This is what I do when I'm horny! (SFW...maybe) (2018 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.61 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Respek! (View user info) at 2007-10-12 03:17:16 EDT
I left my place around 5pm, after a good 16 hour nap. I was feeling good sporting a white undershirt, sweatpants, an unshaven and unwashed face, and an uncurable erection. I had dreamt about having sex with something blue and jiggly, and my penis responded. It's complex.
5 minutes later I noticed a beautiful mid-20s tigbiddy walking the opposite way on the sidewalk, she was immersed in her pink ipod. I sized her up, knowing full well that if I didn't pull this off right, I would end up bleeding and probably arrested again. So I took my hands out of my pockets, leaving my erection unstroked and bulbous in my sweats.
She looked up for a split second, and passed me off as some random guy, on a random day. She went back to her ipod. I didn't let this faze me, that bitch will pay for it anyway. How dare she not smile and wave, like I imagine people would do if I was attractive.
As we stride closer, I make a pass at crossing the street and for a split second I leave her line of sight. She glances up during that split second and notices that i'm gone, and thinks nothing of it. Just a random guy, on a random day right?
NO! WRONG! YOURE WRONG !!!!!11 I'M IMPORTANT!!12
I get a good running start and lunge myself at her. She doesn't realize whats going on until I collide with her almost parallel to the ground. We land in blackberry bushes. She screams. I hold her arms down and use my body weight to keep her midsection steady. Then I grab a nearby rock and hold it poised at full arm length above her head. She screams and loudly inquires as to whom I may be.
The conversation went as follows:
Girl: "Who the fuck are you?! WHAT THE FUCK!? Don't fucking hit me!! OMG, Who are you?!?"
Me: "Stop swearing meat!"
Girl: "Omg please don't fucking hit me with that rock, why the fuck are you doing this, get the fuck OFF! Leave me alone FUCKER!!"
Me: "You left your left flank exposed! WHat the fuck do you expect?! Stop Swearing!"
Girl: "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!!?! OH MY FUCkin-"
(WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WWAHCKWHAK!#$@^&*^)
ME: "I don't appreciate profanity! I need you to calm down! Geez Louis!"
Girl: "gurgle, gurgle, fuck, owowow, gurgle"
Me: "Ok good, sorry i had to hit you in the head with this rock."
I dropped the rock nearby, and removed my pants exposing my erect penis. People passing by thought it would be funny to call the cops and shout things like "Oh my god!" or "Somebody stop him!" It wasn't as funny as they thought it was. I continued to remove my pants.
I inserted my penis into her anus. She yelped with a grunt of non-happy. I understood this, and continued. I rapped her bottocks...report...t'was success.
Then I pulled after my 10 second ejaculation, and pulled my pants on.
The conversation went like as follows:
Me: "I am sorry I had to hit you with the rock, but the swearing keeps my penis from erection."
Girl: "Gurgle gurgle, omg fuck, owowowowowowow, what the hell, owowow, gurgle."
Me: "STOP SWEARING PLEASE!!!"
(WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK)
Girl: "silence"
Me: "ok, good byebye now, call me, my number is 123-FAKE, giggle."
THen the cops started to pull around the corner. So I grabbed her leg and dragged her out into the street. The police cars pulled up, and I said that I found this girl in the bushes illegally munching on blackberries in the nude. The po took her in for questioning and so I came back home, stuck my penis into a full mayonaise jar left over from yesterday, sat down in front of my computer and typed this out.
THE END.
User Reviews
Submitted by Yams (user info) at 2007-10-28 23:14:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
A poorly done rape post, but a rape post nonetheless.
Submitted by precision (user info) at 2007-10-15 17:26:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
something seriously wrong here....
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2007-10-15 09:43:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
needed less rape
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2007-10-15 09:26:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this should have a higher ranking
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-10-12 21:58:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This, for some reason, made me laugh.
Submitted by Respek (user info) at 2007-10-12 21:34:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fuck the uniter
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-10-12 16:58:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-10-12 15:52:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
my rap slaves all come to the yard
and they're all RAP RAP RAP RAP RAP
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-10-12 14:38:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
on second thought meh is more appropriate. +ZERO
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-10-12 14:37:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
eh
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2007-10-12 12:50:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Leonore (user info) at 2007-10-12 12:39:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Stop swearing meat!"
-------------------------
From this point forward, I couldn't stop laughing.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-10-12 11:42:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lol
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-10-12 11:40:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-12 11:28:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I eat Cheez-Its and spank my monkey.
Submitted by Fatterrific (user info) at 2007-10-12 10:17:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Man, nothing like them 16 hour naps, eh? I sleep for that long more often than I care to admit.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2007-10-12 07:31:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2007-10-12 04:11:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
thats not a nap, thats a coma. say you had a nice coma after work and maybe i'll start to believe you.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-10-12 03:51:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
RESPEK!
Submitted by Mike-Mc (user info) at 2007-10-12 03:33:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment