Asian Comparisons usin Star Wars characters. (471 hits)
Category: PoliticsRating: -0.91 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Apathecan (View user info) at 2007-10-09 05:22:46 EDT
(Disclaimer: This is Ubersite, therefore, grab a GRAIN OF FUCKING SALT.)
So many people I know confuse Asian nations with each other, on account of two things:
1.) They have slitty-eyes.
2.) They have pointy writing.
So I'm taking action by making this easy comparison. Now this whole article revolves around two very simple ideals:
1.) China = C3PO
2.) Japan = R2D2
First, C3PO. This guy is big, and powerful, and kinda cool. Given the right programming he could kick ass. BUT HE HOLDS BACK. He has some sort of a "sidekick" subroutine that forces him to fret and moan and fidget about while the humans (and R2D2 - we'll talk 'bout him later) do the kicking of said ass. But he has so much potential. If he had a vibrating, fur-covered hand, he would be the best fluffer in the pornographic industry. If he had a knife and a spice-weasel, Emeril would lose his fucking mind. If C3PO had a cock, a tophat, and an internet connection so he could download every episode of CSI ever made, he would be the most notorious rapist in the whole damn world. But he ain't. C3PO is the nerdy white boy of the Star Wars world. I'm talking Michael-Bolton-from-Office-Space nerdy.
(Actually, Bolton could hack C3PO into an awesome sex machine, so that earns him some points. But since he's always missing decimals, C3PO would probably just wank oil into into your cooch or something.)
Which is kind of like China. They could bomb us into the ground, concrete over the rubble, and create the Asian version of Hitler's Aryan Paradise. Why don't they? Because they too, are the world's sidekick. They are always there. Everyone wants to keep 'em happy, and for what? You know they wanna do something, but just don't have the ways or means.
OK, you say, but what about R2D2 (and Japan, by extension). Japan has so much awesomeness packed into it, that I'm not sure where to begin. They practically invented the concept of foreign cool, which by definition, i something that looks so fucking cool, but also so distant and unapproachable. Like R2D2. He (or it) flies, chats over wi-fi, sets fire to shit, rescues / destroys / documents other shit. R2D2 is a goddamn punk-busting nigga-man of a robot.
Unfortunately, he's also a fucking box on wheels. If every robot (and / or human) on Star Wars was a fucking box on wheels, he would be the most ultimate emperor of the grand estate of the fucking boxes on wheels. But he's not. No matter how hard-core a box is, it's still a box. You can't par-tay with a box. He's beyond your comprehension. Go back to Japan, and we see something similar. A tiny nation, with the cool and intensity of a thousand nights in Vegas. And yet, they've evolved to such a point that we cannot even understand them anymore. Have you ever seen a Japanese woman walk down the street? Did you go talk to her? Of course not. Because only would you need special translation software to understand her (like R2D2), but the sex you would have would be incomprehensible. R2D2 probably has some five-pronged sex attachment that fucks your ass and cooch, rubs your clit, and bangs both tits at the same time.
But if Luke saw Leia getting some five-dick action from the blue-box of cool, he would have a semen aneurism from the sight of it.
So, in conclusion, Japan is cool beyond our time, and China is programmed to be pussied.
And R2D2 is also extremely hip and groovy, but unfortunately, his status of "a fucking box on wheels", combined with C3PO's anthropomorphism, makes him seem weak in comparison. That golden prick needs some new data right quick.
User Reviews
Submitted by 8track (user info) at 2007-10-11 07:44:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
disclaimer: this is a shit post
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-10-11 07:07:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Racist drivel with stupid comparisons
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2007-10-11 05:39:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes!
"semen aneurism"
Submitted by pshuu (user info) at 2007-10-09 10:30:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because the comparison is almost right. lol
Submitted by dronebee (user info) at 2007-10-09 10:29:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You could also make the argument that Japan is a bunch of self-defense force pussies that are long and lean and cool.
And that China is short and fat and while useful, entirely co-dependent for direction and action.
I mean, people do die from internet usage in China... and they certainly reproduce like robots on the machine.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2007-10-09 10:28:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-10-09 09:49:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
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Submitted by Adaman (user info) at 2007-10-09 08:39:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
very creative and imaginative... for a 9-yearold who constantly gets buttfucked by his own father.
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2007-10-09 06:27:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
this was neither big nor very clever.
Submitted by nicballs (user info) at 2007-10-09 06:26:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Respek (user info) at 2007-10-09 05:59:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
America FUCK YEAH!
-2 because America is better than your mongowria wannabe countries.
+1 because I like seizure-fighting-robots.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-10-09 05:53:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Also, C3PO was a fucking homo.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-10-09 05:45:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I got as far as your "Disclaimer", thought 'O RLY?' and rated accordingly.
Submitted by Apathecan (user info) at 2007-10-09 05:23:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Goddamn typos.