GRUEBERFEST '07 - Just Another Day at the Clinic (569 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 2 on 21 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by write-of-way (View user info) at 2007-10-10 12:13:52 EDT
"I need an abortion."
The girl behind the counter frowned at the old man, who looked like one of those 'quiet desperation' types who go unnoticed their entire lives until something snaps and they climb a tower with a Remington 700 and a suitcase full of magazines.
He blinked once behind thick, horned rimmed glasses that made his eyes look just a little too large and patiently waiting for a response. Nah, he's probably harmless.
She decided she must not have heard him correctly.
"Excuse me?"
The man sighed as if he'd been asked to recount the most boring event in his experience for the umpteenth time.
"I need an abortion."
"I see."
She smiled tightly and looked around the empty room, hoping he'd offer more information without prompting, such as where the hell is your daughter, grand-daughter, or (god forbid) wife, who actually needed the services of the clinic. She looked up at the clock behind him. Almost five. Thank God.
"There's no one else," he said softly.
"I'm sorry?"
"I didn't bring anyone with me."
"If you need information, we have some brochures that might-"
"No!"
The old man's vehemence didn't scare her so much as surprise her, yet Sandy still found herself wishing they had security guards or glass or something like some of those facilities in the red states.
"The abortion is for me. For me. For..."
His voice trailed off as if he was suddenly either really tired or really confused, and she relaxed once more. Maybe it's Alzheimer's or something.
Sandy turned to reach for the phone, and the old man dropped from view. She stood up and leaned over the counter. The old guy had fainted.
"Shit!" Sandy dialed 911.
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The paramedics began putting away their things. Sandy's supervisor, Harriet Madison, looked on as primly as her three hundred plus pounds would allow.
"Well, I guess that's it," the cute paramedic said, as his partner carried his kit out into the corridor. Then he smiled at Sandy, who blushed and turned away so Harriet wouldn't think she was flirting. Harriet had a stick up her ass as long as the river Nile.
"You're not taking him in?" Harriet asked, incredulous.
"There's nothing wrong with him."
The old guy chimed in. "I don't want to go to the hospital."
The cute paramedic turned his eyes from Sandy back to Harriet. "And, he doesn't wanna go."
Harriet put her hand on the paramedic's arm, who looked annoyed at the gesture. She led him across the room and whispered as they walked. Sandy turned to the old man, who looked almost as peeved as Harriet.
"Can I get you anything, mister-"
"I want a goddamn ABORTION!"
Sandy stepped back, surprised at the outburst. The cute paramedic and Harriet stopped talking and looked over.
After the briefest of pauses, Harriet continued her harangue as the paramedic rolled his eyes at Sandy, who let him know with a glance that she understood completely his desire to get the hell out of there as soon as possible, and sent back a look that said please please please take me with you when suddenly the little old man pulled down his pants and screamed, "I WANT A GODDAMNED ABORTION AND I WANT IT NOW!"
Everybody froze except the old man, who lifted his shirt tail to display a decided lump in his belly and a huge red scrotum the size of a tetherball, topped by a thick grey thatch that probably hadn't been trimmed since the Hoover administration.
Harriet stepped back onto the paramedic's foot, who howled in pain.
Sandy squinted, not sure she was seeing right. It didn't seem as if he had a penis in there. 'Sure has a lot of balls, though,' she thought, stifling laughter as Harriet regained her composure and barreled toward the old man.
"You cover yourself this instant!" she screamed, outraged spittle spraying the old man's defiant face.
"What the fuck!" The cute paramedic limped over and nudged Harriet rudely aside.
He was staring at the old man's crotch.
He kneeled down in front of the old guy, an action that for some reason made Sandy flinch involuntarily, and parted the elderbush like he was peeking out of a duck blind.
Harriet was about to let him have it for shoving her aside when she looked down to what the paramedic revealed in the old man's crotch and promptly fainted.
-------------------------
The cute paramedic's partner kneeled over Harriet as he checked her vitals.
Sandy and the first paramedic helped the old man onto the couch across the lobby, where he suddenly began moaning loudly. There was a hole the size of a half dollar where his penis should be, and it was oozing a thick brownish-yellow fluid which bubbled slightly upon discharge.
"Goddamn. Have you ever seen anything like that?"
Sandy just shook her head.
The cute paramedic gave her an admiring look. "I'm Jeff, by the way."
"Sandy."
"That's a pretty name."
"Thanks. Don't you think you should-"
"How long you been working here?"
"Uh, Jeff."
"Yeah?"
Jeff followed her eyes back to the old man and nearly fainted himself.
The lump in the old man's stomach was rolling slowly, like waves lapping against a dock, and the lumpy fluid kept rhythm with the tide.
"Holy fuck!"
The old man moaned and opened his eyes.
"NOW can I have an abortion?"
---------------
Jeff and his partner Homer stood by the lobby door speaking in hushed tones as Sandy stood over the old man behind them, watching him like a train wreck. Harriet was abandoned unconscious on the floor by the counter.
The old man's eyes fluttered and closed, and his breathing deepened.
"How much did you give him?" Jeff whispered.
"Enough to keep him out for awhile."
Jeff shook his head. "I don't like this. We shoulda taken him in."
Homer laughed. "Are you kidding me? We need some time to consider out options."
"He needs to be in the hospital, man."
"Dude, I checked his vitals. He's as stable as you are."
"I don't know..."
"We'll take him in. We're just gonna spend a little extra time to prep him so my buddy can get here for a few pictures, and we'll be good to go."
Sandy, who had walked up unnoticed, piped in, "I've got a camera phone."
Homer snorted. "I'm talking ten mega pixels. Dude's gonna do it up right. Video, too."
"Nice!" Sandy said loudly. Homer looked over at Harriet, who still hadn't stirred.
Homer pulled Sandy roughly out into the hall, anyway.
Jeff grabbed her other arm. "Watch it Homer."
Homer let go of her arm, but demanded, "Are you cool?"
Sandy looked at Jeff, who shrugged apologetically.
"I'm cool."
A big shit-eating grin spread across Homer's face. "You better be. Because this is big. That's some funky shit in there. And we found it. Us. Something maybe nobody's ever seen before. You know what that means?"
Sandy shook her head slowly.
Homer's smile faded, and he leaned in close.
"Youtube."
-------------------------
Homer, Sandy, and Jeff marched over to the old man, who appeared to be in a deep sleep.
They all looked at the oozing netherlands for a moment, mesmerized.
"It's hypnotic," Jeff whispered.
Homer turned to Sandy. "Go lock the doors and keep an eye out for my buddy. He'll be dressed like a UPS guy."
Sandy looked at him quizzically. "Why is he dressed like a UPS guy?"
"Cause he IS a UPS guy. He's coming from work."
"Oh." Sandy went behind the counter and fished for the keys in her desk. Harriet still lay on the floor, her massive chest rising and falling slowly.
Jeff leaned over the old man, staring at the amazing belly roll and oozing penis-void.
Homer watched as Sandy struggled to lock the doors.
"I'll do it." Homer stormed over to the door and pushed her out of the way. He yanked the double doors together and tried unsuccessfully to engage the deadbolt.
Sandy smirked. "Not so easy, is it Homer?"
"Shut up. I can do it."
As Sandy watched Homer struggle with the doors, Jeff felt his eyes melt into the rhythm of the rolling flesh on the old man's stomach. It seemed to pulsate now, and his eyes grew as big as saucers as he reached for the thing as in a trance.
At the doors, Homer gave a mighty turn while he lifted up on the door handles.
Jeff put his hands on the old man's belly.
Homer grunted as the deadbolt finally slid into the metal frame of the opposite door.
Jeff squeezed.
Homer smiled. "Got you, bitch."
The old man screamed as his penis shot out of the void, its swollen head split apart like the end of an exploding cigar. Blood and brownish-yellow pus sprayed out like a geyser into Jeff's face, knocking him backwards with such force he actually left the ground before collapsing in a heap against the far wall.
"My eyes! My eyes!"
Homer screamed at Sandy, "Get your fucking camera phone!"
Sandy, who had been about to run over to help Jeff, stood undecided in the middle of the room.
"Goddamnit, get the camera!"
Sandy ran behind the counter as Homer grabbed the old man's penis in an attempt to cap the gusher until Sandy could take a picture.
"Hurry up! This shit burns!" Homer managed to get his hands on the old man's open dickhead, but the blood and the bile were squirting through his fingers in all directions, sizzling against his skin.
Sandy finally found the keys but fumbled them under the desk. She dropped to her knees and grabbed them, bumping her head hard against bottom of the drawer on her way back up. "Fuck that hurt."
When she stood up, she dropped the keys in shock and saw what real pain was.
Two dripping tentacles burst out of the old man's scrotum and appeared to gouge out Homer's eyes. But then spongy grey soup started flowing out of his head, and she realized whatever popped out of the old guy's nut sack was actually sucking Homer's brains out.
'And he didn't have much to begin with,' she thought with a crazy laugh as her bowels released.
"Sandy, look out!"
Jeff had managed to get to his feet just as the thing dropped Homer's lifeless body to the floor and pulled itself out of the old man's scrotum, shaking like a wet dog and spraying the room with the old man's amniotic ball-juice.
The blood burned like acid, but Sandy stood her ground and raised her camera phone toward the alien creature and snapped a one mega pixel picture as the flesh melted off her face in little patches.
"I got it! Wooooooooo!" Sandy screamed, and threw up across the counter.
The creature moved toward Sandy.
Jeff frantically looked around the room for something with which to attack the thing.
Sandy barfed again and the vomit pooled on the counter and dripped off the other side onto Harriet's face.
The creature spit bile into Sandy's face from across the room, blinding her, and then edged toward the counter.
Harriet stirred on the floor as Sandy's puke dripped onto her face.
The creature hissed at Sandy.
Sandy screamed and froze in place as Jeff reached the far wall and smashed the glass covering the firebox.
Harriet rolled onto her hands and knees and added to the vomit on the floor, blindly reaching for the counter overhang to help herself up.
The thing rocked back, as if preparing to jump.
Harriet managed to stand, facing the petrified Sandy.
Jeff pulled the axe from the firebox and whirled around, his eyes still burning from alien pus.
Harriet wiped her eyes and looked at Sandy, who stared past her at the creature, which was crouched and about to pounce. "What the FUCK happened to you?"
Sandy screamed.
The creature pounced.
Jeff threw the axe.
Harriet fell.
Onto the creature.
Axe in her back.
The antennae wiggled from under the fat woman's body for a moment, and then stopped moving.
Jeff limped his way behind the counter, and Sandy fell into his arms, weeping.
After a moment they looked into each other's eyes, and in spite of the blood and the pus and the bile and the shit and the vomit and the tears and the amniotic scrotum-juice, they knew what they were supposed to do.
But just before their lips met, they heard a groan from the old man on the couch.
They made their way over to the bloody mess. He was barely alive, and trying to speak.
Sandy leaned down and put her ear to the old man's cracked and bleeding lips.
She felt a low rumble as he whispered:
"Twins."
User Reviews
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-10-12 09:53:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2007-10-11 18:40:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-10-11 16:34:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Gross!
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-10-11 16:34:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Gross!
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2007-10-11 04:57:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
...
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2007-10-10 20:30:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Quite disgusting.
However, Sandy and the paramedics became far too familiar with each other much too quickly. It's a bit much to think that all three would risk their jobs and possibly careers to make a youtube video, trusting a relative stranger(s) to "be cool".
That, along with the bit about sucking Homer's brain, not that he had all that much to begin with. That's usually not a thought too many think about somebody they just met.
Of course, all my issues could be avoided if you'd add a bit about how Sandy knew those particular medics since the clinc was on their route and they'd get called every now and again to deal with something or other...blah blah blah.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-10-10 16:51:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like this. Weird and disgusting.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-10-10 16:03:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-10-10 12:39:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well, that was disgusting.
Submitted by nicballs (user info) at 2007-10-10 15:59:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great, except...you said that Sandy was blinded, but then she's looking past Harriet at the creature and then into Jeff's eyes. You should have added "temporarily" to that blinded...maybe you did but I'm not going back to find out.
A for awesome, regardless.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-10 14:27:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thoroughly disgusting.
Submitted by Newty (user info) at 2007-10-10 14:01:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was eating a chocolate mouse while I read this. Totally nasty.
Nicely written.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-10-10 13:54:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Medical horror! Yeehaw!
Linkwhoring! Yeehaw!
The Bolus...
http://www.ubersite.com/m/86752
(I don't know who the hell you are but PLEASE stick around, we need more engrossing and grossout fiction on this site.)
Submitted by SGRPUSS (user info) at 2007-10-10 13:50:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Disturbing, but very good.
Submitted by mockidol (user info) at 2007-10-10 13:40:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm curious if this is kaos...
seems different in style, but I wouldn't put it past him...
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-10-10 13:18:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Out-fucking-standing.
Submitted by EatMeCompletely (user info) at 2007-10-10 13:07:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Could've been nastier.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-10 12:59:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
brilliant.
now, on to sluething who you really are because you are obviously not a noob...I'll find out, rest assured.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-10-10 12:54:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ahahahahaha.
very original. awesome.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-10-10 12:46:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Also, who the fuck are you. I'm guessing not a n00b.
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2007-10-10 12:42:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Duh-aaahhh... what?
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-10-10 12:39:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well, that was disgusting.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-10-10 12:20:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy fuck.