What Lies Beneath - Grueberfest 2007 (920 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.4 on 60 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Lungfish Thinks Fiction is Really Fucking Hard (View user info) at 2007-10-03 03:28:47 EDT
"What Lies Beneath"
"Goin' fishin'?"
While not an experienced angler, John figured it was a stunningly stupid question from the old clerk, as he had just placed a set a spinner baits, lead sinkers, plastic bobbers, and 100 yards of 50-pound line next to the cash register.
"Yeah," he replied. John looked around the small bait and tackle shop, trying to avoid eye contact with the old clerk.
"You'll be wantin' some hog rind to fix on them spinners," said the old man, who then shot a slimy accumulation of tobacco juice into a spittoon that sat on the floor next to him. "Them bass cain't resist the hog rind. I got some back here. Hold on. Lemme get ya some." The old man carefully bent down to retrieve a plastic pale from a small refrigerator behind the counter. "Here ya go," he said. "You keep them rinds in yer cooler, now. Day like this, they'll be rotten in no time if'n ya keep 'em out." The old man spit again.
"Thanks," said John, not really paying attention and just hoping to get on his way. He handed the old man a credit card.
The old man took the card, glanced at the embossed name, and exclaimed, "McCartey! I'll be damned. I reckon we're cousins of a sort. That's my name, too, son."
John McCarty took sudden interest at this unexpected revelation. He had, after all, traveled to Cave Creek Lake primarily to satisfy an indefinable, yet palpable, yearning to "discover" the land of his grandfathers. Situated in the secluded hills of eastern Kentucky, in the western foothills of the Appalachian Mountains, Cave Creek Lake was rarely visited by yuppies from Cincinnati, and John had never been there.
Smiling now, and offering his hand to shake, John replied, "Well howdy, cousin."
His attempt to effect a folksy demeanor was politely overlooked by the old man. (Nobody in Kentucky says "howdy.") Grasping John's hand in a surprisingly strong grip, the old man proclaimed, "I'm Tom McCarty, but folks call me 'Pancake.' Where ya up from then, young man?"
"Cincinnati. Left this morning."
"Oh. Well that makes sense, yes indeed. Lotta McCarty folk went that way during the Depression. Weren't no work up here."
"My grandfather was one of them," Tom said proudly. "He moved to Ohio in 1940, before being drafted. He was born right here...or...what was here...in Mullinsburg. His name was Silas." John wondered how he might be related to the old man.
"Damn shame what the Army Corps did to our town." The old man looked sad and remained silent for a moment. And then, somewhat quietly, "Don't know no Silas McCarty. 'Fraid I was just a boy when yer grand-daddy left. Still, I reckon yer kin. Lotta McCarty folk in these parts. Cain't keep 'em all straight, myself."
Pancake led John outside the bait and tackle shop. He pointed across Cave Creek Lake to a low, wooded hill. "See that hill over yonder? That's McCarty Cemetery. I reckon you'll be wantin' to make a visit...pay yer respects to your family. The Army dug 'em all up and buried 'em up on that hill before floodin' the valley. I can show you how to get there, if'n ya want."
"Yeah," John said quietly. "Yeah. I'd like that."
"Tell you what," said Pancake, "it's too hot in the day to start fishin' now. You'll be wantin' to start in the mornin'. 'Bout four o'clock's the best time. Won't get no bitin' now. How 'bout you keep an old man company for a while? I got plenty of beer and whisky here. Ain't a soul around. The kids are all back in school, and I could use some company. We can sit here on the deck and figure out how we're kin."
"Well, sure. Why not? I could use a drink, myself."
***************
After many drinks and much conversation over perhaps three hours. John and Pancake were completely, but pleasantly, drunk. The sun was setting and the moon was rising. The air was still, and the dark waters of Cave Creek Lake sat motionless in the valley of their presumed mutual ancestors.
Pancake looked at the moon, burped, and said, simply, "Harvest Moon tonight. See how red it is?"
"Yeah," replied John, without much thought.
"Lemme tell ya somethin', Johnny. You'll be thinkin' I'm a crazy ol' man, but this lake is full of ghosts. Harvest Moon is a bad time for spirits."
"Hah! You're drunk, old man. Go on. Give me a good story."
"You think I'm foolin' ya. You'll listen to what ya wanna hear, but I been here a long time now. I seen things. And hear'd things." Pancake spoke in a serious tone - a stark contrast to the lighthearted reminiscing he had been offering previously. "I'm tellin' ya for yer own good. I don't often give two shits for a Yankee like you, but...well, you know... I'm drunk and yer kin...maybe." He burped again.
John smiled. "Well go on then. I'm waiting. I love a good story."
"It's the niggers."
John was initially taken aback by the unashamed usage.
"It's the niggers. There were a bunch a niggers lived in the eastern part of the valley...in Atkins Hollow. Goddamn Corps left their graves down there. They was good niggers, too. Sharecroppers. Hardworking sonsabitches. Goddamn Army."
John smiled politely, "That's not much of a story there, Pancake. No offence."
"That ain't all. There was one feller...Booker Pflug...got lynched for messin' with a white girl. Got lynched in a big sycamore tree there in the holler. I hear'd yellin' out that way before at night. Seen lights, too. Ain't nobody 'round. That holler's now a big cove...Atkins Cove. When the lake water's low, the branches o' that big ol' sycamore tree stick outta the water. Had two kids drown there in the past couple o' years. Never did find their bodies. Can't drag it, on account of all the trees. Too muddy, too. Cain't see. Their bodies still down there, if'n the catfish didn't eat everything, 'cludin' the bones. Them catfish grow big in this lake...some say six feet. Them catfish eat anything. I seen lights, comin' from nowheres and shinin' on the water. I hears yellin' at night sometimes. Harvest Moon is a bad time for spirits. You take my advice, don't ya go out on that water at night. If'n you do, stay away from that holler."
John found Pancake's drunken rambling interesting, but took it for what it seemed: drunken rambling. "Well, old man, I'm not going out there tonight. I'll even wait until sunrise before I go out on the water, if it makes you feel better."
There was no relief to be seen in Pancakes troubled face. "There's more. I weren't gonna tell you this, but I'm drunk, and I'm thinkin' maybe you should know."
"Well?"
Pancake took a deep breath. "Booker Pflug...he got lynched in 1940." He paused, took another deep breath. "This is Kentucky, son. Everyone knew who did it. Ain't no one ever talked." Pancake stopped, burped, and looked down at the lake. He had spoken too much.
John reflected in knowing silence for a while, until finally speaking up, "Hey...Pancake. We're drunk, man. Too drunk. I'm going to sleep in my truck. You alright?"
Pancake thought for a moment, looked up sullenly and, perhaps, guiltily. "Yeah. I gotta cot in the back o' the store here." His speech was suddenly very slurred.
John stood up and asked, "You alright?"
"Yeah. Alright. Good-night, cousin. I'ma stay here a while. Pass out mos' likely." Pancake's voice was almost inaudible.
"Alright. Maybe I'll see you in the morning." John stumbled to his truck.
Upon trying to make himself comfortable in the front seat of his truck, John, while wholly skeptical of the ghostly features of Pancake's ramblings, decided that maybe fishing wasn't the hobby for him.
User Reviews
Submitted by Paloma (user info) at 2007-10-25 22:34:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was awesome.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2007-10-25 22:18:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
whoops! o well, i'm here now...
what's with the area N and maybe slighly E of your town?
i fly one of SW's milk-runs every 2 weeks or so and always wonder what i'm looking @ "down there" of course, i'm too stupid to ever ask any of the departing passengers
looks really big/rugged/bare and also looks like the off-roaders have been having a ball driving around
jd-wm
Submitted by ColchesterDr (user info) at 2007-10-07 12:40:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're a really good writer.
+2 even though it wasn't that scary.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2007-10-07 04:46:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i wonder how exciting Dane Cook will make the NLCS sound when all the games start at nine o'clock and nobody east of the Rio Grande cares?
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2007-10-07 04:42:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
GO ROCKIES WOOOO
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-10-07 01:41:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Congrats on your D-backs, lf.
Go Phils woo...in '08. :(
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-10-06 19:26:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Lunger!!! You is a writn' foo, boy.
I agree with Jack and others that you stopped short of a good ending,
but I left the +2 simply because I like your style. Write more. . .
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2007-10-06 04:47:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this has a very nice natural flow. You certainly could write fiction if you wanted to.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-10-05 22:16:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You would have gotten a +2 if you had finished. The flow of their conversation was really good. I liked the old man.
Don't sell yourself short. Write more fiction. This was better than a lot of the shit on this site.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-10-05 21:05:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-10-03 10:41:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I liked this but it does fall a little flat at the end.
"After many drinks and much conversation over perhaps three hours. John and Pancake were completely, but pleasantly, drunk"
pussies. drunk in three hours? I wish.
===
THREE hours? I can be drunk in half that time.
See lungfish? You CAN write. I agree you should continue this, but decent ending you wrote here in the comments.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-10-05 19:50:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Works for me.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-10-05 16:39:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Try this again. I'm a spaz:
***********
When Pancake awoke, several hours later, he noticed that John's truck was no longer parked at the top of the boat ramp. "Where in the hell did that damn fool drive to at this time of night?" he wondered, and proceeded to his cot in the back of the store.
When John awoke, the waters from Cave Creek Lake had filled the cab of his truck to nearly half-full. As they continued to rise, in the panic of his last few moments, John thought he saw the solemn faces a several people peering through the windows of his truck. Black faces. One face, in particular, fixed his frightened attention. He knew the face to be that of Booker Pflug.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-10-05 16:37:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
For what it's worth, here's an ending:
***********
When Pancake awoke, several hours later, he noticed that John's truck was no longer parked at near the top of the boat ramp. "Where in the hell did that damn fool drive to at this time of night?" he wondered, and proceeded to his cot in the back of the store.
When John awoke, the water from Cave Creek Lake had filled the cab of his truck half-full. As they continued to rise, in the panic of his last few moments, John thought he saw the solemn faces a several people peering through the windows of his truck. Black faces. One face, in particular, fixed his frightened attention. He knew the face to be that of Booker Pflug.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-10-04 17:40:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Read it, liked it, but blah blah what they said.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-10-04 09:21:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Lung,
Did you want to murder your thesis chair? Or merely torture to insanity?
I still weep for myself when I remember when I was writing my Master's thesis. My favorite professor and mentor was battling cancer and was too ill from the chemo to chair my thesis so I had to go with Dr. P.
She was an ULTRA-militant FEMI-NAZI! She cheated me out of a co-authorship too, the bitch. I worked for one year doing HER research FOR HER with the understanding that she would list me as a co-author. When the time came, the bitch submitted the manuscript to a journal WITH HER NAME ONLY on it.
I wanted to tie her up and use a car battery and jumper cables on her nipples.
Bitch.
Submitted by zwerg (user info) at 2007-10-04 08:14:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Even though it felt unfinished, the writing flowed really well and the dialogue felt natural. So +2.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-10-03 19:49:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It'd give each of us a full day. This way we aren't competing while we're competing.
Sporting and all.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-10-03 19:46:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll post mine tomorrow.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-10-03 19:30:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks again for the comments. Not a fiction writer.
If nothing else, I've gained a whole new respect for those of you who *seem* to write fiction so effortlessly. I think that writing my thesis was easier.
A special shout out to those who can write horror without making it cheesier than all get-out.
I've never seen Cabin Fever, and am only guessing that it is a movie.
If I'm ever drunk enough to enter another contest, maybe I'll make an attempt to "finish" this thing.
Maybe not.
go d'backs
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-10-03 16:27:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
had this prescreened to be sure it wasn't gory.
This is good! should have kept going..
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-10-03 16:26:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Lungfish auto +2
I will read this when I'm done being treated to lunch by my roommate.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2007-10-03 16:10:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
other than the one factual error; "They was good niggers, too.", it read ok
Submitted by baronMunchausen (user info) at 2007-10-03 15:51:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TechnoRatty (user info) at 2007-10-03 15:31:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh yer a talented cunt aren't you, more fiction from you please!!
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-10-03 15:29:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
After the contest, post the second half of this. It could be awesome.
Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2007-10-03 15:20:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This was really good but it was lacking scary or gruesome or creepy.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-10-03 15:10:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
There wasnt really anything in this, horror wise
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-10-03 13:37:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like this. YOu should post more fiction.
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-10-03 13:10:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
booger
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-10-03 12:17:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fiction is Really Fucking Hard ...
I liked it.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2007-10-03 11:51:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Good B horror buildup, but you didn't follow through.
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-10-03 11:50:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
and then what happened? I was hooked - finish it off.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2007-10-03 11:34:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You held true to answering the title question.
Like the others though, I feel this is only about a quarter of the way finished. It certainly feels that way. This get a 1 because I love to fish and I can see this happening.
Submitted by ahumblefool (user info) at 2007-10-03 11:16:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Lungfish, I like the metaphor, and I am a firm believer that horror does not need to be all flesh and bone, but you started down a road, and the road never got anywhere. The idea was there, the idea of what family did in the past, maybe better to be disconnected than connected to the horrors of our past, but the character didn't feel it. He was not a believer it what happened, so neither could I be.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-10-03 10:59:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I liked it but i think you jacked the "nigger" line straight out of Cabin Fever. Pancake was just how the shop keeper in the movie was.
and no ending?
character development, back story, and then.
"there's spirits in the water!"
"no shit? well... good night"
the end.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-03 10:52:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good start, nice dialogue, but the ending is weak. Still likely to be better than whatever I end up spitting out for this comp so have a +2 on me.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-10-03 10:41:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+1.5 cause i did enjoy it.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-10-03 10:41:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I liked this but it does fall a little flat at the end.
"After many drinks and much conversation over perhaps three hours. John and Pancake were completely, but pleasantly, drunk"
pussies. drunk in three hours? I wish.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-10-03 10:32:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you wrote this *sober*??
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2007-10-03 10:28:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Why you leave me hangin' like that, Lung?
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-10-03 09:53:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks folks.
I tried concluding with a violent, supernatural conclusion, but it was coming out too goofy. Best to leave with fishing as a metaphor for digging up the secrets of the past -- something that maybe this yuppie shouldn't be doing.
Steak -- You'd better win. The playoffs start tonight and this took more effort than I realized, what with having to write sober and all.
I'll get around to reading some of the other stories soon.
go d'backs
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-10-03 09:50:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Incidently, I LOVED this line-
"It's the niggers."
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-10-03 09:45:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-10-03 09:29:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
In the words of Oliver Twist; Please Sir, may I have some more?
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-10-03 09:28:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Add more!
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-10-03 09:13:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-10-03 03:54:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Absolutely killer start, I was really drawn in. But then it just faded, as though you kinda just gave up. It was spooky and had a good build up of suspense... then nothing. Left me unsatisfied.
Good luck anyway.
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2007-10-03 09:04:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Nice preamble. where's the story?
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-10-03 08:02:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was hoping you'd forget, or turn it in late, but nooooooo, you had to put up something awesome insetead. Good luck in thew next round.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-10-03 07:41:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
This just seems like all build up and no punch. Like sex with no orgasm.
Submitted by 8track (user info) at 2007-10-03 06:46:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by ArnieGeddon (user info) at 2007-10-03 06:45:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
way to bring disney back to grueberfest daniel handler. woooooo, I'm scared.
spaz. You would've been better off posting another camwhore.
just kidding dungfish this was good - for a geologist. and sesame street.
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-10-03 06:25:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You did good, but this is only the introduction... Where's the bit where he actually goes to the holler and meets the ghosts? Whodunnit?
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-10-03 05:27:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good work fella
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-10-03 05:24:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lungfish
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-10-03 04:39:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Stephen 'Lungfish' King!
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-10-03 04:18:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
..
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-10-03 04:17:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-10-03 04:17:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-10-03 03:54:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Absolutely killer start, I was really drawn in. But then it just faded, as though you kinda just gave up. It was spooky and had a good build up of suspense... then nothing. Left me unsatisfied.
Good luck anyway.
Submitted by pshuu (user info) at 2007-10-03 03:38:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And theeeeeen?...
This isn't gory... It's a good beginning though.