Hello out there, we're on the air, it's hockey night tonight! (696 hits)
Category: SportsRating: 1.58 on 42 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by DonovanMD (View user info) at 2007-10-04 15:56:30 EDT
DISCLAMER: If you don't like hockey or mullets, fuck you. If you prefer football, NASCAR and Budweiser, fuck you. If you feel like pointing out how much hockey sucks, fuck you, saying so would discredit your opinion immediately.
I've been MIA from Uber for a while now, got married this summer and have been busy working, blah blah blah. Anyway, nothing draws me back onto message boards like the start of hockey season and scanning the last few days of posts Uber seems dreadfully short on NHL related posts. So I bring you my NHL 2008 predictions.
WEST
1. Detroit
2. San Jose
3. Colorado
4. Anaheim
5. Vancouver
6. Dallas
7. Minnesota
8. Nashville
Both Alberta teams miss the playoffs is my shocking prediction. Although they're very different, Edmonton being very young with potential, and Calgary being veteran filled, I don't see much from either team. Calgary replaced Hamrlik with Sarich, lost a couple young players and added old man Nolan and barely made it into the playoffs last year as it is.
Nashville makes it just because of their weak division, same reason Detroit wins the conference again. Like 90% of people I choose San Jose to win the cup, they have cap room, a wicked team and everyone signed long term, they might be the favourite for the next 5 years, this should make Shlongy very happy.
EAST
1. Ottawa
2. Pittsburgh
3. Carolina
4. NY Rangers
5. Buffalo Sabres
6. New Jersey
7. Tampa Bay
8. Philadelphia
Ottawa is kings of that division now, and kings of the East, with Buffalo losing so much in the off season. Pitt and NYR will fight for the division all year long and could easily be swapped in where they finish. Carolina has a bounce back year and retakes the SE division with Staal returning to his 100 point form of two seasons ago, Tampa sneaks in, as does Philly, even NJ will have to fight for a spot in that tight North East division, but I see 4 teams making it from there, as well as 2 from each of the other 2 divisions. Montreal and Toronto both finish just outside, Montreal being in the hunt until the final week of the season.
Western Final Winner:
San Jose over Anaheim
Eastern Final Winner:
Ottawa over Pittsburgh
Stanley Cup Final winner:
San Jose over Ottawa
Conn Smyth Winner: Joe Thornton (27 points, 20-22 assists)
Art Ross Winner: Sidney Crosby (125 points, 45 goals)
Maurice Richard Winner: Dany Heatley (56 goals)
Hart Memorial Winner: Sidney Crosby (yet again)
Vezina Winner: Roberto Luongo (46 wins, 6 shutouts. This is a two horse race again this year, Brodeur is on a worse team however)
Norris Winner: Chris Pronger (58 points, 15 goals, +25)
Calder Winner: Nicklas Backstrom (65 points, 25 goals)
Lady Byng: WHO GIVES A FUCK, THIS IS HOCKEY. There shouldnt be a sportsmanship trophy.
Fuck yes, hockey is back. I enjoy watching strong men beat each other up while chasing one another across a slick surface.
User Reviews
Submitted by Quint (user info) at 2007-10-05 17:17:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Achoo!
Submitted by Spuds002 (user info) at 2007-10-05 16:31:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Go Sens.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-05 10:25:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 HOckey post
LET'S GO FLYERS!!!!!
3-2 OVER Calgary last night
but i do love watching Phanuef play...that man is an animal
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-10-05 09:38:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2007-10-04 22:40:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I mean fucking SCANDINAVIA, bitch!!!
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they already have some issue with time zones in the western conference for the players and TV schedules, i doubt this will ever happen.
as long as the vikings give us good players, we'll be fine like that :-D
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-05 08:54:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-10-05 05:23:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I would love to go to a live hockey match but whenever I have watched it on telly I have no idea whats going on.
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It's MUCH more entertaining in person. Especially when they slam against the glass in front of your face.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-10-05 06:02:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have an enviromental disinterest with hockey, but I also have a Canucks puck on my desk that serves as a totally brilliant coaster for my beer. So +2 softspot. Give me a 'V'..
*weighs puck in hand....*
what a peculiar thing it is.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-10-05 05:23:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I would love to go to a live hockey match but whenever I have watched it on telly I have no idea whats going on.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-10-05 04:59:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2007-10-04 22:51:49 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by gank (user info) at 2007-10-04 17:30:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Man, they really need to do SOMETHING about how it's visually presented on TV. It sucks on TV.
In person, it's a +2.
