Skag And Baggage (Redux) (360 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.63 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Antil (View user info) at 2007-10-02 08:01:33 EDT
I turned up the volume on the radio hoping it'd drown out the sound coming from the back of the van. It was no good; I had to step outside for a smoke, trying to regain some sense of co-ordination. The rocking motion on these jobs always made my head spin and turned my insides to shit. The sound from the beating taking place in the back of the transit got louder and deeper. I could hear the cracking and snapping of his bones. The sound of what was happening always affected me more than the sight. I puked my guts up right then and there, being careful not to drop my cigarette. They're usually quiet when they get this fucked up. But not this cunt. When he wasn't gargling he was making strange noises - and loud. I didn't notice the broken ribs protruding through the tattoo of the English Bull Terrier on his chest till we left him in the light of St Mary's A&E. I was shocked at the mess Lanigan had made of him to be honest... now don't get me wrong, this kiddie fiddler deserved the punishment he got. That scared me. For the first time ever I feared my best man. Sure he was an intimidating fuck and most men I know fear him, but not me, not before that point. At first I thought he'd changed; now I know it was me.
Lanigan aka Amazin... was of average height and tubby. He was one of the quieter lads at school. Although he knocked about with us, I didn't really say much to him back then. Two months after his 16th birthday he was arrested for assault and battery. And that was the last time his middle-aged neighbour fucked his 14-year-old sister. I didn't think he had it in him... He always came across as the type of lad that wouldn't be able to fight his way out of a paper bag, you know the sort. He managed to surprise me a few times during our hay days. He fought his way up the 'head-the-ball' ladder and earned himself a bad boy reputation in next to no time. By the time we could be legally served a pint in our local we were best buddies. I haven't seen him since I left, though. The last I heard he was doing time in a straight jacket. I automatically thought it'd be the bad gear he injected that'd turn him freaky and mad; fuck knows he did more than his fair share over the years... and ours too. It turns out he started doing business with the yardies and their herb after I'd left. He's now suffering from cannabis psychosis. What a fucking waste.
I drove the van back to Marti's where we'd both been crashing on and off for the past 6 months. She answered the door in a baggy t-shirt and beckoned us inside. She looked fucking amazing... at that point I wasn't sure whether my head was still spinning due to what I'd just witnessed or whether it was all about her. I had a few drinks with them before they got out the foil and started chasing the dragon. You know, I can't remember if I couldn't be arsed or didn't feel like joining them as an addict on that particular night. I pulled a cushion off the sofa to put under my head to make my stay on her lounge floor a little more comfortable, and there I drifted off to sleep. I woke up feeling like a slop out bucket and the smell of sex didn't help. Yeah, they'd fucked in the same room I was sleeping in. Lanigan obviously felt closer to me than I did to him, the cunt. That smell was soon overpowered by the aroma of a full English breakfast. My stomach was still in knots from the night before. I didn't think I'd be able to stomach greasy sausage, bacon and eggs. But credit where due, I necked the lot, mopping up the tomato juice left from the beans with a slice of fresh crusty bread. This woman was a diamond, she knew it - we knew it. There were five mugs set out on the table... The rest of our small firm were due round to discuss the shit that'd just gone down with Lanigan and his little brother - of course they'd want to know why he'd almost killed him - and why he hadn't finished the job. I offered to take Marti shopping while Lanigan filled the boys in.
Marti/Martini.... Anytime. Anyplace. Anywhere. She was a self-proclaimed whore, and by all accounts good at what she did. Her auburn curls were as fiery and wild as she. Marti had a baby when she was 13. She was forced to give the baby up for adoption - her family didn't want the responsibility of another mouth to feed. It was then she decided she'd be better off living on the street. The thing I liked most about her, she was herself, never tried to be anything other than that. She looked after us and we looked after her. It really didn't bother me about the men she'd been through. All I wanted to do was to look after her. Make sure she didn't want for anything. The boys would say she could talk the hind legs off a donkey, but I loved listening to her ideas, hopes and regrets. The thought of her still makes the hairs on my arms stand on end.
I think I could've loved her... its possible.
