My grandparents were brilliant. (709 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dumb JobsRating: 0.42 on 23 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Beer_bong (View user info) at 2007-10-08 01:34:41 EDT
When I was younger my grand parents used to tell me "Get yourself a nice government job." I never really understood why. My uncle works for the treasury department and he doesn't really make much money at it. I don't really see him too often, though, so I never got to ask him why he keeps the job. He's got a college degree, served in the Air Force and is pretty smart. He could have easily found a better job by now. Then, I got my self a goverment job and understood.
You. Don't. Do. ANYTHING.
I work for the Department of Agriculture. I sit in a lab for 10-12 hours a night. I don't do a fucking thing. The facility here takes feed corn from train cars and elevates it onto a ship. If there is even the slightest hint of rain, we shut down. Rain = nothing to do. We live in SEATTLE. It starts raining in September and doesn't stop until April.
Last night, I watched "300" and "Knocked up", did the crossword puzzle and played Monopoly with another guy. 12 hours. Didn't do a single thing that could even be accidentaly considered work. AND I'M GETTING PAID FOR IT.
A few weeks ago, whilst not working, I went outside to have a cigarette. There was a maintinence guy there, at the end of the dock, jerking off. Fully clothed, wearing reflective orange clothes and a white hard hat (White hard hat means he's the foreman, safety first), with his cock sticking out, going to town on his pud. Swear to god.
That same night, I went across the street to the bar there to grab a burger. My supervisor (I had assumed he was in his office) was already there, with another guy, on their second pitcher. I walk up to them expecting them to be a little embarassed, but no, my supervisor sees me and screams "HEY FUCKER, WE'RE ON THE CLOCK SO HAVE A DRINK!" So I did. They closed the bar that night. After a drink I left, and in the parking lot I saw one of our GOVERNMENT OWNED Jeeps. We didn't just get paid for that shit, we got paid overtime for that shit.
Its still fucking raining here. And we still aren't working. I've started bringing my laptop to work. I spent the first 4 hours of my shift playing World of Warcraft. Made some good progress in Karazahn too. One guy sat there watching T.V., and the boss is reading a book. I might go to the end of the dock and rub one out tonight.
Best. Job. EVAR.
User Reviews
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-10-08 16:46:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Meant to give this a one.
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2007-10-08 16:28:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
The only time the job sucks, is when you forget a book. On the occassion that we actually have something to do, time can drag because its not much to do. When not doing anything, time will stand still unless you bring something to amuse yourself with. Laptop with wireless internet really helps. Some guys bring a book, one guy has a DVD player in his locker. Those of us in school have time to study, if we need to. As long as you can amuse yourself, this job is the bee's knees.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2007-10-08 13:08:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Not bad at all.
I've been told I need to work for the man, but everyone I know around these parts who has a govenment job works their arses off.
Then again, I live in MD so I suppose the government jobs around here are pretty serious. What with the NSA, CIA, Ft Meade, WASHINGTON DC, the Pentagon, and a host of other big mean facilities in driving distance.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2007-10-08 13:03:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
seems like a job that will be fun until you realize that you're doing absolutely nothing with your life or something like that.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-10-08 12:01:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i actually read this.
i have nothing to say about it, but here we are anyway.
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-10-08 11:41:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You will receive a promotion soon.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-10-08 10:49:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sounds like something I should look into! Does it ever drag out, get boring?
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-10-08 10:40:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm not quite able to fuckk off the way you are but I get payed well to not work the majority of the time. i hate my job.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-10-08 09:36:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i had a job like that once.
it ruled for a bit but then sucked 'cos my brain melted.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-10-08 09:11:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I worked for the Department of Agriculture (Forest Service) for several years and worked my ass off for relatively little pay. I thought it was a great job. To each his own, I guess.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-10-08 04:35:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You gotta admit - that is pretty fucking awesome. Getting paid to do fuck all rocks and will no-dount make you the envy of at least most of the people you know.
Of course, those people are likely lazy degenerate fucks. people like you - while certainly amusing, a good writer and from what I can tell a nice enough fellow - thrive in a bankrupt system of waste and inefficiency. The fact that you are so smugly able to co-exist among the rest of the people who actually DO have to work for a living is a sad reflection on humanity.
So yeah - good on ya ... bad on us for letting you get away with it.
Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2007-10-08 03:28:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Awesome ... way to aspire to be a lazy shitbag.
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2007-10-08 03:26:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
In all fairness, we aren't wasting the taxpayers money. We get payed a fee from the company we oversee. Quite a racket, eh? Pay us to be here, or we'll shut you down. My paycheck comes from those fees.
And, honestly, I don't much care that I'm not doing anything. I realized long ago that there are precious few jobs in the world that will make a difference. And even when working, my job is a complete exercise in futility. We're just here to protect another big business.
If it makes any of you feel better, the rain let up for a bit so we did do an hour or so of work tonight.
Submitted by rosemadder (user info) at 2007-10-08 02:48:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Oh, now I read the story and reviews, and yeah, stop being so lazy, foo'
Submitted by rosemadder (user info) at 2007-10-08 02:46:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I didn't read the story but I thought the picture was cool.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2007-10-08 02:43:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-10-08 02:02:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
and you will wonder when your country falls over.
your job sucks. stop treading water. youre no different to some guy riding the counter in a convenience store or some other shitty dead end retail job.
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Right, dude. And you have such a meaningful existence...
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H0LY SHlT lM NEVER LEAVING MY R00M AGAlN (1212 hits)
Category: None
Rating: 0.41 on 42 reviews (Rate this item) (V) (Label this item)
Submitted by iddqd (View user info) at 2007-05-28 11:40:15 EDT
i just finished downloading this ultimate MEGA pack of old pc games. over 2000 games from '98 or earlier.
name the game and i guarantee you i have it.
how good is that.
im gonna have all meals and vaginas brought in to me and hire some cheap indian guy to come in twice daily to move my legs around for me to prevent atrophy.
WOOOOO FUCKIN HOOOOOOO.
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woo fucking hoo, indeed.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-10-08 02:40:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I don't get how this is the best job????
Don't you feel like you aren't achieving anything on a day to day basis? That would depress me so much.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-10-08 02:11:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'm honestly glad you found a fantastic job. It's a government job too, so you've got the bells and whistles that go along with it.
I don't care that you're wasting money, as I've got my own speculations on the future of our economy. Have fun as often as possible. Sure I'm paying for it, but I'd be paying for it wether you're doing it or not.
What annoys me about this, is the way you've said it.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-10-08 02:06:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A few weeks ago, whilst not working, I went outside to have a cigarette. There was a maintinence guy there, at the end of the dock, jerking off. Fully clothed, wearing reflective orange clothes and a white hard hat (White hard hat means he's the foreman, safety first), with his cock sticking out, going to town on his pud. Swear to god.
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Now there's a mental image.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-10-08 02:02:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
and you will wonder when your country falls over.
your job sucks. stop treading water. youre no different to some guy riding the counter in a convenience store or some other shitty dead end retail job.
Submitted by Respek (user info) at 2007-10-08 02:01:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
The government huh? So my tax money goes towards you sitting on your ass? That's so great, Im glad your having fun on my dollar.
Im sending in my application to Hammas, all because of you.
Submitted by DeMoNiC (user info) at 2007-10-08 02:00:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If you lived in Australia I would "-2 DIE" you for wasting my godamned tax money.
You live in America so +2 for being a lazy kunt and wasting American tax payers money. :)
Submitted by PhillipTheGreat (user info) at 2007-10-08 01:42:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Your life sounds sort of boring.
No matter how glamorous you try to make it out to be.
But I like that picture.