How to get a gun pulled on you -or- My first sexual encounter with an asian (589 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: -0.55 on 10 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Rhymenocerous (View user info) at 2007-10-03 09:28:49 EDT
A cool April night in the city. Baseball has just started, the temperature is rising, and the nights are crisp and clam. A good night to get fucked up at the bar. I was a junior at the time. I had a few friends visiting from out of town and one of them owns a mall so he's got money out the ass. We went to the bar with the intent of charging as many drinks as possible to his tab.
We did. By the end of the night he had about a $400 tab. However, $400 to him is like $0.05 to a normal person. Needless to say, we got drunk. Very, very drunk. This is where it gets interesting.
I notice from across the bar this hotass asian girl staring at me and smiling. I am too drunk to realize she is eye-fucking the shit out of me so I try to play it cool and talk to my buddy Jeff. Jeff, when he sees the girl checking me out, says, "Dude go hit on that chick! She's giving you the fuck eyes!"
So after about 5 minutes of him telling me to go talk to her and me thinking that the longer I waited the cooler I would appear, I walk over to her. Little did I realize it was about 1:45am and last call was in about 12 seconds. I introduce myself and we start talking about.. well.. I have no idea. About 5 minutes later she says to me, "Lets get out of here. Wanna come to my place?" I agree and off we go.
This is where it gets really interesting. I was standing right outside the bar, apparently, when all of this happened. I do not remember any of it. The following is what happened according to Jeff and his friend D.C. (who is a black kid from Washington D.C.) right outside the bar.
They get outside and try to hail a cab. Jeff gets one and the cabbie pulls up and blocks some guy in as he is trying to pull out. They guy gets out of his car and starts screaming his head off at D.C., calling him a "nigger" and a "stupid cunt." So D.C. gets all fired up and walks over to the guy while Jeff just stands at the edge of the cab. The guy takes a swing at D.C., D.C. blocks his punch, elbows him in the face and drops him to the ground. The guy then gets up, dives into his car, reaches into his glove box and pulls out a gun. D.C. takes a step back, Jeff dives into the back of the cab and watches out the back window. The guy then holds the gun to D.C.'s head.
"Man, if you gonna pull a fuckin gun on me, you better fuckin use that shit!" D.C. yells. He then slaps the gun away from his head, kicks the guy in the groin, dives in the back of the cab and the cab speeds off. The bouncer, as soon as he saw the gun, called the cops. The guy dove in his car and sped away. Apparently, the asian and I hopped in a cab down the street before the cops got there.
Now my memory kicks in and I remember from here on out. We get back to her place and have some more drinks, talk with her roommates for a bit, smoke a butt and fuck around. Her roommate leaves the room and the asian and I start going at it. Wildly making out. I rip her top off in seconds followed by her removing my pants with her teeth. I nearly busted a nut right there. Next thing I know I'm on top of her, we're both ass naked and she's putting a condom on me. I start to fuck her brains out as she lifts her legs up behind her head. I'm pumping away, feeling like a champion, when all of a sudden it hits me. I look at her and say, "Fuck.. I'll be right back." I ran to the bathroom and hovered over the toilet for a second. Then, in one quick motion, I began to puked for a solid minute. I tried as best I could to hide the sound of my liver dying by turning the faucet on. When I was done I put on a new condom, washed out my mouth and went back to her room. I open the door and she flips around on the bed, on all 4's arching her back, and says, "You wanna hit it from the back?"
I nearly busted a nut right then and there. She had such an incredible body. So we're going at it for another 5 minutes or so when I feel it happen again. I jump up, make promises of a swift return and run to the bathroom to puke my brains out. Again I rinsed my mouth out and return to her, only this time she had put her shorts and a tank top on. I knew right then I wouldn't be finishing what we had started. So there we lay, in her bed, talking about what a retard I am. I puked at least 3 more times that night. I'm surprised I didn't wake up on the curb outside her building.
In the morning she cooked me scrambled eggs and we talked for like an hour or so. I found out she had just gotten out of a terrible relationship and was looking for a rebound. She said once she saw me at the bar she knew she was going home with me. I felt a little used, but at the same time I didn't feel all that bad. I mean, I did start to fuck her, then take breaks to go puke in her bathroom, then return to keep fucking her. But c'mon now, if grown men cant take puke breaks while fucking a girl we meet at a bar, then what the hell are we doing here?
College kicked so much ass.
User Reviews
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2007-10-04 18:45:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn.
-- Homer Simpson
I Love Lisa
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-10-04 18:24:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-10-03 07:41:01 PDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-10-03 09:54:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Dude. You should have puked on her. That would have been awesome
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HAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHHAHA
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-10-03 10:41:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-10-03 09:54:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Dude. You should have puked on her. That would have been awesome
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HAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHHAHA
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-03 10:39:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Did not meet expectations.
Submitted by DirtyHarry (user info) at 2007-10-03 10:24:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-10-03 10:06:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
A loud resounding "Eh?"
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-10-03 09:56:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
this sucked. you kept telling us that "this is where it gets interesting" but it didn't and then you said something else I didn't really care about and certainly not enough to go back to reclaim the thought I had when I saw it and then you couldn't even finish what you started because you're such a lightweight that you had to keep yacking, girls find that really attractive by the way. in short i say again, THIS SUCKED
Submitted by ShapeShifter (user info) at 2007-10-03 09:55:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I like the part with 10 calorie tea.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-10-03 09:54:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Dude. You should have puked on her. That would have been awesome.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-03 09:34:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Now my memory kicks in and I remember from here on out
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sounds like you remembered everything except for your conversation pretty clearly to this point