The Jacques Strap and Le Instant Joual. (1378 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.41 on 70 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Gnarls (View user info) at 2007-10-10 15:43:45 EDT
today kids, I'm going to give you all a lesson in Caul and my language.
NOT french, but Joual. The French of Quebec.
French (F) Joual (J) English (E)
Lesson A : Beginners joual for the Anglophone.
J: Le driveshaff
E: the driveshaft
J: le muffleur
E: the muffler
J: L'iway
E: the highway
J: Puncher
E: To report for work
J: Le Tailleur
E: the tire
J: Le rentche a ratshit
E: the ratchet wrench
J: Le botche
E: the cigarette butt
J: La Baute
E: The bolt
Lesson B : Intermediate Joual
J: Dewowr
F: Dehors
E: Outside
J: 'haud
F: Chaud
E: hot
J: Drette
F: droit
E: Straight
J: a-yoi
F: (No proper french term)
E: ouch
J: dat's owl
E: that's all
J: A'c
F: Avec
E: With
Lesson C : Inacessable Joual
J: Fa Frette Dewowr
F: Il fait froid dehors
E: It's cold outside
J: Fa 'haud 'citte
F: Il fait chaud ici
E: It's hot here
J: A'l' cre p'us
F: Elle ne le crois plus
E: She dosen't believe him anymore
J: Ayou qu'c'est 'arue Main?
F: Qu est-ce que c'est l'avenue Main?
E: Where is Main Avenue
J: b'en poinge 'citte tou drette ch'q'a'a trac. vir a drette, p'i c'est a drete la.
F: Bien, prenez ici, tout droit, juste qu'a la voie de fer, et puis c'est a la droite
E: well, take here, straight, untill the train tracks and it's at the left.
.... Not even close to French from France.
Now a cutsey-pootsey little story.
Two anglos are visiting from the U.S, and desperatly want to fit in in Montreal. They ask a friend how to order food, just like a Quebecois.
The next day, the two anglos were walking in Montreal rushed into an establishment to order their meal.
"Donne-moer quat' 'otdoille, halldress, pis trois frites et quat' pepsi, Tabernacle."
(F: Donne moi quatre hot dogs, all dressed, trois frites et quatre pepsis, tabarnack.
E: Give me four hot gots, all dressed, three fries, and four pepsi, tabarnack.)
Then one of the anglos beat his fist on the counter and shouted "Pis un Maywess!" (And a Maywest)
The man behind the counter kind of hesitated and looked at them and said, "Are you Anglos?"
"Uh, yes" they replied. "How could you tell?"
"Well," said the man behind the counter. "This is a hardware store."
User Reviews
Submitted by DasHeer (user info) at 2007-10-13 03:50:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
to sum it up for all you, Joual [sic] , Quebecor [sic] is to french, what redneck is to english
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2007-10-12 14:53:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
J: Drette
F: droit
E: Straight
Not to, uh, question your French or anything but isn't that 'right'? As in left/right? That's just my cereal box French speaking, mind you.
Submitted by haikumikoo (user info) at 2007-10-12 14:27:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No thanks.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-10-12 14:19:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
people keep assuming we're french.
tards
Submitted by GnarlsBarkley (user info) at 2007-10-12 11:43:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sacre blue,coulis,st,tabernac.
Comment-ce diddly poop en la bange tui!?
Go SENS GO - mudderfugger!
(Note:*the Frenchies like Jos Louis- ne pas de May West!)
Now go suck your mamans cock!
________________________________________________________
Just to tell you know, I've never said, Sacre Bleu in a real conversation, unless I was laughing at the french, Coulis is something you drizzle over food, and st.tabernac? Just yell TABARNACK. It's going to be much easier for you, then adding the St. and saying the tabarnack wrong.
Next, FUCK the Sens. The only time I root for the Sens, is when Montreal is eliminated, and they're the next closest thing, geographically. Mudderfugger, is also something someone from FRANCE might say. Here in Quebec, we've got our curses down pack in french AND in English. And if you get down too it, with a realy realy french Quebecois, They DO like their Joe-Louis, but from what I'VE seen, it's May-West for the win.
OH. And fuck you.
Submitted by UTOCKIN2ME (user info) at 2007-10-12 03:28:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sacre blue,coulis,st,tabernac.
Comment-ce diddly poop en la bange tui!?
Go SENS GO - mudderfugger!
(Note:*the Frenchies like Jos Louis- ne pas de May West!)
Now go suck your mamans cock!
