02 07:34:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-10-02 07:08:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Twenty seven is nothing.
I'm thirty seven and its great.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2007-10-02 06:47:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
just wait till you hit 30. terrible business.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-10-02 06:02:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2007-10-01 22:28:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
For this:
Go to one end of a police blockade at a protest rally and ask "Excuse me, officer - is this the line to ride the horse?"
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2007-10-02 05:18:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Rubbish! Down with rules.
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-10-02 03:53:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-10-02 03:42:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You are cool.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2007-10-02 02:02:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
4. Drink copious amounts of alcohol at all
__
Dear God, time is running out! 27 is only six years away! I'm off to buy beers...
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-10-02 01:57:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1. Answer the phone to my mother and pretend to be a Cantonese takeaway. "Flied lice" does NOT comes with everything.
~~~~
you had me at this one... ha ha ha. Old but funny as hell
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-10-01 22:58:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
So, in other words, don't have fun anymore. Hell, no!
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-10-01 22:49:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2007-10-01 22:28:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
For this:
Go to one end of a police blockade at a protest rally and ask "Excuse me, officer - is this the line to ride the horse?"
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yep.
28. Have a Facebook account :(
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2007-10-01 22:28:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
For this:
Go to one end of a police blockade at a protest rally and ask "Excuse me, officer - is this the line to ride the horse?"
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-10-01 21:10:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Having one of these lists must mean you look ugly.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-01 20:24:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-10-01 19:02:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Shlongy is already pressing the flesh to try and get good scores in Gruberfest
bauahauahahahaha
Oh, trust me, I'll be geeting some good scores whether I "press the flesh" or not. I'm a contest hero.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-10-01 20:05:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
D'oh! I'd forgotten about her.
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Submitted by Saffron (user info) at 2007-10-01 15:57:51 PDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-10-01 18:49:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hmm... d'ya really think Peter Pan screwed anything? if so, who or what? I mean - Tinkerbell was far too small
________
Tigerlily.
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2007-10-01 20:01:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't normally do this, but I felt compelled to tell you something. You have an absolutely breath-taking... heiney. I mean, that thing's good. I wanna be friends with it.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-10-01 19:48:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
if a guy quoted anchorman to me on a first date - chances are he's getting laid.
Canonball!!!!!
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2007-10-01 19:40:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-10-01 23:49:01 BST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hmm... d'ya really think Peter Pan screwed anything? if so, who or what? I mean - Tinkerbell was far too small
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Are you kidding me? There's was plenty of fucking going on in Neverland. Only Tinkerbell and Wendy were getting none of it.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2007-10-01 19:37:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm a month from 29 and I still do an embarrassingly large number of these things.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-10-01 19:26:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-10-01 18:47:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Shit off, I'm 27 and I still do all of these.
Then again, I have suffered neural damage.
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Ditto,
I'm 27 also, and I could still do all these things.
It's my wife threatening to cut my balls off whilst I sleep that keeps me from doing them.
Submitted by vexx (user info) at 2007-10-01 19:24:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
As a youth I used to weep in butcher shops.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2007-10-01 19:17:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
bummer...me too.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-10-01 19:07:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-10-01 19:02:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Shlongy is already pressing the flesh to try and get good scores in Gruberfest
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-01 19:01:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Fuck it...I'm bored with giving you shit.
This list wasn't awful.
Submitted by Saffron (user info) at 2007-10-01 18:57:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-10-01 18:49:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hmm... d'ya really think Peter Pan screwed anything? if so, who or what? I mean - Tinkerbell was far too small
________
Tigerlily. Although with all those Lost Boys to choose from...who knows.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-10-01 18:49:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hmm... d'ya really think Peter Pan screwed anything? if so, who or what? I mean - Tinkerbell was far too small
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-10-01 18:47:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Shit off, I'm 27 and I still do all of these.
Then again, I have suffered neural damage.
Submitted by MikeyB (user info) at 2007-10-01 18:45:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment