Gruberfest Entry - Devil's Eyes (819 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.96 on 40 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by QuinnTheEskimo (View user info) at 2007-10-03 15:00:45 EDT
Devil's Eyes
The little wooden house seemed almost a part of the dank scenery. It was mossy and decrepit and it barely stood out of the still, duckweed-covered waters of the landscape. Thin, gray trees with little light-green leaves make it difficult to see more than thirty yards in any direction. The light is mottled but bright, and it provides the only cure for the illness that is the overall oppression of the bayou.
The old man's nose was accustomed to the thick air, and the constant smell of mildew that comes from everything being incessantly wet. His chocolate-colored skin was almost as wet with sweat as the iced tea in his hand was from condensation. The tea was a rarity here in his home so isolated in the swamp. The pretty young woman to his left had brought the tea as a gift. He looked over to her, both enjoying her silence and curious as to why she hadn't started interviewing him. His rocking chair creaked again, a noise at home amongst the croaking frogs and chirping crickets.
She was an author, or at least thats how she had explained it to him over the phone. She had heard about what had happened to him, when he was a little boy. She was writing a book, she had told him, about mysterious and unexplainable events.
"So, Mr. Bordeaux, my ferryman and I will be at your house August nine, at ten-thirty. Will you be home?"
"Mhm." Bordeaux had answered, "Writin' a book 'bout the Devil, are ya?" His accent was thick and a little strange. It seemed not to come from Texas or Alabama or the bayou, but from all over the south.
"No, more about unexplainable events. Like miracles, but no one gets saved."
"Well, I'll be home. Always am. Just remembah to scream real loud when you git hea, I won't be able to see ya'll comin'. My eyes have gone bad on me."
She yelled when she arrived. "Mr. Bordeaux?" She called as she approached his moldy shack.
His voice, as creaky as the rocking chair, called back. "Here I am, on the poach, c'mon ova and dock ya boat."
Slowly the boat crept around and docked right against the porch. The author gave Bordeaux the tea, he made it, and brought out three cups. ""My ferryman isn't thirsty, Mr. Bordeaux." The author had told him. He could tell that he had crossed some sort of boundary and it made him set down the extra tea awkwardly, but he pleased that he was going to get a second helping.
And that's how they sat for the longest time. The ferryman in the boat, hovering just outside the reaches of Mr. Bordeaux's failing eyes, the author ignoring him as she warmed the iced tea by rolling it in her hands, and Mr. Bordeaux, sipping on the bitter but cold tea, rocking slowly back and forth.
"Tell me, Mr. Bordeaux, how old were you when your brother died?"
"I was 'bout fifteen. Papa went and run oft, left Mama to feed us boys. We was neva hungry, though."
The author nodded. "I want you to tell me about that day, Mr. Bordeaux, tell me everything that happened. No detail is too small, please."
"You writin' this down?" Bordeaux asked.
"No need." She told him.
* * *
Bordeaux and his eight-year-old brother, Samuel, grew up in the bayou. All their lives were spent tromping through marshes and climbing the gray trees that dominated the landscape, looking for squirrels and opossums to eat. He recalled the time that he had decided he wanted a pet vulture, and so he staked his little brother out so that he looked dead, tying his limbs down so he couldn't move, and waited for one to come to eat.
"What if they eat me?" Samuel, then six, had asked.
Thirteen-year-old Bordeaux answered, "I have the .22, I'll watch out for you."
However, when the vultures descended to eat young Samuel, one of them noticed Bordeaux, and attacked. Bordeaux, scared, ran home to get his mother. When they returned, young Samuel had freed an arm, and was flailing around like a dying fish trying to scare the vultures away. This, Bordeaux recalled, was the reason that she was reluctant to let the two boys off into the bayou alone together two years later. However, after the boys had spent God knows how long bothering her, she finally allowed them to go.
Samuel had the vague notion of fishing, and had brought his pole. "Where we gonna fish at?" He asked Bordeaux.
"The river." He answered.
They walked for nearly five miles, which was murder for poor little Samuel. Bordeaux recalled how his little brother had walked on, keeping up and never complaining. "He was just glad to be spendin' time with me." Bordeaux told the author.