Submitted by GnarlsBarkley (user info) at 2007-10-11 23:36:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
caliss.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-11 18:02:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Parlez vous fuckez you.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-10-11 17:31:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
pas à ce que je sache
Submitted by GnarlsBarkley (user info) at 2007-10-11 16:10:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Alain, ton clip marche pas sur mon ordinateur, aurait tu un autre liens?
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-10-11 15:02:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
where's the picture of the unhappy cat in the shower???
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-10-11 13:15:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.dailymotion.com/mediawatchqc/video/x3500u_pauline-marois-parle-tres-mal-anglais
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-10-11 11:23:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I kinda want to have sex with you, just to hear what kind of noises you make...my interest is purely anthropological, I assure you.
TABARNAK!!!!!
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2007-10-11 11:01:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Pourtant il nous reste à tricher
Etre le pique et jouer coeur,
Etre la peur et rejouer,
Etre le diable et jouer fleur,
Pourtant il reste à patienter
Bon an mal an on ne vit qu'une heure,
Pourquoi faut-il que les hommes s'ennuient?
Submitted by Fatterrific (user info) at 2007-10-11 08:26:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by GnarlsBarkley (user info) at 2007-10-10 19:45:55 PDT (#)
Ranking: -2
fuck off. I'm not reading a bunch of american faggot ass bullshit.
Rascist pig
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Nice retaliatory -2, you cumchugging fuckhole. Now go douse yourself in gasoline and set fire to yourself, starting from your overgrown cunthairs. Slore.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-10-11 07:35:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I fail to understand why this is rated lower than a picture of an unhappy cat in a shower.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-11 07:05:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
you seem dumb
Submitted by japetus (user info) at 2007-10-11 04:51:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by mockidol (user info) at 2007-10-11 03:22:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
umm, i love french but you just made me hate what ever your "J" crap stood for.
Je deteste le gee. (I have no idea how to type it but in french Js sound like Gs and likewise, reversewise.)
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-10-11 03:06:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ass kiss
Submitted by darkwulffe (user info) at 2007-10-11 02:36:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Now I have another language(or slang version of one) to hate!
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2007-10-11 01:57:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Good grief
Submitted by Fatterrific (user info) at 2007-10-10 22:21:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Fuck off, I'm not reading a bunch of faggotass Quebec bullshit.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-10-10 18:44:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ok i laughed at "le rentshe a ratshit" that was great.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-10-10 18:14:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-10-10 18:04:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by anunusualyetwittyname (user info) at 2007-10-10 16:03:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I used to try to use the French they teach in Ontario when I went to Quebec. It's totally useless there. Instead of these University graduates from Alberta teaching kids to speak Parisian French, we should get some strippers from Montreal. At least the kids could learn useful French.
I probably would have paid more attention if I had a French stripper as a teacher.
--
In the 9th and 10th grades I had a french teacher who DID look like a stripper.
Quebec may be full of poseur douchbags like Caul, but some of those Pepsi broads with a litle Indian blood in 'em? Mère de Dieu!!!
I spent so much time looking at her ass I didn't absorb a goddamned word of french. Which she must have found strange, because I was always at her desk after class and asking a million questions while looking down her top at an incontestably lovely pair of tits.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-10-10 17:55:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
today kids, I'm going to give you all a lesson in Caul and my language.
NOT french, but Joual. The French of Quebec.
--
Fuck off, eh?
Submitted by icanbecool (user info) at 2007-10-10 17:55:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by GnarlsBarkley (user info) at 2007-10-10 17:08:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-10-10 16:29:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
we'll never fit in here :-)
------
You always have.
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Yeah, we fir in as the REJECTS!
----------------
They're right, a picture of a man's penis inside a dog's anus does fit in with both ubersite and french-canadians.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-10-10 17:36:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i hate all things french right now.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-10-10 17:20:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
les rejects
Submitted by GnarlsBarkley (user info) at 2007-10-10 17:08:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-10-10 16:29:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
we'll never fit in here :-)
------
You always have.
------
Yeah, we fir in as the REJECTS!
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-10-10 16:50:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
(F): Le War
(E): Unconditional Surrender
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-10-10 16:43:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I logged in on my phone from a Senate Executive Committee hearing just to tell you to eat glass you fucking obnoxious cunt. Ooops, time to testify... Don't forget to die. Thanks!
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-10-10 16:39:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-10-10 16:29:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
we'll never fit in here :-)
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You always have.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-10-10 16:36:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
http://www.ubersitemusic.info/uber_tracks/out_there/Caul.mp3
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-10-10 16:30:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Empathetic (user info) at 2007-10-10 15:47:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You have contributed nothing of any value to this community.
===
lol..he said "community"
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-10-10 16:29:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
we'll never fit in here :-)
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-10-10 16:20:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Non Comment
Submitted by SunnyG (user info) at 2007-10-10 16:16:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
thanks for the lesson of bastardized french
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-10 16:13:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Goddamitaller...
Avec qui?
Avec Anne???
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2007-10-10 16:09:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
TABARNACK!
Submitted by GnarlsBarkley (user info) at 2007-10-10 16:09:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That's buttmunchETTE to you.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-10 16:07:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Non, non, madamoiselle buttemunches.
Ou est Phillippe?
A la piscene?
Submitted by anunusualyetwittyname (user info) at 2007-10-10 16:03:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I used to try to use the French they teach in Ontario when I went to Quebec. It's totally useless there. Instead of these University graduates from Alberta teaching kids to speak Parisian French, we should get some strippers from Montreal. At least the kids could learn useful French.
I probably would have paid more attention if I had a French stripper as a teacher.
Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2007-10-10 16:02:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Not bad
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-10-10 16:01:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
fucking die, twat
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-10-10 16:00:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This makes me want to smaque myself about les balls with une petit hammeur.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-10-10 16:00:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Mon crayon est large."
my bad
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-10-10 16:00:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
NO. YOU ARE NOT FRENCH. YOU ARE CANADIAN, FROM CANADIA.
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-10-10 15:59:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
let me try that again,
J & F: this whole post
E: ribbet, ribbet
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-10-10 15:59:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by GnarlsBarkley (user info) at 2007-10-10 15:55:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
too late now.
-------------------
Should have reposted instead of responding.
Fail.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-10-10 15:58:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by ConorJS (user info) at 2007-10-10 15:57:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
A dialogue with a guy from Belize:
"'Ey, man, In America, how you tell a guy you gonna fuckin' kill 'im?"
"Ahhh, i'd probably tell him, "I'm gonna fucking' kill you!"
True story. Better than yours, I dare say.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-10-10 15:56:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Mon crayon es large."
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2007-10-10 15:56:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
J & f :
Submitted by GnarlsBarkley (user info) at 2007-10-10 15:55:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
too late now.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-10-10 15:55:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GnarlsBarkley (user info) at 2007-10-10 15:51:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
actually when spoken, it sound snothing like creole.
------------------------------------------
So type it up phonetically.
Submitted by GnarlsBarkley (user info) at 2007-10-10 15:54:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That the only french you know?
Any post remotley relevant to french, you're like a tape on rewind, I swear.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-10 15:52:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Ou est Sylvie?
Au lycee???
Submitted by GnarlsBarkley (user info) at 2007-10-10 15:51:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
actually when spoken, it sound snothing like creole.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-10-10 15:51:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
sounds like creole.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-10-10 15:50:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ok
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-10 15:50:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
J: le mineus deux
E: -2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-10-10 15:50:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-10-10 20:46:27 BST (#)
Ranking: 0
so it's a ghetto language like ebonics?
C'est la langue d'ghetto comme l'ebonics?
hehehe
Submitted by netimportant (user info) at 2007-10-10 15:49:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
MMM HOT GOTS
Submitted by GnarlsBarkley (user info) at 2007-10-10 15:49:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Empathetic (user info) at 2007-10-10 15:47:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Seriously, though, why do you bother? You have contributed nothing of any value to this community. Just one drunken camwhore after another and shitty little word posts. You make me weep for Canada. It's a shame that a beautiful country like that must suffer an ugly, boozed up, whore such as yourself.
On behalf of America; Canada, you deserve better.
________________________________
Yeah and you're any better for putting this much time and devotion into this website you nerd. It's not that I'm dumb, or a whore (which I don't understand where you get that from) It's just that I DON'T GIVE A FUCK about imaginary ratings I get through a screen.
Submitted by GnarlsBarkley (user info) at 2007-10-10 15:47:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No it's still me, little drunk french girl. Liek omG!
Submitted by Empathetic (user info) at 2007-10-10 15:47:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Seriously, though, why do you bother? You have contributed nothing of any value to this community. Just one drunken camwhore after another and shitty little word posts. You make me weep for Canada. It's a shame that a beautiful country like that must suffer an ugly, boozed up, whore such as yourself.
On behalf of America; Canada, you deserve better.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-10-10 15:47:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This isn't a camwhore or a drunk post. Someone stole a password.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-10-10 15:46:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
so it's a ghetto language like ebonics?
C'est la langue d'ghetto comme l'ebonics?