I didn't want to leave her behind, but knew I had to. I walked her back to the car and gave her the keys. I told her I had something to attend to. She knew I was full of shit, her eyes said it all. She looked at me with a half cocked smile and told me not to be a stranger. I kissed her for the first time and then walked away. It was the hardest thing walking away from her, but she was part of the life I was living and that was no good for my health. I had a choice and I made it.
The sound of keys hitting the tarmac interrupted my rapid heartbeat. I looked back over my shoulder - she'd hit the ground running. There she was on her knees clutching her keys. (The photo she has on her key ring is of her little boy and her big heart is for someone she's not yet met. Right then I knew I was doing the right thing. I was doing this for me. For the time being I can't go back home. I still associate everything there with addiction. I'll go back one day to face the past but before I do that I need to get my head straight.
Addiction isn't something that's part of my life anymore. As with most lessons that are worth seeing through to the end, we learn them the hard way. I and the circumstances I found myself in were no exception. The endless craving, the lack of interest in anything else, and the continuous denial consumes who you are, changing and moulding you into something, someone that everybody you care about no longer wishes to associate with. That may not be the case from the off, but as sure as shit stinks the ultimate outcome is gonna be just that. Withdrawn and lonely. Addiction grips onto your life and sinks its nails in...that kind of self destruction is inevitably tragic. It slowly takes your sanity. When you're in that state of confusion it feels like there's no beginning and no end. I can tell you though, its bullshit. When you want to break the cycle and change, really, really want it from the gut, from your bones, have no doubt, you will fucking change.I was a captive of my actions and my life then was the consequence of a destructive addiction. There'll be turbulence on the way through to the other side, it's to be expected, but you know what...change has already come.
Life will take us in different directions. When the direction I find myself heading in is downwards and everyday life is becoming a burden, I change course and move on... easier said than done, huh? If your answer to that question is yes, you're fucking spineless. End of.
User Reviews
Submitted by Surgeon (user info) at 2007-10-02 13:57:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
minilaparotomy..
Submitted by lover101 (user info) at 2007-10-02 12:55:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-10-02 12:36:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2007-10-02 10:53:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-10-02 10:16:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
didn't read it.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-02 09:21:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BubbaEarl (user info) at 2007-10-02 09:03:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
english, motherfucker, do you speak it?
cut the limey slang you tea drinking wanker.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-10-02 08:33:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i dont care
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-10-02 08:31:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Unemployed virgin etc. below.
Submitted by Antil (user info) at 2007-10-02 08:31:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It wasn't an attack, you paranoid idiot. It was merely an observation. Maybe it's just the way Uber's moulded you. Baaaaah.
Submitted by Empathetic (user info) at 2007-10-02 08:29:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Yes, the old "you must be a kid" attack.
You forgot to call me an unemployed virgin living in my mommy's basement.
Submitted by Antil (user info) at 2007-10-02 08:26:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm not trying to burn you? How old are you... 10?
Interating with adults, who aren't mentally impaired, is obviously a new concept to you. Don't worry son, you'll get the hang of it eventually.
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-10-02 08:25:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This was good - but I'll give the other one the +2
Submitted by Empathetic (user info) at 2007-10-02 08:23:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Oh! You burned me good, you recycling hack.
Submitted by Antil (user info) at 2007-10-02 08:18:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't give a shit if you're an alter boy.
The point being, exactly?
The point is, it may just be MY opinion, but this post pretty much put's everything you've posted under Empathetic, to bed.
Submitted by Empathetic (user info) at 2007-10-02 08:15:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Then you obviously miss the point.
I am an alter.
Submitted by Antil (user info) at 2007-10-02 08:14:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Empathetic (user info) at 2007-10-02 08:03:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I do not condone the reposting of a year old post.
Why don't you put a little effort into something, not just making things bold now?
++++++++
I've just checked your writing out. I'll be as bold as to say that you must put more effort into pinching a loaf(taking a shit) than you do when hitting submit.
Submitted by Antil (user info) at 2007-10-02 08:07:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The last time I posted this, people were complaining about the format, however the overall opinion was that it was a decent first try.
And considering some of the shit that gets posted and re-hashed here, I didn't think uber as a whole would mind.
Submitted by Empathetic (user info) at 2007-10-02 08:03:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I do not condone the reposting of a year old post.
Why don't you put a little effort into something, not just making things bold now?