After All (794 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.25 on 28 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Leonore (View user info) at 2007-10-05 12:42:01 EDT
I slept for a half hour past when I was supposed to get up today. I swear to cheese the damned alarm clock just didn't go off. I set the thing and everything last night, I know I did.
Shit. It's not gonna be a good one.
I roll out of bed and kick the various debris from my path on the way to the bathroom. I have a piss and swallow three Excedrin without water, hoping they'll kick in while I'm in the shower. Of course I snoozed through the alarm; I only got two fucking hours last night. These double shifts I'm working are gonna put me in the ground early. The doctor said my schedule ain't doing my body any favors. I told him if I'd been born with a silver spoon in my mouth, I mighta gone to med school, too, and wouldn't need to bust my ass in a machine shop from before sundown to after sunup to make ends meet.
He just gave me a look and wrote me a refill for my prescription. Good thing, too; I mighta sued him if he hadn't. He knows I need 'em just to get up in the morning, let alone do the work I do.
I take my time in the shower; the weatherman said it's only supposed to get up to ten degrees today, and the hot water feels great. I count my lucky stars that I have today off; ten degrees, Jesus fuck. Far as I'm concerned all those scientists can shut the hell up about all that global warming shit; it ain't getting any warmer up in my neck of the woods. I'm not going outside today for the Second Coming, if I can help it. Still, I can't sit on my ass; I've got shit to do.
My girl is sick, for one. She's got this infection in her leg, so she's got a fever and she's in a lot of pain so she cries a lot. I tried to get some antibiotics, but she's not on my healthcare, and the doc didn't buy my story. I've got her on some penicillin I scammed from my supervisor but it ain't doing much. So she's staying home from work today and I'm looking after her. I oughta go check on her in a little bit.
I hop outta the shower and dry off, then pull on some jeans and a t-shirt. I crank the heat up in the house. Fuck if I'm gonna put on a sweater when I'm paying for the gas anyway. I drag my ass out the bedroom door, down the hallway, and into the kitchen.
Goddammit, I forgot to do the fucking dishes last night before I left. They're all still piled up in the sink, so I have to wash a bowl before I crash on the couch with some Lucky Charms and SportsCenter.
Christ, the Celts couldn't be having a worse season. They had a thirty point lead on the Heat at the end of the third and couldn't fucking hold it. Bill's gonna shit on me about that tomorrow, that good ol' boy fuckwad. I'm gonna end up owing him half my pay if they don't get their fucking act together. Berman is just getting into his rant about how the Pats are gonna go all the way this year when my girl starts moaning and sobbing. Shit, I'd better go see how she's doing.
I get up with a grunt and head into her room. She looks worse; her left thigh is really red and swollen, and she's not fully conscious. I sit on the bed next to her and stroke her hair, whispering to her that she's gonna be all right. Her arms pull against the ropes a little and she wakes up and looks at me. It looks like she doesn't recognize me at first but then her eyes clear and her moans get louder. I touch her forehead; Christ, she's burning up. I guess I didn't get that penicillin in her early enough. Shoulda dressed that wound when I had the chance, but she'd struggled so much that I thought she might tire out if I let it be. If I don't do it now, I might not get another chance.
I get the knife from on top of the dresser and stand over her for a moment. It's pretty obvious she's not completely aware of what's going on anymore. That's okay, it's probably for the best. I gently shear the clothes from her body and remove my own. She hardly makes any effort to stop me when I climb on top of her. I try to let it last as long as I can, but she's starting to fade a few minutes in. I finish, dismount, dress, and stand over her again.
Her eyes are starting to roll back in her head; it won't be long now. I lean over her and kiss her cheek, slipping the blade between her ribs. She lets out a tiny gasp, but makes no other sound. I stand up; she won't need another one. Her breathing starts to get more shallow and slow, before her eyes close. She exhales one last time, and the smallest little smile creeps across her face. It's like I've freed her. Pretty young thing, only nineteen, and me, a know-nothing loser, brought that smile to her face.
It's glorious.
Like every other time, it makes me want to do it again.
I'll wait for a while, though. Like all good things, I don't want too much of it.
It's a good day, after all.
User Reviews
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2008-01-07 18:00:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
i've read better on stall walls.
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2007-10-08 08:13:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Respek (user info) at 2007-10-07 07:57:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ok ive read it now. Not bad, for a plagiarizer.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/111979
--------------------------------
Whinge-o-rama!
:(
Seriously, I'll stop commenting on this now.
Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2007-10-08 00:28:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
saw it coming.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2007-10-07 23:03:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-10-07 22:05:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 welcome.
The whole "everyman" thing was a bit laboured. Could've been interesting without the murder.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-10-07 16:21:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
decent read. enjoyed it.
Submitted by Respek (user info) at 2007-10-07 07:57:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ok ive read it now. Not bad, for a plagiarizer.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/111979
Submitted by Respek (user info) at 2007-10-07 07:50:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
"I told him if I'd been born with a silver spoon in my mouth, I mighta gone to med school, too, and wouldn't need to bust my ass in a machine shop from before sundown to after sunup to make ends meet. "
I stopped reading after that bullshit.
They're called student loans you lazy motherfucker. I hate people like you, good luck with your slow death. -2DIE.
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2007-10-07 05:56:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Camwhore, someday.
Full-on of the vag...dunno. Best to check with Mr. Man, first. It'd be easier if someone else took it.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-10-06 08:18:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2007-10-06 00:09:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
But Uber is fun, and if I get some decent suggestions and the occaisional command to show my slot, what's the harm?
--------------------------
I suggest you're a good writer. Now show me your slot.
+2 still good when I knew what was coming.
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2007-10-06 00:09:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-10-05 15:38:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
um.... exc ellent first post. who are you?
----------------------------
A lurker, mostly. Writer with no money and only slightly more confidence. This is the best way to get stuff out there on the cheap.
This are not a serious writers forum. Iz not sereeus biznes. I know.
But Uber is fun, and if I get some decent suggestions and the occaisional command to show my slot, what's the harm?
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2007-10-05 18:17:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
me likey
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-10-05 17:53:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
murder most foul
Submitted by Void_Where_Prohibited (user info) at 2007-10-05 15:46:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Not bad. Not my cup of tea.
I'm only commenting because you mentioned writing as the opposite gender. Until you said that I thought you were a guy writing (I didn't look at the sn used). I think you pretty much hit it for the gender angle. I wouldn't have used the term "dismount" toward the end. You are saying he thinks he is a loser, his speech throughout wouldn't support the term "dismount."
But not bad.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-10-05 15:38:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
um.... exc ellent first post. who are you?
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2007-10-05 15:36:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't want to start commenting on my posts, particularly since this is my first one, but I have just one question for readers:
Did I do "regular guy" well enough here? I'm regular enough, but this was my first serious attempt at writing from the POV of the other gender, and I want to know how well I nailed it.
Ta very much. Gotta go to work now.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2007-10-05 15:25:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sincerely fucked up.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-10-05 14:49:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Fartman (user info) at 2007-10-05 14:49:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Looks like the work of a pro to me.
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2007-10-05 14:47:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Welcome to uber
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-10-05 14:30:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thats a good start. Welcome!
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-10-05 14:14:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ok.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-10-05 14:01:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-10-05 13:59:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Her arms pull against the ropes a little"
Wow. Did not see that one coming at all.
Until I got there, I was under the impression that this was just some kinda drama story.
Awesome surprise.
Submitted by lover101 (user info) at 2007-10-05 13:48:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2007-10-05 13:42:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
There's a lot of funny up right now, Boshman. Just posted it at the wrong time is all.
Thanks for commenting this time.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-10-05 13:40:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
i thought this would get more of a response.
it was decent enough, just not my cup of tea
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-10-05 13:01:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment