I Wish We Could All Just Play A Game Today.....So...Lets (2920 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 0.69 on 207 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Tiger Lilly (View user info) at 2007-10-09 13:57:51 EDT
Crush My Wishes Beneath Your Feet
Alright, so shoot me. I'm stealing LadyPlurals Idea from 2005. I'm bored today and I'm fairly certain Lady borrowed it from somewhere as well. Nonetheless it was fun and the lot of you freaks weren't around back in 05'.
How the game is played:
Easy and fun I start by posting a wish below.
--Example: I wish that I had two legs.
The person who replies after that would find a way for my wish to go terribly wrong while still coming true.
--Answer: Granted. You have two legs which you and your conjoined twin share.
Or whatever. You then post a wish of your own, trying to make it an unspoilable wish.
--I wish marijuana was legal to smoke.
The next person to review ruins your wish
Granted. But once smoked a permanent sticky yellow mucous develops that coats the throat causing constant gaging and coughing.
As LadyPlural said "try not to degenerate into 'Granted. But the next day, you die.'"
Make the punishment fit the wish
Grant the wish and ruin it. Under the granted wish post your own wish.
Get it? Good!!
Here we go.
I wish my sister and nephews lived closer.
User Reviews
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2007-10-14 12:46:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Then just substitute "rugby" for "soccer" in what I said, shut up and play the game without being a prick.
Your "b" was incredibly ironic.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-10-14 12:42:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
a) it's rugby.
b) you're an idiot.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2007-10-14 12:16:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Granted, but they did it in with clubs and now they've all been arrested and the soccer team is defunct and no one with money riding on the game gets anything.
I wish Ubersite and other forums weren't full of random weird-ass men in their 40s who still have the mind of a 12 year-old and thinks one-liners like "die" are going to hurt someone's feelings.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-10-14 11:50:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
granted but you forget every other language and have to live in france.
I wish argentina beat south africa today.
Submitted by phauna (user info) at 2007-10-14 08:19:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Granted, but they are all for the Atari 2600.
I wish I could speak Japanese fluently.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2007-10-13 23:34:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The whore had a sex change a week ago.
I wish I could magically make video games appear in front of me.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-10-13 18:42:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-10-13 16:09:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-10-13 14:34:49 CDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Snare (user info) at 2007-10-12 22:04:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-10-12 04:20:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Granted. But only on a relative basis. Uberusers dont change, yet they become pinnacles of society. What happened to the rest of society? I cant tell you because my new car blew up and now I'm DEAD!!! The answer might be on page 43.
I wish for a turkey sandwich, on rye, with pickles, lettuce, mayo and tomatoes, BUT NO ONIONS. And pepper jack cheese. And I dont want aaaaany crazy surprises, no curses and no tricks.
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Granted. The sandwich has in it one whole and still living turkey.
I wish for yaws.
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Granted: The wishmaker misreads your request, and you're eaten by a giant shark.
I wish Rosie would let me put it in her, while we're on my unsinkable, hives curing boat, paddling around the lake. If she wakes the beast, she has to feed the beast.
Granted. You get AIDS from Rosie.
I wish there weren't gay little things like this on ubersite.
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Granted: Everybody agrees to stop. Site traffic hits 0, and it all gets shut down. You are now bored at work, and it's all your fault.
I wish I discovered the cure for aids under the seat of my unsinkable, hives curing boat, while I'm paddling along the lake with my oar and whore.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-10-13 16:09:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-10-13 14:34:49 CDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Snare (user info) at 2007-10-12 22:04:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-10-12 04:20:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Granted. But only on a relative basis. Uberusers dont change, yet they become pinnacles of society. What happened to the rest of society? I cant tell you because my new car blew up and now I'm DEAD!!! The answer might be on page 43.
I wish for a turkey sandwich, on rye, with pickles, lettuce, mayo and tomatoes, BUT NO ONIONS. And pepper jack cheese. And I dont want aaaaany crazy surprises, no curses and no tricks.
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Granted. The sandwich has in it one whole and still living turkey.
I wish for yaws.
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Granted: The wishmaker misreads your request, and you're eaten by a giant shark.
I wish Rosie would let me put it in her, while we're on my unsinkable, hives curing boat, paddling around the lake. If she wakes the beast, she has to feed the beast.
Granted. You get AIDS from Rosie.
I wish there weren't gay little things like this on ubersite.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2007-10-13 16:09:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by NintendoCzar (user info) at 2007-10-09 14:04:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"I wish my sister and nephews lived closer."
Granted. They live closer, but only because your city was declared a concentration camp for the new world order.
I wish my life was a video game.
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do some shrooms and get in a car. it's as close as you'll get to your life being a video game. you don't get any points for hit and runs, but it's still fun. when you crash into a wall head-on at 90 mph it's game over.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-10-13 15:34:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Snare (user info) at 2007-10-12 22:04:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-10-12 04:20:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Granted. But only on a relative basis. Uberusers dont change, yet they become pinnacles of society. What happened to the rest of society? I cant tell you because my new car blew up and now I'm DEAD!!! The answer might be on page 43.
I wish for a turkey sandwich, on rye, with pickles, lettuce, mayo and tomatoes, BUT NO ONIONS. And pepper jack cheese. And I dont want aaaaany crazy surprises, no curses and no tricks.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Granted. The sandwich has in it one whole and still living turkey.
I wish for yaws.
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Granted: The wishmaker misreads your request, and you're eaten by a giant shark.
I wish Rosie would let me put it in her, while we're on my unsinkable, hives curing boat, paddling around the lake. If she wakes the beast, she has to feed the beast.
Submitted by Snare (user info) at 2007-10-12 22:04:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-10-12 04:20:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Granted. But only on a relative basis. Uberusers dont change, yet they become pinnacles of society. What happened to the rest of society? I cant tell you because my new car blew up and now I'm DEAD!!! The answer might be on page 43.
