Your Going Down - Fin (780 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.45 on 33 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (View user info) at 2007-10-15 10:37:33 EDT
The cleaner arrived about ten minutes after I made my phone call. He climbed in the window of the ladies room and handed me a backpack.
"Everything you need to complete your mission is in there. Once you've done your part your daughter will be relocated to your sister's house and a trust fund will be established with the agreed upon amount deposited. Your daughter will never want again and you will have rid the world of a pestilence."
I watched in silence as the cleaner fed Jeannee's body out the window to and then followed it. I opened the backpack and saw everything I expected and began the process of putting on my gear.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________
It wasn't long before more and more people came into the Itchy Kitty. I couldn't believe how many noobs were showing up. Many of them were pasty cellar dweller types but there were a few women that looked somewhat entertaining.
"Girls, introduce yourself to the girls over there and make yourselves comfortable."
Soon there was a mass of writhing female bodies in the corner and it was hard to tell which legs belonged to which tits, a beautiful sight indeed.
"They shot Teephah!" Appollo was carrying Teephah followed by Bart, Method, and Darth_Famine.
"Put him in that booth. Any noobs have medical experience?"
Nobody responded. I looked at the figure of Teephah and knew there would be no legal battle. I surveyed the bar once more and coming back to the little group in front of me locked eyes with Bart.
"Welcome, I'm sorry to meet you under these circumstances but I am pleased to meet you."
"Thanks Barry. I see you're working to mobilize our community, thank you for that too."
"Fuck you Bart. I don't think you ever rated a single post of mine and now it's me leading the fight to save your stupid website and our lives. Ghola is dead and now Teephah and who knows how many more. Make yourself useful."
____________________________________________________________________________________________________
MudWhistle and I were sent to round up as many noobs as we could and we'd already sent many to the Itchy Kitty when this broad walks up to us and sticks a gun in Muddy's abdomen. I laughed a little as she pulled the trigger and Muddy flopped over like a sack full of shit. Before she could turn to me I sucker punched her, dropping her to the ground. I picked up the pistol and then the girl and started toward the Itchy Kitty.
After carrying the little tart for fifteen minutes my old man muscles were starting to ache and protest. I finally arrived at the bar and threw the door open. "Hey Barry, this one killed Muddy."
"Fuck. Take her in the kitchen and interrogate her. Find out as much as you can."
Doing as I was told I took the bitch to the kitchen and tied her to one of the serving counters after undressing her. She had nice tits, one of her nipples was pierced as well as her clit. I threw some water in her face to wake her and when she came to she started screaming.
"Shut up. I showed myself your hole but I'll really give you something to scream about if you don't shut that cock holster of yours. Now, tell me about yourgoingdown."
Unbelievably the cunt spit in my face "Fuck you Shlongy"
"Oh you shouldn't have done that. I normally convince broads to sleep with me the old fashioned way, booze and lots of money but you, you I'm gonna fuck just the way you are unless you start talking."
She spit at me again. I tore my pants off, gotta love the tear away pants (so dramatic), and taking my penis between forefinger and thumb wagged it at her.
"Where do you want it first?"
I watched her look down and she began to scream as she took in all that I had to offer with her eyes. I think she was especially excited about my enormous ball sack, hanging down between my knees with dreads of pubic hair all over them. Old man balls indeed.
She wouldn't stop screaming so I shoved my cock in her mouth. She was still able to scream around it since it hardly came close to filling that gaping mouth but I really enjoyed the feeling of the vibrations as she screamed with my cock in her mouth.
I was thrusting away when I heard the door open. I turned to see Crystle walk in wearing some kinky outfit "what are you doing Shlongy?"
"I'm interrogating this prisoner, want to join us?"
I turned back to the work at hand and suddenly everything went dark.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________
It's time. Noobs are flooding in but most importantly Bart and many of the higher eschelon of regular users are present. After dealing with Shlongy I let Vanessa free and showed her a way to sneak out.
I walked into the bar and straight to Barry who was talking to Bart. "It ends here."
"Come on Bart, that'll never work and you"
"It ends here."
I turned to see Crsytle bent over with a lit match between her legs. "Trying to give a new meaning to fire crotch Crystal? Wait, what ends here?"
"You, Bart, all of us. We've blighted society and the internet and everything for too long now."
Realization dawned on me. Crystle was wrapped in thousands of ¾ inch ball bearings and was lighting the fuse to a stick of dynamite that she'd apparently inserted in her vag. "EVERYBODY GET THE FUCK OUT!"
I jumped on Crystle and frantically tried to stop the fuse as she pummeled at me. It went too fast. It was over.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________
I walked in carrying the computers Barry asked me to get and saw Barry rolling around on the floor with Crystle. People were running at me, waving frantically but before I could figure out what was going on I saw Crystle explode and Barry was absolutely shredded. Many of the people who'd been running toward me fell over screaming in pain and I suddenly felt a stinging pain in my thigh before being thrown off my feet by the force of the blast.
As I got up I looked down and saw blood gushing from the wound. I wrapped a strap from one of the laptop bags above the wound and then surveyed the rest of the room. Bart was lying just past the shredded remains of Barry and Crystle and didn't look much better than they did. There were dead and dying Uberites all over the bar. I walked through the carnage laughing at the extreme violence that had just occurred.