Bordeaux stopped narrating for a moment, and seemed lost in thought. The author was silent, waiting for him to begin again.
"Sorry," The old man apologized, "Sometimes its hard for me to tell this part." Bordeaux took a drink of what was supposed to be the ferryman's tea, and continued.
The boys reached the river. Samuel dug up a handful of worms, baited his hook and began fishing while Bordeaux stretched out on the muddy bank.
The alligator seemed to come from nowhere. Bordeaux opened his eyes and the monster was standing just a few feet from him.
The alligator was a monster, by anyone's standards. Nearly a ton in weight and over eighteen feet long, it was a rarity both beautiful and terrible. Bordeaux tried to tell his little brother not to run, but he didn't need to. Samuel was as frozen as he was.
"We woulda run," He explained, "'Cept we was frozen. Not scared, I been too scared to run. It was more like we was pinned there, like we was being held there. And all he did was look at us, almost enjoyin' our fear."
"It was awful," The old man's voice was trembling as he remembered. "He was so goddamn big, and his teeth," Teeth was pronounced like teef. "His teeth were twisted and long and white. He looked at me, you might not believe it, but he looked at me. His eyes, they was the worst part. He didn't have no kinda eyes, 'cept fo' black holes. Looked like his eyes had been scooped right outta his head!"
He recalled his revulsion as the beast began to advance on him. The stink of rotting meat in the monster's jaws, the empty black eyes staring at him as he lay frozen with fear on the bank. The creature's mouth opened so wide that Bordeaux thought he could see the creature's stomach. "It was the Devil, I swear to God and Jesus that was the Devil in the flesh."
"But it stepped ova me." Bordeaux said quietly.
"Stepped over you?" The author asked, with a certain tone to her voice.
"You don't believe me?" The old man asked.
"I believe you," She said, with an air of dismissal.
"It stepped ova me." Bordeaux repeated more firmly. "It stepped ova me and gobbled up my brotha while I lay right there."
The author was unmoved. "You brother, Samuel?"
"Yes." He answered.
* * *
Bordeaux swore from that day onward that he had met the devil that day, and that his little brother was a guardian angel sent to protect him.
"Now for what reason, I couldn't say," Bordeaux said, "Because I ain't neva done nothin' in my life worth doin', 'cept for sittin' on this here poach drinkin' tea and talkin' to you."
"Mr. Bordeaux I believe you," The author said, pouring out her untouched tea over the edge of the porch. "What I don't believe is how you got away. It's been bothering me for a long time."
"A long time?" Bordeaux asked, wrinkling his forehead. "What you mean 'A long time?'" He turned to her general direction, and peered at her.
"A slip of the tongue." The author explained.
Bordeaux looked closer at the woman. "Are you wearin' sunglasses?" He asked, squinting at her.
"No." She answered, turning away. "Tell me how you escaped."
Bordeaux leaned back in his chair. "The thing ate Samuel slow like. It was standing ova me, and I knew I was gonna be et next. But I escaped, yes I did. I ran while it ate my brotha, and I ain't proud of that. There wasn't nothin' I could do 'cept go get Mama. I ran and got her, but when we got back, there wasn't no gator at all, just some of Samuel's clothes and that was it!" He ended lamely.
"That's it? You simply got up and ran?" The author asked, bewildered. She shook her head. "You want to know something?" She asked Bordeaux.
"Whassat?"
"That was the devil you met that day."
"I know it! Lord, don't I know it."
"And Samuel was there to protect you from him."
Bordeaux smiled. "I been sayin' that for near seventy years!"
The author stood, and held out a hand to Mr. Bordeaux. He took it, expecting help standing up. Instead author jerked him to his feet with surprising strength, and put her mouth against his ear.
"But who is going to protect you now?"
The ferryman stirred a little. As the woman stepped onto the boat the ferryman held out a bony hand. She dropped a pair of quarters into it, and they pushed off of the late Mr. Bordeaux's porch.
User Reviews
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2009-04-27 17:36:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fey be best one first fan!
Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2007-10-11 11:33:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You're too late! I'm in round two and there is nothing you can do about it! HA HA HA HA HA!
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2007-10-10 09:13:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Sorry, but it just wasn't a 2 for me. A little laboured.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-10-08 20:48:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
blah blah blah
Excuses.
Here I am reading Uber
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-10-08 20:40:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Got 'em.
Not sure I'm going to have the time to write. I might have 70 hours to work this week as I was a slacker last week. We'll see...but you might win by forfeit. I'd hate to deprive you the pleasure of beating me squarely. Eh...whatever...
Good luck.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-10-07 13:48:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very good. The flow would have been a little better in my opinion if the old man's story was told either entirely in dialogue form, or not at all. e.g.-
"Sorry," The old man apologized, "Sometimes its hard for me to tell this part." Bordeaux took a drink of what was supposed to be the ferryman's tea, and continued. ---> The boys reached the river. Samuel dug up a handful of worms, baited his hook and began fishing while Bordeaux stretched out on the muddy bank.'
Switching from the live dialogue and back to third person seems a little awkward to me. Although, I can see how writing it entirely as dialogue may have been more of a challenge, considering his accent and such.
Submitted by ColchesterDr (user info) at 2007-10-07 13:09:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Really nice.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-10-06 21:33:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm so glad this was a quality piece. I wouldn't want to be the asshole who had to break the perfect +2 this deserves.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-10-04 12:25:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You know, you've come a long way since Sir Cowman's Quest (not knockin' the quest, just saying), and those crappy del taco super hero comics you used to write. Yeah, I said it, they sucked.
Great story.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-10-04 12:23:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice. Very nice.
Submitted by zwerg (user info) at 2007-10-04 08:54:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2007-10-04 08:50:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're just saying that because you're winning
weeeeeeps
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-10-04 08:50:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy fucking shit. Best so far.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-10-04 04:29:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I dont even know what a spell is anymore. I hate everything and nothing and something.
Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2007-10-04 04:11:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
A mouth is a mouth. I haven't had my balls licked in about a month, but I'm looking at a long dry spell ahead. Not that I ever had a wet spell. WTF is a wet spell?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-10-04 04:04:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I meant in a gay , wanna lick your balls kinda way.
Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2007-10-04 03:52:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You better. I fuckin' ROCK!
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-10-04 03:42:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like you.
Submitted by TheGoat (user info) at 2007-10-04 03:26:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2007-10-04 02:21:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
your selection of the perpetrator, at the end, was quite poor, but...the background and dialogue was excellent
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-10-04 01:56:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't pay the ferryman.
Well done.
Submitted by ELG (user info) at 2007-10-03 22:11:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was all around excellent.
Submitted by IntangibleHands (user info) at 2007-10-03 19:53:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm Brian Fellows!
Submitted by ahumblefool (user info) at 2007-10-03 18:04:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well done. The story was well thought out, and it drew me in deeper and deeper. Even though you know the ending from the use of the ferryman, you are not sure what is going to really happen. Enjoyed this one immensely.
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2007-10-03 17:34:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-10-03 17:23:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
who indeed
Submitted by Lib (user info) at 2007-10-03 16:58:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-10-03 16:35:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Charon =+2
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-10-03 16:28:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by Saffron (user info) at 2007-10-03 16:03:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I knew when you used the word "ferryman" where this was going. Nice read though.
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yar me too
Submitted by Saffron (user info) at 2007-10-03 16:03:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I knew when you used the word "ferryman" where this was going. Nice read though.
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2007-10-03 15:43:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh poo
Submitted by Fey (user info) at 2007-10-03 15:40:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes. This was really, really good.
One extremely minor, nitpicking detail; lose the "like" in the teef sentence.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-03 15:39:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Did not see the ending coming as it did. Wonderfully done.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-10-03 15:31:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-10-03 15:28:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love it.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-10-03 15:15:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-10-03 15:14:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was pretty damn good
Submitted by TechnoRatty (user info) at 2007-10-03 15:09:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Totally enjoyed this..great stuff
Submitted by sir_cowman (user info) at 2007-10-03 15:09:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't even think this is going to win, but at least I didn't forfeit, right?
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-10-03 15:08:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A fine read. Well done.