It already is closed (630 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.77 on 22 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by orph (View user info) at 2007-10-02 06:44:30 EDT
The trees were ripe with the first fruits, meticulously harvested by the early season's crows. The crows were always there first, and always the last to leave. Black they were, and blue streaked they were; stained with the colours of the sky as they flew down to earth.
The men in the fields tried in vain to shoo them away, but as it was in vain, it was all to no avail. The crows took notice not, and kept on at their feast. The men cried in frustration, and were beaten by their women, yet it made no difference. The crows remained, and always would.
The colour they brought with them from the sky dripped in light blue pools on the dirt beneath the trees. The contrast was quite stark, as contrasts tend to be; there was to be no mingling. Green trees, black crows, brown dirt, blue puddles of sky, and of course the bright red of the fruit. An artist could not have rendered it more truly, as indeed his would have been a copy of the vibrant real life.
The last actors arrived, and they set up their tents and campsite near the grove of fruit trees, avoiding carefully the puddles of sky, in case they fell in and flew away to heaven, or haven, or wherever the sky took those that fell in.
They made noise as they arrived, and the crows were even disturbed for a moment. The men, forced on by the women, begged the new comers to rid them of the crows, but the new one's laughed and said they were not that stupid. The crows cawed in appreciation, and kept eating, becoming bloated and fat, swelling and tottering on the tree branches as they gorged.
It began to rain from the puddles, although the sky above remained clear and soothingly blue. The water spattered and splashed, bouncing and birthing rainbows as it copulated with the sun.
The narrator paused, went and drank deeply from the well, and then wondered where this was all heading. Nowhere was the answer, but he had already known.
The arcs of colour spun and twisted as the rays of light were raped by the rain. The men, forced on by their women, cheered.
The last actors were now ready, and they made their move. First, they killed the men, forced on by their women, and took the women for themselves. The women then beat them, until they promised to get rid of the crows. The new men tried to laugh off the request, and say they were not that stupid, but now they were.
The crows still took no notice, and grew huge and distended as they ate.
The trees groaned under the weight of the expanding crows. They shook their branches, and the crows were unbalanced, and fell to the ground. They rolled and squawked for help, but the new men saw their chance, and kicked them into the puddles. Peering through, they saw the crows fall off into the sky, flying away to heaven, or haven, or wherever the sky took those that fell in.
The women, now happy, plucked the rest of the fruit from the trees, and ate it in the shade. Slowly, yet ever so surely, the women began to change, and more so the more of the red fruit that they ate.
Their skin began to darken, and their bodies shrunk. Tiny pustules formed and sprouted black feathers, as their faces elongated, nose turning into beaks, arms into wings, and legs into claws. The women were the new crows.
They flew off into the sky, cutting it with their wings, causing more bright blue sky puddles to form on the dirt.
Soon the puddles grew into ponds, then lakes, rivers and seas. The ground, realising it was losing itself, jumped, and became the sky. This was just as well, as the sky had now become the ground. The men were left in the middle, not sure whether they were flying or falling.
The narrator, now sitting on his head, drowning in the water of the well, stopped narrating. All fell to silence, as the crows and the men waited, not even breathing as they yearned to know what happened next.
Coughing and spluttering, he freed himself from the well, and continued.
The trees were ripe with the first fruits, meticulously harvested by the early season's crows. The crows were always there first, and always the last to leave. Black they were, and blue streaked they were; stained with the colours of the sky as they flew down to earth.
It felt and sounded familiar.
![MandelaRaven[1].jpg (15 kB)](http://stuff.ubersite.com/11913218709712806/1/MandelaRaven[1].jpg)
User Reviews
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-10-03 20:34:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by pshuu (user info) at 2007-10-03 04:28:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very vivid descriptions. It's almost like a long riddle.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-10-02 22:54:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
orph, you rock. as usual.
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2007-10-02 20:32:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Had to stick with it for a minute, but quite entertaining overall.
Submitted by Surgeon (user info) at 2007-10-02 13:59:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
perfusion..
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2007-10-02 13:21:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is now one of my favorite posts.
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2007-10-02 13:01:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought my dreams were odd.
Good presentation too, for a dream, since they usually lack clarity and form in general ways.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-10-02 12:59:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this was fun
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-10-02 12:37:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-10-02 11:45:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
infinite
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-10-02 11:23:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
cheers monkeys - that was one of the best reviews I think i've ever got.
and thanks Dirty Harry, for always reading.
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-10-02 11:19:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto Orph +2
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-10-02 10:54:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this was really interesting.
Submitted by SilvrWolf (user info) at 2007-10-02 10:25:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The odd grammar somewhat interfered with the flow of this.
It's still a good piece, though.
Submitted by icanbecool (user info) at 2007-10-02 10:24:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Made me think of Alfred Hitchcock's "The Birds".
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-10-02 10:12:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Honestly, as I read the first part, I thought, this isn't impressive.
Then I got mid-way, and I thought, he's starting to lose it completely, and this is drifting into nonsense.
I got to the end, and I realized what you were doing.
I hope more people finish it.
+2 work of art.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-10-02 09:47:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-02 09:15:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-10-02 07:18:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks. This is pretty much my dreams last night.
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-10-02 07:16:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You are talented...very!
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-10-02 07:13:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What Merlina says. Otherwise faultless, as usual.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-10-02 07:06:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It already is closed. and...
Black they were, and blue streaked they were
~~~~~~~~~~
I liked this but found the odd grammar really off putting. Good story though.