I wish for a turkey sandwich, on rye, with pickles, lettuce, mayo and tomatoes, BUT NO ONIONS. And pepper jack cheese. And I dont want aaaaany crazy surprises, no curses and no tricks.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Granted. The sandwich has in it one whole and still living turkey.
I wish for yaws.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-10-12 16:38:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i wish i cound find a vein
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-10-12 10:08:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-10-11 11:52:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-10-11 11:05:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i wish you'd post something substantial.
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Granted. I post the most wonderful post of all time. But, as we know, we can't please everyone.
I wish my wedding reception that is coming up was free.
____________________________________________________________________________
So check this out....the building I'm having my wedding reception in, was struck by lightening last night. Ha!
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-10-12 04:20:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Granted. But only on a relative basis. Uberusers dont change, yet they become pinnacles of society. What happened to the rest of society? I cant tell you because my new car blew up and now I'm DEAD!!! The answer might be on page 43.
I wish for a turkey sandwich, on rye, with pickles, lettuce, mayo and tomatoes, BUT NO ONIONS. And pepper jack cheese. And I dont want aaaaany crazy surprises, no curses and no tricks.
Submitted by UTOCKIN2ME (user info) at 2007-10-12 02:15:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Granted:but the only beer left is Colt45 lite
I wish ubersite wasn't full of fucktards!
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-10-12 01:50:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The car EXPLODES! You are DEAD! Turn to page 43.
I wish it was beer o'clock.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-10-12 01:39:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-10-12 01:06:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Granted: your knowlege has made you paranoid. You die waiting for "it" to happen.
I wish I had an unsinkable boat that'd cure my hives to go with my boat oar that gave me hives.
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Granted. But you share that boat with Rosie O'Donnell, and to your horror and surprise, she gives you boners.
I wish for a BRAND NEW CAR!!!!!
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-10-12 01:06:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Snare (user info) at 2007-10-11 23:31:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-10-11 18:48:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-10-11 09:58:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-10-11 00:35:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish the english department would widen the canon of american lit so i didnt have to keep reading these fucking slave narratives and feminist propaganda bullshit. i mean, i get it, life is unfair. now lets move on.
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Granted. From now on the canon of American literature is to be set by ETS.
I wish I knew now as much as I knew when I was 19.
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Granted: your knowlege has made you paranoid. You die waiting for "it" to happen.
I wish I had an unsinkable boat that'd cure my hives to go with my boat oar that gave me hives.
Submitted by Snare (user info) at 2007-10-11 23:31:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-10-11 18:48:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-10-11 09:58:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-10-11 00:35:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish the english department would widen the canon of american lit so i didnt have to keep reading these fucking slave narratives and feminist propaganda bullshit. i mean, i get it, life is unfair. now lets move on.
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Granted. From now on the canon of American literature is to be set by ETS.
I wish I knew now as much as I knew when I was 19.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-10-11 18:48:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-10-11 09:58:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-10-11 00:35:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish the english department would widen the canon of american lit so i didnt have to keep reading these fucking slave narratives and feminist propaganda bullshit. i mean, i get it, life is unfair. now lets move on.
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Granted. You're then sucked into the book and transported back in time. Transformed you've become a black woman in the fields of the souch picking cotton and no longer have to read. Because you can't.
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nah, thats not the point. im just saying that im pretty sure theres more to this country's history than unfair treatment of blacks/women. i like reading, but ive read frederick douglass, up from slavery, souls of black folk, kate chopin and her assorted nonsense, so many times... why cant i read vonnegut? why do we ignore walt whitman? i only found out about kerouac last semester? why the hell didnt somebody tell me about him sooner? i mean, i understand where people are coming from when they talk about oldwhiteman lit, but theres more to THAT particular canon than huck finn and great gatsby. even in the canon of black lit, why cant we read anything besides douglass, washington, and du bois? i want to read native son. i want to read the invisible man. i got to read this great book about a drug dealer's daughter last semester and its now one of my favorites and the best part about it is it reflects on culture TODAY.
why do we constantly have to focus on the same 5 or 6 books in every one of my classes? answer me that.
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2007-10-11 15:09:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish I could change everything I have for a bit more
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2007-10-11 15:08:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-10-11 11:52:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish my wedding reception that is coming up was free.
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Granted but 35% of the people gets food poisoning and sue you for all you have, all you will ever have, and all your grand kids will have too. You and the hubby end up living in a trailer park and work at McDonalds as a second job to get some more money and pay the bastard guests.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-10-11 11:52:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-10-11 11:05:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i wish you'd post something substantial.
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Granted. I post the most wonderful post of all time. But, as we know, we can't please everyone.
I wish my wedding reception that is coming up was free.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-10-11 11:05:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You meet Dave Matthews who ends up being bart and terminates all innane posts making gay. Come on tiger random question posts and now this, you can do better, it's becoming really mundane.
btw I have sand in my vagina atm, and I don't quite understand it. but I do.
eric metcalf to the forty.
i wish you'd post something substantial.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-10-11 10:44:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-11 10:14:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish life was like the movie 3 O'clock High.
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Granted. Instead of getting beaten up one day after school at 3. You get beaten up daily at noon in the school store. The final draw, after months of abuse you tell your mother and she calls the principle Ed Rooney that you're sick in bed with sweaty palms. He then tells her you've been sick NINE times and he sets out on a mission to prove you're not sick. In the end, your sister beats him up, ends up in jail with Charlie Sheen and you never get beat on again. Until the day your ass raped in the boys locker room.
I wish I could meet Dave Matthews.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-11 10:14:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Granted. The dog eats your good leg and your are left to a life in a wheel chair. Gracious as you are you keep the dog and he takes you for walks in the chair until the day he steers you fight in front of a bus...and then pisses on you.
I wish life was like the movie 3 O'clock High.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-10-11 09:58:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-10-11 00:35:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish the english department would widen the canon of american lit so i didnt have to keep reading these fucking slave narratives and feminist propaganda bullshit. i mean, i get it, life is unfair. now lets move on.
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Granted. You're then sucked into the book and transported back in time. Transformed you've become a black woman in the fields of the souch picking cotton and no longer have to read. Because you can't.
I wish I could adopt this dog that I REALLY want on Petfinder.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-10-11 00:35:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2007-10-10 16:48:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-10 11:37:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish i could control a flock of seagulls to do my bidding.
Granted. but you go crazy after they sing "i ran" all night for two weeks and stab your ayes out with a dried out ramen noodle.
I wish I was inmortal.
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Granted, but after six weeks an asteroid ends all life on earth and you're awful lonely for the rest of forever.
I wish the english department would widen the canon of american lit so i didnt have to keep reading these fucking slave narratives and feminist propaganda bullshit. i mean, i get it, life is unfair. now lets move on.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-10-10 16:48:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Calm down Angel, my wish to throttle people wasn't your fault. It's just a general murderous mindset of mine, you know?
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2007-10-10 16:48:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-10 11:37:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish i could control a flock of seagulls to do my bidding.
Granted. but you go crazy after they sing "i ran" all night for two weeks and stab your ayes out with a dried out ramen noodle.
I wish I was inmortal.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-10-10 15:04:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-10-10 14:48:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i wish i could strangle each and every one of you to death. seriously.
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Granted, but one of "you" carries the cure to an excruciatingly painful disease you'll develop next week.
I wish I had more time.
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-10-10 14:57:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, jesus fucking christ, I was just trying to assist. Goddamn....
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-10-10 14:48:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
we already knew all that, hilarity.
i wish i could strangle each and every one of you to death. seriously.
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-10-10 14:05:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bamf, you're wish is granted <evil grin>\
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-07-03 07:27:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Aha, Cookie & Danger sittin' in a tree....
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Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-07-03 02:59:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yum
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Submitted by Flack (user info) at 2007-07-03 01:32:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Tell her that if she isnt careful, Im gonna come to the house and break more of her picture frames.
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Submitted by DangerPants (user info) at 2007-07-03 01:29:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
She says STFU then. And called you some name in another language that she uses sometimes that I don't understand.
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Submitted by Flack (user info) at 2007-07-03 01:27:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Tell her no can do. Im at work and IM is not allowed.
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Submitted by DangerPants (user info) at 2007-07-03 01:17:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
She says to tell you to shut up fast and log onto your messenger.
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Submitted by Flack (user info) at 2007-07-03 01:08:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thats what Rowan said.
How do you know me?!?!?!!?!?
Were you in 1/8 CAV?
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Submitted by DangerPants (user info) at 2007-07-03 01:01:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
For 7 years.
I "know" you.
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Submitted by Flack (user info) at 2007-07-03 00:47:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're a soldier, aren't you?
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-10 13:18:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Granted. Instead you have AIDS.
I wish I had more proof that Danger_Pants is Cookielass' new beau.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-10-10 13:07:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2007-10-10 12:30:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish I had a delicious lunch to eat, instead of Hospital food.
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Granted. Food was delicious. The stew even better with chunks of chicken still on bone. You pull the small bone from your mouth and scoop up another. All types yummy goodness. Ham, potato's, mmmm mmm good. The last scoop on your spoon, you notice a severed finger tip just as you look down to the empty plate next to you with all the tiny bones you've pulled from your mouth.
I wish I didn't have this ichy yeast infection.
Submitted by shadow (user info) at 2007-10-10 12:30:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-10 12:15:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish I could get all the alcoholics in AA drunk for one day, on the same day.
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Granted. But the ammount of alcohol needed for the task uses up all reserves in your state and the drunks rampage, destroying the roads and preventing more trucks of booze getting in.
I wish I had a delicious lunch to eat, instead of Hospital food.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-10 12:15:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Granted. But then someone BitchSlaps you into next week for over referencing a tired movie and you spend the restof your days drooling on yourself in a wheelchair.
I wish I could get all the alcoholics in AA drunk for one day, on the same day.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-10-10 12:11:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-10 12:08:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish I could do it with Edith from Archie Bunker.
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Granted. Once finished you die of a heart attack from digging up her grave.
I wish I remembered to add my TPS cover sheet.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-10 12:08:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Granted. But there really is no use for Super Halitosis.
I wish I could do it with Edith from Archie Bunker.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-10-10 12:05:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-10-10 11:59:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish I never had to shave my legs again.
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Granted. You loose both in a freak powerwashing accident.
I wish I had super powers.
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-10-10 11:59:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
CT:
Granted, but she has a cut on the inside of her mouth which allows the transfer of AIDS to you. You then give AIDS to your wife, who then becomes pregnant, and the baby has AIDS.
I wish I never had to shave my legs again.
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2007-10-10 11:56:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2007-10-10 11:53:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-10 11:42:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Granted. Now ubersite only has 5ooo users....you were the attraction now this place is nothing but iddqd bitching to method and loki and...well I think that's all the low users i know but fuck christ is is boring
I wish i was black.
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Granted. But now you're black.
I wish I had a 12-inch pecker.
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Granted, but since your pecker is so large, your body can not fill it with the required amount of blood to acheive an erection. You never can never get hard again b/c of this.
I wish it was time for me to start my new job.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-10 11:56:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Badlands - granted. But the fucker is mean and insists on hammering away at the woodwork in your house at all hours of the night to the point that your lack of sleep drives you insane and you kill your whole family.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-10-10 11:56:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ubmitted by Badlands (user info) at 2007-10-10 11:53:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
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I wish I had a 12-inch pecker.
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Granted. It flies around your house pecking the woodwork and pooping on your furniture.
I wish Rochester wasn't so far.
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2007-10-10 11:53:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-10 11:42:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Granted. Now ubersite only has 5ooo users....you were the attraction now this place is nothing but iddqd bitching to method and loki and...well I think that's all the low users i know but fuck christ is is boring
I wish i was black.
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Granted. But now you're black.
I wish I had a 12-inch pecker.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-10 11:50:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-10 10:42:36 CDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish i was black.
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Granted. A group of white supremacists hounds you and your family for the remainder of your miserable life, falsely accusing you of dirty deeds.
I'm still wishing for that blow job from the hot female coworker in the next cube.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-10 11:42:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Granted. Now ubersite only has 5ooo users....you were the attraction now this place is nothing but iddqd bitching to method and loki and...well I think that's all the low users i know but fuck christ is is boring
I wish i was black.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-10-10 11:38:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-10 11:20:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish i was Snow, The Informer
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Granted. You're the Abominable Snowman named Informer. You melt due to global warming.
I wish I had never posted my boobs here.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-10 11:37:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Granted. BUt I can't be arsed to look at it so I'll assume you wished to be be white tight and out of site BAM you're a tampon.
I wish i could control a flock of seagulls to do my bidding.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-10 11:35:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-10 11:20:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish i was Snow, The Informer
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Granted. You have a one-hit wonder and then go bankrupt spending the earnings on pot.
I wish I would get my last wish granted.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-10 11:33:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
oh and no one has granted my wish yet.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-10 11:31:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm good, real good actually.
congrats on the marriage on your end.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-10-10 11:28:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Get the fuck out? Cool. Life is awesome. How are you???
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-10 11:25:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
tiger, how you been girl...its me...bamf
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-10-10 11:21:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-10 11:20:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish i was Snow, The Informer
HAHAHAHA...fucking A
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-10-10 11:21:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ummmmm
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-10 11:20:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish i was Snow, The Informer
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-10-10 11:20:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-10-10 16:18:20 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish my leg wouldn't be the brunt of every wish.
======================
Granted. Instead, you become incontinent and everyone around you laughs as you piss yourself in public, yet again!
I wish I was exactly 2 inches taller.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-10-10 11:18:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-10-10 11:12:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish I was watching Mr Scruff and eating donuts
---------------------------------------------------------------
Granted. You watch Mr Scruff blowing Mr Buff all the while getting so fat eating donuts you're confined to your bed only to use a catheter to pee through as you're too fat to get out of bed.
I wish my leg wouldn't be the brunt of every wish.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-10 11:14:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-10-10 10:09:58 CDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish I could go back and have one more weekend in college.
------------------
Granted. You spend the entire weekend at drunken frat house orgies and forget to show up for your final exams, and fail out of college.
I wish I could have a mind-blowing blow job right now, in my office, from the hot girl in the next cube over.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-10-10 11:14:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-10-10 16:12:24 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
Granted. You get fucking hammered and wake up with some guy fucking you in the mouth and a girl licking your stump. (I watched the original and best Crash last night).
I wish I was watching Mr Scruff and eating donuts
------------------------
You watch Mr Scruff and get eaten by an antelope who also loves Mr Scruff and wants you out of his life FOREVER.
I wish i was Barry Manilows wife.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-10-10 11:12:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-10-10 16:09:58 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish I could go back and have one more weekend in college.
=============
(BWAHAHAHAHAHA, btw)
Granted. You get fucking hammered and wake up with some guy fucking you in the mouth and a girl licking your stump. (I watched the original and best Crash last night).
I wish I was watching Mr Scruff and eating donuts
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-10-10 11:09:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-10-10 11:04:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish I had a little more girth to my penis.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Granted. Penis is so big it only fits into a blow up doll which chafes your penis causing a rash so bad that you can't even pump your plastic girlfriend.
I wish I could go back and have one more weekend in college.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-10-10 11:04:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-10-10 15:56:32 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-10-10 10:49:55 EDT (#)
Ranking:
I wish I had a girl who looked good, I would call her.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Granted. She's beautiful with a hot body. Your call goes straight to her voice mail just as your phone dies. You loose her number and she never gets yours.
I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat and a '64 Impala
=============
Granted. The rabbit bites you on the hand. The wound goes septic and ruins your glittering softball career. As you cry about this whilst driving along I45, you crash your Impala into a large truck, destroying your remaining leg.
I wish I had a little more girth to my penis.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-10-10 10:56:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-10-10 10:49:55 EDT (#)
Ranking:
I wish I had a girl who looked good, I would call her.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Granted. She's beautiful with a hot body. Your call goes straight to her voice mail just as your phone dies. You loose her number and she never gets yours.
I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat and a '64 Impala
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-10-10 10:49:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-10-10 15:23:05 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
Granted but your 'colleagues' are all midgets with ringworm.
I wish I could come up with a good halloween costume.
==========================
Granted, but your costume takes over your personality and you become Helen Keller.
I wish I had a girl who looked good, I would call her.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-10-10 10:23:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2007-10-10 10:20:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Granted. You didn't, but the cheap metal its made of starts rotting your ear, giving you a horrid infection that makes everyone around you want to puke, in the end, you are required to use an ear prosthetic.
I wish I was a porn star.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Granted but your 'colleagues' are all midgets with ringworm.
I wish I could come up with a good halloween costume.
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2007-10-10 10:20:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Granted. You didn't, but the cheap metal its made of starts rotting your ear, giving you a horrid infection that makes everyone around you want to puke, in the end, you are required to use an ear prosthetic.
I wish I was a porn star.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-10-10 10:13:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-10 08:26:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish I was a baller, a real shot caller.
------------------------------------------------------
Granted. Your a shot put baller. You chuck the ball, yet somehow once thrown it spins around like a boomerang hits you in the head. You call out to your mommy in the croud of people watching and your brain explodes on the field.
I wish I hadn't lost an earing today.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-10 08:36:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
not as dark as the ever present infatuation with TigerLilly posts
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-10-10 08:34:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Nobody ever leaves Uber. They just take a break.
That's actually kind of dark when you think about it.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-10 08:29:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hahaha...hows it been bertram, its been a long time since we've talked. - bamf.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-10-10 08:26:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
... I ain't going to answer that. Also I am slightly creeped out.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-10 08:26:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wish Granted, Paris Hilton dies. But this leads to the amazing rebirth of the Britney Phenomenom. LIttle girls around the world once again become infatuated with the starlets amazing talents, beautiful looks, and gleaming wit. The become so infatuated that they begin acting, dressing, and being more like Britney everyday and not just some of them but every female around the world from the age of 5 to 65. Before you know it 90% of the worlds population is a walking talking Britney clone and in order to get some...men are forced to become KFed, as if instantly our hats turn sideways, we forget everything we've ever known about hygiene and we become rather handicapped seeing as our hands never leave our crotches. Time passes and our world becomes that which can be seen in the movie Idiocracy, we are a world of complete and utter dipshits, void of intelligence and free thinking and it all points back to today Berty, the day you wished death upon Paris and cursed the world.
I wish I was a baller, a real shot caller.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-10-10 08:19:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish Berty had a vageen so I could stuff it full of sprouts.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-10-10 08:18:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I reckon Samara just needs a hug you know? Like one of those weird adult pajama parties I've read about where everyone hugs each other and nobody is allowed to get a boner.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-10-10 08:12:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh sorry
I wish Paris Hilton would OD and die.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-10 07:59:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Samara....The Ring
I think.
I wish you'd play the game the right way and wish for something after granting someone elses wish.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-10-10 07:55:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What's with the picture of the dude throwing the chimpanzee down the well?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-10-10 07:47:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-10 07:39:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i wish i didn't have a fascination with man on man ass sex.
---------
Wish Granted. You develop a vore fetish, go swimming off the coast of Australia in the hope of getting swallowed by a great white but, after weeks of unsuccessful expeditions, are ultimatly stung to death by a school of jellyfish.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-10 07:43:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
*uberflex*
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-10-10 07:42:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
there, you just did it again - power.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-10-10 07:41:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
'see' mudwhistle you DID get to type faster than me. don't underestimate the force ol' chum. not ever.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-10 07:39:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i wish i didn't have a fascination with man on man ass sex.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-10-10 07:39:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
bertram gets his wish but he finds himself in an Irish bar, in Boston. The irish (odd that they're there), get the shits with his +2 Irish hate emblazoned white trackie and thread it through his mouth and out his freckle.
This makes him curious, enamoured slightly and wondering about his sexuality, he says c'mon Aaimon try that again I dare you so Aaimon and his mates thread berty's tracksuit back down his mouth and out through his arse and berty says hmmm that's alright, I wish I got that 'raised' +2 Irish hate on my tracksuit - hindsight 'eh?
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-10 07:38:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ok ok.
Wish Granted. You're a proper gangsta and now having been 'raped into' the gang as opposed to 'jumped into' you're feeling quite hurt and shamed but buck up because today you find out the results of 10 different paternity test. Shame though, you come up positive as 8 baby's daddy and now aside from being a gangsta you have sell your already stretched asshole on the street just to make child support payments. A member of your own gang sees you and tells the other and they give you two choices...gang rape....or death. Recalling your rape-in you opt for death and they ass fuck you to death.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-10-10 07:31:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-10 07:27:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
wish denied. gangstas have legs.
-------------------
Oh yeah? Shows what you know. I could be the leader of the Crips. I'd be all like:
"Crips, ROLL OUT!"
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-10 07:27:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
wish denied. gangstas have legs.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-10-10 07:24:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish I was a proper gangster.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-10-10 07:23:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
you learn to type faster than me, and then a plane flies up your arse, disintergrates, and the 4 survivours pace around in your colon looking for somewhere to camp and light a fire, which they do, and you get indigestion and puke on your new boyfriendforwardslashgirlfriend, he/she kick you in the nuts/punches you in the tits and gets his/her mum to call rape. and then you get the chair. in your pooper.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-10 07:16:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish i typed faster than D_R
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-10-10 06:59:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
woah...*two* wishes, well done.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-10 06:56:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-10-10 06:38:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish I didn't just waste 7 minutes of my time reading all these wishes.
=======
Granted. # minutes into your seven minutes you stand up to stretch and a peice of PVC pipe comes ripping through your window and splits your skull.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-10-10 06:55:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-10-10 06:38:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish I didn't just waste 7 minutes of my time reading all these wishes.
---------------
you get your wish, but find yourself transfixed by 'www.my face' (sic), and start feeding your 'friends' guinea pigs and slamming the door in your stepdads face screaming you don't understand me, then open it again and say okay but not in my mouth.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-10-10 06:38:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish I didn't just waste 7 minutes of my time reading all these wishes.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-10-10 06:00:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It is SO 'poorly time'...
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-10-10 04:58:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
you go to sleep and have an aneurism.
Miraculously, you wake, with a used condom in your arse and fat tony propped up on your swank european pillows beside you, reading Wrestlers Digest and smoking a cuban. He stubs it out on your gonads, turns, head resting on palm, runs a finger over your chest and says "we can sleep in diddums, I've called your work and told them you're feeling poorly. It's poorly time."
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-10-10 04:44:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
this game sucks when people answer before i do.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-10-10 04:43:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-10-10 04:06:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish I could run forever.
~~~~~~~~~~~
I grant your wish that you could run forever. But after 20000 miles you're feet wear down to the bone and you're crippled forever.
I wish that I had a flat chest so clothes would hang better.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Granted, but it happened by an operation that cost so much money you cant buy nice clothes. And also you now have a penis.
I wish my bed time wasnt so close to my wake up time all the time.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-10-10 04:43:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-10-10 04:28:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish that I had a flat chest so clothes would hang better.
*************************
Granted, but now no one talks to you.
In fact, eventually, you just fade away altogether into the bathroom wallpaper.
