Why would anybody write this/? (159 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dirty HumorRating: -2 on 3 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by P. Throap (View user info) at 2007-10-04 17:57:49 EDT
Jesus, sunset is crawling with hype. A fat black chick just walked in this denny's and is being followed by a semi-pro camera crew. Aside from fatty we have a sneaky set of street vendors haggling over-priced $10 cigarettes... People like this get no respect, especially from the two fine asian women sitting at the table ahead of me.
"Can I bum a cigarette?" the vendor inquires.
"Nope." said the fine asian woman.
He turns and says "Can I bum a cigarette?" He asks the other fine asian woman, who are both smoking by the way.
"Nope."
So he backs off to haggle, again, with his other sneaky friend.
I guess this matters in context of meal. Here I am, again, in a very opportune situation to flex an un-flexed game of "flirting."
I blame the feminists and their anti-social proximity. At a young age, around middle school, a movement of political correctness and violent feminists swept the 1990's. They preached at schools, rally's, parades, protests, and formed organizations. They turned every female into a walking lawsuit and every male became an attacker instead of a possible lover.
Well, so much for that. I hung on the driving train of my hormones, with my legs flapping off the fucking caboose, in hopes of not entirely resigning my self to A-sexuality and gender obscurity.
If it counts, I got to stick it in a girl one time, but she was fat and had just turned 17... Hows that for a lawsuit ? But to my defense, she might not remember, because her overly wet and loose vagina seemed to reinforce her as a whore, who really did sleep with the "piles of guys" that my sister mentioned.
The worst fear has passed. That 17 year old is long gone, lost in some trailer park or unknown bed. And, even though she's gone, I'm still unsure about women. I know where they prawl and some women go as far as to give me their number and promise things that would give any normal guy a raging hard-on.
Ahh shit, one of those fine asian women just turned her head to me. I'm sitting in the only table left in this whole damn restaurant. She just made a quick turn and then turned back, even quicker, to continue the conversation.
What the fuck are they saying? Damn, its got to be something like:
Asian Chick 1: "Did that couple over there, just ask this guy in the hat if he was an actor?"
Asian Chick 2: "Fuckin' A, they did, he's not bad looking either..."
Asian Chick 1: "Oh yea, he should hit on us at any moment, I just saw him smoking and he looked at us, like four times already."
Asian Chick 2: "Well, we should just act coy and shy. He looks like American 'Playa'."
Asian Chick 1: "Don't give him any cigarettes. I'm about to give him some tight-asian-pussy."
And, me, just sitting here clueless while all this goes on. Me, looking busy with books, smokes, laptop's, and funny business calls to people at this late hour while not doing a thing!
Ahh, the story of my life.
This is the point where my imagination would like to conclude a brave tale of my approaching of these two fine asian women and successfully lay down my first intentional "persuasion of love."
Instead, I leave the table to piss and buy more cigarettes. I turn 20 tomorrow! And what I have to show for it is a lonely penis with no home, my progressively blackening lungs, and this fucking letter. (though it's a great t-shirt slogan.)
Ahh, fuck... They just broke their asian language stream of conversation; repeating over and over "give it to me! give it to me!" and then falling back again into laughter and asian words.
I'm fucking dying, how can I just sit and listen to these women laugh off their sexual anxiety and probably asian desire for "American Actor Penis." How?
I say it must be something fierce like extreme fear of women. Maybe both or I'm just some closet queer who jacks off to lesbian porn to eliminate any possibility of homosexuality. Or, maybe not.
I can tell that I've waited too long. They stopped serving me coffee and I'm the only one left with these lingering asian women, who are probably looking for a loving, long time.
For now, I leave to piss out 40 coffee cups worth.
A recent development has just taken place, I've come back from pissing, and it has shed light on my situation. Asian Chick 2 is chubby girl!
She looks normal from behind and now I understand why they've been here for so long. They don't need American-Actor-Penis, maybe, they just need [ insert rational for not hitting on asian chick 1]
Asian Chick 1 is very good looking. The End. They left to go somewhere that's probably very asian and I'm writing it down. C'est La Vie!
User Reviews
Submitted by anass (user info) at 2007-10-04 18:03:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
im trying to kill myself, cunt.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-10-04 18:01:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Die, cunt.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-10-04 17:59:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
1 POST PER DAY, NOOB