I was about to leave when I realized there was still something I wanted here and started into the kitchen. The door was stuck but as I pushed harder and harder it slowly gave way. Behind the door I found Shlongy's naked body, what I assume was his cock and balls had been cut off and shoved in his mouth. Ignoring this brutality I went to the cooler.
"Hi Ghola, there's no one to stand in our way now. Let's go home.
User Reviews
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2007-10-18 14:22:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-10-15 15:46:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
HV, something in particular as to how it was written? Didn't like perspective shifts? yes, it is somewhat a cop out of an ending but as interest dwindles so does my attention span.
============
I love it when people take critical reviews like a man, as is exampled above.
Well the perspective shifts were hard to follow, it was okay in the early works because only one or two happened a post, but this one had multiple and I had no idea what was going on at a certain point. The cloak and dagger stuff, which I felt would be the centerpiece of the story, turned all weird and nebulous, and I couldn't figure out the factions at work. Also there was much less HV in this story than it needed. Also Uber always wins.
Always.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-16 10:53:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh yeah...I must have skipped over that line inadvertently when I was re-reading to find out who went for the computers.
That being said...EW.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-10-16 10:46:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
in part three kaos was sent for computers. he's the dirty minger going for ghola's remains.
I enjoyed writing this series but yesterday decided it was time to end it. I should have done a better job. thing is, i could have kept this going for some time and watched the interest continue to plummet. the problem with that is that then my interest dwindles and you end up with a half assed post like this. we're all dead. Yourgoingdown used Crystle's suicide vagina bomb to blow us up except for kaos who watched it all happen.
In loving memory of the deceased:
brdn_nkd
bart
CaptainThorns
Forensic
Ghola
Orgasmatron
Scourge
that new chick that camwhored with her ugly mug of a brother on her shoulder
Jeannee
Crystle the vaginal suicide bomber
Hilarity Ensues
circe
I_can_get_you_a_toe
your mom
Shlongy
Darth_Famine
Apollo
Method
your dad
Teephah
Merlina
TTOM
Berty
MudWhistle
The midget who played Willow in Willow
HighVoltage900
HurtByTheSun
HadToBeDone
and a bunch of fucking noobs I can't be rodgered to remember. I know I've missed other in this list and I appologise, post humously of course.
Seriously though, thanks for reading.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-10-16 10:33:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
?
Question mark
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-10-16 10:33:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So am I alive or dead.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-16 10:17:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This one ended too abruptly...and who was ghola with in the last segment by the cooler? I couldn't find any reference to someone being sent for computers. Plus I thought ghola was dead?
AND WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO ME?!?!?
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-10-16 10:10:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"dreads of pubic hair"
..............
BLAAAAAAAAAARF
Okay, on to the rest of the story...
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-10-15 23:46:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
um.... it's all one story, that's how a series works. it's just posted in parts.
Submitted by DeMoNiC (user info) at 2007-10-15 21:17:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
First story was better.
Submitted by TechnoRatty (user info) at 2007-10-15 17:11:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like ('and that)
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-10-15 15:52:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-10-15 15:46:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
HV, something in particular as to how it was written? Didn't like perspective shifts? yes, it is somewhat a cop out of an ending but as interest dwindles so does my attention span.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-10-15 15:36:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
have a wank on the A4 to-day
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2007-10-15 15:16:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Sorry dude, but this one was poorly written and confusing to read. At the end I felt unsatisfied as I always do at the end of a long "session". That wasn't an ending, it was a fuck-all.
Submitted by Darth_Famine (user info) at 2007-10-15 14:54:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I lived, whoot!
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-10-15 13:15:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-10-15 13:15:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-10-15 12:46:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
whoah, haven't seen firefly in a while.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2007-10-15 12:34:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-15 12:11:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
In this particular case, I think Shlongy would have been better off taking on that 'supporting role'.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-10-15 11:56:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*pulls out folding chair*
I's here
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-10-15 11:46:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Shlong, you were nearly exclusively featured here. isn't that how you like it? As far as the old man twig and berries being shoved into your mouth, well Crystle just can't abide a man who would commit such an act on an innocent and well she's all sorts of hardcore and would want to punish you in such a fitting manner.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-10-15 11:37:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TheGoat (user info) at 2007-10-15 11:14:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-10-15 11:04:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow.
I thought Shlongy was universally adored.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-10-15 10:57:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Scourge, I was unable to get to the P.O. I will get it sent today.
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-10-15 10:47:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
yeah someone was meant to give me a book too, yeah Hurty! No wonder I want to shoot him through his head.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-10-15 10:45:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
also, where's my fucking book?
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2007-10-15 10:45:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I need to be in this dressed as Rambo, shooting Hurty through his patchwork head.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-10-15 10:45:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
gay
Submitted by ChaosJester (user info) at 2007-10-15 10:44:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-15 10:39:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
gutted
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-10-15 10:43:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Nice.
Submitted by MudWhistle (user info) at 2007-10-15 10:39:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
gutted