Curing the Fear, preferably non-pickle style (829 hits)
Category: Science & EnvironmentalRating: 0.95 on 27 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Val (View user info) at 2007-10-14 19:46:22 EDT
I lived in New Jersey for 21 years. Everyone in North Jersey is Catholic and Italian. Kids aren't packed little healthy lunches like celery and peanut butter or rice pilaf and pinto beans. No. Kids are packed lasagna wrapped in wax paper tied with rosary beads. Everyone goes to church every Sunday, not because they want to, but because if they don't The Jones' will realize that they're not in attendance, and then divorce rumors will start, and the whole crew will be forced into family therapy with Sister Alice, and little Timmy will grow up gay.
So anyway.
I was baptised into the Roman Catholic Church, and went to Catholic school from preschool to 8th grade. For nine years, I was dragged out of bed at the unholy hour of 8 oclock in the morning every Sunday to go to St. Peter's, where I sat, kneeled, and stood at attention through two hours of Father John sing-talking, reading from the Bible, and passing out Saltines.
When I was in 3rd grade, I was at a sleepover at my friend Colleen's house. Colleen loved scary movies, and her mom had rented Amityville Horror. For those that haven't seen it, it's about a family that moves, unwittingly, into a house that is built on an ancient burial ground and is possessed by the spirit of a murderer who killed his entire family. Also, the gateway to hell is in the basement. Just so you know.
A priest that tries to rid the spirit from the house gets violently ill and attacked by bees, so he tries to exorcise the demon from the safety of his church.
The time was about 1:15 A.M. I'm sitting there eating cupcakes, right, and drinking non-wacky Kool-Aid, and I'm watching this priest chant from his alter. I'm noticing how there are angels built into the ceiling of the church and it looks like they're coming out of the wall. I remember realizing outloud, between chomps of cake, "Hey, that looks like my church!"
It was this point in the movie where one of the angel's faces starts to crack apart, and the priest is struck blind. The camera shows all of this in graphic detail, and then shows the outside of the church, and the adjacent building, at which point I realize, "Hey, that's my school!"
Ever since then, I cannot go into a church. It was mandatory at my school that as a class we had to attend a mass the first Tuesday of every month. I tried to get out of it in a myriad of ways, but either wound up in detention or sent home to my very concerned mom, who couldn't wrap her head around the fact that I was scared shitless and probably scarred for life. She didn't make me go to church on Sundays because she didn't want to deal with the fits I would throw, and I don't blame her. I would have an anxiety attack at just the thought of my having to go anywhere near that church.
Now I live in Tennessee, where everyone is Christian or Baptist or some form of born-again. My boyfriend's father is very religious, but not to the point of being pushy. He truly feels that he draws his strength from Jesus and that he wouldn't be where he is in life without his faith, and I can respect that. I've never been a fan of organized religion, but I don't give a shit if other people are. I don't believe the Bible should be taken word for word as the end all be all truth, but I think it has some very interesting and important stories in it.
The point of all of this is, I'm still shit scared of anything religious. I've had numerous nightmares concerning crucifixtion and statues. Buddhist statues and things of that nature don't freak me out, it's only Catholic/Christian stuff that really gets me.
I don't have any other major fears at all. I realize this whole religious fear is ludicrous and irrational and all that, but yet I still have no idea how to get over it. I would like to "cure the fear" as Maury Povich says, because I want to be able to go into a church without having a panic attack if there's a wedding, baptism, christening, etc. There's been quite a few family functions I won't attend due to this crazy bullshit fear.
On one of Maury's shows there was a girl who was scared of pickles. Maury's way of "curing the fear" was to send her into a pickle factory. Once the girl finally had the guts to go into the factory, all these guys came out of nowhere holding these huge trays of pickles. The girl flipped out and screamed, running out of the evil pickle factory to the car, where she collapsed in convulsions.
So I'm thinking going on Maury really wouldn't be the best way to go with this.
Any suggestions other than going on talk shows would be very much appreciated.
User Reviews
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-10-21 14:45:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
?
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2007-10-16 22:55:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
his rambling days are over
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-16 09:53:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2007-10-15 15:19:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WhoTF is afraid of pickles???
I don't get that at all.
Submitted by Darth_Famine (user info) at 2007-10-15 15:07:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny in a demonic sort of way.
I would suggest that you watch the movie again, and dwell on how cheesy it is by todays standards.
also bear in mind that that crap about it being based on a true story is total BS.
the people admittied it was all BS in later years, tho I belive they have since retracted that.
or alternately you could track down and confront the priest that raped you as a child :P
Submitted by Quint (user info) at 2007-10-15 14:33:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You know what the difference between Jersey girls and trash is? Trash gets picked up.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-10-15 13:25:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-10-15 13:25:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-10-15 10:42:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
just hitch up your little britches and get over it
Someone gave me some tickets to a Rams vs. Falcons game on December 2 in St. Louis. I don't even like American football. Does anybody want these?
Submitted by therealgeddylee (user info) at 2007-10-15 09:59:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"I'm still shit scared of anything religious."
And that shouldn't change. Religion, or rather, the people that follow, are an extremely insane group of people.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2007-10-15 09:44:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought you forgot the url to this place.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-10-15 09:39:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
ok
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2007-10-15 05:47:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I guess it's true that Christianity isn't for pussies afterall.
Submitted by orphelia (user info) at 2007-10-15 04:42:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2007-10-15 00:39:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think we all need to calm down, sit back, and get ourselves a good hot dicking.
Submitted by ColchesterDr (user info) at 2007-10-14 23:49:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-10-14 23:26:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 recovering catholic
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-10-14 22:31:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
to apiece of shit called val musantree....
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-10-14 21:50:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
STFU you fat headed mongoloid, Val owes me 350 bucks and my drivers license that I lent her. If I'm nice to her, she might return it.
I WANT MY $350 & license THAT I LET YOU BORROW ON UBERFEST. I know you might of forgotten about that but I haven't. I know your first name, your last name, state you live and your computer IP from UBERSITE and it won't take me long to find you.
I WANT MY MONEY BY END OF THIS WEEK (BY FRIDAY 2/27/03).
IF I DON'T HAVE MY MONEY BY THAN.. I WILL DEVOTE ALL MY FUCKIN WEEKEND TIME TO FINDING YOU.
THIS IS THE LAST TIME YOU WILL HEAR FROM YOU (UNLESS OFCORSE YOU DON'T SEND THE MONEY AND I WILL JUST MEET YOU IN PERSON WITH 3 OF MY OTHER FRIENDS!!)
THIS IS NOT A JOKE. (i know you are probably thinking.. who is this guy thinks he is.. i'll tell you who the fuck am i. i am the fuckin worst person to fuckin mess with.. do you self a favor and send me the fuckin money.. because other wise pleasure will be all on these side the table..)
HERE IS MY ADDRESS. Please make the check out to XXXX XXXX
XX, XXXXXXXXXX
XXXXX, NY 02155
p.s. reply to to this e-mail and let me know you are sending my money and licence. clock is ticking sister. i trusted you, now it's your time to trust me on my words because I WILL COME AND FIND YOU..
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-10-14 20:56:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
lets hope so.
and all churches 5 years after that. maybe then the human race can CALM TEH FUCK DOWN.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-10-14 20:55:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The way things are going, the catholic church will be out of business in ten years anyway.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-10-14 20:22:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i agree that jesus is a cunt and this post was entertaining.
i apologise for my original zero rating but generally I scan down reviews and if 'tards like method have +2'd something it's usually shit.
oh and the 'of' after myriad is incorrect. Myriad requires no 'of'.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-14 20:22:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Where the fuck did YOU come from...forget your password or just get out of jail?
PS. Show me your slot.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-10-14 20:20:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ffs method you cock
put your greasy penis back in your piss stained fake hugo boss white undies.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-10-14 20:05:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
<3
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-10-14 20:02:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What you'd need is to watch the movie again at least once a week, and slowly immerse yourself into christianity again. Start small, and work bigger.
Or, you could join the cult of steakism. I'd suggest steakism, but then again, I'm the founder, so my opinion may be slightly skewed.
Submitted by Fatterrific (user info) at 2007-10-14 20:02:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
So you can't set foot in a church.... I don't see the problem. Anyway, as far as suggestions go, I suggest you stop being a fucking pussy. That oughtta cure your fear.