I wish I could move shit with my mind.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-10-10 04:40:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
umm duhhhhh
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-10-10 04:39:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
oh merlina...dirty, dirty merlina.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-10-10 04:39:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Granted, but you're wearing loafers and you ground through the soles of those motherfuckers way back in Iowa, and man do your feet hurt. But you cant stop running! No, man, you keep going and going and every step is like ow ow ow ow ow ow ow and its like that forever, because thats how long you run. You're like 144, literally dead where and buried, and yet by some miracle of nature your body continues moving its legs. At your funeral, somebody knocked your casket over and you landed on your feet and your rotting ass ran all over the place, bumping into your parents (who survived you because you never ate while you ran -- no time, you see?) and knocked the cake off the table. That was pretty embarassing, and yet you still ran.
or
Granted, but you're Ross Perot and running perpetually for the presidency still hasn't gotten you the pussy you thought it would because when you lose enough times, what you are is a loser, and losers dont get pussy or respect.
I wish everything I just wrote would be as funny to everybody else as it was to me.
You probably can only grant that one in jest.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-10-10 04:28:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-10-10 04:06:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish I could run forever.
~~~~~~~~~~~
I grant your wish that you could run forever. But after 20000 miles you're feet wear down to the bone and you're crippled forever.
I wish that I had a flat chest so clothes would hang better.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-10-10 04:18:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ooooh you bitch CJ, hehe at beaties.
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-10-10 04:06:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Granted, but, upon the denoument of the play, said miniature beaties turn on you and feast upon your damnably random tongue, making you mute.
I finally can stop screaming in hung-over agony.
I wish I could run forever.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-10-10 03:43:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by PhillipTheGreat (user info) at 2007-10-10 06:31:18 BST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-10-10 00:38:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i wish for another wish
-----------------------------
Granted, but someone wittier than I am comes and ruins it in a funny, yet tragic, way
-----------------------
I grant your wish that someone wittier comes along. Stabbing you in the eye with a stick of rhubarb and pouring custard through your ear holes.
I wish for the wonderful wizard of oz to do a fantastic production on my work desk, all actors must be midgets apart from Berty who is Dorothy and wears a tutu.
Submitted by PhillipTheGreat (user info) at 2007-10-10 01:31:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-10-10 00:38:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i wish for another wish
-----------------------------
Granted, but someone wittier than I am comes and ruins it in a funny, yet tragic, way.
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2007-10-10 00:45:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-10-10 00:38:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
johnny depp has a pathetically small dick and blows in under 30 seconds, instantly rolling over to sleep and snore like a stuck pig. course its more than enough time for his tiny little wiener to cram some chocolate up inside your cunt where it festers and rots, causing your bits to become necrotic.
which is possibly even a little more gross than they probably are now.
YES!
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-10-10 00:38:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i wish for another wish
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-10-10 00:38:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2007-10-10 00:29:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish Johnny Depp would dump his ugly wife and make sweet love to me twice a day every day for the rest of my life in a hot tub filled with hot chocolate and whipped cream
----------------
he does, but in your arse. and your ear.
i wish the cleveland browns would win the superbowl. i'm not playing this stupid game i just really wish they would.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-10-10 00:38:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
johnny depp has a pathetically small dick and blows in under 30 seconds, instantly rolling over to sleep and snore like a stuck pig. course its more than enough time for his tiny little wiener to cram some chocolate up inside your cunt where it festers and rots, causing your bits to become necrotic.
which is possibly even a little more gross than they probably are now.
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2007-10-10 00:29:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Granted, but without cats, the women on Ubersite have nothing else to do with their time besides write Ubersite posts, and Ubersite is filled with cheesy romance stories, bad camwhores, poetry, OMG I'M SO DRUNK posts, and pictures of dogs.
No offense.
I wish Johnny Depp would dump his ugly wife and make sweet love to me twice a day every day for the rest of my life in a hot tub filled with hot chocolate and whipped cream.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2007-10-09 23:48:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok forensic, you do find out what happened to Rosemarys baby when you happen upon a chest hidden away in your grandmothers attic and find a copy of your birth certificate. It is signed in blood and your father is listed as "Satan." As quickly as you find it, you are swept into hell because daddy misses you.
I wish there were no such things as cats.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2007-10-09 23:43:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
We do all shut the fuck up because we have all disappeared except for you. You are the Omega Man and spend everyday trying to figure out ways to fill your lonely existence. Soon everything ceases to function and you are left a lone insane man wandering the concrete jungle searching for new and exciting things to masturbate to. One day you wander into the woods and are eaten by bears.
I wish that the phrase "Good Morning" were replaced by the phrase "Fuck You."
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-10-09 23:43:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Good Morning" is replaced with "Fuck You." For a while, people find it cathartic. Eventually though, the inflammatory nature of the words begins to wear on people's good humor. Fights break out that escalate to rioting on a grand scale. Finally, most of the Earth's population is wiped out leaving only the deaf-mutes behind to rebuild civilization. To prevent the tragic faux paus from ever happening again, all inflammatory words are banned, leading to a sickening and repellant PC society. Think 'Demolition Man.'
I wish I knew what happened to Rosemary's baby.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-09 23:32:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd be "happy" to put a bullet in iddqd's head so I wouldn't have to read his condescending bullshit.
I wish you'd all shut the fuck up.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2007-10-09 23:32:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
People are happier. In fact they are extremely happy all the time. This is because weed is legal. Everybody is so stoned they have no choice but to be happy. As a result of this however, nothing gets done. All public works go to hell and everybody ultimately dies of dysentery.
I wish that the phrase "Good Morning" were replaced by the phrase "Fuck You."
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-10-09 23:23:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hahaha.
the process of utilising h2o to power the engine creates a chemical fume so toxic that anything within 3 metres of a running car immediately dies a horrible, pain-wracked death.
i wish people were happier
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2007-10-09 23:19:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
They can talk, at least yours can and they take every opportunity to tell anybody who will listen about how much you masturbate.
I wish cars ran on water.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-10-09 23:18:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i got distracted midway through that. i need to rewrite:
so they could tell you about the degradation of their everyday lives. the servitude, the loneliness of an empty house, of an existence on the edge of everything else, where even the daily routine of walking the exact same route as every other day they can remember is enough to offer a the faintest, yet fictional, glimmer of hope and false excitement; with the exact same smells and sights and sounds along the worn-down-to-the-bedrock-rut of their existence solidifying into a giant miasma of drudgery and despair.
i wish dogs could talk
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-10-09 23:16:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
so they could tell you about the degradation of their everyday lives. the servitude, the loneliness of an empty house, of an existence on the edge of everything else, where even the daily routine of walking the exact same route as every other day they can remember, with the exact same smells and sights and sounds along the worn-down-to-the-bedrock-rut of their existence solidifying into a giant miasma of drudgery and despair.
i wish dogs could talk
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2007-10-09 23:09:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish that dogs could talk.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2007-10-09 23:09:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-10-09 23:00:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish I understood the movie I just watched with my man.
You come to the realization that you indeed finally understand the movie you just watched with your man but it is because you have turned into a nine year old dwarf hindu boy with autism.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-10-09 23:00:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by juggy (user info) at 2007-10-09 22:50:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Granted, but your unattractiveness gets you mistaken for Earl Scruggs and the Boshman tells you to fuck off. You listen.
I wish I was as bosh as The Boshman.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Granted. And with that, you become 75 one day before your to die.
I wish I understood the movie I just watched with my man.
Submitted by juggy (user info) at 2007-10-09 22:50:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-10-09 19:04:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-10-09 18:34:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish Hillary Clinton would spontaneously explode into a hundred twitching gobbets on live television.
--------------------
Hillary Clinton assplodes on tv into a hundred twitching gobbets on live television. Unfortunately for you, you miss it on account of IM sexing alain on AIM at time, and the neo-cons destroy all the footage, concerned that ol' Hill's might get through riding the crest of a huge sympathy wave.
It's then that Jackie Collins rings and says that she has made a shitload from writing and you have not.
I wish that I was less handsome.
-----
Granted, but your unattractiveness gets you mistaken for Earl Scruggs and the Boshman tells you to fuck off. You listen.
I wish I was as bosh as The Boshman.
Submitted by Flack (user info) at 2007-10-09 22:48:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-10-09 14:01:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish I could generate the kind of heat Tiger does.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Granted. Then your leg falls off and you can only achieve orgasm if someone licks your stump.
I wish I had a new socket set.
Submitted by jamowilly40 (user info) at 2007-10-09 22:36:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-10-09 22:28:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-10-09 14:01:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish I could generate the kind of heat Tiger does.
--
Yeah, her posts have legs.
________
WAKKA WAKKA WAKKA!!
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-10-09 22:28:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-10-09 14:01:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish I could generate the kind of heat Tiger does.
--
Yeah, her posts have legs.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-10-09 19:04:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-10-09 18:34:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish Hillary Clinton would spontaneously explode into a hundred twitching gobbets on live television.
--------------------
Hillary Clinton assplodes on tv into a hundred twitching gobbets on live television. Unfortunately for you, you miss it on account of IM sexing alain on AIM at time, and the neo-cons destroy all the footage, concerned that ol' Hill's might get through riding the crest of a huge sympathy wave.
It's then that Jackie Collins rings and says that she has made a shitload from writing and you have not.
I wish that I was less handsome.
Submitted by moneyshotforyou (user info) at 2007-10-09 18:36:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ima gonna fuck your stump!!!
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-10-09 18:34:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-10-09 14:27:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish my mortgage was paid off.
--
You pay off your mortgage. You have no money left for insurance. An earthquake shakes your house into rubble. When you were paying off your mortgage, you HAD mortgage insurance. You are screwed.
I wish Hillary Clinton would spontaneously explode into a hundred twitching gobbets on live television.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2007-10-09 18:23:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Granted. You have no boat and the oar gives you hives.
I wish the guy behind me would shut the fuck up.
-----------
granted. you go deaf.
i wish i could have nothing bad ever happen to me or anyone i know.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2007-10-09 17:39:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
it's from The Ring, no?
Submitted by icanbecool (user info) at 2007-10-09 17:22:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish I didn't exist.
Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2007-10-09 17:16:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
WHAT IN THE HELL IS THAT AN IMAGE OF?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-10-09 17:03:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Try saying "do you like moist undies" without skeeving yourself out.
Go on. Do it.
Do it.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2007-10-09 17:02:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
--I wish marijuana was legal to smoke.
The next person to review ruins your wish
Granted. But once smoked a permanent sticky yellow mucous develops that coats the throat causing constant gaging and coughing.
___________
that's really not too far off from current reality...
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-09 15:03:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-09 14:00:44 CDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shlongy can make all of your wishes come true!
Well, except Thorns' wish.
Although, under the right conditions...
--------------------------
You know you want to, schnookums. SHOW ME YOUR HOLE!
*licks lips, winks*
Submitted by swamp_donkey (user info) at 2007-10-09 15:01:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-09 14:58:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No, no, no swamp_donkey...you missed the boat
---------------------------
Ha ha ha I actually thought about doing that
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-10-09 15:00:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-10-09 14:55:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by swamp_donkey (user info) at 2007-10-09 14:54:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-09 14:51:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish I was a little bit taller
-------------------------
Granted. You grow 6 inches taller, but for every inch in height you gain, your penis shrinks an inch.
I wish for a hot, passionate night with Jeanneee.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
granted: Jeanneee gets lockjaw while giving oral.
I wish for a boat oar.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Granted. You have no boat and the oar gives you hives.
I wish the guy behind me would shut the fuck up.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-09 15:00:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shlongy can make all of your wishes come true!
Well, except Thorns' wish.
Although, under the right conditions...
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-09 14:58:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No, no, no swamp_donkey...you missed the boat:
I wish I was little bit taller
I wish I was a baller
I wish I had a girl who looked good
I would call her
I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat
and a '64 Impala
I wish I was like six-foot-nine
So I could get with Leoshi
Cause she don't know me but yo she's really fine
You know I see her all the time
Everywhere I go, and even in my dreams
I can scheme of ways to make her mine
Cause I know she's livin phat
Her boyfriend's tall and he plays ball
So how am I gonna compete with that
'Cause when it comes to playing basketball
I'm always last to be picked
And in some cases never picked at all
So I just lean upon the wall
Or sit up in the bleachers with the rest of the girls
Who came to watch their men ball
Dag y'all! I never understood
Why the jocks get the fly girls
And me I get the hood rats
I tell 'em scat, skittle, skibobble
Got hit with a bottle
And put in the hospital, for talkin' that mess
I confess it's a shame when you livin' in a city
That's the size of a box and nobody knows yo' name
Glad I came to my senses
Like quick-quick got sick-sick to my stomach
Overcome with my thoughts of me and her together
Right?
So when I asked her out she said I wasn't her type
I wish I was little bit taller
I wish I was a baller
I wish I had a girl who looked good
I would call her
I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat
and a '64 Impala
I wish I had a brand-new car
So far, I got this hatchback
And everywhere I go, yo I gets laughed at
And when I'm in my car I'm laid back
I got an 8-track and a spare tire in the backseat
But that's flat
And do you really wanna know what's really wack, What
See I can't even get a date
So, what do you think of that?
I heard that prom night is the bomb night
With a hood rat you can hold tight
But really tho' on figuero
When I'm in my car I can't even get a hello
Well so many people wanna cruise Crenshaw on Sunday
Well then I'm gonna have to get in my car and go
You know I take the 110 to the 105
Get off on Crenshaw tell my homies look alive
Cause it's hard to survive
Livin' in a concrete jungle and
These girls just keep passin' me by
She looks fly, she looks fly
Makes me say my, my, my
I wish I was little bit taller
I wish I was a baller
I wish I had a girl who looked good
I would call her
I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat
and a '64 Impala
I wish I was a little bit taller...
I wish I was a baller...
I wish I was a little bit taller y'all
I wish I was a baller
Hey, I wish I had my way
'Cause everyday would be a Friday
You could even speed on the highway
I would play ghetto games
Name my kids ghetto names
Little Mookie, big Al, Lorraine
Yo you know that's on the real
So if you're down on your luck
Then you should know just how I feel
Cause if you don't want me around
See I go simple, I go easy, I go greyhound
Hey, you, what's that sound?
Everybody look what's going down
Ahhhh, yes, ain't that fresh?
Everybody wants to get down like that
I wish I was little bit taller
I wish I was a baller
I wish I had a girl who looked good
I would call her
I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat
and a '64 Impala
I wish, I wish, I wish...
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-10-09 14:55:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by swamp_donkey (user info) at 2007-10-09 14:54:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-09 14:51:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish I was a little bit taller
-------------------------
Granted. You grow 6 inches taller, but for every inch in height you gain, your penis shrinks an inch.
I wish for a hot, passionate night with Jeanneee.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
granted: Jeanneee gets lockjaw while giving oral.
I wish for a boat oar.
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-10-09 14:55:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by swamp_donkey (user info) at 2007-10-09 14:54:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-09 14:51:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish I was a little bit taller
-------------------------
Granted. You grow 6 inches taller, but for every inch in height you gain, your penis shrinks an inch.
I wish for a hot, passionate night with Jeanneee.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Grant: be she's really a dude
I wish for rain
Submitted by swamp_donkey (user info) at 2007-10-09 14:54:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-09 14:51:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish I was a little bit taller
-------------------------
Granted. You grow 6 inches taller, but for every inch in height you gain, your penis shrinks an inch.
I wish for a hot, passionate night with Jeanneee.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-10-09 14:53:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-10-09 14:51:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-10-09 14:49:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Shit...
I wish I could fly without technology.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Granted: but when you wake you're late for work
I wish i could go fishing all day
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
granted: you're thrown out of wal-mart for fishing in their tanks.
I wish for guitar strings that won't rust.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-09 14:51:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-10-09 13:49:45 CDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Shit...
I wish I could fly without technology.
-----------------------
Granted. You push off ground with only your arms, soar too close to the sun, and melt from the heat.
I wish I was a little bit taller
Submitted by triangle_man (user info) at 2007-10-09 14:51:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-10-09 14:49:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Shit...
I wish I could fly without technology.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Granted: but when you wake you're late for work
I wish i could go fishing all day
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-10-09 14:49:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Shit...
I wish I could fly without technology.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-10-09 14:45:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Steak - You're supposed to make a wish.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-10-09 14:45:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-10-09 14:40:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-10-09 14:36:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2007-10-09 14:34:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish that you would not grant me this wish.
---------------------------------------------
Granted but wishes is the new name for money.
I wish there wern't so many fucking stupid reality shows on tv.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Granted: they've all been replaced with sweedish and german yodelling shows.
Submitted by NintendoCzar (user info) at 2007-10-09 14:36:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2007-10-09 14:34:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish that you would not grant me this wish.
-------------------------
Oops, I sorta made one up for you...
TOO LATE
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-10-09 14:36:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2007-10-09 14:34:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish that you would not grant me this wish.
---------------------------------------------
Granted but wishes is the new name for money.
I wish there wern't so many fucking stupid reality shows on tv.
Submitted by NintendoCzar (user info) at 2007-10-09 14:35:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2007-10-09 14:34:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Granted, but then you associate the name with the food, get a heart attack, and die.
I wish my name was Casey.
---------------
Granted. Your name is Casey, and you work at Jack in the Box, where dumbass people come in and out asking for tacos because you forgot the cheese on their burger.
I wish I was a rockstar.
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2007-10-09 14:34:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish that you would not grant me this wish.