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Hey, I know, what about if the puck glowed so Americans could follow it better!!
===============
I have trouble following it too, but then my eyes don't point in the same direction. Is it something you just get used to?
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2007-10-05 04:33:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by baronMunchausen (user info) at 2007-10-05 00:49:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Leafs will make it
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You lose credibility when you open with this pearl. You need to work on making good posts and slipping stuff like that in the middle somewhere.
Submitted by baronMunchausen (user info) at 2007-10-05 00:49:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Leafs will make it. Tampa is doubtful because they have no goalie and no defence beyond Boyle, who isn't that good. Florida will be a contender for the last two spots, with Vokoun and Cory Murphy added, not to mention Weiss and Horton and Anthony Stewart (so good!) getting better and better. If Khabibulin plays like he should, Havlat stays healthy, and Samsonov, Lang and the rookie pair deliver, Chicago will make it in the west.
Submitted by Flack (user info) at 2007-10-05 00:35:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking Red Wings, bitch!
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2007-10-05 00:32:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WOOOOOO! OILERS BEAT SHARKS TONIGHT! WOOOOOO!
Even if they finish 13th in the West at least my team beat the eventual Cup Winners!
Submitted by Spuzzum (user info) at 2007-10-05 00:24:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Getting pissed up and watching the Canucks tomorrow night...
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2007-10-04 22:52:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
gotta love it bitches!
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2007-10-04 22:40:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
NHL needs to go international, and no I don't mean Canada and the US, I mean fucking SCANDINAVIA, bitch!!!
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-10-04 18:50:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2007-10-04 17:51:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by gank (user info) at 2007-10-04 17:30:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Man, they really need to do SOMETHING about how it's visually presented on TV. It sucks on TV.
In person, it's a +2.
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Hey, I know, what about if the puck glowed so Americans could follow it better!!
===
didn't they try that already?
if commentators would get out of their slumber, it would help. i watched it in english and all they do is describe the action on the same tone.
it's so blend, i can't even sit through a game even if i'm really interested in the outcome.
like anything, the soundtrack changes everything. in this case, it's the commentators and if you want the game to be more than a bunch of guys skating around, they have to make you feel like you're there and carry the excitment of the arena through the screen.
they should hire some ESL short-tempered italians to SCREAM IN THAT FUCKING MIC! :-D
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-10-04 18:23:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2007-10-04 17:51:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by gank (user info) at 2007-10-04 17:30:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Man, they really need to do SOMETHING about how it's visually presented on TV. It sucks on TV.
In person, it's a +2.
--
Hey, I know, what about if the puck glowed so Americans could follow it better!!
Submitted by gank (user info) at 2007-10-04 17:30:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Man, they really need to do SOMETHING about how it's visually presented on TV. It sucks on TV.
In person, it's a +2.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-10-04 17:23:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don Cherry sez TABARNAK!!!!!
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2007-10-04 17:15:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You're still on that kick hey Darko. Your ratings still removed too eh?
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-10-04 16:58:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Wait a minute!
auto-DonovanMD hockey post -2
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-10-04 16:57:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by GnarlsBarkley (user info) at 2007-10-04 16:56:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I love you, I love hockey, and thank god for cool canadians. Except Don Cheery. His suits scare me. He should start wearing bill cosby sweaters.
Submitted by DangerPants (user info) at 2007-10-04 16:40:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A +2 for you for this completely random comment:
Last night, I was watching a porn, and the dude in it looked disturbingly like Caul.
I whacked it anyway.
Am I ghey?
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-10-04 16:26:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2007-10-04 16:13:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You didnt give him to us, he rejected 5.5 mil a season from you sign here for the same dollar amount, he's an Alberta boy who was tired of living in frog land. """
actually, he claimed many time to love montreal. he was loved here and in montreal, like no other towns, good hockey players are elevated to the rank of god. but he wanted to get closer to his family on the west coast.
The reason Montreal would be listed higher is because it's probably all Montreal scribes who's preseason predictions you're reading, and they're all homers. """
no i'm talking about those "official predictions" issued by some consortium of "expert" somewhere in the US. i don't remember the name... talk about vague...lol
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2007-10-04 16:22:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Its actually Darren McCarty, but who's nit picking. Funny story about him, I saw him lose 20k playing poker in Calgary one time and people were telling me he's well known for his love of the game, and the high stakes sharks loved him being in their games as well.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-10-04 16:19:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-10-04 16:09:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy fuck do they let ZOMBIES play ice hockey?! That guy on the left is unmistakably one of the undead!
====
it's darren mccarthy.
hockey goons aren't known to be male models. except that guy i used to work out with who made it to the junior league as a goon. he was all metro and pretty with supple skin...he must have been a great fighter.
lol: http://www.wgr550.com/onair/schoppnbulldog/hairhof/darren_mccarthy.jpg
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2007-10-04 16:18:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Lambchop (user info) at 2007-10-04 16:16:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
With the lineup that that the rangers have now, I'll be pissed if they get 4th place.
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How many times in the last 10 years have they gone out and signed the best players available and missed the playoffs? They should be happy to be 4th.
Submitted by Lambchop (user info) at 2007-10-04 16:16:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
With the lineup that that the rangers have now, I'll be pissed if they get 4th place.
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2007-10-04 16:13:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
it wasn't very nice of Souray to punch a guy in the face with a wrist cast. enjoy him now that we gave him to Edmonton. i assure you, you'll find that his always reliable snap shot comes in handy in almost every game. can't say the same about his defence skills though.
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You didnt give him to us, he rejected 5.5 mil a season from you sign here for the same dollar amount, he's an Alberta boy who was tired of living in frog land.
About Carolina, I'd take any bet in the world that they finish higher in the standings than Montreal, any bet, any amount. The reason they're listed at 3 is that the team winning their division automatically gets a top 3 seed, and thats a shit division. The reason Montreal would be listed higher is because it's probably all Montreal scribes who's preseason predictions you're reading, and they're all homers.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-10-04 16:12:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2007-10-04 16:00:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I admit, football is awesome, number 2 sport to the obvious ice game. Mullets are cool if you have a hockey helmet over them. Bud is only acceptable if its on special and you aren't trying to get drunk, and liking hockey shouldn't even be a question, it should be HOW MUCH do you LOVE hockey?
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i watched bits of hockey games in english on american sport channels and i have to say it bore me to no end. the game felt slow and redundant.
there's just no passion. it was like watching the world cup on the CBC. or a F1 Grand Prix in english.
the commentators really help firing up the ambiance.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-10-04 16:09:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy fuck do they let ZOMBIES play ice hockey?! That guy on the left is unmistakably one of the undead!
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-10-04 16:08:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i don't think carolina will even make it that close to the top, or even will make the playoffs. they've been written off as lower than Montreal by most "experts", if that is possible (*sigh* what a shit team we have :-|).
i also think you underestimate Philadelphia with their brand new team.
i'm eager to see the Penguins' season unfold with all their rookie star players one year older.
and i still hate the new jersey Devils passionatly.
that's about it. i never bother to look into the western conference except for the team that makes it to the final so i have no knowledge/opinions on them.
it wasn't very nice of Souray to punch a guy in the face with a wrist cast. enjoy him now that we gave him to Edmonton. i assure you, you'll find that his always reliable snap shot comes in handy in almost every game. can't say the same about his defence skills though.
+infinity for hockey
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-10-04 16:07:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i may watch hockey, but i'm gonna primp my mullet whlie wearing my Dale Sr. shirt and drinking budweiser the whole time.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-10-04 16:05:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thank god hockey is back!
but Jim Lorentz retired....woe is the Sabers fan, how much more suffering must we endure?
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2007-10-04 16:04:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-10-04 16:00:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
FLYERS IN LAST PLACE?
FUCK YOU, MAN!
(I still liek you.)
BUT SERIOUSLY.
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Last place in the playoffs maybe, but hey at least they're in. I don't know where to spot them with all their acquisitions this summer, they could be 1st in their division or struggling to get to 8th, I don't know. Too many variables for an accurate prediction.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-10-04 16:00:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
FLYERS IN LAST PLACE?
FUCK YOU, MAN!
(I still liek you.)
BUT SERIOUSLY.
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2007-10-04 16:00:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-10-04 15:58:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wait
but what if i like mullets, budweiser, football, AND HOCKEY?
please advise, the answer will determine whether or not i hsould continue reading.
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I admit, football is awesome, number 2 sport to the obvious ice game. Mullets are cool if you have a hockey helmet over them. Bud is only acceptable if its on special and you aren't trying to get drunk, and liking hockey shouldn't even be a question, it should be HOW MUCH do you LOVE hockey?
Submitted by Bundaberg (user info) at 2007-10-04 15:59:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the Stompin Tom Connors reference
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-10-04 15:58:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wait
but what if i like mullets, budweiser, football, AND HOCKEY?
please advise, the answer will determine whether or not i hsould continue reading.
Submitted by something_or_other (user info) at 2007-10-04 15:57:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"WEST
1. Detroit "
Correct, sir.